“That’s ridiculous,” I snap and then get up, trying to find the beer I’d been holding until I sat down. Where the hell did I put it?
“Yo, Lowell, we’ll be champions.” One of my teammates, Jackson, comes over and pats me on the back, handing me another Solo cup. To hell with my plan of not drinking and taking Camou home instead. This evening is giving me a headache and a light buzz will fix that, won’t it?
I have no idea how late it is when Camou comes and finds me. I’m not drunk, but definitely not sober, either.
“Haden, I’m…” She trails off as she looks at me, and I try hard not to put on that weird grin I usually wear when drinking. The problem is, seeing her makes me want to do exactly that. She places her hands on her hips and gives me an angry glare. “You promised,” she fusses and it’s maybe the first time ever she looks genuinely disappointed.
“I’m not drunk, Camou. Barely buzzed,” I assure her, but she just holds out her hand for my keys.
“Drunk enough for me to not let you drive anymore,” she replies, and I step closer while I fumble in my pocket for my keys.
“You wanted to drink, so I’m not exactly sure I should let you drive, either,” I mutter, although I know better. She’s most likely as sober as she was when we came.
“Gimme your damn car keys and stop discussing. I’m going home.” She surprises me by closing the space between us to reach into my other pocket, and of course, she produces what I’ve been looking for.
“Let’s go somewhere else,” I suggest, grabbing two bottles of Coke from the table where the drinks are lined up. I also grab a Dr. Pepper for her because I know she loves that shit. It’s the only reason we have it anyway.
“Your party,” she reminds me and makes a circling motion with her finger. I almost tell her about throwing the party because of her, but bite my lip just in time.
See, not that drunk at all.
And I’m really not, because when we leave—and she’s rather reluctant to take me along—she stumbles and I grab her, pulling her back against my chest to steady her and let her catch her breath.
“Head first down the stairs?” I tease and she glares at me over her shoulder, then continues her way, shaking free.
As we reach my truck, she slides in like she owns the vehicle and I roll my eyes as she cranks up the music. It’s a sign she doesn’t want to talk to me, but I don’t care because I want to talk to her.
“Where should I drive you, oh big superstar?” she asks over some old country station and I turn the music down.
“Our spot,” I tell her, wondering why she asked in the first place.
When she only huffs I know I’ve won. Opening the first bottle of Coke, I take a few deep pulls, hoping they’d sober me up faster. Maybe food would’ve been the better choice, but on the way to the meadow there’s no burger joint or anything I could make her stop. Glancing up at the sky I’m satisfied to see it’s sprinkled with sparkling stars.
We will be able to sit on the tailgate and talk. I glance at the backseat and spot the blankets I never take out. I need the reassurance even though I can’t think of any reason why someone else should’ve grabbed them.
I’m weirdly nervous, and I blame Rafael for it, while Camou parks the truck on the small pathway we’d found by accident. Someone else probably used this spot once for hot dates and whatnot, but for us it’s an escape. Camou loves dancing in the meadow when no one is around. Present people not included. I normally just sit inside the truck and listen to whatever grunge I’d found until she demands I change the station. And eventually I do, because, you know, in a friendship you do things fifty-fifty.
She gets out of the truck and walks to the middle of the meadow, pushing her hands into the back of her shorts while looking up at the full moon. I turn up that country station and prepare the back of the truck the way I always do, then I watch her just standing there.
Shit, I so need to punch Rafe for putting thoughts in my head. I know she hasn’t kissed Dan, and the only reason I know is because I kept watching her. My little brother was right. No one else should kiss her, unless it’s someone she seriously likes… or someone who at least knows what they are doing.
“Have you ever thought about getting married? I mean, I know we talked about college, but have you thought about the time after college?” I know I haven’t and I wonder why. I mean, after college life starts, right? But somehow in my mind, I stopped planning after those four years.
She freezes, and then very slowly turns. I feel instantly sober, because in the pale moonlight her expression is serious.
“I have, and you?” she asks and I nod her over. She comes closer, her arms crossed in front of her body, and I watch her.The undeniable need to pull her against me almost knocks me down from the back of the truck. I push it down, wondering why she doesn’t make a move to crawl up next to me.
Camou
Camou
As I stand in the moonlight, I wonder if it’s time to tell him about my changed plans. The problem is,I can guess his reaction and I’d rather not have the rest of our time together tainted. I consider asking his question in a more general way, knowing he hadn’t thought—
“I think I want to have a chocolate lab. And a wife. I mean, not right away after college, but eventually. I job I really like, and that still gives me the time to be home and be with the girl I love. Money. A house.” He shrugs and I gape at him.
“No football, or championship rings?” I ask, my tone telling him exactly how much I don’t believe him.
He grins and winks. “I’ve already won it all by then, and I don’t think I want to play professional football.” His tone turns quiet and I step closer to catch his words. The pine trees around us sway in the light breeze and cause a swooshingsound that seems too loud when he’s mumbling.
I consider staying on my feet, but then I don’t because I want to be closer to him. In fact, I’ve had a hard time thinking about anything else all evening. I don’t know why, but I feel as if our time is running out. Jesus, I’m seventeen, and certainly having a very dramatic streak tonight.
He pulls me up, his mind obviously a million miles away, and I wonder if he even realizes what he’s doing.
“Why not?” I finally ask and he shrugs. I feel it against my shoulder even without looking at him.
“They are barely ever home, and what woman would be okay with all the groupies?”
I shake my head, more to make sure I’m still awake and haven’t lost my hearing, but he said what I just heard him say.
“How drunk are you exactly?” The question bursts from my lips even though I know he’s not. I’d have seen it back at his house because by now I recognize his glazed eyes or the goofy grin. He wouldn’t have been able to keep me from falling earlier, either, and he did so steadier than I’d have expected.
“I don’t know. Not much, but I’m… in a weird mood,” he admits and I nudge his shoulder.
“What happened? Who said something to you?”
“You didn’t tell me about your plans after college,” he changes the subject and this time it’s my turn to shrug.
“I just…” Oh God, I’m not sure I should be saying the things I have on my tongue.
“You know, Camou, I think you can be girly if you want to. I mean… If you think you’re saying weird stuff, you can. I know you’re a girl, even if I think you’re a pretty cool dude, too,” he tells me and then gives me a wide grin. He’s so close I can smell the alcohol and the Coke on his breath. My heart races in my chest, and I want to pull my hair out and scream.
Dan tried to kiss me, more than once up until I decided to leave the party, and I haven’t regretted leaving before claiming that kiss I wanted so much, but now I wish I had. Maybe then I wouldn’t think about asking Haden to give it to me.
“Camou?”
I swallow, realizing I’d been staring at his lips while he had spoken to me. Or at least I assume he did. What had we been talking about?
“I t
old Dan we couldn’t do the whole dating thing. I shouldn’t even have started it. And now I think Dan will tell everyone I’m just… weird, and therefore I’ll be un-kissed when I get to college.” The place I’d never enter because I plan to go into the army, and then I’ll be even less likely to be kissed. Basic training, combat situations, things like that. I doubt you could really find love for forever in the army.
Haden stays silent, and I should know something’s off, but for a little while I just keep pretending I’m male and I haven’t noticed.
We keep talking about college and football, and I wonder if Haden even realizes I don’t make any committing comments. I changed the topic after my confession, and don’t even know what else to say. All I do is grunt and nod. Even though I am too chicken to tell him, I decide to ask what’s on his mind to distract him so much. He has sobered considerably and there are barely smiles flittering across his ever-beaming face.
“So, tell me, who ate your good mood?” I ask, nudging him with my shoulder. He’s warm against me and I move closer to him.
“Cold?” he asks, his voice surprisingly gentle. I nod, but barely, and he places a blanket around my shoulders. A boyfriend might let his arm rest on your shoulder, and you’d lean into it, and…
I should not be going down that road, but somehow I can’t change it. And it only gets worse the longer I’m around him. I really like his serious mood even if it’s not him… or the way I know him.
“Rafe said something about best friends practicing kissing. Like… girl best friends.”
I shrug nonchalantly, even though my heart’s racing a million miles an hour. “I’ve never had a female best friend, so I wouldn’t know,” I joke and he gives me a wink.
“Damn, I was just going to ask if I could watch.” I playfully punch his shoulder and roll my eyes. I’m not sure Haden was serious though. However, his face straightens and he presses his lips together.
“Sorry to disappoint,” I add.
“You didn’t. I was joking. No clue if I’d want to see that. It’s locker room talk. Probably all the porn half of the guys are watching.”
I blush up to my hairline. I know most of the guys do that shit, but I don’t need to hear that, and I certainly don’t need the mental pictures my brain provides almost instantly.
“What is it, then?” I probe and he grits his teeth. I can see it in the way his cheeks move even though he’s not talking.
“Well, Rafe also pointed out that I’m your best friend. You know, even if I’m not female.”
It can’t be. Whatever he’s saying, my ears are rushing so bad, I feel light-headed.
“Yeah, clearly not female.” It’s all I can think to say.
“Do you want to?” He cannot be serious. Oh God, he cannot be serious. The problem is the back of my mind is chanting and dancing and screaming in excitement. How in the world have I not realized how much I’m crushing on my best friend? I’ve been lying to myself, and seventeen is the perfect age for it, yet I suddenly feel stupid.
“Do I want to?” I croak and then clear my throat, reaching for the Dr. Pepper he brought for me. “You’re like… not going to make it weird afterward, right?” I tag on and he shakes his head. “Well, I guess I need practice.” I point at my chest. “Kiss virgin.” As if he needed the reminder…
“Everyone does.” He hops down and draws me closer to the tailgate’s end, stepping between my legs. “Honestly, no one’s ever perfect. That is, unless you’re me.” He winks and I wonder if he’s at least a little nervous, but when I search his face, I don’t see any tension or signs of nervousness. In fact, he looks more relaxed now than he has all night. I want to punch him just because of that.
“Yeah, you’re the only one who’s found the magical formula.” I roll my eyes again.
“Okay, let me enlighten you. So, it’s always important to keep eye contact. Then you grab the back of the neck of the person you want to kiss. Not hard, just with enough pressure to let the person know you’re being serious and they are not getting out of this.”
I know he’s trying to ‘teach’ me, but him telling me what he’ll do just makes my stomach turn and coil in anticipation.
Then his warm palm cups the back of my neck and I inhale sharply. He grins, satisfied, and then shifts his fingers until they are almost on the side of my face. His second hand joins on the other side, and his thumbs brush over my cheeks. He has forgotten all about his lessons, and I don’t care the least bit. Then he suddenly leans in, whispering. “And then you hold her still and just press your lips against hers.”
And he does. He tastes of Coke and faintly of alcohol, but it’s heady. I close my eyes, not because he told me, but because it’s instinct. I want to enjoy the feeling and not be distracted by how handsome he is.
He starts out slow, but I feel the pressure increasing and as he pushes his tongue against my lips, I open up readily. I want to feel more and lift my arms, wrapping them around his neck and pull him in.
He groans into my mouth and I smile. Neither of us breaks the kiss, and I wonder if the time stands still or if it just feels like an eternity that he kisses me. I don’t care, either, because I don't wanna move. I know I told him we couldn’t make this awkward afterward, but I don’t know if I can stick to it because I’m not going to be able to forget this.
As I drown my hands in his hair, wanting more, he suddenly pulls back, gasping, and when he turns I see his shoulders heaving.
“Haden?” My voice is small and I hate myself for it, but I can’t change it.
“I’m okay. Just a guy having a reaction to a girl… you know, evolution and all.” I can hear the grin in his voice and my heart breaks into a million pieces.
Just another girl.
I shiver where I sit and then hop down as well, putting the tailgate up. “I gotta get home, superstar. And so do you. Your party isn’tgonna clean itself up tomorrow,” I say lightly and get behind the wheel. I know he’s able to drive. We’ve been out here for hours, no alcohol anywhere near him, and yet I feel better knowing I have control over this.
“Ugh, don’t remind me. Move over, Camou.”
I should protest, but I can’t. Right now, I can’t even think around the first heartache of my life… or rather, the first introduced to me by a boy who I like more than I probably should.
Scott has been right all along, and that is what keeps me focused until he parks in front of my house.
“I’m not coming to clean up,” I sing as I get out. “Just like every other guy you know.”
“You’re my best friend. If you don’t show up I’ll have to clean up by myself,” he groans through the open door and I chuckle.
“Well, you threw this party, too, so… Get Rafe to help you.”
He mutters something under his breath that sounds a lot like, he already helped too much, before giving me a pleading look.
“Pancakes at my house before?”
He knows my weakness and uses it against me.
Jerk.
“And who’s going to make them? It’s not really a great bribe if I end up making them.” Which I will.
“Eight tomorrow? My parents will probably be back at ten…”
I sigh. “Clean up the condoms before I get here,” I order. We’re young, but at least most of us do the decent thing and use protection. Even though I’ve seen the aftermath of such a romantic, drunk escapade.
I shiver in disgust.
“You got it. See you tomorrow, Camou.”
I just nod at him like I usually would, and wait until he’s further down the street before I crumble to the porch steps, holding myself together just by sheer force of will. Just a few months and he will be gone. Until then I can still be the best friend he’s used to, even of I no longer feel like that.
Haden
Only when I’m far enough down the street do I stop the truck. I have no clue how I brought her home in the first place, because my head’s a freaking mess. Who had the glamorous idea of me
kissing my best friend?
Rafe, that’s who. He’ll get his ass kicked when I’m home. As soon as I have my racing heart under control, because… Wow, I hadn’t expected a kiss with Camou to end the way it had. Holding her face in my hands, she’d suddenly seemed smaller, more breakable, precious even, and I knew things were about to change.
Even before I’d pressed my lips to hers, I knew I’d be longing for a repeat. Now though, I wanted so much more than just another kiss. What had I done?
When I get back to the house, the party is still in full swing. I haven’t been in the mood for it to begin with, but you know, sacrifices and all. Now I call it off though.
“Get home everyone. My parents texted me to let me know they’ll be home very early Sunday, so Rafe and I need to start on the cleaning. Great game and thanks for coming,” I announce after I turn off the music.
Rafe gives me a questioning glance and I see him opening his mouth, but with one look I silence him. I feel like punching him for putting the idea of a Camou-kiss in my head in the first place, but I don’t, because… well, I was the one going through with it.
The house clears surprisingly fast, and after we sweep the rooms for couples making out and find everything empty, Rafe leans into the doorframe.
He cocks a brow at me, even though I no longer feel angry. I’m drained, and wonder if I have it in me to still clean tonight. “Care to share what happened?” he asks and I shrug.
“I did what you suggested and kissed her.”
The idiot grins as if he knew how it was going to end. “Was it hot? She’s hot. You loved it, right? And you know now you are totally into her, which is probably why you look the way you do. What’s so bad about it, man?” He comes over and punches my shoulder before sitting down next to me on my bed. “I can’t believe she turned you down. You’ll be the couple in school.”
“Camou and I aren’t a thing,” I tell him. “She told me we couldn’t let it get awkward, and now I’m not sure how we’ll pull that of.” Even though I plan to have breakfast ready when she comes over tomorrow, and then I’ll take her out to the lake the way we sometimes do. We can throw a ball, I can go swimming and she can read, or we can talk about who we… Nope, we can’t do that because I can’t tell her I’m falling in love with her.
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