by E. L. Todd
“I have the money my parents left me but I only get to use half. The rest belongs to Axel, and I’m not sure if that will be enough. I guess I could apply for a loan and see how that goes…even though I have no collateral.”
If there was one thing I learned about Axel during our time together, it was how selfless he was. He’d probably give all that money to Francesca if she asked. He wanted her to succeed more than himself. “We’ll figure it out.”
“What about you?” she asked. “How’s the job search?”
After Axel and I broke up everything was put on hold. I had no motivation to do anything other than sit on my ass. “I kinda dropped the ball on that…”
“Well, let’s pick up the ball again.” She pushed the muffins aside and grabbed her laptop. “We’ll find a few entry level positions and internships, and put your resume together. I’m pretty good at this sort of thing. I learned a lot in my business classes about what businesses want in a new applicant.”
“You don’t need to help me, Frankie. I can do it myself.” Whenever I found the motivation.
“I don’t mind, Marie. Besides, it’ll be a lot more fun if we do it together.” She gave me a smile before she waved me over. “Now come over here and let’s start.”
When I was there for her after Hawke left, I never expected anything in return. If I fell on hard times I knew she would be there for me, but I didn’t expect this kind of comfort. She was taking my hand and guiding me, getting me through this hard time. “Thanks.”
Aches and Pains
Axel
I walked out of the building and immediately loosened my tie. I had two job interviews back-to-back and I was relieved when the interrogations finally ended. Wearing a tie was the worst part. It felt like I was being choked the entire time no matter how loose the fit was.
I felt confident about my interviews but that didn’t mean anything. There were probably twenty other applicants applying for the same job—and they probably all went to Stanford. I didn’t go to a competitive school because I couldn’t afford it, and that was seriously hurting my odds at the moment.
All I could do was hope for the best.
I met up with Hawke afterward.
“How’d it go?” He sat in the booth across from me and ordered a dark IPA.
“Eh.” I shrugged then removed my jacket. “It seemed to go well but then who knows?”
“You’ll find something. It might not be the job you want but it’s your foot in the door.”
“I guess.” I’d always wanted to move to the big city but now that I might I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. It was a whole new world. Everywhere I turned there would be strange faces and places.
“Don’t stress about it. It’ll be fine.”
I took a deep drink of my beer, needing my nerves to calm down.
“Did you talk to Marie?”
“I saw her a few days ago but we didn’t really say much.”
He gave me his typical glare. “I meant about your relationship.”
“Well, I told her we were over and I would never love her. Honestly, it didn’t seem like she cared that much.”
“You actually said that to her? Are you an idiot?”
“It’s the truth.”
He rubbed the scruff along his jaw, irritated. “You’re stupid, you know that?”
“Whatever.”
“You’re really going to let this woman slip through your fingers?”
“She already slipped, dude.”
He shook his head. “You made the biggest mistake of your life.”
I was pretty miserable.
“Now what?” he asked. “You’re just sleeping around again?”
“No.” I hadn’t been with anyone else. Alexia was an easy lay but I didn’t want her.
“And why not?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know…just don’t want to.”
He rolled his eyes. “The truth is staring at you in the face but you don’t see it.”
“You’re sleeping around but you claim to still love Francesca. So, what kind of point are you making?”
He scowled. “Not the same thing.”
“Not any different,” I countered.
“You can still be with Marie. It’s not too late.”
“You didn’t see her face when I walked into the coffee shop. It was like I didn’t exist. I didn’t matter to her. She’s over me.”
“How could she be over you after she told you she loved you?” he asked. “She’s obviously putting on a brave face. How do you not see that?”
“I don’t know…Marie is pretty ruthless.”
“Love doesn’t just go away—at least not that quickly.”
“I know what I saw.”
“It doesn’t hurt to try.”
I shook my head. “This is the best thing for both of us.” I stared into my glass and watched the foam slowly disappear from the surface.
“And you’re happy with this arrangement?”
When I reflected on my life for the past month I realized I’d never been so miserable. “Not really. I haven’t been able to sleep so I park in front of her house. Somehow, knowing she’s somewhat close to me lulls me to sleep. I think about her all the time, especially at work. Everything is just different now that she’s not in my life anymore. I went into The Grind just to see her because I missed her so much.”
“And you still think you don’t love her?” he asked sarcastically.
“I got attached to her. That doesn’t mean I love her.”
“Dude, you’re the most irritating person I’ve ever met.”
“Right back at ya.” I didn’t need to remind him of all the weird shit he had going on with Francesca.
“It’s still not too late.”
“Just drop it, man.” I didn’t want to talk about her anymore. Somehow, saying it out loud just made the aches and pains worse. Our break-up was permanent and we would never reconcile again. Someone else would sweep her off her feet and cherish her forever.
And I would be the loser who let her go.
Unexpected Guest
Marie
“I’ve got to get to work.” Francesca tied the black apron around her waist and threw her hair in a ponytail. “I’ll see you later.”
“Alright.” We just submitted my resume to a ton of different magazines in New York. A lot of them were unpaid internships. Hopefully, I would get a real job that could buy me food. Otherwise, I’d be living on the street for a year.
“Don’t worry about it.” Francesca could read my mind, like always. “Something will come along.”
“How can you be so sure?”
She pulled her purse over one shoulder. “Everything always works out…in the end.” She blew me a kiss before she walked out and drove away.
Now I was alone in the house with nothing to do. I had a load of laundry to take care of as well as a load of dishes but none of those things seemed appetizing. So I sat there and stared at the wall.
Whenever I was alone my thoughts drifted to Axel. I wondered what he was doing and whom he was with. That Alexia woman would sink her claws into him the second I was out of the picture. She was probably sharing his bed every single night.
The thought made me sick.
It’d been a month since we went our separate ways, and there was no possibility he kept it in his pants that entire time. He probably picked up different girls on the weekend and fucked them senseless on his bed—the bed I slept on. Now I was just a memory to him—if that.
When I saw him walk into that coffee shop I had a daydream that he was there for a reason—to tell me he made a mistake. The fantasy kept playing in my mind even though I wish it would stop. It would never come true and I needed to let that hope die.
Why did I ever fall for him?
The doorbell rang.
I’d been too busy thinking that I didn’t notice the sound of approaching footsteps. I walked to the front door and looked through the peephole, expecting
to see girl scouts or some pastor trying to convert me to a new religion.
But it was Hawke.
Wait…what?
Why was Hawke standing on the other side of my door?
Was he here to see Francesca?
Did he finally get his shit together?
I opened the door harder than I meant to and it crashed into the wall. The stopper wasn’t enough to cushion the blow. Now there was a noticeable dent in the drywall.
Whoops.
Hawke saw the hole. “I can fix that.”
The repair was negligent at the moment. “You just missed her.” He pulled up to the house just three minutes too late. Now he’d have to wait six hours until her shift was over.
“I’m not here to see her.”
“What?” All the hope inside me died. I thought he was here to win her back. I pictured the happiness on my friend’s face, the disbelief that the love of her life came back.
“I’m here to see you.”
“Why…?”
“Can I come in?”
I stepped aside.
He entered then shut the door behind him. “I waited until Francesca left. She won’t be back for a while, right?”
“No.”
“Okay.” He examined the hole in the wall before he turned back to me. “I wanted to talk about Axel.”
“Oh…” This was taking an unexpected turn.
“He’s…” He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to find the right words to say. “He’s an idiot, Marie. I know how he feels about you. He says he doesn’t love you but I know he’s full of it.”
My heart pounded hard in my chest.
“He’s confused. He thinks he’s making the right decision but he’s not. He’s miserable without you.”
He is? If I said I was happy about that would I be a terrible person?
“I’ve tried talking to him about it but he won’t listen to me. I realized I had to come to you directly.”
“And what am I supposed to do?”
“That I don’t know…”
Well, that helps.
“Maybe you can talk to him. Confront him about it.”
“Convince him that he loves me and should stay with me? Talk about every girl’s dream come true…”
“I know it’s not ideal and you deserve better, but it’s better than the alternative.”
“Which is…?”
“Going your separate ways.”
I’d already been without him for a month and I hated it. Absolutely loathed it. “It’s been a month, Hawke. If he hasn’t changed his mind by now he never will.”
“You should hear him talk about you…he says some pretty serious stuff. He just told me he parks outside your house at night because that’s the only way he can sleep…because he’s close to you.”
My jaw dropped.
“He told me he hasn’t slept with anyone because he doesn’t want to be with anyone else.”
New life pumped into my heart.
“He said he’s miserable without you. He can barely concentrate at work, and the reason he went to The Grind was because he just wanted to talk to you…because he misses you.”
All of this was too good to be true.
“He can’t say all those things but not be in love. It’s just not possible.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to remain calm. Everything he said was music to my ears. Axel was suffering as much as I was. We couldn’t stand to be apart from each other. What we had was more than just a short-term fling. “He really said that?”
He nodded. “I swear.”
The blood rushed to my head and I felt a little lightheaded.
“Talk to him.”
“And say what?”
“Tell him everything I told you. Talk some sense into him. Clearly, I can’t.”
After the way he hurt me I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I never considered myself to be a proud woman but I feared I had too much pride to do that. He should be crawling back to me, not the other way around.
“I know this isn’t ideal. I wish he would just pull his head out of his ass. But I don’t know what else to do. He’s my best friend and I don’t want him to end up like me. He deserves to be happy.”
“End up like you?”
He shrugged. “Absolutely miserable.”
I gave him a look of pity because even now I didn’t understand his problem.
“I’ve done my part and meddled. The rest is up to you.” He turned back to the wall. “You wouldn’t happen to have any tools, would you?”
I shrugged. “Francesca has some stuff in the garage.”
“Alright. I’ll take care of that.”
***
Francesca walked in and shut the front door. “I’m home.”
“Welcome back.” I hoped she wouldn’t notice the wet Spackle on the wall. If she didn’t look directly at it she probably wouldn’t notice.
Francesca’s voice faltered. “What’s this?”
Damn.
“What?” I tried to play dumb.
“There’s a hole in the wall. What did you do?”
“Oh that…it’s nothing.”
“And it’s patched up.”
“I accidentally opened the door too hard and I made a hole.”
She came around the corner and set her purse on the table. “You must have opened the door really hard.”
“Yeah…I saw a big dog outside and freaked.”
“So…you open the door as fast as you can?”
That didn’t make any sense, huh? “I just panicked.” I turned back to the TV and hoped the conversation was over.
“Who patched it?”
She knew I wasn’t the handyman around the house. I didn’t know the difference between a screwdriver and a nail. “I did…”
“You fixed the hole?” She gave me an incredulous look like she didn’t believe a word I said.
“Yeah…what’s the big deal?”
“It’s well done so I find it hard to believe a first-timer did it.”
Why was she grilling me right now? “Fine. I called a handyman. Get off my back.”
“Why did you lie?”
“I don’t know…I thought you would get mad at me for wasting money.”
“I’m not your mom, Marie.”
“You’re asking me a shit-ton of questions like one.”
“Why didn’t you just wait for me to come home?”
“It was my fault and I didn’t want to burden you.” Would this conversation just end already?
“You never burden me.”
She should be a detective, I swear. “How was work?”
“It was okay.” She set her apron on the chair and pulled her hair loose from the hair tie. She tilted her chin up and smelled the air, like there was a scent that registered on her palate.
“What…?”
“That smell…”
Shit.
“I know that smell…”
She recognized Hawke’s smell that quickly? She could still detect it? He was here for thirty minutes, tops. “Yeah…the handyman wore too much cologne.”
“It doesn’t smell like cologne…”
This was going south. I couldn’t tell her Hawke was here. She would fall apart all over again and have to start over. Things were going well with Cameron and she was doing better. All of that progress would go to shit if she knew he was here—even for five minutes. “Is Cameron coming over?”
She continued to sniff the air and ignored me. Her eyes glazed over her and her mind traveled somewhere else. Somehow, I knew exactly what she was thinking. She knew it was his scent. It brought back old memories, old kisses and caresses. She took a deep breath that was full of never-ending longing. “Will he always haunt me like this…?”
I’d never felt so much pain for another person. “No.”
She gave me a look, her eyes coated with tears. “I wish I could believe you.”
It’s Getting Late
&nbs
p; Axel
I was going through a pile of laundry when I found one of her scarves.
It was a mixture of purple, green, and red. She wore it one night when she came over after a party. It was tucked into her jacket, making her bundled up and warm. It looked cute on her, bringing out the green color of her eyes.
I pulled her jacket off and began kissing her, feeling the coldness of her lips. I took everything off but left the scarf in place. It trailed down her body, hiding her nipples from view. She made a simple scarf erotic as hell.
I’d never forget that.
Now I still had it. I felt it in my fingertips, and without thinking twice about it I brought it to my lips and smelled it. Her scent washed over me like a vivid memory. That kiss felt real, like it just happened all over again.
I bunched it up in my fingertips and felt the fabric, treasuring the fact it once belonged to her. I could use it as an excuse to see her, to return it to her. But I wasn’t sure if I could part with it, a souvenir of what we had.
The doorbell rang and my thoughts were pulled away from my happy place. I stuffed the scarf into my nightstand then opened the front door, expecting to see a solicitor.
But it was Alexia.
“Hey, can I crash here tonight?”
“Uh…why?” We used to have a fling but we were never friends.
“My roommate has this guy over and he’s creepy…” She shook her head like she was trying to shake off the encounter. “They’re both ridiculously loud and gross. I’m going to tell her off tomorrow. I won’t get anywhere tonight.”
“You don’t have any girlfriends?” I never asked her personal questions so I really had no idea.
“Not really.”
That was sad. “Uh…I guess.” I opened the door and allowed her to come inside. I didn’t want her there but I couldn’t be an ass either. “The couch is all yours. I think I have an extra blanket somewhere.”
“You aren’t going to offer your bed?” she asked incredulously.
“No. Why would I?”
“Because it’s the gentleman thing to do.”
“Well, I didn’t invite you over. You just showed up on my doorstep and didn’t leave me any other choice. So, you bet your ass you’re getting the couch.” I opened the closet and grabbed an old blanket. “I’m taking a shower then going to bed.” I tossed it at her before I walked away.