Knocked Up by the Single Dad

by Lilian Monroe

  My vision is going white and I think I’m going to pass out when the contraction starts to subside. The nurse pats my shoulder and helps me lean back.

  “Deep breaths, now, Rosie. You’re doing great. Deep breaths, in and out,” she models the breaths for me and I try to follow her lead. My heart is hammering against my chest and the tears are still streaming out of my eyes. I breathe in, close my eyes, and blow the air out slowly through my mouth.

  “That’s it,” she says, patting my shoulder. “Just keep breathing.”

  Just when my heartbeat feels like it’s starting to slow down, I feel my contraction start again. I groan and open my eyes, lifting my shoulders up with the nurse’s help.

  “Ok, this is it, Rosie, you can do it.”

  They say pain is nothing, it’s temporary and it’s in the mind. But right now, pain is real, it’s visceral, and it’s never-ending. It twists through my stomach and sends arrows of agony through my veins. It wraps itself around my spine and squeezes me like a huge fist. It burns as it shoots through my entire body and all I can do is scream, swear, gasp, and push.

  As if I’m under water, I hear the doctor say something about the head. He’s talking excitedly but all I hear is gurgling and many voices around me. Harper squeezes my hand and suddenly the pressure between my legs is relieved. The doctor slides his hands back and I see a glimpse of my baby through my blurry, tear-filled eyes.

  “What is it? Is it ok?” I gasp, not understanding what’s going on. The baby is handed off to a nurse who takes it to the nearby bassinet. The nurses and doctor crowd around and work quickly and efficiently as Harper stands next to me, squeezing my hand.

  The seconds tick by and I lift my head towards them. “What’s going on?” I croak again. The fear starts building inside me when no one answers.

  Finally, relief flows through me as I hear the screams of my newborn baby. Its cries get louder and louder as the medical team works over it until the doctor steps back, beaming. My eyes are glued on the bassinet, tears still streaming down my face. My hair is plastered to my forehead and all I can do is pant and wait.

  “Congratulations!” The nurse exclaims as she turns around and places the baby gently on my chest. “You have a beautiful, healthy baby boy.”

  The minute my son touches my chest an overwhelming wave of love fills me to the brim. I look at his little scrunched face and start laughing and crying and laughing some more. Harper strokes my shoulder.

  “He’s beautiful,” she whispers. “Just beautiful.”

  “He looks like an alien,” I laugh, looking at his lumpy head and wrinkly face. He has patchy, bright red hair all over his head. “But he’s my little alien.” I stroke his tiny arm with my finger and start laughing again.

  I’m completely in love. I’ve never felt anything like it. I’m in a daze, and I don’t know if it’s pain or medicine or love but I have eyes only for my son. It’s not until I hear someone clear their throat that I look up.

  The nurse steps forward. “Excuse me, sir, you can’t be in here.” She puts her hands up towards him to usher him out.

  Time stops and his eyes meet mine. He looks at me with pure wonder and I notice he has tears streaming down his cheeks as well.

  “Lucas?” Harper says, confused and a little bit horrified. “What are you doing here?”

  “It’s ok,” I croak, and then say it a bit louder. “It’s ok.”

  The nurse turns towards me and then glances back at him suspiciously. He takes a step forward, still not saying anything.

  “Rosie, if you want this man to leave just tell me,” the nurse says.

  I shake my head. “It’s ok,” I repeat. “He’s the father.”

  Chapter 45 - Lucas

  “What are you doing here! Is this your idea of a fucking gift basket!?” Harper exclaims, but I hardly hear her. I had to push past Zach’s shocked face outside and I know I might not have a job after this, but it doesn’t even matter. All that matters right now is that little baby boy resting on Rosie’s chest. The nurse moves closer and I watch her cut the umbilical cord and then swaddle the tiny baby in a cloth.

  Harper says something else but I don’t hear her. I don’t hear anything. All I can see is Rosie and the baby.

  “Just a little bit more work to do, and then we’ll be all clear,” the doctor says. I don’t know what he’s talking about, but I walk up to the bed as Harper slides out of the way. She looks at me in shock but says nothing as I slip my fingers into Rosie’s.

  “You look beautiful,” I say.

  She laughs. “Liar.”

  The nurse gives Rosie a questioning look and she nods. Before I know what’s happening, there’s a tiny baby in my arms. He’s so light and so small and all of a sudden I’m terrified of hurting him. I remember how I felt twelve years ago, when Allie was born. That fierce, overwhelming protectiveness washes over me and I look at the little boy, bringing my lips down to his forehead.

  My son. I know he’s mine.

  “Ok, Rosie, just a couple more little pushes, we’ll stitch you up and you’ll be ready to go. Mr Dad, you stand out of the way.”

  The nurses and doctor work quickly to deliver the afterbirth and stitch Rosie up. I stay near her head, and sit down so she can reach over and touch our child.

  “I wanted to tell you, Lucas. I just… How… how did you know it was yours?” She asks, her face drawn with worry. I kiss our son’s forehead again.

  “The timing. I don’t know Rosie, I justknew. You’d told me you hadn’t slept with anyone.”

  “And you believed me?”

  I frown as I laugh. “Is that a bad thing? Should I not believe you?”

  “No, I mean, of course. But wouldn’t you feel better getting a paternity test? So you can be sure?”

  I look back down at the baby in my arms and am so full of love for him that all I can do is chuckle. “I don’t need one, Rosie. I know he’s mine. Ours.”

  I look at her just in time to see her eyes starting to mist up. “Still,” she says.

  I place the baby back in her arms and she nuzzles her face into the bundle of cloth. Both of us turn towards the door when Allie speaks up.

  “I knew it was a boy!” She’s peering around the corner shyly with a huge grin across her face. Rosie stiffens and I put my hand on her arm.

  “Uh, Rosie. This is my daughter, Allie.”

  Rosie’s eyes widen and she looks from me to her. “Allie…”

  Allie marches forward and sticks out her hand. “Nice to meet you,” she says, shaking Rosie’s hand gently. “Congratulations.”

  “Daughter…” Rosie says, looking from me to Allie.

  “I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid you wouldn’t be interested in me and then I thought I wouldn’t come back to New York, and I… I don’t know. I’m sorry Rosie.”

  Allie takes a step forward and looks over towards the baby in Rosie’s arms. “He’s wrinkly,” she announces.

  “Allie!” I say, but Rosie laughs.

  “I know. He looks like a tiny old man,” she replies, stroking the baby’s cheek with a soft, motherly touch. She kisses his forehead and Allie laughs.

  “A cute tiny old man. Dad, this is my brother, right?”

  My throat tightens. “I, uh, yes. Half-brother.”

  “Brother,” Allie announces. She squints at the little bundle. “I think he looks like me.”

  I laugh. “I thought he looked like a wrinkly old man?”

  Allie shrugs. “He also looks like me.”

  “Alright kiddo, go wait for me outside. I’ll be a couple minutes.” Allie scrunches her face but says nothing, instead leaning over and giving Rosie a kiss on the cheek. She turns around and skips out the hospital door and I turn back to Rosie.

  “That wasn’t the introduction I had in mind,” I say. I’m sheepish, hardly daring to look at Rosie.

  “Well this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind either,” she repli
es. “What are you doing here?”

  “I went to your hospital room and they said you were delivering the baby here.”

  She laughs. “No, I mean, what are you doing HERE. At the hospital. With me. In New York.”

  The weight of the question hangs between us. It’s hard to swallow as I try to think of something to say.

  “I heard you were due and I did the math. I know it’s crazy. I didn’t even know you were pregnant, Rosie. I would have called.”

  She shakes her head and the nurse comes to take the baby. “Alright Dad. It’s time to give her some space. We’ll get you cleaned up and then back in your room in no time and you guys can talk some more then.”

  Rosie looks at me and I get up. “I should go see Allie. Do you want anything?”

  She shakes her head. “I’ll see you back in the hospital room.”

  All I can do is nod and step outside, closing the door softly behind me and letting all the air out of my lungs. I lean against it with my eyes close and don’t move until I hear Harper’s voice. I open my eyes to see her standing in front of me, arms crossed with one eyebrow raised.

  “Now, Mr. Thorne. Are you going to explain to me why the fuck you thought this was appropriate?”

  Chapter 46 - Rosie

  It takes a while for him to latch on, but he gets the hang of it quickly. I watch in amazement as his little mouth works hard to try to extract milk from me.

  “This is crazy,” I say.

  The nurse laughs. “Yep. Don’t worry if it takes a day or two for your milk supply to come in. Just breastfeed him as often as possible.”

  I look up at her and shake my head. “This is crazy,” I repeat. “All of it.”

  She looks at me curiously but says nothing, and I turn back towards the baby. For the next few hours I’m in a daze. I’m wheeled back to my hospital room and fall asleep immediately. When I wake up, Lucas is sitting in the chair next to me reading a magazine. I groan and turn around.

  “What time is it?”

  He looks at his watch. “6:15pm.”

  “Where’s the baby?” My heart starts beating faster as my eyes try to adjust to the light in the room.

  “Sleeping right there,” Lucas answers, pointing to the bassinet next to the bed. I sit back and put my arm over the edge, trailing it over the baby’s cheek. I still can’t believe how soft his skin is.

  “Where’s Harper and Jess?”

  “They went to get some dinner and I said I’d stay. You want me to call them?”

  I shake my head. “No, it’s ok.” He moves a bit closer and takes my hand in his. He lifts it up and brings it to his lips, kissing my fingers gently. I close my eyes and sigh. Even after it all, even with so many things unsaid between us and a thousand and one questions, it feels good to be near him.

  We sit like that, just enjoying each other’s company. The baby stirs but doesn’t scream. He opens his eyes and blinks at me before giggling. Another wave of love crashes over me and I move to pick him up.

  “He has blue eyes,” I say, bringing him up to my lips for a kiss. “Just like his dad.”

  Lucas looks from the baby to me and his smile breaks across his face. “Just like his dad,” he repeats.

  There are so many things I want to tell Lucas, so many things crowding my brain that they all turn to mush and I can’t think of anything to say at all. Lucas doesn’t seem to mind, he just brings his chair closer and puts his hand behind the baby’s head.

  “Have you decided on a name yet?”

  I shake my head. “Not yet.” Lucas’s eyes look brighter than I remember. His hair is a bit longer and he has it styled like before, a little bit tousled but still neat. His beard is the same length and his chest is just as broad. His arms pull against the fabric of his shirt as he moves closer to me.

  “Lucas,” I start. “I’ve asked the nurses for a paternity test.” He looks up at me and frowns.

  “Ok,” he answers slowly.

  “I haven’t slept with anyone else,” I add quickly. “Not since I met you. Well, not since months before I met you, really. But I just… I just think considering our history that it would be best.”

  He nods and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. He strokes our son’s forehead gently and then leans down and kisses my fingers again.

  “You don’t need to do that,” he says.

  I shake my head. “I do. Will you take it?”

  He nods slowly but says nothing. “If you want me to. But Rosie,” he adds. “I know this baby is mine. I’ve watched my daughter be born and I felt the exact same way. This is my son.” He pauses. “Our son.”

  My heart felt full before, but now it’s ready to burst. All my fears of Lucas turning his back on me, of him not wanting the kid, of him walking out on me evaporate. He’s here. He knows it’s his son, he found me and stuck with me as soon as he knew.

  A small bloom of hope starts opening up deep inside my chest. Maybe there’s a future between us? Maybe there’s hope?

  I clear my throat. “So, uh,” I pause. I don’t even know where to start. “What’s the plan?”

  Lucas laughs. “Don’t try to project manage this. There is no plan.”

  I can’t help but smile. “I know there’s no plan. I just mean… how long are you here?” My chest tightens as I ask the question. He’s brought his young daughter across the country to meet me, surely she has to be in school? He left work for the day, he’ll have to go back. His whole life is in LA, and my whole life is here. All the problems that were in our way before are still in our way now, except now there’s a baby to think about too.

  Lucas moves his hand up to my face and strokes my cheek. “I’ll be here as long as it takes to get you settled. I’ll have to go to LA to sort things out, and Allie can’t miss that much school, but…”

  I hang on to every word until he stops talking. “But…?” I repeat.

  “But I want to be here for you. Rosie, ever since I met you I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I thought you’d walked away from me twice but now I see that you just thought I was using you. This -“ he waves his hand between us, “this thing that we have, it means something. I want to be with you, Rosie.”

  I can’t even see his face anymore, my eyes are so blurry. The tears drop down my cheeks and I nod.

  “I want to be with you too. I’m sorry, Lucas.” My sob interrupts me. “I’m sorry I walked away. I thought,” I can feel my cheeks blushing as the tears stream down it. “I saw a message on your phone and I thought Allie was your wife.”

  Lucas leans back in his chair, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide. His lips start curling into a grin and he shakes his head. “You thought you were the other woman?”

  I nod, unable to get any words out. Lucas starts laughing and shaking his head.

  “God, Rosie, if you only knew. There’s no one else. There never was anyone else. For the past nine months, ever since I jumped in to your taxi, it’s been only you.”

  I laugh as the tears continue to stream out of my eyes.

  “I told you it was my taxi,” I say, laughing and crying and laughing some more. Before I can say anything else his lips are crushing against mine and his hand is wrapped around the nape of my neck. Our baby wriggles between us and starts giggling until all three of us are laughing together.

  Chapter 47 - Lucas

  It feels wrong to be on the plane back to LA. It feels wrong to leave Rosie and our son behind. It feels wrong to be anywhere except by her side, but I have to go. Allie needs to be in school and I have to somehow explain this to Linda and hand in my resignation.

  I haven’t laughed or cried this much ever before. My heart feels like it’ll explode if any more happiness comes into it.

  Allie’s sitting beside me, her legs swinging back and forth as she hums to herself.

  “I think you should call him Jack,” she says.

  “Jack? Why Jack?”

  “Becau
se of the Titanic! Jack and Rose!”

  I laugh. “Where did you even hear about the Titanic? Isn’t that a bit too inappropriate for you to be watching it?”

  Allie rolls her eyes. “Everyone knows about the Titanic, Dad.”

  “Right,” I respond, elbowing her gently. “I forgot you’re all grown up.” She grins at me.

  “I can’t wait to go back. Do they have Mathletes in New York? Where will we live?”

  “Whoa, whoa, Allie, slow down. We don’t know if we’re moving over yet. We don’t know what’s happening. You’re finishing the school year in LA and then we’ll see.”

  Allie’s legs stop swinging and she turns towards me. She frowns and shakes her head. “We should be there. It’s our family!”

  Her words cut through me and once again I’m amazed at my twelve year-old daughter’s wisdom. Somehow, intuitively, she knows what the right thing to do is.

  I mean, I do too. Of course I want to be by Rosie’s side. I want to be there for her and for our kid, but there are so many things in the way!

  Allie reads my mind. “It’s simple, Dad. I finish school this year, you quit your job, we sell the house, and we move. Simple.”

  I snort. “Doesn’t sound simple.”

  “It is though! You can go see her every couple of weeks until then and then we get a place in New York!”

  She does make it sound simple. I shake my head. “You would want to move? What about your friends?”

  Allie tilts her head to the side and chews her lip. She nods. “I’ll miss them. But I have a little brother now and I need to take care of him! You always tell me that family is the most important.”

  “That’s true, I do say that. And family is the most important thing.”

  “Right. So that’s that.” She turns back towards the front of the plane and puts her headphones in, and then turns her head towards me again. “I like Rosie. She’s nice.”

  I shake my head and laugh. She’s a little adult, that’s for sure. I don’t know where she came from but she always succeeds in telling me what the right thing to do is. I’m still not sure it’s as simple as she thinks.