Dirty Games

by HelenKay Dimon

  But Finn’s eyes narrowed and his arms dropped to his sides. “I’m not buying the defensive act this time. You’re not telling me everything. Spill it.”

  Justin had never felt this naked and exposed. He hovered on the edge of doing the wrong thing. The problem was, he couldn’t figure out the right thing. In every direction he saw a mistake, a response he’d pay for in some humiliating or emotionally debilitating way.

  He wanted to turn back and reassess. Figure out how to move forward in a way to let him test without taking too much risk. “Can we not do this now?”

  “You see, I’d let it go but someone tried to kidnap me so my perspective has changed. My patience is just about gone.” When there was a burst of talking right outside the tent door, Finn lowered his voice. “You run hot and cold and, frankly, I need to feel like I’m in control of something, so tell me what’s really going on.”

  Justin had never wanted an interruption more in his life. He’d beg for one right now. “You want to control me?”

  The door opened and Finn stuck his head outside and said something. Whatever it was made the person leave. Once the door shut again, Finn reach up and flipped the bolt, locking the door. Trapping them inside. Just them.

  He stepped away from the door and gestured for Justin to join him. Justin wished he could think of a reason to say no.

  Once they were in the middle of the floor, a good ten feet away from the door and tucked behind the maps and the desk Oliver used, Finn talked again. “Is this some sort of Drummond obsession? A banging the boss thing?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Admittedly, the idea you slept with Alec might be more information than I need about your past. For the record, I never want to hear about it or imagine it. Please do not provide details.”

  “Fine.”

  “But tell me what’s really happening here.” Finn seemed to study Justin, took his time looking at him. “You’re shook and I don’t think it’s just because Alec made his dramatic announcement.”

  He had every right to yell, be pissed off, insist he was lied to. But, once again, Finn proved he was better than most people. He didn’t dwell. He seemed capable of forgiving and moving on.

  Justin lacked all those skills. But he could give Finn the truth.

  Pushing down his anxiety and ignoring the screaming in his brain that told him to step back, Justin plunged ahead. “I had a thing.”

  Finn’s mouth twisted as he made an odd face. “For Alec?”

  “For you, dumbass. It’s always been you.” Justin stopped and drew in a deep breath when he figured out he’d yelled that last part. The part he never meant to say—ever. But now that he had, he couldn’t figure out a reasonable place to stop…so, he didn’t. “From the minute I saw you. It punched me in the gut. Grabbed hold and wouldn’t let go.”

  “You hid it well.”

  Like hell. “What do you think the anger was about?”

  The stress left Finn’s face. His smile wiped it all away. “I was attracted to you, too.”

  Attracted. The word sounded so lame, so sterile, compared to the confusing feelings swamping Justin. “You’re not getting this.”

  “Explain it.”

  “You were with a girlfriend.”

  “I wasn’t dead.” Finn stepped in closer. His voice dropped and softened. “I’m not saying I would have cheated, because I wouldn’t have, not ever, but I did a double take. Looking at you made me want to look some more.”

  Justin froze. He never viewed himself as that guy, the one who needed to hear those words.

  He struggled to find his voice. “To borrow your phrase, you hid it well.”

  “I really didn’t.” Finn flattened his palm against Justin’s chest. “I know that because Alec warned me away from you back then. Gave me the ‘he’s trouble’ talk.”

  “Are you fucking serious?”

  “Very, which explains my confusion about the two of you having sex.”

  Reaching out, touching Finn, was so risky. He stood there, like a lifeline, and Justin ached to grab on. Finally, he gave in, covering Finn’s hand with his. “He was a substitute.”

  “That’s taking the one-Drummond-is-as-good-as-the-next thing a bit far.”

  “No, I mean I wanted you but thought you were off-limits. You were young and…the girlfriend.”

  Finn slipped his fingers through Justin’s. “So, it—you and Alec—meant nothing?”

  Words rushed up his throat. The explanations, the pleading with Finn to understand. Somehow Justin put them in a form that made sense. “Absolutely nothing. A burn-off of energy and frustration. Me getting pissed and refocusing that attraction. Or trying to.”

  “That’s the big thing you’ve been hiding? This attraction? Your attitude sometimes is—”

  “It’s safer to be angry with you. To push you away.” Justin squeezed Finn’s hand then and didn’t let go.

  “What if I don’t want you to?”

  He was so fucking tempting. He made this offer, acted like this was easy, when Justin knew the exact opposite was true. He’d disappointed people before and lost everything. He stumbled through every connection. It was a pure miracle he’d managed to keep Oliver around.

  Justin was pretty sure he no longer had the ability to trust, which made any relationship impossible. “I’m a mess.”

  “We all are, Justin.”

  But Finn wasn’t. That was the point. He wasn’t spoiled or annoying or the type to throw cash around. He followed through with what he said and gave a damn about things that didn’t even register with most people with his type of money.

  “You’re still not getting this.” Justin didn’t know what to say next.

  “What I know is that I’m not giving up on you.” Finn’s thumb brushed the underside of Justin’s chin. “I want you to drop those walls and I’ll stick around and help you do it, but you’ve got to meet me partway here.”

  “I’m not sure I can.”

  Finn kissed him then. Leaned in and placed a short kiss on Justin’s mouth. When he lifted his head again he was smiling. “Try.”

  * * *

  —

  An hour later Finn met up with Alec in the dining tent. They sat at a table in the far corner, off by themselves. People shuffled in and out. Most stared at them, but some covered it up a bit better than others and only glanced their way. Everyone gave them plenty of room and didn’t swing by the table.

  “I may have come on too strong earlier.” Alec spun his coffee mug around between his hands.

  “You think?”

  Seeing Alec here, out of his usual suit and somewhat toned down after his earlier outburst, shifted the power balance between them. It wasn’t equal. It never would be, because Alec was a big, looming presence. He’d spent most of his life protecting his brothers. Fought most of the battles with their father, putting his body in front of Finn’s time after time.

  There wasn’t a day where Finn wasn’t grateful. But he was a man now and their relationship had to be different. Alec usually respected that and Finn’s ideas. But out here, where chaos sometimes reigned, the old Alec—the one who blustered his way through every situation—returned.

  Finn got it. He understood Alec. Justin didn’t believe it, but Finn got him, too.

  Alec shrugged. “I called Gaige to tell him what happened and he told me I was out of line.”

  “Smart man.”

  “He called me an asshole but insisted he meant it lovingly.”

  “He’s good for you.” Finn really liked Gaige and loved him with Alec. He fit into their odd family. Slid into Alec’s life and seemed to make every single minute better. Finn owed Gaige for that. “You should just ask him to marry you already.”

  “That’s the plan.”

  Never in a million years did Finn expect that
response. “Damn, really?”

  Alec continued to stare into his near-empty coffee mug. “You know…once I think he’ll say yes.”

  This was new. The lack of confidence? Finn didn’t remember Alec ever showing that. He had to feel the same doubting sense everyone did quite often, but he never showed any outward signs of faltering. “I wish all those business competitors who think you’re vicious could see you now.”

  Alec set his mug to the side and looked up. “Why are we talking about me?”

  “You deserve to squirm after that testosterone display. That was…something else.”

  Alec visibly brought his mind under control. Finn watched it happened. Could see every argument click into place.

  “This thing with Justin—”

  “Is none of your business.” Finn could not be any clearer about that. Whatever they had, and he still wasn’t sure what that was, he and Justin would figure that out together. Alone.

  “You’re my brother.”

  “And I’ve got this.”

  Alec snorted. “No, you don’t.”

  “I really don’t.” Finn laughed then and it felt good to let it out, to admit that his brain scrambled and he felt lost and disoriented when it came to Justin. Their joint laughter finally wound down and Finn shook his head. “Man, we Drummond men suck at relationships.”

  “Speak for yourself.” Alec reached his arm out and flattened his palm against the table. “I’m an expert now.”

  “I give all the credit to Gaige.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s the point. Justin isn’t Gaige. His past, the things he’s seen. They make him hard, Finn. I need to know you understand that.”

  “I do.” Nothing about Justin was easy. He fought his feelings every step of the way. Took a step forward then balked or panicked. Finn wasn’t completely sure what went on in Justin’s head half the time.

  Why couldn’t he love some nice guy in Drummond accounting?

  “He’s messed up and difficult and can be a real dick sometimes,” Alec pointed out.

  That sounded familiar to Finn. “Like you?”

  “I’m ignoring that comparison.”

  Honestly, so was Finn. The idea of picking a guy like his older brother struck him as one of those things he shouldn’t examine too closely. But there was one thing Finn needed to confirm. “I can’t believe you slept with him and never told me.”

  “He is hot.”

  Not a road Finn wanted to travel down. “Alec.”

  “It didn’t mean anything. Really, we were both looking for a few hours of release. I didn’t give you a report back then because you were young and dating and…” Alec stared up at the ceiling and let out a long breath. “Shit, I don’t know. It seemed smart at the time and then it never really occurred to me to fill you in later.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “He knew you back then and still wants to sleep with you now.” Alec smiled then. “He must not have figured out what a pain in the ass you are.”

  “I think the Drummond name gives that away.”

  Alec relaxed back into his chair and his shoulders fell to a normal level. “I wanted your way to be smoother than mine.”

  “It has been because you and Griff made it easy for me to be who I am, to come out as bi and live my life.” Their father was cruel and pointed out any perceived weakness. He viewed Finn’s professed bisexuality as a phase. One he would grow out of or have knocked out of him at some sort of hideous deprogramming camp.

  His father was the exact type of rich asshole Justin despised. He threw his money around and demanded perfection. He assumed people without money were too lazy to work hard, and enjoyed watching his sons fight each other.

  Finn didn’t miss anything about the man or how his life was back then.

  “You picked a hard one,” Alec said as he played with the handle of his mug. “Justin’s baggage is heavy—what happened to him in the army, the shit he sees here. The attack four months ago. And that doesn’t even touch his upbringing, which was sterile, and how few personal connections he has. I know because I have a security file on him.”

  Finn knew all of that and accepted it as the cost of caring about Justin. “Your point?”

  “This is serious between you, right?” Alec eyed up Finn. “It’s not just sex.”

  “It’s more than sex.” And that’s all he intended to say until he figured that part out with Justin.

  “That’s what I was afraid of.” Alec shook his head. “Look, he might not be able to pack it away and give you what you need.”

  “I know.”

  “Damn, Finn.” Alec threw his hands up in the air. “Then why put yourself through this?”

  He knew. He had to know. He couldn’t love Gaige the way he did and not know. But when Alec’s frown didn’t ease, Finn pointed out the obvious. “You act like I have a choice. You don’t think I’d walk away from Justin if I could?”

  Alec whistled. “Oh, shit. Is this love or heading that way?”

  “Possibly.”

  “You were supposed to deny it. You know, help me sleep better tonight.”

  If only…“Can’t.”

  “Damn.”

  Now that he’d half admitted it, Finn knew he couldn’t call it back or ignore it. He had to deal with it. “Yeah, damn.”

  Chapter 20

  Justin looked up as Finn walked into his private tent early that evening. Oliver was already there, discussing strategy and possible ways to lure out the person behind the attacks without putting Finn in more danger. Because Justin knew that would be Finn’s next suggestion. He’d circle back to the Finn-as-bait plan rumbling around in his head, and Justin needed to be ready to cut that off with a plan of his own.

  They’d been combing through documents and shipment manifests all morning, trying to figure out a connection they missed earlier. So far—nothing. That didn’t mean Justin was ready to sacrifice Finn to bring the sordid situation to a close. That was not going to happen.

  “Your brother isn’t with you?” Oliver asked as leaned back in the desk chair in the corner of the room. A closed file sat on his lap as he lounged. “What a shame.”

  Finn didn’t waste time pretending he didn’t feel at ease in Justin’s private quarters. He came in, fully confident and not obviously fazed by their previous conversation. Sat on the bed right next to Justin.

  “He’s trying to smooth the road with the political types.” Finn leaned across Justin, picked up the cup on the nightstand and downed the remainder of Justin’s coffee.

  The intimacy, the sense of being at ease, truly comfortable with each other, felt good. Normally that sort of thing would make Justin’s head explode. He’d take off emotionally and physically in the opposite direction. Not with Finn. It felt right to be with him, to take on a couple identity.

  “Is his goal to keep you in the country?” Oliver handed the file from his lap to Finn as he talked. “If so, that’s a surprise. I got the impression he wanted you on the next plane out of here.”

  “He sometimes forgets I’m no longer ten.”

  Since Justin was not in the mood to talk about Alec or even see the guy’s face right now, he switched topics. “So, now what?”

  Oliver hummed for a few seconds, which always meant trouble was coming. “Is it too much to hope you’ll both agree to back off the shipping investigation until things cool off? You could take a nice vacation together instead.”

  Justin shook his head. “I don’t even know what you’re saying right now.”

  “It is hard to imagine that scenario,” Finn added.

  “Right.” Oliver stood up. “Well, I’m going to work because someone needs to around here.”

  “Fuck you.” Justin said the phrase like most people ordered dinner. His voice didn’t even rise.

  “Plea
se try not to blow up anything in my absence,” Oliver said.

  Finn smiled. “Is he always this much of a smartass?”

  “He’s actually being better than usual.” Nothing about explosions or losing time away from work sounded funny to Justin, but he appreciated Oliver’s attempts to lighten the mood. It was one of the things he did best. He never took the job or the people for granted. He was devoted to the work, but he never surrendered to it in the sense of losing who he was. Justin admired that.

  “I’m ignoring both of you.” Then Oliver was gone.

  The tent door swung shut behind him, leaving them in silence. Justin was very aware of how Finn’s thigh touched his. No space separated them. It was just them and the bed…and a bustling, noisy camp right outside the tent door.

  Thinking about the camp led to the memory of the gunshots. The explosion. The car accident. Every potentially shattering event ran through Justin’s mind as he glanced over at Finn. “What are the chances of you leaving camp?”

  Finn exhaled. Even mixed in a sigh and a bit of a grumble under his breath. “Are we really back to this?”

  “For your protection, Finn.” The possibility of him leaving for any other reason sliced through Justin. Watching Finn pack a bag and jump on a plane qualified as his greatest nightmare, and he’d never seen that coming. “Maybe Oliver is right. Go until things die down.”

  “You and I both know if things do calm down it will only be temporary.” Finn shifted his body and put a knee on the bed. The position put him face-to-face with Justin. “Worse, they could stop and then we wouldn’t know who was behind all of this. They’d be free to move on and torment another organization.”

  Even in danger he remained reasonable. Justin knew people in the military who couldn’t manage that combination. “That’s a good argument.”

  “I worked on it at breakfast.”

  He really was charming…damn him. Justin had a hard time fighting off charming. But they did have serious issues to discuss, the very questions he and Oliver had been running through for hours. “The real question is who has connected your visit to the shipment shortages.”