by E. L. Todd
“Thanks…”
I ignored her smartass tone and kept walking. I wasn’t in the mood to entertain. If she was there just to get laid then that wasn’t going to happen either. My sex drive disappeared when Marie walked out of my life. I wasn’t sure when it would come back.
Let Down
Marie
I stared at the door for ten minutes before I finally knocked.
I couldn’t believe I was taking Hawke’s advice. Axel already dumped me but now I was trying to convince him to be with me. It was the most pathetic thing in the world. It was a disgrace to all women. I was selling myself short and knew I shouldn’t.
But I still wanted him.
The door opened but Axel wasn’t on the other side. It was Alexia.
Alexia.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
It took her a moment to recognize me. Her eyes narrowed on my face and then a cold sneer stretched her lips. “And the ex appears…”
Axel told her we were broken up. And she was in his apartment. I could connect the dots.
“Can I help you with something?” She crossed her arms and leaned against the door panel, blocking me from coming inside.
I tried not to throw up. She was in his apartment and probably just finished rolling around in his bed. Hawke obviously misheard what Axel had said. Or Axel quickly got back on the horse as soon as he finished telling Hawke otherwise.
“Hello?” she said with attitude. “My boyfriend and I are busy right now.”
“Boyfriend?” I blurted.
“Yes. Boyfriend. Do you need to get your ears checked?”
I was so close to knocking this bitch out. “Enjoying my leftovers?”
She shrugged. “One girl’s trash is another girl’s treasure, right?”
I couldn’t believe this. When Hawke said all those things I actually had hope Axel did love me. But seeing this skank replace me so quickly disgusted me. If she was just a piece of tail that would be one thing, but to be in a relationship with her was another story.
It repulsed me.
She pulled away from the door and called into the hallway. “Babe, someone is here to see you.”
Babe? What a fucking whore. “Just tell him I came by to drop off a few things. But if he really wants them he can pick them up from the house.” It was the only excuse I could think of under such short notice.
Alexia turned back to the hallway. “Nevermind, babe.”
I didn’t hear his response but maybe I missed it.
“Bye.”
I didn’t say bye back because I was too pissed. I wanted to rip her hair out of her skull then light if on fire. I thought I was pissed at Axel for moving on so quickly, but now I was more pissed at Alexia. She had skank written all over her. He really went from me to her? Maybe he never appreciated me when we were together.
Maybe I never mattered.
***
At the end of class I walked to the row where Jason was sitting. “Hey.”
He looked up when he realized I was there. “Oh, hey. How’d you do on the exam?”
“Terrible like always. Want to go out tonight?”
“Uh…” He couldn’t hide his surprise at my forwardness. “Hell yeah.”
“Great. Pick me up at seven.”
“Sure thing.” I flipped my hair and walked out, proud of myself for getting a date that night. I wasn’t going to let Axel ruin my life anymore. He hurt me more than anyone else I’d ever encountered but I was done with his taunts. I was going to get pulled under. I was going to hold my head high and move on.
I drove home then walked inside. The Spackle on the wall was dry and it was difficult to tell that a hole had ever been there. Hawke did a good job patching it up. I tossed my backpack on the table and saw Francesca in the kitchen. “I have a date tonight.”
“A date?” She had just been squirting chocolate syrup directly into her mouth. She swallowed the mouthful then wiped the chocolate off her lips with the back of her forearm. “What? With who?”
“Jason—Cameron’s friend.”
“Oh…great.” She held the Hershey bottle in her hands. “Um…I just thought you weren’t in the dating place…just yet.”
“Well, I am now.” I never told her about Alexia. If I did, I’d have to explain why I was at Axel’s in the first place, which would mean I’d have to tell her about Hawke. And I couldn’t confront Axel about it either because then he might tell Francesca Hawke was involved…the whole thing was a damn nightmare.
“Are you sure…?”
Just a few weeks ago I was crying my eyes out for Axel. But now those times were in the past. He wasn’t hurting over me and I refused to hurt over him. I told him I loved him and he grabbed his things and took off—right in the middle of sex.
Asshole.
“I’m absolutely sure.”
“Okay…” Francesca twisted the cap until it was closed then returned it to the fridge. “Then I guess this is a good thing.”
“It’s a great thing. Jason will be here at seven.”
“Cool.” Francesca wasn’t completely on board but she didn’t object either. “Any phone calls or interviews?”
Not even a single one. “No…”
“Well, it hasn’t been very long. Give it some more time.”
That was my only option at this point. “I’m going to shower and get ready.”
“Okay.” She opened the fridge and grabbed the chocolate bottle again.
“What’s gotten into you?”
“What?” She popped the top off. “I’ve just got a chocolate craving going on right now.”
“Someone is starting…” I walked down the hall and headed into the bathroom.
“Shut the hell up.”
I got into the bathroom and started the shower. I was in a particularly good mood, but I knew it was false. I was still numb from the pain, and high off the anger. I was so pissed at Axel that it blocked everything else out. Now I wanted cold vengeance. I wanted him to see how good I was without him—that I’ve never been better my entire life.
***
“You applied to Vogue?” Jason asked. “That’s a pretty big deal.”
“But I won’t get it. Even if it were an unpaid internship I still wouldn’t get it.”
“I wouldn’t sell yourself short.” His plate was wiped clean because he devoured the entire thing. His second beer was almost finished too. We were having a pretty good time. He was nice and funny.
“I’m just being realistic. What are your plans after graduation?”
He shrugged. “Working for my dad’s construction company.”
“Then why did you get a degree in journalism?”
“I’ve always wanted to go to college even if I worked in a different field. Besides, going to school is better than working. I’ve been avoiding it as long as possible.”
“If you don’t like your job why don’t you do something else?”
“I’m the only son so the company will be handed down to me. I don’t have much of a choice.”
“But you do…”
He shrugged again. “It’s really important to my dad and I don’t want to disappoint him.”
Since he already made up his mind I let it go. It was too deep of a conversation to have on the first date. “I get that.”
“Do you want to live in New York?”
“Yes and no.” I finished my chicken kabobs and moved onto the rice. “I want to go because my best friend is moving there. But I’m not sure how I’ll acclimate to the craziness of the city.”
“You’ll do fine.”
“Plus, I don’t have much of a choice. All the writing gigs are in the city. Unless I want to write for a local newspaper or something.”
“Good point,” he said. “But I’m sure you’ll love it. You can get Chinese food at three in the morning and the subway is always running. You’ll never get any sleep.”
“Well, I love sleep so I’m not sure how well that will work.”
He chuckled. “You’ll find a balance.”
I finished eating and felt my dress tighten uncomfortably. “That was delicious.”
He stared at me for a few seconds before he averted his gaze. “So…it didn’t work out with that guy?”
I thought this might come up. “Yeah. We went our separate ways about a month ago.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
I shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“May I ask what happened?”
“Uh…” It was an awkward story to tell. “I told him I loved him during sex and he took off.”
Jason stared at me blankly, like he expected the rest of the joke to follow.
“Yeah…”
“Are you being serious?”
“Unfortunately.”
“So…he just left? He put on his clothes and walked out?”
“In a nutshell.”
“What a fucking douchebag.”
“It wasn’t his finest hour…”
“I get that it can be awkward if you aren’t in the same place but to just pull out and walk away…is pretty shady.”
“I wasn’t too impressed either.”
“Sounds like a loser.”
I shrugged. “I probably shouldn’t have said that but I wasn’t thinking at the time.”
“You shouldn’t apologize for that. If that’s how you feel you shouldn’t feel bad for saying it.”
Axel didn’t agree. “What about you? Have any bad break up stories that might make me feel better?”
“Not really,” he said. “I’ve never had a serious girlfriend. Women have come and gone but they aren’t usually around for more than a few months.”
“Any reason why?”
“I’ve never really felt that tug, you know? That feeling people always talk about when they find someone they want to spend all their time with. That type of sensation has never happened to me, unfortunately.”
“It will. Give it time.” Jason was a good-looking guy so he probably got a lot of offers. I was lucky to be sitting across from him.
“Thanks.”
“I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I can eat another bite.”
“Me neither,” he said. “Actually…I’ll probably be hungry in another hour. But whatever.”
I chuckled. “It’s from all those muscles.”
He flexed his bicep for me. “You like that?”
“I do.” I gave the muscle a gentle squeeze.
When the tab arrived he snatched it before I could. “Just to give you a heads up, I hate it when girls do the tab dance.”
“Well, you aren’t going to like me much then.” I tried to take it from him. “At least let me pay for my half.”
He put the cash inside and left it at the opposite end of the table where I couldn’t reach it. “This is a date. My ladies don’t pay for their food.”
“Your ladies?”
“You know what I mean.”
I didn’t bother trying to argue. He clearly already made up his mind. “Well, thank you.”
“Sure thing. Ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
***
He walked me to my door. “So, I had a great time tonight.”
“Me too.”
“Can I take you out again?”
“If you let me pay.” I stopped in front of the door and faced him, trying not to think about Axel and what he was doing with that skank, Alexia.
“Not gonna happen.”
“What’s with the old-fashioned crap?” I asked. “This is the twenty-first century.”
“Some things never change.” He put his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “How about Friday? You’re free?”
“As a bird.”
“Great. Let’s do something then.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my lips. It was a closed mouth kiss but still had a lot of potential. He let the kiss linger for several seconds before he pulled away.
I felt the attraction in the kiss and knew we had potential. But I also compared it to the kisses I used to share with Axel. Those always made me burn so hot I actually felt cold.
But I had to stop thinking about that.
“I’ll see you then,” he said.
I walked inside the house and tossed my purse on the table.
“How’d it go?” Francesca jumped from the couch when she knew I was home.
“Good. He’s nice.”
“So, you like him?”
“Yeah. He’s cute and sweet…what more could I want?”
“Did you kiss him?”
“Yep.”
“Wow…” Francesca stared at me in disbelief. “Are you really over Axel?”
It was hard to picture such a thing being possible but I knew I was on the right track. “I’m getting there.”
Life In Passing
Axel
Was this normal?
It’d been five weeks since Marie and I broke up and I was still as miserable as I was the first day we were apart. Not a single thing had changed. I still opened my drawer and stared at her scarf when the sadness overtook me. I still parked outside her house at night when I couldn’t sleep. When I was at work I kept thinking about her.
Was there something wrong with me?
I’d gone five weeks without getting laid, and that was a personal record for me. The last time I had a dry spell like that I was in high school. In this instance I had no problem getting action.
I just didn’t want any.
I hadn’t stopped by the house to check on Francesca in a long time, and I thought it would be a legitimate excuse to pop in and see Marie. Maybe if we could be friends I wouldn’t feel this way. Maybe I just missed her companionship and her presence. It was extreme talking to every day and then going cold turkey. Maybe that’s what the problem was.
They probably already had groceries but I stopped by the store anyway. I got some baking stuff for Francesca as well as frozen corn dogs for Marie. I knew she loved those.
I knocked on the door before I used my key to get the door open. Francesca never gave me a key, but when she spiraled out of control I took her spare and started to come and go whenever I pleased. “It’s me.” I walked into the kitchen and set the bags down. My heart was beating hard in my chest and I felt a little sick. Pretending everything was perfectly normal was a lot more difficult than I realized.
Marie was sitting on the couch beside Francesca. She didn’t even look up when I walked inside.
“What are you doing here?” Francesca got off the couch and approached me near the table.
“I thought you might be running low. You’re welcome, by the way.”
She peeked inside and spotted all the baking stuff. “That’s sweet of you but unnecessary. I’m making enough money to cover everything. You don’t need to help out anymore.”
“Okay. I just wasn’t sure.” I kept glancing at Marie, hoping she would acknowledge me.
Francesca pulled out the cupcake pan that was shaped like a strawberry. “This is actually pretty cool.”
“Am I a good brother or what?”
“Eh.” She shrugged then stocked the kitchen.
I wanted Francesca to leave so I could speak to Marie alone, but it didn’t seem like she planned on going anywhere. “How are things with Cameron?”
“Good. I like him a lot.” She placed the corndogs in the freezer. “Marie, he got the frozen corndogs you like.”
“Great.” She never sounded so bored.
Francesca closed the fridge then moved to the other cabinet.
I came closer to her and whispered in her ear. “Can you go to your room or something? I want to talk to her alone.”
“Kicking me out of my own kitchen?” She rolled her eyes.
“I just brought you food.”
“Whatever.” She shut the cabinets then headed down the hallway. “Where did I put my phone…?” Her footsteps disappeared then her bedroom door shut a moment later.
Now that we were a
lone it was even more tense. The TV was still on but I knew she wasn’t watching it. There was no way she didn’t feel the tension in the room. Francesca was out of the picture and now it was just she and I.
I put my hands in my pockets and walked to the couch. “Hey.”
Her knees were pulled to her chest, and a bottle of nail polish sat on the table beside her. A pillow was hugged to her chest and she looked comfortable. She wore Nike sweatpants, the kind that was tight on her waist but loose on her legs. She wore a razorback top that showed of her rounded shoulders. Her hair was in loose curls around her face.
She looked beautiful, like always.
After nearly a minute of silence had passed, she responded. “Hey.”
Our typical awkward greeting was officially completed. “How are you?”
“Good. You?”
I was miserable. Utterly miserable. “All right.”
She didn’t look at me once.
Without being invited I took the seat beside her and rested my forearms on my knees. “I was hoping we could talk…”
“About?” She changed the channel but her eyes never pulled away from the screen.
“Us.”
“What’s there to say?”
I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV so she would finally look at me.
She turned her gaze on me, and the appearance wasn’t friendly.
“I know this is hard on both of us. I’ve been going through a difficult time handling it—”
She laughed. “Yeah, okay.”
“What?” What did I say?
“Nothing.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Anyway…I’ve been lost. My world doesn’t feel the way it used to. Everything is different…I don’t want to lose you.”
“What does that mean?”
“Francesca is my sister and she’s your best friend. No matter what, we’re going to cross paths. I just…I don’t want us to avoid each other or be awkward around one another. I’d really like it if we could be friends.”
“But we were never friends.”
“Maybe we can start now.” Not having her in my life at all was torture. I had no one to talk to or share my feelings with. I couldn’t lose all of her. I needed some of her.
“I don’t know…”
“What else are we going to do?” I asked. “I can’t just disappear. Francesca is my family.”