The Quigleys at Large

by Simon Mason

  ‘And while we eat them,’ he said, ‘I can show you a few of the bargains I picked up at the fête.’

  Friends with Lucy

  The Quigleys decided to go on holiday to France in the summer. They talked about it before they went. Croissants came from France, and poodles, and wine, and a big bicycle race, Dad told them. People spoke a different language there, called French.

  ‘French food is very good,’ Mum said. ‘So's French football,’ Dad said. He wondered out loud if their tent would have a television.

  They went to a campsite in a part of France called the Loire, and their tent was red and orange with real beds in it and, outside, a barbecue just for them. There wasn't a television, but there were lots of things to do – go-karts and bicycles to hire, ping-pong tables, a crazy golf course, an outdoor disco and a green lake where you could go out in a boat and watch the fish jump.

  Will and Lucy were very excited. Will said the best thing about the camp was the swimming pool. It had slides and chutes and flumes and deep frothy pools. Best of all, it had fake battlements to fall off. Will's favourite thing was to climb the battlements, and be suddenly hit in the chest with a load of arrows, and fall, with a gurgly screamy death-cry, into the water. He got very good at it, and became so excited he could hardly control himself, and Mum and Dad were always having to tell him to calm down.

  Lucy said the best thing on the campsite was the play area, a large sandy place full of climbing frames and roundabouts and swings and playhouses, and lots of children went there every day to play and chat and make friends. She decided to go to the play area every day too.

  ‘Where are you going?' Mum and Dad would say, and she would say, ‘Just to the play area.’

  They would say, ‘What are you going to do in the play area?' and she would say, ‘I'm going to do some cartwheels. And then I'm going to do some handstands. And then I'm going to chat to someone and make a friend.’

  Lucy was extremely interested in cartwheels and handstands, and she thought that the play area was the best place to practise them, because of being so sandy soft. But most of all she was interested in chatting and making friends.

  One morning she went there, and did fourteen handstands in a row in a soft spot over by the smallest of the three playhouses. It was early, and the only other person there was a girl in a blue frock sitting on a swing, watching her. Sometimes Lucy saw her the right way up, and sometimes upside down. She didn't mind the little girl watching her. Once the little girl smiled at her.

  ‘Do you want to do handstands with me?' Lucy asked. The girl in the blue frock didn't say anything.

  ‘Do you?' Lucy said. ‘You can.’

  The girl still didn't say anything. Then Lucy remembered what Mum and Dad had said about people from France not speaking English.

  She sighed. ‘It's not fair, is it?' she said. ‘Because I can't ask you to do handstands with me because I don't know how to say it in French.' When the girl still didn't say anything, Lucy realized that she couldn't chat to her either, not even to tell her how unfair it was that she didn't know how to tell her she wanted to do handstands. And her heart really sank.

  The girl stopped swinging and said something to Lucy. It took Lucy by surprise. It sounded like tongue-twisters and singing and talking to babies all at once, and Lucy couldn't understand her. Suddenly she felt very shy.

  ‘I'm sorry, I have to go now,’ she said, and she left the play area, and went back to her tent.

  Mum was playing badminton with a lady from the tent next door. ‘Did you make a friend?' Mum said as Lucy went past.

  Lucy didn't say anything. She went and lay down on her bed, and was sad.

  The next day, Lucy didn't go to the play area; she went to the pool with Will instead. She thought she might make a friend there. There were certainly lots of children at the pool. Lots in the shallow pools with the fountains, and lots in the deep pool, where people plunged in from the battlements, and lots going down the slides. Lucy liked the slides best. They were curvy and wavy, and she went down sitting or lying on her tummy or lying backwards flap-splash into the water. She went down the slides over and over. But she didn't make a friend.

  She lay on the towels with Mum and Dad, watching Will jump off the battlements. The battlements were too high for Lucy, even the lowest ones. Will could jump off them all except the highest one. He jumped in different ways. He fell with a gurgly screamy death-cry. He corkscrewed like a spinner dolphin. He flipped forwards. He dived backwards. He sat in the air with a grin and a whoosh and squashed the water sideways. But he didn't quite dare to go off the highest battlement. In fact there was only one boy who jumped off the highest battlement. He was a tall boy with a round face, pink from the sun, and he always jumped the same way, holding his arms tight against his sides and hurtling down into the water. Sometimes he shouted, ‘Gangway!' Whenever he jumped everyone watched him.

  ‘Have you made a friend yet, Will?' Lucy said, when he came to lie down on the towels.

  He grunted and put his nose into The Beano.

  ‘Don't you want to make a friend, Will?' He shrugged. ‘Don't you want to make friends with that jumping boy there?' she said.

  He took his nose out of The Beano, and watched the boy with the round, pink face jump into the pool.

  ‘That's the highest battlement he's jumping off,’ he said in a wistful voice.

  ‘You could be his friend if you wanted to,’ Lucy said.

  Will looked doubtful.

  ‘You could. You could go and say hello to him, and have a chat, and he could tell you how to jump off the highest battlement. Would you like that, Will?’

  Will didn't say anything, but he looked shy. His shy look was a sort of scowl.

  ‘He speaks English,’ Lucy said. ‘I heard him.' She knew this was very important, because of the chatting, and she was pleased with herself for finding it out.

  Will looked doubtful. ‘I dunno,’ he said.

  ‘You don't have to be shy, Will,’ Lucy said.

  ‘I'm not shy,’ Will said shyly, scowling. A little later the same afternoon, when Lucy was waiting in the queue for the slides, she found herself standing next to the boy.

  ‘Excuse me,’ she said, very politely. ‘Will you tell me how you jump off the highest battlement?’

  The boy looked at her. ‘I don't think you could do it,’ he said at last. ‘You have to be bigger, really.’

  ‘It's not for me,’ Lucy said. ‘It's for my brother.’

  ‘Who's your brother?’

  Lucy pointed.

  ‘The boy who can dive backwards?' he said.

  Lucy thought about this. ‘Can you dive backwards?' she asked.

  The boy shook his head wistfully. ‘Hardly anyone can dive backwards.’

  Lucy thought a bit more. ‘My brother could tell you how to dive backwards,’ she said. ‘If you come with me I'll ask him for you. He's quite nice,’ she said. ‘At least he is sometimes. Sometimes he does this thing with his face so it looks like he's about to get loud, but he hardly ever does, so you don't need to worry.’

  After that, Will and the boy were always together. Sometimes they were leaping off the highest battlement, sometimes they were diving backwards.

  ‘I'm glad Will's found a friend,’ Dad said. ‘Aren't you, Poodle?’

  Lucy nodded. She didn't say anything, but she looked eager and sad at the same time.

  The next day Lucy went back to the play area, but there was no one there she wanted to talk to, except the French girl in the blue frock. The girl was on the swing again, and they looked across the sand at each other. But Lucy knew she couldn't chat to her, so she went back to the tent.

  Mum was there with a lady from the tent opposite. They were looking at a menu together.

  ‘I was saying to Gertrude that we ought to try the restaurant here,’ Mum said. ‘We thought we all might try it together tonight.' Gertrude was a nice lady with blonde hair and a baby with one wet tooth, and she smiled at Lucy.
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  ‘Did you find anyone to play with?' Mum asked.

  Lucy shook her head, and went into the tent. Will was in the kitchen area testing his strength.

  ‘I can lift you up, Dad. Dad, stand still while I lift you up.’

  ‘Careful, Will.’

  ‘I'm lifting you, Dad.’

  ‘Will, stop it!’

  ‘You're off ground, Dad.’

  ‘Will, look out!’

  There was a crash. After Will and Dad had argued for a bit, Dad went to the camp shop and Lucy went with him.

  They walked up the lane holding hands. Dad was limping.

  ‘Dad?' she asked. ‘Can you talk French?' ‘Not much, Poodle. I know a few important words, like please and thank you and cheers.’

  ‘Do you know “Would you like to do cartwheels or Arab springs with me?”’

  ‘I think I'd need help with that one.' They walked between the trees and tents. ‘Why don't you want to talk French, Dad? If you talked French you could make friends with French people.’

  ‘I ought to learn, I know. But when French people talk to me, somehow I get confused and shy, and I can't think of anything to say. I know it's silly.’

  In the shop they bought some bread, a bottle of washing-up liquid, a box of matches and some bottles of beer. Lucy liked the shop. It felt like outdoors: warm sunlight came through the open door, and there was sand on the floor where people had been walking, and a smell of sun cream.

  Dad was paying at the till, and Lucy was waiting outside. As she watched, something odd happened to Dad. A man in the queue said something to him, and Dad went funny. He put on his look of surprise, the one where he looked as if someone had just blown hard up his nose, and said something back, and the other man started laughing. Dad laughed too, though it wasn't Dad's usual laugh, it was louder and longer and a bit more mad. Then the man patted Dad on the arm, and Dad patted him back, though Lucy noticed that he was doing his surprised look again, and when Dad came out of the shop he was very distracted. He took Lucy's hand, and quickly walked away without looking back.

  ‘Who's that man?' Lucy asked, trying to turn round as Dad pulled her along.

  ‘Keep moving,’ Dad said out of the corner of his mouth.

  ‘He looks friendly. Why are we running away from him? Why did you do that look, as if someone's just blown up your nose?’

  They walked one hundred yards at top speed, and then stopped to rest.

  ‘A terrible thing just happened,’ Dad said. ‘Do you remember what I said about getting confused?’

  ‘Yes.' ‘Well, the lady at the cash till said something to me in French, and I got confused.’

  ‘So you couldn't think of anything to say?’

  ‘No, this time I said something straightaway.’

  ‘But that was very good, Dad.’

  ‘Only it wasn't French. It was German.’

  Lucy thought about this. ‘You said something in German to the French lady at the cash till?’

  ‘Because of being confused,’ Dad added.

  ‘It doesn't seem so terrible,’ Lucy said after a moment. ‘I think it's more stupid than terrible.’

  ‘That's not the terrible part,’ Dad said. ‘The terrible part is what happened next. A man in the queue began speaking German to me.’

  ‘I didn't know you could speak German, Dad.’

  ‘I can't. I know four words of German. I'd just used one, with the French lady, so I only had three left. But the man was so friendly, I didn't want to disappoint him. So I used one of my other words. Just to be friendly, in a German sort of way.’

  ‘What did the word mean?’

  ‘I'm not sure. It seemed to go down quite well. But now,’ Dad groaned, ‘he's bound to think I speak German. He might even think I am German. It's all to do with being confused,’ he added. ‘I don't think I could explain any of this. I just hope I don't see him again.’

  After that, they saw the German man everywhere. He walked past the crazy golf course while they were playing, and Dad pretended to tie his shoelace until he'd gone. Lucy said, ‘But I think he looks friendly, Dad.’

  Will said, ‘Duh. How long does it take to tie your shoelace, Dad?' Will didn't realize what was going on.

  They saw the German man at the lake, where Dad suddenly needed to go behind a tree, and they saw him again at the shop, where Dad began to search for something out of reach under the vegetable racks, and they saw him when they were playing Ping-Pong, and Dad bowed his head and examined the ball for several minutes, saying, ‘I think it's cracked. Or is it a hair?’

  And all the time Dad looked very distracted.

  A few days later, Lucy went to the play area again, looking for someone to make friends with. There were two small boys fighting over what looked like a lollipop stick, but she didn't want to play with them. Besides, the stick was broken. There was a crowd of girls rushing round making each other wet with bottles of water, and she didn't want to play with them either. But there was a girl on her own playing ‘two ball' against the side of one of the play houses. ‘Two ball' was one of Lucy's favourite games, so she ran over to say hello, and when the girl turned round it was the girl she'd met before, the French girl in the blue frock.

  ‘Oh!' Lucy said, and as soon as she said it she realised that ‘oh' was wrong because it was English. She ought to say ‘Oh!' in French instead. She didn't know what that was, so she said, ‘Woo!' but that didn't sound right, and the French girl looked a bit surprised.

  Lucy took a deep breath, and smiled bravely, and said, ‘Juicy whoosh two ball, rooby doo?' in the hope that it meant something like ‘I like playing ‘two ball', do you?' But the French girl just looked shocked.

  Suddenly Lucy felt very shy, and said, ‘I'm sorry, I have to go now,’ and ran back to the tent.

  Mum had gone swimming in the lake with a lady called Marcenda from the tent at the end of their row. Dad was sitting in a chair, partly reading a book and partly falling asleep. Lucy sat down next to him. ‘Dad,’ she said. ‘If you started straight away, how long would it take you to learn German?’

  ‘Too long,’ Dad said. ‘Too long for you to speak to the friendly German man?’

  Dad nodded. ‘It's a shame. He does look friendly, doesn't he? He's got a television in his tent. I saw it. He was watching a football game on it, but I was too far away to see who was playing. I mean, I couldn't risk getting too close.’

  ‘Would it take me too long to learn French?' Lucy asked after a while. ‘If I wanted to talk to someone on the camp.’

  ‘I'm afraid so, Poodle.' Lucy went into the tent and lay down on her bed and was sad again because she still didn't know how she was going to make a friend.

  The next day she was practising her cartwheels in the lane when the German man walked past. He said hello and smiled at her, and she stopped doing cartwheels and smiled back. For a while she watched him walk up the lane. Something about him puzzled her, though at first she couldn't think what it was. She watched him walking up the lane, puzzling over it, then suddenly she understood. She started to walk after him.

  The man went into the shop, and when he came out again he found Lucy waiting for him.

  She had been practising what to say in her head so she wouldn't get it wrong.

  ‘Excuse me,’ she said very politely. ‘You said hello to me.’

  The man smiled. ‘I did,’ he said. ‘You speak the English language,’ she said, after a moment, to make sure.

  The man smiled again, and nodded. ‘So does my dad,’ Lucy said. ‘I mean, he's English. He isn't German,’ she said.

  ‘I know,’ the man said. ‘He does know four words of German,’ Lucy said.

  ‘I have heard two of them,’ the man said. Lucy had a good idea. ‘Would you like to come back to our tent and talk to him?' she asked. ‘Now that you speak English and he isn't German.’

  Lucy and the man were holding hands when they got to the Quigleys' tent. Dad was sitting in a chair outside, partly falling asleep and
partly drinking a beer, and when he saw Lucy leading the German man towards him, his face went funny. He got to his feet in a rush, and made a little bow.

  ‘It's all right, Dad,’ Lucy said. ‘You don't have to use the other two words. Gerd speaks English.’

  And Gerd said, ‘Your daughter has brought me to see you. Your daughter is a very friendly girl.' And Lucy felt herself go pink.

  After Dad had given Gerd a bottle of beer, Gerd asked if Dad would like to watch the football game on his television that evening, and Dad went pink.

  Later that afternoon, when Mum came back from her swim, Lucy was sitting on her sleeping bag in the tent and Dad was trying to cheer her up.

  ‘What is it, Lucy?' Mum said. ‘What's the matter?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘There is, Poodle,’ Dad said.

  ‘Isn't.’

  Mum sat down next to her. ‘Is it about friends?' she asked.

  ‘No!' Lucy shouted. ‘It's about no friends!’

  They all talked about friends.

  ‘Dad's got a friend,’ Lucy said. ‘And Will's got a friend. And you've got lots of friends. But I haven't got a friend at all.’

  Mum and Dad said what a good and wonderful girl Lucy was to find friends for Dad and Will, and they all lay together on Lucy's sleeping bag, talking about how friendly Lucy was, and how there were lots of people wanting to be friends with her, even though they hadn't found her yet. At last Lucy began to feel a bit better.

  ‘And do you know what I think?' Dad said. ‘I think you've played with Will very nicely all holiday, I'm really proud of you. You've made a friend of your brother, and having a brother's nicer than having a friend.’

  Both Lucy and Mum looked at him hard.

  ‘Rubbish!' Lucy shouted, and she ran out of the tent.

  Mum shook her head at Dad. ‘You really played that wrong,’ she said.

  After she ran out of the tent, Lucy went to the play area and sat on the edge of the roundabout and kicked sand. After a while she practised a few handstands. The two boys who had fought over the broken lollipop stick were there, but Lucy didn't want to speak to them. She did a few cartwheels, and a few more handstands, and when she stopped the French girl was sitting on the swing watching her. She smiled at Lucy, and the smile was so friendly that at once Lucy felt pleased. She reached her hands up into the air for a second, then tipped herself suddenly upside down into the best handstand she'd ever done; it seemed to last for ages, and she could see the hot blue sky above her.