Knocked Up by the Single Dad

by Lilian Monroe

  “Dad?” Allie’s voice makes me jump. I spin around.

  “Hey, chicken. What’s up?”

  She frowns as she looks at me. “You look terrible.”

  I turn towards the big kitchen window and see my reflection for the first time. She’s not wrong. My hair is sticking up in all directions and my face has lines in it I didn’t know existed. I look old and haggard and like I haven’t slept in a year.

  “Couldn’t sleep?” She says as she takes the coffee and pours me a mug. I take it from her and ruffle her hair.

  “Thanks. Isn’t it a bit early for you to be up?”

  “I could hear you down here. Are you ok?” She tilts her head to the side and I see her mother in her. I sit down at the kitchen table and Allie comes up to me, placing both hands on either side of my face.

  “I’m ok, Allie. Just lots on my mind.”

  “Is it Rosie?”

  I pull back. “What?”

  “Rosie, is that why you can’t sleep?”

  “How do know about Rosie?”

  Allie rolls her eyes in the way that only preteens can. “Dad,” she says, putting her hands on her hips. “You were texting her nonstop for like, ever, before. And then you stopped and got all sad. I wasn’t born yesterday, you know.”

  “No, I guess you weren’t,” I answer, amazed. Somehow my twelve year old daughter manages to surprise me almost every day. I take a sip of coffee to delay the inevitable barrage of questions. She doesn’t let up.

  “So is it Rosie?”

  I chuckle. “You’re just like your mother, you know that, Allie?” She lifts and eyebrow up and I can’t help but grin a little bit wider. “Fine, yes, it’s Rosie. I haven’t spoken to her in a while but I think… I think…”

  I can’t say it. How can I tell my daughter that?? How can I tell my daughter that I think I had casual sex with a woman and knocked her up and she might be a big sister? I don’t even know for sure!

  Allie tilts her head to the side and climbs onto the chair beside me. “What do you think? Is she in trouble?”

  “No, not exactly,” I respond.

  “Does she miss you?”

  “No. Maybe. I don’t know.”

  “Do you miss her?”

  “Yes.” It’s the first time I say it out loud and I can’t even look at Allie when I do.

  “Why won’t you talk to her?”

  “It’s complicated, Allie. You’ll understand when you’re older.”

  Allie sighs. I finally look at her and her bright eyes are trained on me. “Dad,” she starts. “What is it you always tell me?”

  “That I love you and I’m proud of you?” I answer hopefully. I’m not feeling like the parent in this situation and I don’t like it. Allie shakes her head.

  “You tell me to be true to myself.” She gets off the chair and pokes my chest. “What does it feel like in here?”

  My throat tightens up and my eyes start misting. “She’s having a baby,” I finally say. I wipe my eyes and see Allie’s face staring at me, wide-eyed and smiling.

  “I’m a big sister?” She almost yells.

  “No!” I answer quickly. Her face falls. “I mean, yes, I don’t know Allie! It’s complicated, you shouldn’t be listening to me at all. I shouldn’t be telling you this, you’re too young.”

  My daughter narrows her eyes at me and brings her nose closer to mine. She studies my face for one, two, three seconds and then finally pulls her head away and nods.

  “Let’s go.”

  “Where?”

  “To New York. I want to meet my little brother.”

  “What? Allie, stop!” She’s walking towards the computer and I wonder when my little girl became so headstrong. “How do you know it’s a boy? You can’t come!”

  “Why not? And I just know. Now come on, let’s go.”

  She turns towards me, sticking her chin up and looking at me. She balls her fists up and plants them on her hips. I see my stubbornness and her mother’s determination written all over her.

  The laughter starts in my stomach and bubbles up through my throat until my head is thrown back and I’m laughing with my mouth wide open. I wipe the tears streaming from my eyes and see Allie grinning up at me.

  “Let’s go,” she says a bit more softly.

  “I don’t know how this has happened, but ok. Just this once, ok Allie? We’re not doing this again.”

  “Fine,” Allie responds, but I see the glimmer in her eye that tells me she doesn’t believe me. I don’t know if I’m being a good parent or a bad one right now, but I can’t so no to her.

  Either way, even if it’s crazy to pull her out of school and fly across the country with her, it feels right. She can meet Rosie and her new sibling - brother, according to her - and I can make up for lost time. I might not have been there for the pregnancy but I sure as hell will be there for the baby.

  Chapter 42 - Rosie

  On my way.

  I sigh, knowing that Harper shouldn’t be dropping everything to be with me, but at the same time relief courses through my veins. The contractions are getting more intense and even though I’m surrounded by doctors and nurses, I’ve never felt so alone.

  I’m terrified.

  The phone is sitting on the nightstand, taunting me. Lucas is one call away. How would he react?

  I sigh. He would react like any sane person who gets a call in the middle of the night telling him he’s hours away from becoming a father. He would freak out, obviously. I can’t do that to him.

  It’s just these crazy pregnancy and labour hormones that are making me consider calling him now, of all times. I had six months to call him and tell him about the baby, and I never did it. I can’t call him now! What would I even say?

  Another contraction builds inside me until I’m doubled over in pain, panting and sweating as a nurse comes over and rubs my back.

  “Good job, Rosie, that’s it. Just breathe through it. They’re getting more frequent now, I’ll get the doctor to check you again in a bit.”

  I groan in response, not able to make words. The pain rises and falls like a tidal wave and I slowly straighten myself up again.

  I’ve gone from pacing my apartment to pacing the hospital hallways. The woman who shared my room when I first arrived has already gone to give birth. Based on the relaxed look of the nurses around me, I’ll be here a while.

  I should have stayed at home.

  Time drags on and on until I hear my name from down the hall.

  “Rosie! Rosie!” It’s Harper and Jess, and behind them Zach. They’re carrying bags and pillows for me. Harper’s face is flushed as she hustles towards me.

  “Rosie, how are you feeling. Ah! I’m so excited! This is great!”

  “Is it? It’s more like agony than great, I’d say,” I answer as I lean against the wall. I put both hands underneath my bulging stomach and take a deep breath.

  “Looks horrendous,” Jess says. I glance at her sideways and she grins. “Sorry.”

  “It’s ok. I’d be saying the same if it were you in my position,” I laugh. “So much for not having kids, hey?”

  “Oh come on,” Harper says. “It’s not that bad.”

  “Harper. You’ve been through this. How can you say it’s not that bad?” I glance up at Zach and he grimaces. He remembers the screaming and swearing that went on when Harper gave birth to their daughter.

  Harper shrugs. “However bad it is, it’s worth it.”

  I nod. “I’m going to be a mom,” I whisper, looking at my belly and giving it another rub.

  “Yes you are. Now come on, we brought you some goodies, where’s your room?”

  The four of us head to my room and I lie back down, groaning and sighing in relief. Jess plumps up my pillow and Harper holds up the million things they’ve brought for me. Pillows, pyjamas, magazines, hand cream, things I’d never have thought to bring.

  “You’ve done this b
efore,” I say to Harper. She laughs. “All the things I wished I had when I was here.”

  Her phone dings and she glances at it. “Oh!” Her eyebrows shoot up and she glances at me and then at Jess.

  “What is it?” I pant. Harper hesitates. “Just tell me,” I say.

  “Lucas Thorne heard you were pregnant and has a gift basket for you. He asked to have it delivered either at your house or here at the hospital if you’re already here. What should I tell him?”

  I hardly hear a word after ‘Lucas Thorne’. My heart starts thumping against my ribcage and another contraction starts. I turn to my side and double over as the pain intensifies. I groan louder and louder as it gets worse, willing it to be over. It lasts longer than any other contraction I’ve had so far and I wonder how much worse they’ll get. It feels like an eternity.

  Jess is stroking my hair and Harper holds my hand when I can finally relax. I open my eyes and look at Harper. “What did you tell him?”

  “Who?”

  “Lucas? Did you answer?”

  “Don’t worry about it Rosie, I just said send it here. There might be some nice treats for you once this is all over. I’ll take care of everything, ok?”

  “That’s nice of him to send something,” Zach says. “He must be impressed by your work.”

  Harper, Jess and I exchange a look. I never told Zach who the father was.

  “What?” Zach asks, his eyebrows knitting together as he looks from his wife to me. “What did I miss?”

  “Nothing, babe. It’s very kind of him,” Harper says.

  I nod and close my eyes again, rolling onto my back. Jess pats my forehead with a damp towel.

  A gift basket? What would that even mean? Why would he text Harper instead of emailing the office?

  The questions fly around my brain and I can’t make any sense of them. The minute I think I’ve come up with an explanation, another contraction starts and I’m in agony for another never-ending minute.

  “Good work, Rosie, you’re doing great,” Jess coos into my ear. I open my eyes and look at her, not able to think of something suitably sarcastic to say. She smiles at me and squeezes my arm. I close my eyes again and wait for the next wave of pain.

  The door startles me as it swings open.

  “Sounds like someone’s contractions are getting better! Or worse, whatever way you want to look at it.”

  I squint at the doctor, hating his cheerfulness. His grey hair and ruddy cheeks make him look friendly but I can’t bring myself to feel anything except pain and misery right now. The doctor disinfects his hands and then claps them together.

  “Well!” He says. “Let’s have a look, shall we? Legs up!”

  I glance at Jess who glances at the doctor. He’s altogether too cheery, but I do as he says and pray that he tells me I’m ready to get this over with.

  Chapter 43 - Lucas

  Allie’s little hand is in mine as we walk through the terminal and make our way to the taxis. We don’t have any checked baggage, and she’s wearing her favourite pink backpack that’s almost as big as she is. She squeezes my hand.

  “I’m excited!” She exclaims as she skips beside me. “I always wanted to meet Rosie. She seems nice.”

  “She is. But how would you even know?”

  Allie shrugs. “I saw a message flash on your screen. She was saying hello. She just seems nice, the way she talks.”

  I say nothing, wondering why Allie never mentioned anything. Probably because I never did.

  We walk the rest of the way in silence, and climb in a taxi. I give the driver the name of the hospital that Harper gave me before staring at Allie. She and I are probably not the gift basket she had in mind when she agreed to give me Rosie’s hospital room.

  We speed through the streets but it’s somehow too slow. Allie’s nose is glued to the window as she stares at the city. She makes noises and points at buildings as they race by. I smile. Maybe it’s good that I brought her here, took her out of LA to see something different. The cab weaves through the streets and as we get closer my heart starts beating faster.

  I haven’t seen Rosie in six months, and now I’m bursting in as she’s about to give birth to a child that I’m not even sure is mine. What if the real father is there? What if I’m wrong and I burst in on their intimate family moment? I’ll look like an idiot, and a creep. My career will be over, that’s for sure.

  I am a creep, asking for her location and then just showing up. That’s the definition of creepy. God, what am I doing?!

  Before my thoughts can spiral out of control, Allie’s hand finds mine and she gives it a squeeze. She smiles at me and nods slightly. I relax my shoulders down and smile back at her.

  We’re here now, and there’s no turning back. If the baby isn’t mine, if Rosie has someone else, if she’s alone but she wants nothing to do with me - it doesn’t matter. I’ll have done my best to come here and let her know that I’m available. I want her, I want the kid, I want a family again.

  We pull up to the hospital and I pay the fare before climbing out of the cab. Allie comes around to stand beside me, once again slipping her fingers into mine.

  “You ready?” She asks.

  “Not in the slightest,” I respond, laughing. “I’m shitting myself.”

  “Swear jar!” She says as she pokes me in the ribs and laughs. “It’ll be ok, Dad. I can’t wait to meet my little brother!”

  “What if it’s a girl?”

  Allie shrugs one shoulder and looks at me, pressing her lips into a thin line. “It’s not, but if it is, I’ll be just as happy.”

  I laugh and shake my head. “Ok, kiddo. Let’s go.”

  The glass doors slide open and we step through. The reception desk is just to the left, with hallways shooting off in every direction. There’s a waiting room to the right and a few people glance up as Allie and I walk in. I look at the boards to try to find the maternity wing before giving up and heading to reception.

  “Hi, here to see Rosie Jackson.”

  The woman stares at me blankly. “Any idea what she’s here for?”

  “Right. She’s uh - she’s giving birth. She’s having a baby. Maternity. Room 213 I think?” I stumble over my words and cringe at how awkward I sound. The woman doesn’t seem to notice, she just nods and slides her glasses down to the end of her nose to look at the computer screen in front of her. She taps a few things and then looks back at me.

  “Just down that hall, to the left. Take the west elevators to the third floor and then turn right. You’ll see another set of elevators with maternity written above them. Take them to the second floor and that’s where she is.”

  She frowns as she looks at the screen. “Looks like she’s gone into the delivery room already. When you get to the maternity floor turn left and ask the reception what room she’s in, I don’t have access to that information here. You’d better hurry or you’ll miss all the action.”

  “All the… action?”

  “Let’s go!” Allie shouts as she pulls my arm towards the elevator. “Dad, let’s go!”

  I’m in a daze. Even though I came across the country and found out where Rosie is and brought Allie, it’s just hitting me now. Rosie is giving birth. She might be giving birth right this instant. I might see the birth of my second kid.

  Something stirs inside me and all the doubt evaporates from me. I know this baby is mine. I can sense it in the depths of my heart, in the depths of my stomach, or my soul, or wherever. All I know is that it’s mine. I don’t know how I know, but as Allie pulls me down those stark white hospital hallways, I know that I’m going to be a father again any minute now.

  My mind goes blank and my heart starts beating, sending waves of warmth through to every extremity. Allie drags me along and I float down the hallways, feeling like my body belongs to someone else and I’m just along for the ride.

  We find the elevators, take them to the third floor, turn right, and see t
he big black words above the second set of elevators: MATERNITY. Allie jumps up and presses the ‘up’ arrow. She squeezes my hand and I look down at her, still in a daze.

  I’m about to meet my second child. I’m about to see Rosie. I’m about to introduce them both to my other daughter. This is either going to be the best moment of my life or the undeniable, absolute worst.

  Chapter 44 - Rosie

  There’s shouting and sweating and swearing and grunting and I’m not sure what’s my voice and what’s everyone else’s.

  The pain is excruciating. I know I’m crushing Harper’s hand, somewhere in the back corner of my mind I register my knuckles turning white and the tips of her fingers turning bright red, but all that I can focus on is the pain. The contractions are coming fast now and they are more intense than I could have imagined. It’s like menstrual pain times a million.

  The contraction subsides and the doctor pops his head up. “Ok, the next contraction it’ll be time to push like you’ve never pushed before. Do you understand?” he asks. His cheerfulness has been replaced with complete focus.

  “Get this baby out of me,” I gasp between pants. The doctor grins.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “And don’t call me ma’am,” I say before leaning my head back. Harper presses a damp towel to my forehead.

  “You’re doing great.”

  I close my eyes and feel the next contraction start building in the pit of my stomach. I can sense the wave of pain start to build and build and the nurse beside me lifts my shoulders up and grabs my other hand.

  “Ready? Three, two, one, PUSH.”

  I’ve heard of ‘bearing down’, of ‘pushing’, I’ve read about childbirth, but nothing prepared me for the feeling I’m experiencing right now. I’m not sure if I’m pushing a baby out or trying to empty my entire abdomen of all my organs. My body is being torn in half. I hear my self scream as my face contorts, my teeth clamping down and tears streaming out of my closed eyes.

  “That’s it!” The doctor calls out. “Keep pushing! Just a little bit more!”