Harold Pinter Plays 1

by Harold Pinter

  MOTHER: Albert!

  He stops.

  Albert! Is that you?

  She goes to the kitchen door.

  What are you creeping up the stairs for? Might have been a burglar. What Would I have done then?

  He descends slowly.

  Creeping up the stairs like that. Give anyone a fright. Creeping up the stairs like that. You leave me in the house all alone … [She stops and regards him.] Look at you! Look at your suit. What’s the matter with your tie, it’s all crumpled, I pressed it for you this morning. Well, I won’t even ask any questions. That’s all. You look a disgrace.

  He walks past her into the kitchen, goes to the sink and pours himself a glass of water. She follows him.

  What have you been doing, mucking about with girls?

  She begins to pile the cards.

  Mucking about with girls, I suppose. Do you know what the time is? I fell asleep, right here at this table, waiting for you. I don’t know what your father would say. Coming in this time of night. It’s after twelve o’clock. In a state like that. Drunk, I suppose. I suppose your dinner’s ruined. Well, if you want to make a convenience out of your own home, that’s your business. I’m only your mother, I don’t suppose that counts for much these days. I’m not saying any more. If you want to go mucking about with girls, that’s your business.

  She takes his dinner out of the oven.

  Well, anyway, you’ll have your dinner. You haven’t eaten a single thing all night.

  She places a plate on the table and gets knife and fork. He stands by the sink, sipping water.

  I wouldn’t mind if you found a really nice girl and brought her home and introduced her to your mother, brought her home for dinner, I’d know you were sincere, if she was a really nice girl, she’d be like a daughter to me. But you’ve never brought a girl home here in your life. I suppose you’re ashamed of your mother.

  [Pause.]

  Come on, it’s all dried up. I kept it on a low light. I couldn’t even go up to Grandma’s room and have a look round because there wasn’t any bulb, you might as well eat it.

  He stands.

  What’s the matter, are you drunk? Where did you go, to one of those pubs in the West End? You’ll get into serious trouble, my boy, if you frequent those places, I’m warning you. Don’t you read the papers?

  [Pause.]

  I hope you’re satisfied, anyway. The house in darkness, I wasn’t going to break my neck going down to that cellar to look for a bulb, you come home looking like I don’t know what, anyone would think you gave me a fortune out of your wages. Yes. I don’t say anything, do I? I keep quiet about what you expect me to manage on. I never grumble. I keep a lovely home, I bet there’s none of the boys in your firm better fed than you are. I’m not asking for gratitude. But one things hurts me, Albert, and I’ll tell you what it is. Not for years, not for years, have you come up to me and said, Mum, I love you, like you did when you were a little boy. You’ve never said it without me having to ask you. Not since before your father died. And he was a good man. He had high hopes of you. I’ve never told you, Albert, about the high hopes he had of you. I don’t know what you do with all your money. But don’t forget what it cost us to rear you, my boy, I’ve never told you about the sacrifices we made, you wouldn’t care, anyway. Telling me lies about going to the firm’s party. They’ve got a bit of respect at that firm, that’s why we sent you there, to start off your career, they wouldn’t let you carry on like that at one of their functions. Mr. King would have his eye on you. I don’t know where you’ve been. Well, if you don’t want to lead a clean life it’s your lookout, if you want to go mucking about with all sorts of bits of girls, if you’re content to leave your own mother sitting here till midnight, and I wasn’t feeling well, anyway, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to upset you, I keep things from you, you’re the only one I’ve got, but what do you care, you don’t care, you don’t care, the least you can do is sit down and eat the dinner I cooked for you, specially for you, it’s Shepherd’s Pie—

  ALBERT lunges to the table, picks up the clock and violently raises it above his head, A stifled scream from the MOTHER.

  Act Three

  SCENE ONE

  The coffee stall, shuttered.

  ALBERT is leaning against it. He is sweating. He is holding the butt of a cigarette. There is a sound of a foot on gravel. He starts, the butt burns his hand, he drops it and turns. A GIRL is looking at him. She smiles.

  GIRL: Good evening.

  [Pause.]

  What are you doing?

  [Pause.]

  What are you doing out at this time of night?

  She moves closer to him.

  I live just round the corner.

  He stares at her.

  Like to? Chilly out here, isn’t it? Come on.

  [Pause.]

  Come on.

  He goes with her.

  SCENE TWO

  The GIRL’S room. The door opens. She comes in. Her manner has changed from the seductive. She is brisk and nervous.

  GIRL: Come in. Don’t slam the door. Shut it gently. I’ll light the fire. Chilly out, don’t you find? Have you got a match?

  He walks across the room.

  GIRL: Please don’t walk so heavily. Please. There’s no need to let … to let the whole house know you’re here. Life’s difficult enough as it is. Have you got a match?

  ALBERT: No, I … I don’t think I have.

  GIRL: Oh, God, you’d think you’d have a match.

  He walks about.

  I say, would you mind taking your shoes off? You’re really making a dreadful row. Really, I can’t bear … noisy … people.

  He looks at his shoes, begins to untie one. The GIRL searches for matches on the mantelpiece, upon which are a number of articles and objects, including a large alarm clock.

  I know I had one somewhere.

  ALBERT: I’ve got a lighter.

  GIRL: You can’t light a gasfire with a lighter. You’d burn your fingers.

  She bends down to the hearth.

  Where are the damn things? This is ridiculous. I die without the fire. I simply die. [She finds the box.] Ah, here we are. At last.

  She turns on the gas fire and lights it. He watches her. She puts the matchbox on the mantelpiece and picks up a photo.

  Do you like this photo? It’s of my little girl. She’s staying with friends. Rather fine, isn’t she? Very aristocratic features, don’t you think? She’s at a very select boarding school at the moment, actually. In … Hereford, very near Hereford. [She puts the photo back.] I shall be going down for the prize day shortly. You do look idiotic standing there with one shoe on and one shoe off. All lop-sided.

  ALBERT pulls at the lace of his other shoe. The lace breaks. He swears shortly under his breath.

  GIRL [sharply]: Do you mind not saying words like that?

  ALBERT: I didn’t …

  GIRL: I heard you curse.

  ALBERT: My lace broke.

  GIRL: That’s no excuse.

  ALBERT: What did I say?

  GIRL: I’m sorry, I can’t bear that sort of thing. It’s just … not in my personality.

  ALBERT: I’m sorry.

  GIRL: It’s quite all right. It’s just … something in my nature. I’ve got to think of my daughter, too, you know.

  She crouches by the fire.

  Come near the fire a minute. Sit down.

  He goes towards a small stool.

  Not on that! That’s my seat. It’s my own stool. I did the needlework myself. A long time ago.

  He sits in a chair, opposite.

  Which do you prefer, electric or gas? For a fire, I mean?

  ALBERT [holding his forehead, muttering]: I don’t know.

  GIRL: There’s no need to be rude, it was a civil question. I prefer gas. Or a log fire, of course. They have them in Switzerland.

  [Pause.]

  Have you got a headache?

  ALBERT: No.

  GIRL
: I didn’t realize you had a lighter. You don’t happen to have any cigarettes on you, I suppose?

  ALBERT: No.

  GIRL: I’m very fond of a smoke. After dinner. With a glass of wine. Or before dinner, with sherry.

  She stands and taps the mantelpiece, her eyes roaming over it.

  You look as if you’ve had a night out. Where have you been? Had a nice time?

  ALBERT: Quite … quite nice.

  GIRL [sitting on the stool]: What do you do?

  ALBERT: I … work in films.

  GIRL: Films? Really? What do you do?

  ALBERT: I’m an assistant director.

  GIRL: Really? How funny. I used to be a continuity girl. But I gave it up.

  ALBERT [tonelessly]: What a pity.

  GIRL: Yes, I’m beginning to think you’re right. You meet such a good class of people. Of course, now you say you’re an assistant director I can see what you mean. I mean, I could tell you had breeding the moment I saw you. You looked a bit washed out, perhaps, but there was no mistaking the fact that you had breeding. I’m extremely particular, you see. I do like a certain amount of delicacy in men … a certain amount … a certain degree … a certain amount of refinement. You do see my point? Some men I couldn’t possibly entertain. Not even if I was … starving. I don’t want to be personal, but that word you used, when you broke your lace, it made me shiver, I’m just not that type, made me wonder if you were as well bred as I thought …

  He wipes his face with his hand.

  You do look hot. Why are you so hot? It’s chilly. Yes, you remind me … I saw the most ghastly horrible fight before, there was a man, one man, he was sweating … sweating. You haven’t been in a fight, by any chance? I don’t know how men can be so bestial. It’s hardly much fun for women, I can tell you. I don’t want someone else’s blood on my carpet.

  ALBERT chuckles.

  What are you laughing at?

  ALBERT: Nothing.

  GIRL: It’s not in the least funny.

  ALBERT looks up at the mantelpiece. His gaze rests there.

  What are you looking at?

  ALBERT [ruminatively]: That’s a nice big clock.

  It is twenty past two.

  GIRL [with fatigue]: Yes, it’s late, I suppose we might as well … Haven’t you got a cigarette?

  ALBERT: No.

  GIRL [jumping up]: I’m sure I have, somewhere. [She goes to the table.] Yes, here we are, I knew I had. I have to hide them. The woman who comes in to do my room, she’s very light-fingered. I don’t know why she comes in at all. Nobody wants her, all she does is spy on me, but I’m obliged to put up with her, this room is serviced. Which means I have to pay a pretty penny.

  She lights her cigarette.

  It’s a dreadful area, too. I’m thinking of moving. The neighbourhood is full of people of no class at all. I just don’t fit in.

  ALBERT: Is that clock right?

  GIRL: People have told me, the most distinguished people, that I could go anywhere. You could go anywhere, they’ve told me, you could be anything. I’m quite well educated, you know. My father was a … he was a military man. In the Army. Actually it was a relief to speak to you. I haven’t … spoken to anyone for some hours.

  ALBERT suddenly coughs violently.

  Oh, please don’t do that! Use your handkerchief!

  He sighs, and groans.

  What on earth’s the matter with you? What have you been doing tonight?

  He looks at her and smiles.

  ALBERT: Nothing.

  GIRL: Really?

  She belches.

  Oh, excuse me. I haven’t eaten all day. I had a tooth out. Hiccoughs come from not eating, don’t they? Do you … do you want one of these?

  She throws him a cigarette, which he slowly lights.

  I mean, I’m no different from any other girl. In fact, I’m better. These so-called respectable girls, for instance, I’m sure they’re much worse than I am. Well, you’re an assistant director—all your continuity girls and secretaries, I’ll bet they’re … very loose.

  ALBERT: Uh.

  GIRL: Do you know what I’ve actually heard? I’ve heard that respectable married women, solicitors’ wives, go out and pick men up when their husbands are out on business! Isn’t that fantastic? I mean, they’re supposed to be … they’re supposed to be respectable!

  ALBERT [muttering]: Fantastic.

  GIRL: I beg your pardon?

  ALBERT: I said it was fantastic.

  GIRL: It is. You’re right. Quite fantastic. Here’s one thing, though. There’s one thing that’s always fascinated me. How far do men’s girl friends go? I’ve often wondered.

  [Pause.]

  Eh?

  ALBERT: Depends.

  GIRL: Yes, I suppose it must.

  [Pause.]

  You mean on the girl?

  ALBERT: What?

  GIRL: You mean it depends on the girl?

  ALBERT: It would do, yes.

  GIRL: Quite possibly. I must admit that with your continuity girls and secretaries, I don’t see why you … had to approach me…. Have you been on the town tonight, then? With a continuity girl?

  ALBERT: You’re a bit … worried about continuity girls, aren’t you?

  GIRL: Only because I’ve been one myself. I know what they’re like. No better than they should be.

  ALBERT: When were you a …?

  GIRL: Years ago! [Standing.] You’re nosey, aren’t you?

  She goes to the window.

  Sometimes I wish the night would never end. I like sleeping. I could sleep … on and on.

  ALBERT stands and picks up the clock.

  Yes, you can see the station from here. All the trains go out, right through the night.

  He stares at the clock.

  I suppose we might as well … [She turns and sees him.] What are you doing? [She crosses to him.] What are you doing with that clock?

  He looks at her, slowly.

  Mmnn?

  ALBERT: Admiring it.

  GIRL: It’s a perfectly ordinary clock. Give me it. I’ve seen too many people slip things into their pockets before now, as soon as your back’s turned. Nothing personal, of course. [She puts it back.] Mind your ash! Don’t spill it all over the floor! I have to keep this carpet immaculate. Otherwise the charlady, she’s always looking for excuses for telling tales. Here. Here’s an ashtray. Use it, please.

  She gives it to him. He stares at her.

  Sit down. Sit down. Don’t stand about like that. What are you staring at me for?

  He sits. She studies him.

  Where’s your wife?

  ALBERT: Nowhere.

  She stubs her cigarette.

  GIRL: And what film are you making at the moment?

  ALBERT: I’m on holiday.

  GIRL: Where do you work?

  ALBERT: I’m a free lance.

  GIRL: You’re … rather young to be in such a … high position, aren’t you?

  ALBERT: Oh?

  GIRL [laughs]: You amuse me. You interest me. I’m a bit of a psychologist, you know. You’re very young to be—what you said you were. There’s something childish in your face, almost retarded. [She laughs.] I do like that word. I’m not being personal, of course … just being … psychological. Of course, I can see you’re one for the girls. Don’t know why you had to pick on me, at this time of night, really rather forward of you. I’m a respectable mother, you know, with a child at boarding school. You couldn’t call me … anything else. All I do, I just entertain a few gentlemen, of my own choice, now and again. What girl doesn’t?

  His hand screws the cigarette. He lets it fall on the carpet.

  [Outraged.] What do you think you’re doing?

  She stares at him.

  Pick it up! Pick that up, I tell you! It’s my carpet!

  She lunges towards it.

  It’s not my carpet, they’ll make me pay—

  His hand closes upon hers as she reaches for it.

  What are yo
u doing? Let go. Treating my place like a pigsty. [She looks up at him as he bends over her.] Let me go. You’re burning my carpet!

  ALBERT [quietly, intensely]: Sit down.

  GIRL: How dare you?

  ALBERT: Shut up. Sit down.

  GIRL [struggling]: What are you doing?

  ALBERT [erratically, tremblings but with quiet command]: Don’t scream. I’m warning you.

  He lifts her by her wrist and presses her down on to the stool.

  No screaming. I warn you.

  GIRL: What’s the—?

  ALBERT [through his teeth]: Be quiet. I told you to be quiet. Now you be quiet.

  GIRL: What are you going to do?

  ALBERT [seizing the clock from the mantelpiece]: DON’T MUCK ME ABOUT!

  She freezes with terror.

  See this? One crack with this … just one crack … [Viciously.] Who do you think you are? You talk too much, you know that. You never stop talking. Just because you’re a woman you think you can get away with it. [Bending over her.] You’ve made a mistake, this time. You’ve picked the wrong man.

  He begins to grow in stature and excitement, passing the clock from hand to hand.

  You’re all the same, you see, you’re all the same, you’re just a dead weight round my neck. What makes you think … [He begins to move about the room, at one point half crouching, at another standing upright, as if exercising his body.] … What makes you think you can … tell me … yes … It’s the same as this business about the light in Grandma’s room. Always something. Always something. [To her.] My ash? I’ll put it where I like! You see this clock? Watch your step. Just watch your step.

  GIRL: Stop this. What are you—?

  ALBERT [seizing her wrist, with trembling, controlled violence]: Watch your step! [Stammering.] I’ve had—I’ve had—I’ve had—just about enough. Get it? … You know what I did?

  He looks at her and chuckles.

  Don’t be so frightened.

  GIRL: I …

  ALBERT [casually]: Don’t be so frightened.

  He squats by her, still holding the clock.

  I’m just telling you. I’m just telling you, that’s all. [Breathlessly.] You haven’t got any breeding. She hadn’t either. And what about those girls tonight? Same kind. And that one. I didn’t touch her!