Fighting the Undertow

by Eden Rivers

  Ian picked up a pebble and hurled it at the water, raising a line of spray in the fading light. “He seemed sober, but with Kevin, you could never tell how much he’d had to drink. Deidre ‑‑ what she did to him ‑‑ it left scars. He started drinking his sophomore year of high school and never quit. She knew why…” He hurled another stone in the direction of the waves. The taut line of his shoulders radiated anger and tension. “During Kevin’s high school years, she’d get all weepy with guilt whenever she got a call from the police to come pick him up from some underage party or other.”

  Did she really want to make him relive this? She stood frozen in the path of Ian’s anger, unable to reach out and comfort him.

  “And here’s the stinking truth of the matter. Jon and I knew something wasn’t right between Kevin and Mom. Sure, we were just kids, but anyone could have sensed something twisted about the way she followed him around ‑‑ kept him inside with her when he’d rather be out tossing around a football.

  “I told you it was my fault ‑‑ that I let Kevin drive that day, when I should have known better. But it’s more than that. If I’d said something to Dad, if I’d talked to someone at school, if I could have stopped her before…”

  “You were just a boy yourself, you couldn’t have ‑‑”

  “Look, you wanted to hear the whole thing, so shut up and listen!” His lips compressed into a hard line, and he kicked a pile of pebbles across the sand. “Bottom line, I didn’t intervene, not until Kevin asked if he could move into my bedroom. He shouldn’t have had to ask, damn it!” He watched a spray of pebbles disappear into the water. “Anyway, with the mess he’d been through, it’s no wonder he drank.”

  Val shook her head, wanting to say something to interrupt the torrent of words she’d triggered.

  “And here’s the best part. After Kev died, Mom took about every pill in the house and washed them down with a bottle of vodka. She spent weeks in the hospital after her suicide attempt. And that’s just from the grief of losing her golden child. If she knew why he died… That he’d been the one driving drunk… She knew full well what she’d done to make him turn to drinking. The knowledge that it killed him would destroy her.” Ian put his hands to his face, as if he could wipe away the memories.

  Dropping his hands to his sides, Ian shook his head and sighed. “Like Mom, Dad blamed himself for Kevin’s drinking. Thought it was because he’d pressured Kevin to follow in his footsteps, to take more of an interest in the company. If he knew Kevin had been driving that day, he’d blame himself for Kev’s death. Same as my mother.”

  Ian shrugged. “So, Miss Shrink, though I don’t enjoy having my parents think I’m the one who crashed the car and killed their favorite son, there’s a good chance the truth would create more tragedy. With my mother as unstable as she is, I’m not keen on having a maternal suicide attempt on my conscience ‑‑ perhaps a successful one this time around. And I have no desire to watch my father beat himself up about pressuring Kev to the point of alcoholism and an eventual drunk driving death.”

  Val swallowed and took a step toward Ian, but he turned and kicked more pebbles into the waves. God, his anger whipped around him like a storm. And why not? She’d left him and had no right to ask him to relate painful family history. Never mind her opinion that he shouldn’t have to bear the burden of his parents’ shortcomings. She felt his pain swirling around her, and regretted asking him to reexamine choices he’d made years ago. Damn her urge to pick everything apart and try to put it back together again.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that. None of what happened was your fault, but I understand better now ‑‑ why you kept silent about the accident all these years.” She turned to go, praying Kevin wouldn’t block her path.

  “No, Val!” Abby got to her before Kevin could.

  “Please, let me go.” She squirmed free as Abby tried to hold onto her shirt. God, this couldn’t get any worse.

  “No.” Ian grabbed Val’s arm. “I answered your question, now you owe me an answer, too. Why did you run? What is it about me that frightens you?”

  Hell, after bolting without explanation, she owed him that much. Val disentangled herself from his grip.

  “Okay, I’ll try to answer that.” When she hesitated, Abby offered an encouraging smile. “At first, the whole group thing scared the hell out of me. Especially since we’d both been hurt before, and anything complicated made seeing you feel that much riskier. And of course, Kevin redefined everything I believed and didn’t believe. But I missed him this week.”

  “He’s been busy shadowing me. When I got your message…” Ian shrugged. “Since then, Kevin’s decided I shouldn’t be left alone.”

  “Ian’s understating his level of emotional upheaval.” Abby glanced at him, concern obvious in her worried frown. “In plain language, he’s been a basket case since he got your message.”

  Damn, she’d never wanted to hurt him. His eyes were guarded, but she could tell from the rigid way he held his shoulders that he was strung as tight as she was. Julie Ellen had cautioned her to keep an open mind, but she’d caused enough pain already ‑‑ Ian’s and her own. This little scene on the beach didn’t stand a chance of ending with anything but more tears.

  “Feeling like I had to choose between you and my career scared me, too, seeing as I’d traveled that route once already. But I think the core of things involves what you told me a few minutes ago about your family.” She looked out over the water, at the pink stain of clouds on the horizon. “I got the sense Abby and Jeremy knew more than they were telling me, and you wouldn’t talk to me about it. I felt like you were refusing to let me get close, which was stupid and selfish of me. I get that now. I understand, it wasn’t about me.”

  Ian tugged a loose thread from his towel and dropped it on the sand. If she stayed here much longer, she’d start crying, and she didn’t want Ian to see that. No doubt Lisa had given him more tears and tantrums at the end than any man should have had to cope with in a lifetime.

  “All said and done, maybe we met at the wrong time. What sucks is that it looks like I might have a job in Gulls’ Harbor. But it’s too late. Now can I please…?”

  She’d been about to ask if she could go now, without the ghost or Abby standing in her way. But she didn’t have the will to walk away from Ian for good. She watched the sun sink beneath the waves, and the clouds fade from pink to violet.

  Ian slapped at his shoulder and then bent down to rummage in Abby’s beach bag for the insect spray. Was he reluctant to walk away for the last time too?

  No sense prolonging this any longer. As she turned to go, Abby reached for her hand. Since it was the last thing she expected, and she was busy thinking of how to get away, when Abby turned her around, the kiss caught her by surprise.

  Not a friendly brush of the lips, but a real kiss. Stunned, she froze in place as Abby nibbled her upper lip and nudged against her mouth. When she tried to pull back, Abby grabbed a handful of curls and pulled her closer.

  When Abby finally stepped away, her amber brown eyes were all too serious. “I’m not going to let you walk away.” She moved closer to Ian and touched his arm. “You either. Not tonight.”

  “You don’t have a choice.” Ian snaked his arm around Abby’s waist and pulled her against his bare chest. “You’re the best friend anyone could hope for, but sometimes, you don’t know when to let go.”

  Abby’s elfin features turned fierce and stormy as she rounded on him. “If I knew how to do that, I would have let you go when I started seeing Tyler! But you’re right, it’s not in me to let go of someone I love.” Before he could reply, she reached up and pulled his face down, kissing him with as much determination and passion as she’d kissed Val.

  Except that Ian looked less surprised, and he kissed her back. Damn it, what was Abby playing at? As Ian stroked his hands over the space where Abby’s swimsuit left her back bare, Val took an instinctive step toward them, but jerked back in surprise when
Abby grabbed her hand.

  “There’s a place I want to show you. It’s a bit of a hike, but we’ve still got some dusky light left, and the moon will be up by the time we head back. We’ll find our way there and back all right.”

  Val studied Ian as he feigned interest in a chunk of driftwood near his feet, and she got the sense he’d abide by whatever she decided. Whatever Abby had planned, Val couldn’t seem to pull herself away from Ian. Not yet.

  “Okay.” She glanced toward him, startled when he met her gaze for the first time tonight.

  Golden and beautiful in the twilight, his hair had dried in a windblown mess, and she wanted to reach over and brush it into place. His eyes shone gray green in the fading light, but she couldn’t read the emotions behind them.

  “I’ve known Abby longer than you have, Miss Vee, and I should warn you that you might not appreciate what you’re getting yourself into.”

  Val’s throat tightened at the use of the familiar nickname. “I’ll consider myself warned.”

  No doubt Abby planned to use every last resource to try to mend things between them. She didn’t need to have known her since sixth grade to determine that. But other than an excuse to delay final good-byes, a walk through the dunes couldn’t change anything.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ian cursed under his breath as a bayberry branch snagged his ankle. The moon hadn’t risen yet, and the sun was most definitely down, so they’d hiked the last stretch in near darkness. He knew the way as well as Abby did, and he suspected he also knew what she had in mind.

  Val, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have a clue. He’d thought about warning her in more detail, but when it came right down to it, he was madder than hell and might get a bit of satisfaction watching her try to extricate herself from Abby’s web.

  Damn, to be honest, the mere chance of holding Val close one last time was enough to send him wading through bayberry branches, sharp beach grass, or a pit of scorpions, for that matter. But he suspected her temper would flare like sheet lightning when she figured out what Abby had planned. A risk he was willing to take.

  “Careful, we’re going uphill here.” Abby grabbed Val’s hand to steady her as they started up the incline of a large dune.

  As kids, he and Jon and Kevin used to climb to the top and slide down on their towels. The hollow in the center of the three towering sand dunes served as their command center, the secret hideout from which they’d planned their world takeover. Tonight, it just seemed like a damn big lump of sand.

  As he descended into the secret valley, the moon emerged over the crest of the tallest dune. He hadn’t been here in a couple of years, not since the time he and Lisa… Nope, those were sores he didn’t need to probe tonight. He looked around. Even in the faint light, he could tell things hadn’t changed much since he’d been here last. The cavelike outcropping, carved by years of wind and held together by stubborn beach grass, still protruded from the eastern dune. For all his travels, this sandy hollow remained his favorite spot in the world.

  “Here.” He tugged his towel loose from his waist and offered it to Val. She’d dressed for a walk on the beach, not a swim, and hadn’t brought one of her own. He figured she’d mind the sand in her hair a lot more than he would.

  “Thanks.” She spread the towel beside Abby’s and lay down on her back.

  The moon slipped through a patch of clouds and flooded the hollow with soft yellow light. He settled beside Abby, careful to respect Val’s personal space. The three of them watched the moon in silence, and when the bugs began to bite, Abby passed around the insect repellent. This place had accumulated so many memories over the years that he’d come to associate the smell of Off! with wild sex on the sand.

  “So…” Val picked up a handful of sand and let it fall through her fingers. “Abby said something kept you in Boston after I left that message.”

  “Rochelle left for New York. When I got your message, I wanted to come back to Gulls’ Harbor and try to sort out what went wrong. But Eileen moved into Rochelle’s big-boss chair, and I got my old position back.”

  “That’s great. I’m so glad things worked out for you.”

  Oh, hell, beneath all the hurt and anger, she still cared. “Except that I’ve got to put up with training my new boss. That’s been an exercise in humility.”

  “Or humiliation.” Abby chuckled, and Ian kicked sand across her ankles.

  “So things worked out for both of us. Julie Ellen thinks Magda’s decided to hire me for the job at Blessed Sacrament. I’d be doubling as guidance counselor and swim coach.”

  Ian wanted to scream. Nothing, absolutely nothing, worked out for either one of them. “Abby mentioned it. I’m glad you found what you were looking for.”

  Some sort of night bird winged overhead, and they lay still to watch its shadow cross the sand.

  “Val, if I’d dropped everything and come to Gulls’ Harbor when I got your message, if I hadn’t been caught up in trying to sort things out at the journal, would it have made a difference?”

  “What would have made a difference is if I hadn’t panicked and almost taken that job in New Mexico.”

  “I was thinking about following you. To New Mexico, I mean.” What more could he say than that?

  Val sat up and made a muffled sound, but he couldn’t read her expression by moonlight.

  Past time for a change of topic. “I ought to bring Jon here tomorrow when we go out on the boat. I bet he hasn’t been here in years.”

  “Please tell me Jon doesn’t have a yacht. For that matter, tell me you don’t have a yacht.”

  “No yacht, just a nice boat. Hey, did seeing my apartment last week throw you? I mean, the money issue?”

  “No, I understand why you chose it. Up above everything, looking out into the blue sky, it’s sort of like being in the ocean.” Val lay down with her head next to Abby’s shoulder, grateful Abby was remaining silent so they could talk. “Although when Abby mentioned how much Lisa got in the divorce settlement, I realized you and I not only come from different worlds, but different solar systems.”

  “Seems to me we’re both most at home in the ocean ‑‑ same world, Miss Vee.” Here, with the sound of the waves in the background and the sand cradling his body, it almost seemed possible to reach out and touch her.

  Almost.

  “Ian, I’m so sorry things ended this way.”

  “Yeah, me too.” Nothing more he could say to that.

  Just when he thought the silence might suffocate all three of them, Abby inched over and kissed his shoulder. Hell, he knew she hadn’t brought them out here to banter all night. He might as well call her bluff.

  When he cupped Abby’s chin in his hand and brought her face up to his, she made a surprised sound. Had he guessed wrong? Figured she had seduction on her mind when she just wanted to bring them to a place where he’d feel safe ‑‑ where he’d be more likely to talk?

  Too late to back down now. He kissed her, welcoming the warmth of her body against his ribs. If Val weren’t here, he’d untie the knot that held Abby’s bikini top in place and find comfort in her embrace. But she pulled away and settled back on the towel.

  Anything seemed possible here, and he felt almost disappointed. Had he wanted Abby to lure Val into a midnight ménage? Hoped for any excuse to touch her again? Just when he’d decided any suspicions about Abby’s ulterior motives had been wishful thinking on his part, she shifted closer to Val.

  Should he warn her? He knew Abby wouldn’t hesitate for an instant to initiate a bacchanalian roll in the sand if she thought it might help bring him and Val together again.

  “Val, I should warn you…” Shit, shit, shit. Why in hell did he have to be such a decent guy? “Unless you want to get tangled up in something more than stargazing, maybe this would be a good time for us to head back.”

  But by the time he’d finished speaking, Abby had managed to slip Val’s shirt over her head.

  “You never fooled around w
ith your girlfriends in college, did you?” As sultry as the July air, Abby’s voice brought Ian’s cock to instant attention. Nothing could dull the pain of losing Val, but one last time with her might provide an ending he could live with. And as he’d suspected, Abby seemed intent on bridging the gap between them. At least for tonight.

  “No.” Val didn’t sound alarmed, even as Abby reached back to unhook her bra.

  “Okay, Val, here’s the thing. I need to know what you’re thinking. No evasions, no dodging the question. I need to know before this goes any further.” He didn’t want her to have any illusions that sex might serve as a Band-Aid. As a couple, they were beyond healing.

  “Fair enough. This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. But since I stepped into this enchanted little hollow, the pain seems muted. The hurt’s still there, but not as strong.” She brushed her palm over Abby’s hair. “And I’m thinking that since Abby and the others are dead set on keeping me in their lives, she’ll be caught in the middle if you and I can’t learn to be civil to each other.”

  Hell, he was a selfish son of a bitch. The thought hadn’t even occurred to him.

  “I’m not inclined to get up and leave. And I’m going into this with my eyes open. This isn’t a path to happily ever after ‑‑ or even a second chance. This is three people who’ve been hurting, snuggled down in a cozy spot between the dunes. Call it break-up sex, or maybe an opportunity to work off some of our angst without any name-calling, but it seems like a more attractive alternative than heading home and pouring a stiff drink.”

  If he’d had any illusions about this, Val squashed them in their infancy. Leave it to a psychologist to provide a cold, hard dose of reality. He’d thought he was looking out for her. But the question was, did he still want to do this on those terms?

  Abby placed a delicate hand on his chest, and he relaxed into the soothing warmth of her palm. For whatever reason, she seemed to think this would help. And bottom line, he didn’t have the will to get up and walk away.