by Sam Crescent
“Why are you here?” she asked, cutting him off.
“What? Jennifer, you just lost—”
“Before you walked out of your house last night you made your feelings perfectly clear. I don’t know why you’re here. You’re a free man, Patrick. You can go and screw, fuck any other woman you desire. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
There was a hardness that hadn’t been there before tonight.
“I didn’t want this. I wanted you and the baby and for us to have a life together,” he said. He’d been an asshole. His friends had made him feel trapped with her when the truth had been completely different. He wasn’t trapped. Patrick knew he’d never feel trapped while he was with Jennifer. The biggest problem he had was realising the truth far too late.
He felt the tears fill his eyes. Staring down at her, he saw her stomach was completely flat. The sheet covering her body did little to hide the evidence of what used to be there.
“How did it happen?” he asked.
“I had a miscarriage, but it wasn’t complete. I had the doctor remove the rest. He said it would come out naturally. I didn’t want to prolong the agony. Knowing I lost the baby was too much to bear. I can’t have you here, Patrick. Could you please leave?”
“Don’t send me away,” he said.
Her tears were falling thick and fast. “I want you to go. Please, get out of here. I don’t want to see you or look at you. Get out!”
Patrick saw the nurses walking down the corridor. He raised his hands and left her room. His heart ached with the pain of leaving her. She was hurting, and she wouldn’t accept any comfort from him.
After talking to the staff at the hospital he walked all the way home. He needed to clear his head to try to get over everything that had happened to him.
Patrick closed his front door. He saw his bedroom light on and walked up the stairs to find Linda cleaning up.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I came to collect Jen’s things. I didn’t think you’d want to see the sheets and the vomit on the floor. No, let me put it another way. Jen wouldn’t want you to see this mess.”
She stood up pulling off the latex gloves she’d been wearing. He saw her hatred of him reflected in her eyes.
“Go ahead, judge. You’ve never wanted me to be with Jennifer in the first place. What is it? Jealousy? You thought you should be the one to marry first and she’d be the one carrying the bouquet?” He tore his jacket off and glared at her.
Linda started to laugh. “I was never jealous of Jen. She was happy, and I was happy for her. For too long she’s felt she doesn’t belong. You made her feel beautiful and loved. She was falling in love with you. Whatever stupid argument you had going on, you shouldn’t have left her.”
“Our life is not your concern.”
She stormed right up to him and poked him in the chest. “You’re right. It’s not my concern, but when the woman carrying your baby phoned me and asked me for help, then it became my business.” Linda slammed the gloves against his chest. “Clean up your own mess.”
He watched as she picked up Jennifer’s case and left. The sound of the door closing brought him out of his misery.
Chapter Ten
The following day, against the doctor’s wishes, Jennifer signed herself out of the hospital. She’d prefer to cry and mourn at home. Being in the hospital she was open to anyone who desired to pay her a visit. After Patrick’s visit last night she wanted to put as much space between them as possible.
Linda didn’t like the thought of her being released. Her friend was scared in case something else happened. She promised everyone she was fine and wasn’t going to do anything silly. Committing suicide was not on her list of things to do before she turned thirty. Her parents arrived as the nurse wheeled her out of the room.
“Jennifer, what are you doing?” Helen asked.
“I’m going home. I need some alone time, Mom.” Her father demanded information from the staff.
“Keep going, Linda. I want to go home.”
Her friend took over from the nurse. She climbed into the passenger side of her friend’s car. Linda was pulling away from the curb as her parents walked out of the hospital.
“If we go home, Jen, they’re only going to keep turning up. They’re worried about you. I’m worried about you.”
“Does your mother still own that beach house?” Jen asked.
“Yes.”
“Do you think she’ll mind us going there? Please, Linda, I need a break away from it all.”
“We can’t run forever.”
“I know. Just until they get the picture and leave me alone. Fresh air and the ocean sound fun.”
She lay back in the chair and gazed out of the window. Linda pulled up outside of a motel to make a phone call. Jennifer stayed in the car.
“Mom said it’s all right for us to go. She wishes you a good recovery, Jen. She’s worried about you.”
“Your mother is a gem,” Jennifer said.
They carried on driving until the sun began to fall. Linda booked into a hotel, and they stayed the night. In the morning they climbed back into the car and started driving.
“I wish I could offer to take the wheel,” Jennifer said.
“Please, don’t. Cars are not your forte.”
Jennifer chuckled. For a few minutes she could forget about everything else. She pressed a hand to her stomach, but it was completely flat. It was like a baby had never even been part of her.
“Are you sad?” Linda asked.
“I thought we’d really be able to make a go of it. When I first moved in we were really trying, and then it was like he changed and became a different man. He changed before my eyes. Then he said I was rushing everything, which pissed me off. I didn’t rush anything. I wanted to be prepared for the future.”
“Relax, Jen. Relax and rest.”
They made it to the beach house later that afternoon. Linda had stopped several times so they were able to move around and stretch their legs. Jennifer followed behind Linda as she opened the door.
“Mom phoned ahead and asked the staff to get it ready for us. She also requested they leave and not return until she gave the call. We’re free and alone here.”
“Is it wrong to feel happy about that?” she asked.
Jennifer pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and saw there were over thirty missed calls. She turned the device off and put it on the side.
“No, not wrong. You need to rest, and we can all appreciate that.”
“Thank you for bringing me here, Linda. I’ve got a lot of good memories.”
Linda stayed close to her that night. They shared the same bed and watched movies well into the morning. Jennifer let her friend sleep while she stared at the ceiling. Sleep eluded her. She rolled over and glanced at a picture of her with Linda at the beach. They were fifteen with their whole life ahead of them.
You’ve still got your whole life ahead of you. The doctor said you could still have children.
When the sun came up, she climbed out of bed and started making Linda breakfast. The food looked good, but her appetite had disappeared.
“You’ve got to eat something,” Linda said.
“I will.”
She sipped her orange juice and watched her friend eat.
“We need to go shopping. We’ve got no clothes or anything,” Jennifer said.
“I’ll finish this, and then we’ll go shopping.”
The days passed by without any event. She cooked for Linda and nibbled on food herself. For the first time in her life she was starting to lose weight, and she wasn’t even trying to. It made her laugh as her clothes began to loosen around her waist and chest.
They’d been at the beach house a month, and she knew they’d have to return to the city soon. Her mother phoned, and she took the calls. Linda took the calls from Patrick. Jennifer didn’t want to speak to him and listened with half an ear as Linda handled them.
All th
e time they were away at the beach house she started to miss something. The long walks on the beach and the shopping had started to lose its appeal.
She watched the sunset while Linda was typing away at her computer. Her friend had found plenty of inspiration at the beach house and was over three quarters finished on her manuscript. Jennifer sat reading each page as she typed it out and printed it.
Now that her story was taking hold of her, Linda was more than happy to stay at the beach house. They were away from their families and finally living free. The allowance they survived off was a welcoming relief.
One day walking through town, Jennifer saw a sign in the shop window advertising for a waitress. Feeling inspired by Linda’s energy in writing, she walked in and got an application form. Later that week she started her first shift and began working. She didn’t care if her family cut off her allowance. The work waiting tables took her mind off everything else.
The weight dropped off her in no time.
****
Patrick glared at his computer screen. Linda had sent him photographs of Jennifer, and he didn’t recognise her. Her curves were gone, and the smile didn’t reach her eyes. The woman he stared at was a shell of the woman he’d left in this house over two months ago.
He’d tried to get her on the phone and had even gone to the police station in an attempt to find his woman. Jennifer had left the hospital against doctor’s orders. He’d been worried in case anything happened to her.
Linda, the friend who despised him, had phoned him and let him know everything was fine. She sent him weekly updates and pictures via email of how Jennifer was getting on. From the emails, Patrick knew she was worried. Looking at the picture of Jennifer, he wasn’t surprised.
“She’s waitressing in a coffee shop down by the sea front. Jennifer says she’s happy, but I know she’s putting on a brave face. Patrick, you need to see her and talk. She works seven days a week, and we can talk before you see her.” He read the email aloud and frowned. Linda had typed the address of where they were living. The beach house was owned by Linda’s family. He knew it was because he’d tried to buy it a few years back.
Packing up his stuff, he was on the road and heading towards the love of his life. In the last few months he’d been doing a lot of soul searching. He’d joined a private organisation that only had fathers with children and who were expecting children. It was local, and he’d joined a class to help deal with loss.
Losing the baby had affected him deeply. While he’d been dealing with his grief, he’d finally come to terms with how he felt about Jennifer. He was completely in love with her. Sitting in the gazebo late at night he’d been unable to forget about her. He looked at the ground where they’d made love and remembered every little detail of her around him.
He pulled up outside of the beach house. Linda walked out of the front entrance. She looked tanned and beautiful but not the woman he wanted to see. From the expression on her face, he knew she was relieved to see him.
“Did your drive go okay?” she asked.
Patrick grabbed his case out of the boot of the car. “Where’s Jennifer?” he asked.
“She’s working. You just missed her. She walks to work and back. I’ve not driven her in a long time.”
He nodded his head and followed her into the kitchen. “How is she handling everything?” he asked.
“I don’t think she’s handling it well. After she cried at the hospital I haven’t seen her shed another tear. She doesn’t eat very much, and I’ve only seen her pick at her food. It’s scary to watch her become this shell of her former self.”
“When I got to the hospital, they’d told me she’d gone. She wouldn’t answer my calls, and it actually took me calling her parents to find out what was wrong with her.”
Linda handed him a drink of soda. “I miss the old Jen. She laughed at everything. I see her smile, but it’s nothing like it used to be.”
“I fucked up, Linda.”
“I was never jealous of her, Patrick. I was jealous of you,” she said.
He frowned. “Why?”
“All my life Jen has been there. I love her like a sister, and then all of a sudden you were there. I felt you were taking her away from me, and I didn’t like it. I hated you for taking her even though I was the one who told her to give you a chance.”
Patrick sipped his soda and looked at her friend. “I’m sorry. I’m not leaving her side this time, Linda. I’m taking her with me and not letting go.”
“Do you love her?” Linda asked.
“With all my heart.”
She nodded her head, stood, and handed him a card. “This is where she works.”
He took the card and looked over it. “I know the place.”
“Please, don’t hurt her, Patrick.”
“I don’t intend to hurt her.”
Patrick finished his soda and began the walk towards the coffee shop. He gazed out at the ocean. The beach was full with surfers and sunbathers. He stared at the water longing to cool off. His heart raced inside his chest as he approached the shop.
Taking a seat in the back he scanned the shop and spotted her patting a child’s head. There was real warmth in her eyes. Her hair was in two ponytails on either side of her head. The clothes she wore outlined her weight loss, and he hated it. Her breasts were not as full and round as they used to be, nor were her hips. She looked pale, gaunt, and unlike the woman he remembered sinking his cock inside. He lifted the paper as she approached his table.
“Welcome to Harvey’s. What can I get you today?” she asked.
Patrick lowered the paper. She gasped and stared at him. “Hello, Jennifer,” he said.
Her pen was poised over the pad. “What can I get you?”
He stared at her taking in every bit of her face. Her cheeks were flushed, and he saw the spark of hurt in her eyes.
“Will you sit with me?” he asked.
“No, I’m working.”
“When’s your break?”
“Stop, okay? Please, just stop. Why are you here?” She glared at him.
“To see you, Jennifer. I’m not going away.”
“I’m not the same woman you can push around,” she said.
Patrick burst out laughing. “When were you ever that woman? You were gone before I got to the hospital. Why did you run away? I’m not going anywhere. Please, have lunch with me.”
She glanced behind her at the clock. “I don’t get lunch until two. Can you wait that long?” she asked.
“Baby, for you I can wait an eternity.”
Jennifer scowled at him and then served another customer. She brought him a cup of coffee. Patrick pretended to be interested in the newspaper, but all the time he was watching her, the way her hips swung from side to side and her smile as she served the customers. To anyone who didn’t know her, she looked happy and serene. He knew her and knew everything she did was false. There was a lot of pain inside her threatening to get out.
Two o’clock came, and he watched as she checked to see if he was still there.
I’m not going anywhere, babe. You better come here because I’m not leaving.
She pulled out the chair and sat down with a cup of coffee.
He frowned. “Where’s your lunch?” he asked.
“I’m not hungry. I’ll be fine with this.”
“When did you start work?”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.”
“Look, you’re not my boyfriend. Please, drop the act,” she said.
Closing his eyes, he counted to ten and then opened them. She sipped the coffee and glanced around.
He threw down some cash and pulled her out of her seat. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“Taking you to eat,” he said.
She pulled on his arm. He remembered how much she hated causing a scene. Patrick turned to her and got right up in her face. “Fight me and I’ll fling you over my shoulder and carry you out while I spank your ass.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Don’t tempt me, baby. I’m ready to cause some damage.” He ran his hand down her ass and cupped her small flesh. Even her ass had lost its rounded shape.
“Fine,” she said.
He pulled her out of the coffee shop and down the street to the burger place he’d seen. She’d loved a decent burger when they’d lived together.
He ordered two burgers with chilli cheese fries. They took a seat overlooking the sea front. Her arms were folded in front of her. She looked sexy and defiant.
The waitress brought their food over. He paid the money and picked up a single chip.
“Eat,” he said.
“I don’t eat this food.”
Patrick put the food down and glared at her. “I miss the baby, too.”
She closed her eyes. He reached over and took her hand. She pulled away from him, but he wouldn’t let her go.
Chapter Eleven
The pain inside her chest threatened to kill her on the spot. Jennifer had thought she’d gotten over him. Seeing Patrick in the flesh brought all the pain and heartache back to her. Opening her eyes she stared at the man who’d given her hope and taken it away.
“Our baby was going to be a boy,” he said. “I asked the doctor. We were going to have a son, Jennifer.”
“Stop it.” His grip on her hand tightened as she stared at him. The food in front of them smelt so good. All she wanted to do was dive in and eat. The memory of what she could have had stopped her from eating.
“I think about what he could have looked like. He could have had your brown eyes and my large nose. Whatever he’d have looked like, I knew he’d be perfect. Perfect like his mother.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she wiped them.
“Why are you doing this to me? You wanted your freedom, and I gave it to you. I’m here trying to make a fresh start away from you and away from all the crap,” she said. She didn’t look at the newspapers or watch the news for fear of seeing him with another woman. The thought of seeing him with another woman filled her with too much pain and anguish.
He chuckled. “I never wanted to be free of you. I was a fucking idiot. It is so lame and stupid.” She watched as he pulled out a newspaper clipping. “I keep that on me at all times so I can remember how stupid and fickle I was. This is what started the party. I can’t believe it influenced me. I spoke to the guy who drew it, and he said it was supposed to be a joke. He figured I’d grown out of partying and fucking faceless women. What a fool I was. Then I was at the park before I got home that day. I was just walking trying to figure shit out in my head, and I passed so many screaming kids. I mean the parents looked exhausted, and the kids just wouldn’t shut up. I freaked out as I saw them and knew that was how we were going to end up. I panicked. Everything seemed to be coming at me from all angles. You, the kids, the bloody media. It was a nightmare for me, and I responded badly.”