You'll Find Me in Manhattan

by Jill Knapp

  Amalia sat back down on the bed and waited patiently for my family and I to get our portraits out of the way.

  My parents stood on either side of me as the photographer said, “A little closer together now. Okay, smile!”

  Thirty-six – Amalia

  I saw my phone light up on the night stand just as Olivia and I finished up taking some pictures together. Mostly posed and serious but a few funny. I suggested going outside and having her run around SoHo in her wedding dress, but she shot me a look and I dropped the subject.

  “Olivia,” the photographer called to her as she was heading out the door. “Kim, the hotel’s wedding coordinator, is going to be up here in ten minutes to bring you down for the ceremony.

  “Which means I should go now,” I turned to Olivia. She widened her eyes and pushed out a long breath. Her parents would be staying with her until the last minute so I knew she’d be alright.

  “I’m nervous,” she whispered. “What if I fall?”

  I looked down at her feet. She had on lavender-colored flats.

  I cocked my head to the side and said, “You’ll be fine.”

  Reaching for my phone and my bouquet, I looked her in the eye and said, “Goodbye, Olivia Davis.”

  She smiled, knowing exactly what I meant.

  My heels clacked on the marble floor as I glanced down at my phone and saw I had a new email alert. I pulled myself over to the wall and leaned against it as I scrolled through my emails.

  There it was, a message from Cassandra. Of course, the worst possible moment.

  I opened the message and slowly read it.

  Amalia,

  I’m sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you, work has been absolutely swamped. If memory serves, today is Olivia’s wedding day. Please offer her my best wishes.

  Amalia, I don’t really know what to say in terms of our friendship. Honestly, I just have to focus on my career right now and don’t have the time to commit to the type of friendship you want. I don’t even have time to date.

  The truth is, I do miss having you in my life. I miss our Sunday brunches and late-night phone calls. But that all seems so impossible for me now. I am up for another promotion and I know if we made plans, there’s a probability I’d end up breaking them.

  I do wish the best for you, and hope you’re happy.

  Cassie

  I read it again, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. It was incredible, she didn’t think she did anything wrong. I felt my blood pressure rise and anger burrow its way outward in my chest. But then I felt something else.

  Nothing.

  It was the way I felt about Nicholas, and how I had begun to feel about Michael. I had reached my tipping point with all of them. Pouring myself into these toxic relationships time and time again, only to get hurt. And foolishly, keep coming back for more.

  I let out a sound that sounded somewhere between a snort and a sigh and put my phone back into my black sparkly clutch. I was so done with people who were done with me.

  “Hey,” a voice from behind me muttered.

  I turned around to see Michael in a tuxedo. There was no denying he looked great, but it wasn’t making my stomach flip the way it usually would.

  “Hey,” I smoothed out my gown.

  “You look beautiful,” he said with a sad smile.

  “Thank you,” I looked down at the floor, unsure of what else to say. “We should get inside. The ceremony is going to start in a few minutes.”

  “After you.”

  A few minutes later, we were lined up behind the entrance to the room the ceremony was being held in. I leaned forward to sneak a peek.

  There appeared to be about a hundred and fifty people sitting in wooden chairs that were painted a golden hue. The sides of the chairs were decorated with light-pink peonies. Those were Olivia’s flower of choice. The other two bridesmaids held bouquets of white peonies, which were nearly impossible to find. The color looked great against their lavender-colored gowns.

  I reigned myself back in as soon as I heard a violin and piano players start playing a slowed- down version of Regina Spektor’s song, ‘Fidelity’. It sounded perfect and completely fit the formal setting of Alex and Olivia’s ceremony.

  Jen and Lindsey were the first to walk down the aisle. They were ushered by two of Alex’s family members. Everyone walking down the aisle ahead of me held their head up high and knew exactly when to smile for the photographer. I felt a pit of nerves in my stomach as I silently hoped I wouldn’t be the one to trip and fall.

  Michael looped his arm around mine, but I pretended not to notice. Step by step we made our way synchronously down the aisle together.

  How ironic.

  When we got to the podium where the priest stood, we parted ways. Him going to the left to stand with the groomsmen, and me to the right with the other bridesmaids.

  The priest raised his arms, indicating that everyone should stand. After a moment of anticipation, Olivia stepped into the room. Her father had his arms around hers and the two of them both looked as if they were going to cry.

  What was to follow was a beautiful, albeit long but beautiful, ceremony. The reception was everything I imagined it would be. Grand and over the top, but still approachable. Just like Alex.

  Michael and I shared one very awkward slow dance. It was essentially just for show and photo opportunities. The maid of honor and the best man had to put on a good face at their best friend’s wedding. After which we spent the rest of the night avoiding one another, even though we were sat at the same table. The best part was I didn’t care.

  Being with Michael had always made me feel limited in my life. Now that we were over for good, I could feel myself getting lighter. More the girl I used to be before I moved to Manhattan.

  After the very last guest had left, I stuck around to help Olivia gather any presents she couldn’t carry herself.

  “So,” I started with a smirk. “How does it feel, Mrs. Carlson?”

  Olivia simply looked at me and said, “It feels perfect. Like it was always meant to be.”

  An hour later I was hailing a cab home and thinking about what Olivia said and if I’d ever have a moment that I would describe as perfect.

  Hayden and I had been emailing back and forth since graduation. Well, since Michael and I broke up.

  Hayden had every right to gloat, to tell me he knew it wouldn’t work out with Michael. But he remained kind and supportive. I had told him that I was alright, that I knew I had done the right thing for myself. And I think after the third email, he finally believed me.

  I told him about Cassandra’s cold email and how she and I would most likely never be friends again. He gave me some spiel about how toxic friendships are never good ones to keep anyway. There was no way for him to know, but I nodded along as I read it.

  The two of us went back and forth joking about me coming to visit him in Gainsville. I told him I would, and I meant it. The only problem was, I never asked for his new address. So two weeks after Olivia’s wedding, when I had decided to surprise Hayden, I had to stand outside the Ernst and Young office waiting for him to get out of work. That, at least, was something I did know. He’d be out in ten minutes.

  I rolled my small suitcase over to the bench in the office’s courtyard. Relaxing, I used this time to think about what I wanted to say. The warm Florida air enveloped me and made me feel, just for a second, that maybe this was perfect. Maybe this is what Olivia had felt.

  But the truth was, I had never been looking for perfect. I had always been vehemently searching for normal.

  At six o’clock on the dot a few people began to exit the tall building to my left. I waited patiently until Hayden finally appeared. Along with a leather shoulder bag, he was wearing dark wash jeans and a polo shirt. Right away I could tell the dress codes were more relaxed down here than in New York. I thought about how nice that must be.

  I quickly whipped out my phone and texted, Look to your right.


  Hayden dug into his pocket and smiled when he looked at his phone. Then he looked to his right, and then locked eyes with mine.

  Even in the hot, southern air, I felt a chill. Not one of fear, but of excitement.

  I stood up and walked over to Hayden just as he took his first step to walk over to me.

  “Hey there,” I smiled. “How’s it going?”

  “What on earth are you doing here?” he replied, a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

  “I came here to visit you,” I pointed to my suitcase. “Surprise!”

  “Amalia Hastings, you never stop surprising me,” he pulled me in for a hug and I stood on my tip toes to reach him. Then I put my hands on the lapels of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

  “What was that for?” he asked, nearly breathless.

  “For everything,” I said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Hayden, I never should have broken up with you.”

  “You were confused,” he offered, a hurt look in his eye.

  “Well I’m not anymore,” I declared. “I know what I want. I want you. I want to be with you.”

  Any hurt look had been erased from his face and all that was left was one of shock.

  “How?” he muttered. “You’re going to Hunter in the fall.”

  “No I’m not,” I said matter-of-factly.

  “What?” he asked, the two of us still standing in the same place. “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to,” I laughed. “Hayden, I can’t stand another minute studying. I want a new life.”

  “Am I crazy to assume that you’re taking me up on my offer and moving down here?” he asked slowly.

  “My lease is up in a month,” I shrugged. “And I think it’s time for the next part of my story to begin.”

  “And for the last part of it to finally end,” he uttered, pulling me in for another kiss.

  “I actually have a job interview tomorrow at your Alma Mater, Florida University.”

  I thought about Dr. Greenfield and all he gave up for his career. In so many ways, that story inspired me. It inspired me not to chase after the wrong things in life, like money and power. Or the constant allure of an emotionally unavailable man. Or the thrall of a cold city like New York. Maybe I couldn’t make it there. Maybe I didn’t care anymore.

  “I’m happy for you, Amalia,” he reached for my suitcase and started to wheel it down the street.

  “Sir!” the doorman from the building Hayden had walked out of was holding something in his hand and quickly making his way over to us. “Sorry to bother you, Mr. Chase, but you dropped your wallet in the hallway.”

  “Thank you,” Hayden gave him a nod and then turned his attention back to me. “Would you like to come see my new apartment now?”

  “I would love to!” I reached for his free hand and clasped it in mine.

  We strolled down the nearly empty street and kept on walking all the way back to his place. No cabs, no subway station. Just us, the warm Florida sun, and a new life of possibilities.

  The best part? I couldn’t think of anything more normal.

  Acknowledgements

  First and foremost I have to thank all of you, the readers. How wonderful you are for taking a chance on a new author and putting your time and effort into reading their books! You have made it all possible, thank you.

  Secondly, I’d like to thank Charlotte Ledger and Kimberley Young of HarperImpulse. These two women took the biggest chance on me and gave me the greatest opportunity that I have even been afforded. They allowed me to take my self-published work and turn it into a three-part series for HarperCollins. Thank you, ladies. I am extremely grateful.

  To Dr. James Connor, my former English professor at Kean University. You were the first person who ever told me I knew what I was doing. You were the first person who ever made me feel like I could really be a writer. For that, I am eternally grateful.

  I would like to thank my dogs (that’s right) Brownie and Cupcake, who forever provide me with love and support. Babies, you are the backbone of this household. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

  Thank you to Kevin Williamson, Mark Schwahn, Sara Shepard, Joss Whedon, and Julie Plec. None of whom I have ever met, but thank you for writing such captivating stories. Your work has always been my number-one inspiration.

  To my family, my friends, and everyone I’ve met over the past few years who have helped support me with this project. To my sister, Lauren, for actually attending NYU for graduate school and helping me shape the world I’ve created here. And to New York City itself.

  To everyone at HarperImpulse who worked on my books, including my cover designers!

  Strangely enough, I’d like to thank my emotions. Although erratic at times, they have provided me with enough creativity to get the job done.

  And lastly, thank YOU to that special person for loving me. For making me feel alive again at a time when I never thought I could. And for making me feel things I never knew were possible to begin with.

  Also by Jill Knapp …

  We've Always Got New York

  What Happens to Men When They Move to Manhattan?

  Jill Knapp

  I’m a native New Yorker who now lives in North Carolina with my two amazing dogs. I was actually inspired to start writing novels from watching television of all things. There were these amazing shows I watched growing up and I thought if I could just create a story that touched people the way that these stories have touched me, I would accomplish my goal.

  Apart from my novels, I have been published in magazines, newspapers, and other websites including The Huffington Post and HelloGiggles. I am also the Features Editor for the online magazine HomeMade Bride.

  In addition to writing, I hold an M.A in Psychology and taught at the college level for three years.

  www.jillknappzitron.com

  @JL_Knapp

  About HarperImpulse

  HarperImpulse is an exciting new range of romance fiction brought to you from the women’s fiction team at HarperCollins. Our aim is to break new talent from debut authors and import the hottest trends from the US, bringing you the very best in romance. Whether that is through short reads for your mobile phone or epic sagas that span the generations we want to proudly publish romance fiction that gets everybody talking.

  Romance readers, come and meet the team at our website www.harperimpu‌lseromance.com, our Facebook page www.facebook.com/HarperImpulse or follow us @HarperImpulse!

  Writers, we are simply looking for good stories! So, what are you waiting for? To submit, e-mail us at romance@harpercollins.co.uk.

  About the Publisher

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  HarperCollins Canada

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  United Kingdom

  HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

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  HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

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  http://www.harpercollins.com

 

 

 
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