I panicked. My motivations and fantasies didn't work at all. Where was the excitement? The erotic tension? I couldn't stand such torture if there was no reward to it. My sex was not only as dry as a desert, it was also blazing from the lashes that fell upon my labia each time the flogger strips would roll around my cheeks, their cutting edges landing harshly between them.
The cross was a terrible mistake, too. My widely spread legs became crampy, and I slumped down with the bulk of my weight pulling on my shoulders. Extended over my head, my arms no longer received the vital blood they needed. Worse than that was the position and the pressure on my chest; coupled with the gag, it made breathing difficult at a moment when I needed twice as much air.
The flogger still traveled along my spine, but I could no longer pinpoint exactly where it would land. The pain was constant and everywhere, with no truce between the peaks. I moaned, shook my head, squirmed as much as I was allowed to, but Lodel was on a roll, impossible to stop. In a last attempt to wake up my sexual hormones, I thought of Khiru. But the idea I didn't deserve him brought me closer to despair than encouragement. Knowing I wouldn't make it, I decided to switch the abort button and fake the orgasm that would mark the end of the scene.
Only I couldn't. No scream would escape my mouth. No movement would shake my body. I could only move my head frantically, then drop it to pretend I'd fainted. Even that didn't work.
Lodel changed the flogger for the bullwhip. I didn't notice he'd stopped hitting me until the next lash woke me up from my false unconsciousness. Not only had I failed to stop the whipping, it had gone worse. The whip cut into my flesh, splitting it into hundreds of pieces.
I turned mad, desperate, feverish. My face was drowning in tears, my throat sore from muffled screaming, my lungs aching for air. Half my body burned incessantly. My arms were numb, my shoulders and neck hurt from excessive tension, and I could barely support my head any longer.
The sounds that reached my brain were distorted, like I was at the end of a tunnel or underwater. Unaware of my ordeal, people were still cheering and having a good time. I was tortured, but no one noticed. Lodel could kill me, and no one would stop him. He obediently complied with my orders and continued to draw red stripe after red stripe on my flesh. He was probably having the time of his life.
Lost in a whirl of pain, I disconnected from my body and drifted off to a safer place. I hardly noticed when the cane replaced the bullwhip; its strike was just as painful, but it didn't seem to matter. I was gone, away from the fire and the tears. In that remote corner of my mind, nobody could touch me.
Chapter NINETEEN
I'm floating on air. Can't feel a thing. Can't open my eyes. Too hard. It feels good. Peaceful. I'm so tired.
* * *
I'm lying on a bed, face down. I think I'm naked. I feel a cool breeze on my back. I pry my eyes open. The lights are out, except for a night lamp close to me. There's something around my head, not too tight, just annoying when I toss it sideways. My arms are heavy, but I want to touch this thing.
"Shhh. Keep quiet."
A male voice behind me. Soft and kind. I see a shadow. I'd like to move, but my body won't obey.
"Sleep, Megan. Everything's fine."
I love that voice. I must be dreaming. I don't want to wake up.
* * *
My eyes are open wide, but it's completely dark. I'm not alone in the room; I hear regular breathing. Someone's sitting in the chair, sleeping. I feel amazingly safe, until I snap to consciousness and remember.
The cross, the whipping, the pain. Had I fainted? How had it ended? Who'd brought me here? Was I badly wounded?
And who was in the room with me? A doctor? Naari? I vaguely remembered a man whispering to me. He sounded like ... no, it must have been a dream.
I decided to reach for the lamp on the bedside table. I lifted my arm, then dropped it alongside my body. The slightest movement required so much effort, I was unable to try again. I thought about my back, bottom and legs. Although they must have been covered by countless wounds, they were completely insensitive. My arms and shoulders should have been sore, too, but I'd lost all physical sensations.
There was no pain, only an intense fatigue. Also relief that it was all over. And guilt and sorrow. I'd ruined all my chances with Khiru.
I fell back asleep.
* * *
The next time I woke up, the lights were turned on to recreate early-morning sunshine. I immediately looked to the chair.
"Hi, darling. How do you feel?"
"I ... I'm okay, but…"
I tried to turn around and sit. What was Myhre doing here?
"Easy, easy. I'll help you. There."
Myhre redressed and padded the pillow against the headboard, then helped me sit comfortably.
"You must be hungry."
Without waiting for my reply, she laid a tray full of breakfast delicacies on the bed.
"Yes, I am, but Myhre, what–"
"Later. First you eat, then we talk."
After taking a sip from a warm fruit infusion, I picked up a roll and ate it ravenously.
"Does your bottom or back hurt?"
"No, not really. Actually, I can't believe I can sit after..." I winced as I recalled the scene.
"You've almost healed completely, but the beecee still controls the pain."
I raised my hand to my brow and touched a smooth headband.
"It's very effective," I commented blankly between two mouthfuls. My head was fuzzy, and I wondered whether that came from the beecee, too.
"Yep. The doctor also used it to restrict your movements. He didn't want you to toss in your sleep or scratch your back, so you were technically paralyzed for a couple of days."
"A couple of days? Has it been that long?"
"After you fainted, you were brought to the Infirmary where they laser-healed your wounds. You spent a whole night there, but were unconscious. In the morning – that was yesterday – they carried you back here, and you slept until now."
Myhre showed signs of embarrassment, and I felt terribly guilty.
"I'm so sorry, Myhre. I did something stupid."
"I'm sorry, too. I should have–"
"No, don't blame yourself. I'm responsible for everything."
"Well, Lodel could have stopped," she said with repressed anger. "I can't believe he did this to you!"
I sighed.
"Lodel did exactly what I'd told him to do. He did okay. Poor guy, he must feel awful. I'll go see him as soon as I feel better."
Lost in our bad memories, we stayed silent for a while. I ate some fruits and finished the infusion. When I was sated, Myhre assisted me in the bathroom and showered my body delicately. With apprehension, I checked out my back in the mirror. I expected to see an appalling pattern of red swollen bruises, but the only signs of my whipping were stripes and squares of slightly paler flesh, the kind you have under heavy scars. After two days, the treatment was exceptionally efficient. Still, the faint marks were enough to bring a bitter taste to my mouth. I looked away.
Once I was air-dried, I returned to bed.
"I can't believe I'm still tired after sleeping for two days."
"It's the beecee. It maintains you in an artificial state of fatigue so you don't feel like running around too soon."
"Oh, can't you stop that?"
"No. Doctor's orders. Be good."
She didn't add that I'd been naughty enough, but it was sufficiently implicit.
"Will you stay with me a while longer? Please?"
I gave her a sorry-little-girl kind of look, and she smiled.
"Sure."
"Myhre," I started after she sat on the bed, "I woke up several times during those two days, and there was a man in the room. Do you know who he was?"
"You didn't see him?"
"No, it was too dark. But I heard his voice once, and he sounded like..."
I couldn't bear to say his name.
"Khiru," she ended for me.
"Did he stay here all the time?"
"Yes. And I owe you an apology, Megan. You were right. He does care about you. A lot."
The brain controller might block the pain, but it didn't stop the acceleration of my heart nor the warm surge of blood in my sex. Gasping, I pressed Myhre for more details.
"No one realized what was happening to you, Megan. Naari and I had a hunch because we knew you'd never been whipped before, but we thought there was a trick we didn't know about. Lodel is silly, but he's not a criminal. So I guess we both got into the show and stopped worrying. I'm ashamed to say that by the time you were deep in trouble, I was teasing Jova and we were both caught up in our own game.
"It was actually a great performance, you know," she went on. Your appearance on stage was stunning, and the cross device was very unusual. As the first alien in our world, you've gained a special aura, and just seeing you naked and in bondage was pretty exciting for many people.
"When Lodel started whipping you, we noticed your fingers impatiently tapping on the beams. Personally, it was the sign I needed to relax and enjoy the show. Later, I never noticed ... oh, I feel terrible."
I stroked her shoulder and whispered kind and reassuring words.
"Anyway," she resumed after wiping her eyes, "soon after Lodel started using the cane, Khiru literally ran from behind us, jumped on stage and snatched it from his hand. Oh, Megan, I'd seen Khiru furious before, but it was nothing compared to this. He was enraged. He yelled at Lodel to move out of the way, then he cut all your straps with safety shears, removed your gag and carried you offstage. The music had stopped, and we all stared in silence. When the truth dawned on us, we were in shock. Really, no one had any idea."
When I heard Myhre's story, I forgot my own torment and felt sincere sympathy for those I'd thoughtlessly betrayed.
"How was Naari?"
"He hid in his bedroom for hours. He only came out to check on you."
"I'm beyond sorry, Myhre."
"Now, you stop, too. We're supposed to be professionals at these games, and no one should have done this to you."
She was getting upset again, so I calmed her down and postponed my detailed explanations and apologies for later. I asked her if she could tell Naari to come visit me for lunch, then sent her off with a kiss and a promise to sleep soundly.
I kept my promise, but only after an hour of mental wandering. I first reviewed the consequences of my foolish actions, with special thoughts for Lodel and Naari. My friend would get over it, especially once I'd convince him that he didn't have to feel guilty about it all, but Lodel might be more severely affected. I'd have to make sure people didn't blame him for the disaster, and assure him that I would stand by his side.
Once I'd set up my rehabilitation plan and my conscience was at peace, I indulged in re-enacting Khiru's rescue mission over and over again. I wished I'd felt his strong arms carrying me all the way to the Infirmary, with his chest so close that I could hear his heartbeat. It was a romantic vision. Unfortunately, it wouldn't lead to a true romance. Khiru had saved me, but any responsible Rhysh Master would have done that.
Myhre had said Khiru cared for me, but I had serious doubts. If Khiru had been mad at me before, what state of mind was he likely to be in now? I shivered at the thought. At least he had a good reason to despise me, and I couldn't blame him if he never wanted to see me again. No, I had to let him go. There had to be hundreds of guys like him on Khyra, and it was time to get over the handsome and proud Northie I wasn't worthy of. I was so tired of it all.
My heart heavy with grief, but pacified by a firm resolve, I finally fell asleep.
I woke up when the door opened, and a gray-haired man wearing a long white jacket walked in.
"Good morning, Megan. I'm Tryho, your medical assistant. How are you feeling today?"
"Good morning, doc. I'm okay, but I'm sleepy."
I touched the beecee around my head, hoping he'd get the hint.
"I'm afraid I have to leave it until you're completely healed," Tryho said as he sat on the bed.
"I am! Look at my back, it's as smooth as the skin of a baby."
He carefully examined my bruises, from shoulders to ankles. He patted, stretched, pinched. Although I could feel his fingers, there was no pain.
"Not bad. How does your beecee read?" he asked rhetorically as he bent over my head. "The pain level's still high. I'm tempted to leave it on for another day or two."
"Please, doctor, I'm used to bruises and related aches. We don't have brain controllers on Earth; I'm sure I can do without one now."
"You think so? Let's see."
He fiddled with the headband, but the sudden attack of pain I expected didn't come.
"I told you! Completely cured!"
"Wait, my dear, it takes a few minutes."
I lay there, dissecting any change in my body. Gradually, as if I'd been totally numb and blood started flowing back into my veins, all the sensations returned. My jaws were sore, my neck stiff. Such mild discomfort was nothing compared to the burning that sprang back to life all over my back and legs. It didn't hurt more than a bad sunburn, but its width and breadth made it impossible to ignore, or even manage. I didn't hold out long before I asked Tryho to turn the beecee on again.
"But can you at least do something about the fatigue?" I pleaded.
"No, sweetie. Without the pain and the signal it sends, you'll be too careless. Besides, the beecee also stimulates the healing process, which uses up a large amount of energy. Rest is your only option.
"You're all set," he continued. "As soon as I'm back at the Infirmary, I'll have a jar of revitalization cream delivered to you. Can you ask one of your friends to massage it into you?"
I felt confidant Naari would do me the honor with great pleasure.
The next time my door opened – when the buzzer didn't ring, I made a note of reactivating it as soon as possible – I expected to see him or Doctor Tryho's messenger, but my welcoming grin froze in a grimace when Khiru came in.
"Sorry, were you sleeping?"
"No, only drowsing," I stammered, not quite believing my eyes when he left a jar of transparent gel on the bedside table, then sat close to me and smiled.
"You look much better. Tryho told me you'd be as good as new in two days."
"Yes, your techniques are amazing." This wasn't what I meant to say. I tried again. "Khiru, I know what you did. Thank you."
"Don't mention it. I wish I'd reacted sooner, but it's rude to interrupt someone else's scene, and I kept waiting for Lodel to come to his senses."
Just as I thought; he'd acted as a professional, not a lover.
"I can't believe that jerk didn't stop when he saw you bleed." His voice had suddenly risen. "He'll have to answer for his actions."
"What do you mean?" I asked calmly, already bumped at the turn of our conversation.
"I mean that as a criminal, he'll be brought in front of a disciplinary court on Khyra."
"He's no criminal," I hastened to protest. "I asked him–"
"I know what you did. He told me. But as a Southie, what you ask is irrelevant. The Northie's in charge and responsible for your safety. If he wasn't brave enough to contradict you, he should have agreed to your requests, then forced a beecee on your head once you were bound."
Upset at the recollection of the scene, Khiru stood up and paced the room as he went on arguing.
"In any case, he should never have drawn blood. Damn it, he shouldn't have whipped you at all. He couldn't even hold a crop properly!"
"I'm sorry, Khiru, I really am."
He snapped to a halt and stared at me.
Then, not quite thinking of what I was doing, but unable to hold back the urge, I got out of bed and gracefully sank to my knees in front of him. With my eyes on his feet, I let the words I had rehearsed flow out of me.
"I suppose you'll soon leave, and I may never see you again, but there's tw
o things I need to tell you. First, I will forever remain in your debt. Anything you ask will be an honor for me to achieve. Second, I understand that I don't have a right to pursue you. I don't deserve you, and I apologize for presuming otherwise. Rest assured that you'll never have to endure my presence again."
Silence filled the room. Remarkably peaceful, I waited for Khiru to walk away. There was nothing left to say, and I hoped he'd have the decency to acknowledge it without an "I-told-you-so" conclusion.
"Get back on the bed."
His command was strict, but his voice was cordial.
Baffled, I did as he ordered.
"Do you keep any restraints in here? Don't talk, just point."
Like a robot, I indicated the desk drawer where Naari kept basic bondage toys. Khiru retrieved four lilk cuffs and a roll of tape.
Mesmerized and speechless, I offered no resistance when he bound me face down in a spread-eagle and gagged me. Only then did I react, and not in a pleasant way. An irrational fear took over me. I thought of Lodel and the cross and the beating. Was Khiru going to punish me? I felt sick. I was sure I would throw up if he lay his hands on me.
But Khiru only picked up the lotion on the bedside table.
"There's also a lot I need to tell you, Megan," he said as the jar popped open. "It won't be easy, and I need to stay calm until the end. For this reason, I don't want you to move or make a sound. Just relax and listen."
I heard the squishy sound of the gel liquefying as he worked it between his palms, then felt a cooling sensation on my shoulders. While he spoke, Khiru slowly massaged the medicine into my flesh.
"I fell in love once," he began with the air of someone embarking on a very long story. "Her name was Suri, and she was a beautiful and smart Southie. We were both young, I was still in EngCamp, and she had just started her own studies. I'd already graduated from Rhysh, and I guess that's what made me so attractive to her. We dated a long time, and I was ready to make a lifelong commitment with her as my partner. In hindsight, I don't think she was ready, but she led me to believe she was. Then, she betrayed me."
Worthy of a Master: The Tale of a Perfect Slave Page 17