Bonds of Matrimony

by A C J McKechnie

  She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to say. And she was afraid of doing the wrong thing. Of making things worse, or finding out that the current hypothesis spinning through her mind was correct. At the moment it was pure conjecture on her part that her husband didn’t love her, if she said anything there was a good chance that all hope would be dashed and she’d be left with the knowledge of the truth, and she wasn’t sure that she could handle that. Not tonight when she felt so vulnerable, so emotional, so fragile.

  The only thing that she could handle was getting to her room and having her own space to think about it all, to see if she could analyze it all better and reach a complete and accurate conclusion about what had happened. And maybe to relive some of the memories and enjoy them all over again.

  Reaching the top of the staircase, she glanced quickly to the side to see her husband’s icy face and held back a shiver. He’d definitely changed. He was more akin to how he’d been at the start with her, and she didn’t like seeing the reemergence of that side of his character.

  “Well,” she started then stopped to clear her throat before trying again. Looking over at him more fully, she saw his face turn to hers with a quizzical look. “Thank you,” she said sincerely and noticed his brow furrow at her words.

  “For?” he asked, and she found herself blushing at the flash in his eyes. Did he think that she was thanking him for what had happened between them?

  “For the dinner,” she explained quickly.

  “I didn’t provide you with dinner, remember?” he taunted with a rueful smile, and she floundered again. That was true. He hadn’t. But by the time that she’d started to think over everything she’d lost her appetite. The meal had been over when they’d returned to the ballroom, and they hadn’t even attempted to find something else to eat.

  “I mean for the rest of the evening then. For being so … attentive,” she said and blushed again as she remembered how attentive he’d been to her earlier as well. Everything she said at the moment seemed to carry an innuendo with it, a reference to the first part of the evening, and she hastily looked away from his probing gaze.

  “It was the least I could do,” he said stiffly, and she snapped her head around to analyze his strange tone. What did that mean? “It’s late, you don’t need to thank me, and I do believe that it’s time for bed,” he said instead, and she nodded at him before sending him a fleeting smile.

  “Of course. Good night, Zachary,” she said before turning to leave, then stopped when she heard his voice.

  “Good night?” he asked, and she looked back over her shoulder at him before turning more fully again.

  “Well, yes,” she said in confusion. “Good night.”

  “That’s it?” he asked, and she could hear the anger building in his voice. Unsure of how to answer him, she just stood there in silence as his gaze scanned her features. “You’re sending me to my own room?” he asked incredulously, and she flushed bright red again.

  “I … I thought that you’d want your sleep for your meeting in the morning,” she stammered out as her blush grew crimson.

  “Did you?” he mumbled almost to himself in contemplation.

  “It’s important, isn’t it?” she tried and watched as his eyes narrowed in on her. Recognizing the ice flashing at her in them, she held herself still in an effort not to shiver.

  “So you keep telling me,” he said, and she found herself floundering again. Had he expected a repeat performance? If things had played out differently between them she’d have been more than willing to have him in her bed with her, but she didn’t think that she could cope with it all again without the assurance that he loved her. Which was something that he hadn’t given her, and didn’t seem likely to any time soon.

  “I don’t understand,” she said softly, and he stared at her so intently that she bowed her head, suddenly, and inexplicably, feeling chastised by her husband.

  “Don’t you?” he asked coldly, and she just shrugged. “Suddenly I find myself understanding completely,” he declared before she heard his footsteps and saw him striding purposefully away from her. Surprised at his abrupt departure, Ellie just stood there staring at his retreating back until he entered his own room.

  When his door firmly closed behind him she turned in a confused stupor and headed to her own. Something more was going on between them. Something that she didn’t understand at all. And something that she found herself suddenly very wary of.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  It was no use. Pacing around her bedroom wasn’t helping her at all. Ellie had finally conceded that she wasn’t likely to get to sleep any time soon. She was just too unsettled. The whole evening had confused and unraveled her.

  When she’d entered her room she’d changed for the night and tried to settle down in her bed, but her husband’s strange reactions throughout the evening, and the change between them, had had her brain far too active to shut off and allow her the rest that she knew she needed. Instead, she’d tossed and turned, then resorted to pacing in an effort to order her thoughts. Nothing had helped though.

  She was tired, she knew she was, but she just couldn’t seem to settle herself down at all. Looking over at the clock on her bedside table, she noted the time and sighed again. It was half past two and she had nothing to do, at least nothing that she would be able to concentrate enough on.

  Wandering over to one of the windows in her room, she stared out at the snowy garden beneath her and sighed again. It was far too cold to sit outside. As much as she loved her bench, and as much as she wanted to get some sleep, she wasn’t foolish enough to sit out there in this weather.

  The only place she really wanted to be anyway was wrapped in her husband’s arms. With the same argument rearing its head again, Ellie gave in to her thoughts and chastised herself once more. She could have had that of course. He’d expected to be back in her room with her earlier, but she’d turned him away. It was her own fault. But at the time she hadn’t thought that she’d be able to handle being with him again and knowing that it didn’t mean anything to him.

  Now she wasn’t too sure that she’d been right. Perhaps if she tried with him, if they spent more time together, maybe they’d grow closer. Maybe love could develop on his end of it all. Perhaps she just needed to show him how they could be together and he would finally care for her the way that she wanted him to.

  Ellie had had a few relationships in her life, but not this serious, and not with anyone as complex as her husband. She didn’t really know how to handle things with a man like Zachary. And she most definitely didn’t know how to handle things with a man once they’d been intimate with each other. This was all unknown territory for her. Completely new and indecipherable. What was the etiquette? What were the right responses to it all?

  She didn’t know. All she did know was that chasing her thoughts around in her own head wasn’t helping. She wasn’t coming up with any answers or solutions, only more questions.

  With another sigh she stared at her bed and knew that there was no point even trying to get back into it. As her gaze shifted to her doorway she inhaled a deep breath and made a decision. The only place she wanted to be was with her husband, so why not? Why not just go to him? He’d wanted her earlier, he’d wanted to be with her, so why not give both him and her what they wanted?

  Stiffening her backbone, Ellie purposefully marched to her door and opened it with determination. Moving down the hallway that separated their bedrooms, she shivered at her own actions but refused to change her course now that she was on it. She was determined to put herself where she really wanted to be.

  Slowly opening his bedroom door, she peeked into the darkened room and noticed his sleeping form resting in his bed under his covers. Cautiously stepping inside, she quietly closed the door behind her and headed towards the other side of the bed that he was on.

  Just as she was lifting the edge of the covers to slide in she found herself freezing at the sound of her husband’
s voice and cautiously peeked up through her fiery curls to see that he hadn’t moved. Thinking that perhaps he was talking in his sleep, she continued to lift the covers before stopping yet again.

  “I said,” Zachary repeated as he turned and half sat up to look at her where she was standing, “what do you think you’re doing?”

  Glad for the lack of light to hide her flaming blush, Ellie swallowed and tried to think of how to explain her actions.

  “Uh …,” she started as she scrambled for how to answer him. “I thought …,” she began lamely before lapsing into silence.

  “What do you want, Ellie?” he said with a sigh, and she dropped the covers she’d been holding to just stand by his bed, now completely unsure of her decided actions.

  “I just thought …,” she said before shrugging.

  “What? That you’d share my bed after all?” he asked coldly, and she found her confidence completely disappearing at his manner. “Why the change of mind? If I recall correctly you were the one who thought that I needed my sleep tonight, and yet here you are, disturbing it,” he said acerbically, and she bristled at his tone as she flushed crimson.

  “I just thought –”

  “What are you playing at? Huh?” he asked tersely, and she snapped her mouth shut at his tone and question. “What is this? What’s your game?”

  “I’m not playing a game,” she defended.

  “Aren’t you?” he asked in what sounded like suspicion. “First you push me into my own room, declaring that I need to be undisturbed, and now you’re sneaking in here in a direct contradiction of those words. Seems like a game to me,” he pointed out, and she flushed again.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” she admitted stiffly.

  “So you wanted to inflict the same torture on me? Grow up, Ellie,” he said before laying back down and turning his back to her. The move had her bristling even more and she found her temper spiking. “Go to bed. Your own bed, that is. The bed you wanted to be in on your own,” he said peevishly, and she snapped at him.

  “That’s what this is all about, isn’t it?” she demanded and watched as he turned back towards her, obviously interested in her suddenly angry tone. Cocking a brow at her for an explanation, he just waited silently for her to continue. “You’re punishing me for rejecting you earlier, aren’t you?” she accused and watched as he rolled his eyes and turned back towards his bed to settle down.

  “Like I said. Grow up, Ellie.”

  “You are. You’re being vindictive,” she spat at him.

  “No, honey,” he said with a weary sigh, “just teaching you how to live with the consequences of the decisions you make. A life lesson which I think you’re in dire need of,” he added, and she stiffened her back before pinching her lips tightly together and turning on her heel. She wasn’t going to stand around and let him belittle her. The fact that he wasn’t even offering her the courtesy of talking to her face was enough of an insult, to also have him speak to her like an errant toddler was more than she was going to put up with.

  “I know full well about having to live with consequences, Mr McCormack,” she shot over her shoulder at him before reaching his door and pulling it open forcefully. “This marriage has taught me more than enough of that!”

  “Oh and Ellie,” he called out as she turned, ready to head through the doorway again, and she stiffened in place without even turning around to face him. “Try to curb your natural childish responses and not slam the door on your way out. At least have consideration for the other people who live under the same roof as you,” he continued to reprimand, and she bristled at his words, even more so because her natural inclination had been to slam it.

  With tightly pinched lips, she instead threw the door open even more widely and stormed down the corridor. She could hear grumbling from behind her and knew that although she hadn’t slammed his door she’d been equally as childish by leaving it wide open for him to have to get up to close.

  Biting her tongue in an effort not to spit out churlish insults to the man behind her, Ellie continued to march away from him, wondering why she’d ever thought him caring and kind.

  As she heard the soft click of his door closing behind her she found tears pricking her eyes. How had everything gone so wrong in the space of one evening? And how was she ever going to be able to cope for two more years?

  * * *

  “Good morning, Mrs McCormack,” a sweet voice said, intruding on Ellie’s sleep, and she blearily looked up to see Pauline entering her room with a breakfast tray in her hands.

  “Pauline?” she managed in confusion. Looking over at her clock, Ellie noted the time and almost sighed at the intrusion. It had been nearly four o’clock before she’d started to feel sleepy enough to hazard trying to sleep yet again, and it must have been almost half an hour after that before she’d started to actually drift off. Seeing as the time now was only just eight, that meant that she’d only managed to snag three and a half hours of sleep at the most.

  “You slept in late this morning,” the woman replied. “Usually you’re up and about before the rest of us,” Pauline continued to remark as she pulled open the curtains and bustled about while Ellie pulled herself into an upright position, yawning as she did so. “And you’re still tired. I thought that you were arriving home early last night. Did the ball last longer than expected?” she asked, and Ellie shook her head before pushing her hair back out of her face as she reached for the tray of breakfast food provided for her.

  “No, we got back early enough. Zachary had an early meeting this morning,” she explained. “A last minute thing before the holidays encroach. I couldn’t sleep though.”

  “Too wound up after the excitement of the evening?” Pauline asked with a smile, and Ellie almost choked on her orange juice at the woman’s words. She couldn’t help her blush though and looked back down at her plate.

  “Something like that,” she mumbled before delving into the eggs in front of her. “Anyway,” she managed after she felt her cheeks cool, “I thought that you were going to your son’s today. It is Christmas Eve, after all.”

  “I’m heading off at lunchtime,” she replied with a beaming smile, and Ellie smiled back at the woman. Pauline was genuinely excited to be spending the next few days with her son, and Ellie was glad for her.

  “You could leave earlier if you wanted,” Ellie suggested. “Enjoy more time with him,” she added as she thought of her own dad and the fact that she should have spent more time with him herself.

  “My flight’s already booked, there’d be no point leaving any earlier.”

  “And considering what day it is there also wouldn’t be any point in trying to change it, everything will be booked solid. I see. Well, you didn’t have to bring me breakfast this morning, Pauline, you could have just taken the day off,” Ellie suggested with a smile of gratitude as she cleared her plate. She’d been incredibly hungry, a lack of food the evening before had apparently finally caught up with her.

  “I would have if I’d have known that Mr McCormack would be here to spend the morning with you, but I thought that he’d be busy with that meeting of his.”

  “What do you mean?” Ellie asked in confusion. “Is he back already?”

  “Back?” Pauline asked in surprise. “He never left,” she said, and Ellie looked up in surprise at the woman.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “He never left this morning,” she said, and Ellie found her eyes widening.

  “Is he awake?” she asked frantically. What time had the meeting been scheduled for? Seven? Six thirty? Had her late night call disturbed him enough that she’d caused him to oversleep and miss something so important to him?

  “He’s awake,” Pauline answered. “I knocked earlier when I was going to head in to tidy up after him and was surprised when he answered,” she explained. “He didn’t sound all that happy though. I just thought that maybe you’d had a late night. And of course with you sleeping so late …,” the woman explained
with a shrug.

  Jumping up out of her bed, Ellie didn’t even bother with a covering as she dashed straight to her husband’s room. She’d interfered with his business, caused him to neglect it with her actions in the middle of the night. She needed to apologize and also needed to somehow make up for it all.

  Without even knocking on his door, she burst through and scanned around her for a sign of the man she’d married. When she didn’t see him she was about to turn around and search for him in his study, before she heard a noise coming from his closet.

  “Zachary?” she asked as she neared it and almost stumbled back when he exited it suddenly. She saw him give her a sweeping glance before he continued with what was in his hands, and she found herself feeling off-guard at his manner again. She’d hoped that perhaps the strange mood that they’d been thrown into yesterday after everything had happened would be gone this morning. She’d hoped that they’d be back to how they had been before sleeping together. Instead they seemed to have changed once more. Ellie felt embarrassed and unsure, and Zachary seemed almost dismissive of her.

  Standing there, shifting on her feet, Ellie tried to think of what to do next. The man seemed to be preoccupied, and she was suddenly worried that she was disturbing him again. As she took in his actions she found her brow furrowing and couldn’t stay quiet any longer.

  “Zachary? What are you doing?” she hazarded and watched as he glanced at her briefly.

  “Packing,” he said succinctly before focusing on the small bag in his hands and the clothing that he was selecting to put into it.

  “Packing?” she asked in bemusement. “Are we going somewhere?” Ellie knew that that was one of the conditions of their pre-nup, any trips that her husband took required her to be present as well. If he was going somewhere then surely she was as well.