Deacon (Starkis Family #1)

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Hmmm, I love when you do that.”

  His words, paired with the knowledge that he was experiencing so much pleasure with another woman, crushed me. Not only had I been learning to trust him, I’d fallen deeply, irrevocably in love with him. How stupid could I have been?

  “Just relax, Deacon,” she purred. “I know what you need.”

  I couldn’t take any more. I threw the door open, ready to let him have it.

  He scrambled to sit up, clutching the towel around his waist. “What the…?”

  I took in the scene. He’d been stretched out on a massage table, and the woman standing above him was wearing a white uniform. Oh, no. I’d interrupted his massage. At least I hadn’t stormed into the room and made a bigger fool of myself by hurling wild accusations at him.

  “Mia, what are you doing here?”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, backing out of the room. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I wanted to surprise you. I should have called first or—”

  “Wait!” He clutched his towel as he held up his free hand. “You’re not going anywhere.” He gestured toward the woman standing demurely at his side. “Selene, this is my girlfriend, Mia Barnes. Mia, this is Selene, my massage therapist.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I said, offering my hand to the petite woman with her hair pulled into a tight bun. She was a bit older than me, probably closer to Deacon’s age, but she looked younger without the makeup my friends and I favored.

  “Mr. Starkis was right,” she said, bowing her head slightly. “You are very beautiful, miss.”

  “Thank you.” I smiled, trying to act as though barging into my boyfriend’s home uninvited in the middle of the night wasn’t odd behavior. “I’m sorry I interrupted your…” I waved, looking for the right word. “Work.”

  “It is okay.” She moved about quickly, collecting her belongings. “Now that you are here, I suspect Mr. Starkis will find other ways to relieve his stress.”

  She and Deacon exchanged an amused glance. I wondered what kind of relationship they had if she felt comfortable enough to make inappropriate comments in front of his guests.

  “Will you be needing me in the morning?” she asked.

  Deacon stole a quick glance at me, obviously trying to gauge my mood. “Let’s play that by ear.”

  “Very well.” She smiled sweetly at me, whispered something to Deacon in their native tongue, and inched past him.

  I didn’t know why the fact that they were both Greek added to my discomfort—perhaps because I had the uneasy feeling their relationship was, or had been, more than professional.

  Deacon ran a hand over his messy hair. “Well, this is a nice surprise, beautiful. Just let me grab a robe, and we can get comfortable.”

  I could tell he felt uncharacteristically awkward, prompting me to ask the question at the forefront of my mind. “Have you had sex with that woman?”

  His mouth opened and snapped shut before he walked into an adjoining room—a sauna—to slip into a white robe.

  The fact that he hadn’t answered told me he was hoping I’d let it go. Not a chance.

  “Well? Have you slept with her?”

  He cleared his throat before reaching for an iPod in a docking station and pocketing it. “Slept together? No.”

  He was trying to get off on a technicality, but I wouldn’t let him.

  “But you have screwed around with her?” I was tired of playing games with him, having to work so hard to extract the truth.

  “She is paid to help relieve my stress.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” I demanded, rounding the massage table. We stood toe to toe, though his decided height advantage made me feel as though he was the one with the upper hand despite my justifiable outrage. “What else does she do for you?”

  He closed his eyes, tipping his head back as though he was annoyed I was undoing all of Selene’s hard work. “Selene’s family has worked for mine for a long time. Her mother is my housekeeper, her father my groundskeeper. They live in a guest house on the property.”

  “You’re doing a great job avoiding the real question here.” I was even more insulted that she shared his home, in a manner of speaking, but we would get to that in due time. First, I needed him to spell out the nature of his relationship with the woman.

  “I am just trying to explain the situation to you, theia,” he said, gripping my upper arms.

  I scowled at his hands curling around my arms. “Take your hands off me until I decide whether you have the right to touch me again.”

  His eyes flashed with anger before his fingers bit into my flesh. He begrudgingly released me just when I thought he would override my demand to make a point. “I have known Selene since we were children. She knows me better than most—my idiosyncrasies, my faults…”

  It hurt that that woman, who was still very much a part of his life, knew my man better than I did, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d hurt me. I still had my pride. Sort of.

  “I guess you could say she’s had something of a crush on me for years,” he said.

  Well, duh. How could any woman rub down his naked body for years without falling in love? The opportunity to do just that was probably the reason for her choice of vocation. “She told you this?”

  “Yes, when we were young.” He braced a fist on the massage table, looking as though he resented being forced to take an unwanted trip down memory lane. “I was home from Harvard for the summer. We went for a swim in the lake at my summer home, and she kissed me. It was then she told me how she felt about me, why she’d never had a boyfriend.” He shrugged. “According to her, I’m a big part of the reason she’s never married.”

  I doubled over the table, trying to process everything he was telling me. Selene was in love with him and had been for years. She was a part of his family, she’d spent time with him at his parents’ vacation home, and if my instincts were correct, they’d been lovers.

  “Sweetheart, please,” he said, rubbing my back, “don’t make too much of this. She understands we will never be more than friends.”

  “But you have had sex with her?”

  After a long pause, he said, “Yes. But she knows it will never—”

  “When was the last time you had sex?”

  His olive skin momentarily lost all trace of color. “I don’t see what difference that—”

  “Just answer the question.” When he remained silent, I made my way to the door. “I’ll just find her. I’m sure she’ll be more forthcoming than you’ve been.”

  “Three weeks ago.”

  I gripped the doorknob as I wrestled with my feelings of betrayal. I knew I had no right to feel so hurt and disappointed. I had still been living with Drew at the time. Deacon had never actually met me, but the things he’d said in our texts and emails had led me to believe I was the only one, that he couldn’t stop thinking about me. Had that been a lie? Had he been lying all along, saying the things he felt he had to just to get me to break up with Drew so he could have me in his bed? It seemed so.

  “I have to go.” Through a veil of unshed tears, I tried to find my way down the dark hallway. I heard his footsteps on the hardwood behind me. He wouldn’t make it that easy for me to leave, yet I prayed he’d give me the space I needed. “Coming here was a mistake. This whole thing was a mistake.”

  “Don’t say that,” he said, closing his arms around me from behind. “Please don’t say that. I want you here, theia. I need you with me.”

  I succumbed to the bitterness. “No, you need a soft body to keep you warm at night. It doesn’t matter who it is. The women in your life are interchangeable.”

  “They have been… until you. You are the one I can’t live without.”

  I closed my eyes when the tears threatened to spill down my cheeks. I wouldn’t let him see me cry again. He had too much power over me, and he knew it. He knew he could make me feel more deeply than I’d ever felt, hurt more than I ever had. “I don’t bel
ieve you.”

  He gripped me tighter, burying his face in my neck. “You have to believe me. Please, theia. You have to.” It sounded like the plea of a desperate man, but he was good at manipulating people, getting them to bend to his will.

  “Let me go.”

  “I can’t. I won’t.” The steely edge was back in his voice. He’d made up his mind about the outcome of my visit. “Selene offered to pleasure me tonight. That’s when I told her about you.”

  I whirled around, stunned and appalled that he’d shared that with me. Was he trying to hurt me? If so, he’d hit his mark.

  Without thinking, I slapped him as hard as I could across the face, leaving the imprint of my hand on his bristled cheek. “You make me sick! God, I hate you!”

  He slipped his arm around me, holding me firmly. Perhaps he was justifiably concerned I would try to flee. “I am trying to be honest with you. Even when it hurts.”

  To his credit, he seemed unaffected by my slap, almost as though he’d expected and prepared for my reaction.

  “How far did she get?”

  “What?”

  “You said she wanted to go down on you. What led up to that?” I didn’t know why I was torturing myself, but some perverse part of me wanted to hear the gory details. “Obviously, she didn’t just drop to her knees and—”

  “It never got that far.” He looked annoyed by my insinuation, as if he had any right trying to take the moral high ground.

  “Did you kiss her?”

  “Kiss her?” He looked genuinely shocked. “No. I don’t kiss the women I have sex with.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Kissing to me is more intimate than having sex. I haven’t made love to you yet, but what we have shared is so much more intimate than anything I’ve shared with another woman.”

  I closed my eyes, so wishing I could believe him. But the facts spoke for themselves. My man-whore was up to his old tricks, locked in a room late at night with a woman who would sacrifice herself to satisfy his needs. “I can’t trust you.” Speaking the truth cut like a knife, because I knew if I couldn’t trust him, I couldn’t have him in my life.

  “Yes, you can.” The desperation was back in his voice. “I would never, ever betray you. You are everything I want, everything I need, theia. Please. I am begging you to believe that.”

  I knew begging was new for him. He rarely even said please or thank you. He just expected people to do his bidding because of who he was and what he brought to the table, but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my pride for any man.

  “I can’t believe that.”

  “Then let me prove it to you.” He moved in closer, backing me against the wall. “Let me show you with actions what I haven’t been able to with words. Let me show you how much I worship you.”

  His words, coupled with his roaming hands, were intoxicating, almost a lethal combination, but I had to find the strength to resist. He was bad for me. He had the power to destroy me if I let him, and I would have only myself to blame because I’d entered into this with my eyes wide open, knowing who and what he was.

  “Kiss me, theia.”

  “No.” The word tore from my throat, laced with a sob. I wanted to kiss him more than I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t surrender.

  “Then let me kiss you.” He held my face as he pinned my body with his imposing physique.

  “No. Please.” I turned my head, praying he would have mercy on me and not exploit my weakness for him.

  “I have to.” He loosened the tie on his robe, exposing his hard, naked body and thick, jutting erection. “I have to have you. Letting you walk out of my life isn’t an option. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see what you do to me?”

  The tears slid down my cheeks, and he obliterated them with his kisses—up and down my neck, over my cheeks, in the hollow of my throat, the seam between my lips. His tongue was everywhere, softening me, healing my hurts, and assuaging my fears. I knew it was only temporary, but I just needed the relief from the dull ache that permeated my body.

  I pushed the robe off his shoulders, knowing it would be my biggest mistake. I had no prayer of resisting his chiselled body when it was so hard and tense with his unleashed hunger for me. This powerful man wanted me. Me. Maybe tomorrow he would want someone else, and that was reason enough to walk away now, but I couldn’t. His mouth held me prisoner, his words shackling me with the promise that maybe I was special, maybe I could fill the void in him that no one else could.

  “Please don’t cry, my angel. Don’t cry. I hate that I hurt you. I hate myself for making you cry. I want to make you happy.”

  The zipper running the length of my dress slid down before the thin fabric pooled at my feet. If I wanted to stop, now was the time, my last chance. But as he unhooked my bra and slid my thong over my hips, I knew it was too late. My body wanted it, even though my heart was begging me to protect it from the pain he could inflict.

  “Let me make you happy, Mia. Anything in the world. Anything you want is yours.” He slipped a finger inside me, followed by another. “So wet for me, sweetheart. You want this. You want me.”

  Another sob escaped me, and I realized how torn I was about letting this happen. My body was reacting to his touch while my brain was screaming at me to run before I lost myself to him.

  “Sssh.” He riveted me with his thumb, drawing maddening circles against my tender flesh. “You know what you need. You need this. You need me.”

  I did need him, and that was what scared me the most. All the years Drew and I had been together, I’d never needed him like this. I’d always known I would survive if he walked away. With Deacon, I wasn’t so sure.

  “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Just let go. Give yourself to me. Let me take care of you.”

  He was using his expertise to wear me down, to manipulate me. He played my body the way a skilled musician would a finely tuned instrument. My legs felt rubbery, as though they could barely support my weight, and I knew I would soon have no choice but to let him have his way with me and pray I wouldn’t regret it.

  “Spread your legs wider,” he murmured. “Hmmm, that’s it.” He sucked my earlobe when I did as he asked. “Yes. I love how wet you are for me.” He dropped to his knees and spread my legs wider still as his tongue glided up and down my seam. “So sweet.”

  With a single flick of his tongue, I was waving the white flag. “Please, Deacon, please…”

  “Yes,” he whispered.

  I thought my head would explode as all of my blood rushed to my extremities.

  “That’s what I want—to hear you beg for it. I’ve been waiting so long to hear those sweet words fall from you lips.”

  “Please. Yes…” I grinded myself against his mouth, my body moving like an exotic dancer’s as my hands glided over my breasts. I felt my orgasm closing in on me. “Oh God, yes...”

  When he refused to relent and I couldn’t take any more, I decided to make him stop the only way I knew how. Lowering my body, I whispered, “It’s my turn. Please, baby.”

  He growled as he gripped my arms and pulled me to my feet. “Not yet.”

  A wave of anger came back as I remembered what he’d told me about Selene. “Did she take you in her hand like this?” I wrapped my hand around the base of his shaft.

  He wove his hands into my hair, pulling hard enough to make my scalp sting. “Don’t talk to me about her.”

  “Did it make you hard?” I asked. “Did you get excited thinking about her taking you?” The vision of poking a tiger with a big stick came to mind, but I banished it. I wanted to punish him the same way he’d punished me.

  “Stop this!” He gripped my hair harder as I continued to work him over with my hand. “I only want to think about you!”

  I released my need to hurt him and focused on pleasuring him the way he’d pleasured me. I listened for his reluctant groans and soft moans, the feral sounds he made in the back of his throat. I felt his gentle clasping of my hair an
d lazy circles on my scalp.

  “I love you.” The words sounded almost tortured, as though he’d been trying to suppress them but couldn’t. “I. Need. You.” He gasped when his words incited me to increase my tempo. “I’ve never… needed… anyone.” He shuddered. “But… I… need… you.”

  Knowing I had the ability to bring this powerful, ruthless man to his knees was a heady aphrodisiac. I was on a power trip, a sex-induced high, as I used my wiles to draw the words from him that I needed to hear to assuage my fears about us.

  “Don’t… ever… leave… me.” He grabbed my wrist before I could finish him off. “Say it. Say you’ll never leave me. I need to hear you say it. Now.” He had a wild look in his eyes, as if he’d unleashed the beast within and had no desire to cage it for my safety.

  “I’ll never leave you,” I whispered.

  “No matter what you hear about me, no matter who tries to tear us apart, you’ll never leave me.”

  A fresh wave of fear coursed through me as I realized he was giving me some insight into the challenges we would face. Selene was just the tip of the iceberg.

  “Say it.” He shook me slightly. “Say you’ll never leave me.”

  “I’ll never leave you,” I whispered, wondering if I could believe my own words. Without knowing what was to come, I had no idea how I would react, whether or not I could handle the truth about the dark and mysterious man I’d fallen in love with.

  “Swear to me.” He could obviously sense my uncertainty.

  Trying to make light of his insistence, I said, “Are you asking for a blood oath?”

  “Yes.” He wasn’t kidding. Shit.

  To distract him, I whispered, “Make love to me, Deacon. Please.”

  He crushed his mouth to mine, demanding I acquiesce to his desire to possess me. When I did, he slowed, taking my mouth thoroughly. His kiss bordered on a reverent tenderness I’d never seen him display. By the time he was finished with me, I was gushing and moaning, on the verge of pleading yet again.

  “Not here, theia,” he whispered, picking me up. “In my bedroom.”

  “Wait.” I gripped the doorframe. “Not… in your bed.” I pictured my friends sharing that bed with him—Selene, and all the faceless women who’d come before me. It was silly, but I couldn’t get aroused in a place where he’d stimulated so many others.