I'm With Anxious
Page 21
I will try to embrace who I am – flaws and all – and accept that this is who I will be. I am Lottie, a girl who’s sometimes blond and sometimes happy, but who still loves cheesy puffs and Jimmy Choo sandles. My Oh my GAD won’t define me, just like all those other titles won’t either. I am like the glacier in Iceland. Constantly growing and changing, and in my case, living.
It won’t be easy. I know that. And I know I’ll still dislike some feelings, but that’s ok. That’s part of being me. And I vow to never hate myself ever again.
I don’t know where I am. Am I home, or is this another stop in my soul’s journey? Am I here for a few moments, or for a lifetime?
Or was this all just one humongously-weirdo dream?
Whatever it is, I don’t care. Because this time, I will live. I will allow myself to feel every emotion – wretched pain and miserable sadness, jubilant laughter and exuberant joy. Whether this is my reality, or this is my dream, I will savor every moment of today, and the next day, and the next dream, and the next reality.
Because no matter what, I am finally awake.
And I don’t want to miss feeling anything ever, ever again.
So, I inhale a deep breath. I’m ready. It’s time to open my eyes.
TWO MONTHS LATER
I did make it back to my real home in Colorado that night. Back to my own room with my stuffed zebra and my grandmother’s postcards. And my Mama, Daddy, and Berg were right there waiting for me to finally wake up.
I still don’t know if the whole thing was real, or if it was just a dream, but I am absolutely sure of what I learned. To love myself. Every annoying, frustrating, amazing, wonderful part.
Sweet Dillon never blamed me for his fall. I apologized for all the hateful things I said, and I made him so many cookies that he swears he gained five pounds. Charlie says he looks just perfect. He’s the boy I caught Dillon kissing. They’ve been dating for three months, and really are good together. I’m totally giving them a white kitten if they ever get married.
I still have anxiety, but I’m trying not to bury it. I’m trying to feel all my emotions and not let them control me. And when I need help, I reach out to my family and to my friends. I even visited my old counselor, Ms. Foofaraw. She had no recollection of throwing my vape in the lake or even seeing me there- which was super weird- but she gave me other cool tools to help me feel less anxious, and she told me to visit her anytime.
Today’s the first day of summer break so Berg and I are heading out for a sunset hike followed by an ice cream dinner. We try to have a brother-sister date at least twice a month, and I love every second of my time with him.
Berg peeks his head into my room. “You ready, Big L?”
I see he’s wearing his special soccer jersey and that makes me grin. “You bet, Little B.”
“Oh, I almost forgot.” He hands me a postcard. “This came for you today.”
The postcard is a beautiful photograph of a baby elephant with “Bangkok” written in black script above it. I flip it over and read the writing on the back. k12
Dear Kid,
The Venerable old gal gave me your address. Kam-Tong is settling in well, but he sure misses you. I do, too. Come visit soon!
Love, Rinzen
THE END
RESOURCES
If you have anxiety, or need to talk to someone, PLEASE tell a friend, a family member, a school counselor, or your doctor. They all care so much about you! And PLEASE reach out to the following for confidential help and resources in your area.
Crisis Text Line – Text NAMI to 741-741
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline :1-800-950-NAMI (6264) www.nami.org
Teen Line: 1-310-855-HOPE (4673) or 1-800-TLC-TEEN (852-8336) www.teenlineonline.org
THANK YOU so much for reading I’M WITH ANXIOUS!
If you enjoyed Lottie’s journey, will you PLEASE take a minute to write a review on Amazon or Goodreads? I want Lottie to help others learn to love themselves, too!
And if Lottie’s story can help someone close to you, PLEASE gift them this book!
If you’d like updates on my upcoming book featuring Poppy Pie, a supremely organized perfectionist, PLEASE contact me at www.sbrownbooks.com