Time Out of Mind

by Ruth Hay

  Caroline tugged at the skirt again. She was nervous enough without having to cope with a new outfit. She would probably trip over her feet with the effort of making shorter strides within the confines of the skirt. This was not a good idea, she moaned internally.

  “You look very smart, Caro, quite the business woman! Oscar Johnson is always well dressed, which is unusual in his line of work, so I know he will appreciate the effort you have made.”

  “Thanks, Dad! I needed to hear that. What are my chances of making a good impression on Mr. Johnson with my ideas, rather than with my clothing?”

  David Fenton paused while he negotiated a busy roundabout and merged onto the motorway.

  When he was speeding along again in the correct lane, he answered his daughter’s question.

  “Well, he’s already involved with Mike and pleased with his input on the new technology games and I have advised him on insurance and tax matters for years, so you could say he knows the family and has a good sense of our reliability. That counts for a lot in business.”

  “But I don’t have anything to offer him, Dad. It’s the opposite. I will be asking for his help and equipment and time. Right now, I don’t feel very confident about my requests.”

  “Come on now, Caroline! Where’s that fighting Fenton spirit? You just have to show him the kind of passion you showed your mother and me when you went over your pitch last night. Think about your great-grandmother’s situation and how your ideas could benefit her and others like her. You know it’s a worthwhile project, don’t you?”

  Caroline bit her lip and took a deep breath. “You’re right Dad! I have to keep my focus on what’s important and forget about myself.”

  “You will do very well, I am sure. Now sit back and relax for a while. We’ll be another hour or so before you have to get geared up for the interview.”

  * * *

  David Fenton parked the car in a busy parking lot in front of what looked like a huge warehouse on the south side of London, far from the city centre and part of a satellite industrial estate.

  He went off to get a coffee from a van nearby that was serving a line of office workers.

  Supplied with the coffee, he was looking forward to reading the weekend newspaper in peace inside his car, while his daughter talked to Oscar Johnson.

  Caroline followed her father’s directions and entered the warehouse through a side door, then up a metal staircase to a large office with glass windows on all sides providing full views of the noisy area below. Machines were lifting boxes from high shelves and trundling down alleys to a loading dock at the far side. Men in hard hats were reading from clipboards and calling out instructions to the lift operators. Caroline could not imagine a working environment more different from anything she had ever before encountered.

  She waited at the top of the stairs, then, realizing that no one inside was likely to hear her timid knock, she straightened her back and opened the door into an area with desks and computer equipment scattered everywhere. The workers looked not much older that she was, and they stopped in surprise at her arrival. Caroline could see at once what her father had meant when he contrasted Mr. Johnson’s attire with that of his young staff.

  Casual dress was the phrase that came to mind when Caroline looked around. Cut-off pants and ripped jeans were in evidence while T shirts and sweatshirts seemed to be the approved uniform. Caroline felt more out of place than ever, especially when she noticed the guys checking out her legs. She could have blushed and fled back down the stairs, and for a moment she actually considered doing just that, but she had come this far and it would be foolish to back down now.

  Lowering her briefcase so that it partly shielded her legs, she approached the nearest desk and asked politely for Mr. Johnson. The young man jumped up at once and led her through the maze of desks towards another door with the company name inscribed in gold letters:

  Smart Mart Hi-Tech Solutions.

  Caroline could hear a low wolf whistle behind her but she ignored that and stood aside as the door was opened and her escort announced, “There’s a young lady here to see you, boss.”

  As soon as she closed the office door, Caroline felt more comfortable. The man behind the desk welcomed her kindly, shook hands, and invited her to sit. He looked to be about her father’s age, wore a dark suit and tie, and his smile was warm and genuine.

  “I have been looking forward to this meeting, Miss Fenton. Your father has given me some idea of your projects for the old people’s home. How can I be of assistance?”

  Caroline immediately relaxed and focused on her needs. This was clearly a busy man and she would not waste a minute of his valuable time. She cleared her throat, placed a summary of her project requirements on the desk, and began.

  “As you can see, sir, I need surveillance-type equipment for a closed circuit system to supervise the residents in the home. It must be capable of Wi-Fi connection so that there isn’t any construction work required. The system would be monitored from a central office with stacked screens. It’s on a trial basis only, for now, Mr. Johnson, so whatever equipment you were able to lend us could be returned. And, the entire nursing home need not be supplied.

  We want to set up one corridor as an experiment.”

  Caroline stopped, realized she had been gabbling at top speed and sank back in embarrassment. She was over-anxious about asking for so much and had rushed through her speech. Could she have ruined her chances by acting so immaturely? There was an ominous silence from the other side of the desk and she did not dare to look at his reaction.

  Oscar Johnson hid a smile behind his hand and turned to his visitor with a question.

  “And is there anything else you might need, young lady?”

  Caroline was temporarily shocked into stunned amazement. Could this be a genuine offer?

  She raised her eyes and met a frank expression of interest, as Mr. Johnson waited for an answer. This was too good an opportunity to miss.

  “Well,” she began hesitantly, “I was thinking about using iPods to record music so that the residents could have a selection to suit their individual tastes, but of course we don’t have finances for any of these ideas.”

  Oscar Johnson stood up and signaled to Caroline to look out of the office windows to the warehouse floor.

  “Do you see that open bin over there? It’s full of iPods for re-cycling. They are not the latest model but you could help yourself to however many you need.”

  As Caroline gazed at the huge pile of iPods and tried to calculate the value of the bin’s contents, Oscar Johnson continued. “We have an equally large supply of used computer monitors and I can fix you up with the mini cams you can easily attach to the wall in each room. I’ll send some of my boys to install the equipment. The change from the office environment will do them good.”

  “Really? I can’t believe you could be so generous. I had no idea this amount of technology was collected for recycling. I…. I am just overwhelmed, Mr. Johnson!”

  A big laugh erupted from Oscar Johnson’s chest.

  “Don’t give it another thought, Miss Fenton. You’ll be doing me a favour by using this stuff and there may be a business opportunity for my firm if your ideas prove to be worthwhile.”

  A gust of relief swept through Caroline. She had not wanted to contemplate the effect on her project if her appeal had failed. Now she could see a glimpse of success in the distance.

  Oscar patted her shoulder and invited her to sit down again.

  “I have an ulterior motive, Miss Fenton. The nursing home you are planning to work in is in Heathfield, is it not?” Caroline nodded in agreement and waited to hear what surprises would come next, in this very unusual interview.

  “The name of the place must be Mayfield Manor then?” Again Caroline nodded.

  “My mother was there about five years ago and at the time I thought much more could be done with the place. Modern technology can make a considerable difference in the running of a large ins
titution but traditional methods are hard to change and the question of money is always at the forefront of town councils rather than the comfort and security of their elderly folk.

  I am delighted to get this chance to introduce new ways of thinking, although it is too late for my mother to benefit. I heartily commend you, Miss Fenton, and all your young helpers for taking action on behalf of those who have few champions in these days of budget cuts.”

  Caroline felt like applauding this formal speech but she contented herself with another handshake and repeated thanks as she made for the office door.

  “I’ll be in touch through your father with a schedule for the installations. It’s up to you to obtain permission for this kind of ‘spy wear’, of course. Some people are hyper-sensitive about privacy issues.

  Personally, I wish there had been better monitoring when my mother was there. She might not have died from the consequences of a broken hip when she tried to get out of bed in the middle of the night and lay on the floor for hours.”

  Caroline left the office and stumbled down the stairs in a dream. Was it a coincidence that Oscar Johnson’s mother had died at Mayfield Manor, the same nursing home where her own great-grandmother was now living? What kind of reception would her Community Connections project have received if not for this coincidence? It looked as if her outrageous requests would be met without the financial burden she had feared.

  Before she reached the exit door, one of the young guys from the office called to her to wait while he filled a large carrier bag with iPods from the discard bin. As he handed the bag to Caroline he asked if she needed any cell phones or laptops, explaining that the techie types in the office used only the latest models so they could recommend the best to their clients.

  A burst of optimism flooded through Caroline and she positively danced her way back to the car with her bags of free goods. Now she could give the green light to her posse of helpers and, surely, this news would alleviate most of the worries both the college and Eva Singh had expressed.

  As she jumped into the car beside her father, Caroline was planning a huge sign she would hang on her bedroom door. It would read; THINK BIG!

  * * *

  By the time Sunday lunch was over, Caroline had a plan to invite her Grandmother Lynn for a tour of the garden while her dad discussed the disastrous economic situation in Greece with Grandpa Stavros.

  Her mother and grandmother had already huddled at the sink over the lunch dishes and Caroline knew they had talked about her project in some detail. The matter that concerned Caroline today was not the project, but rather, the mental state of Gigi. She wanted to know if her grandmother could shed any light on the troubles that had disturbed Gigi so much.

  As her grandparents had lived with Gigi and her husband for some years before their mother moved to the nursing home, Caroline thought they should have some idea of her past.

  “You are young to be delving into family history like this, Caroline, but judging from what your mother has been telling me, I think you deserve to know the truth. Come and sit with me. It’s such a pretty day and your father has done a fine job with this garden.”

  Caroline settled her grandmother on soft cushions on the terrace. She could not help admiring the tanned skin that Gran Lynn had acquired during the month in Greece, an annual visit to her husband’s birth island of Paros for his family’s Easter celebrations. Her silver hair glowed against that skin and the eyebrows she had passed on to Caroline still retained most of the darker brown of her original hair colour. Caroline thought her grandmother was a beautiful older woman.

  “First, I have to tell you a bit about my childhood” she began. “There were only two children in the house; my older brother, your great-uncle Philip, and myself. I was too young to appreciate it at the time, but my mother was sometimes bothered by periods of depression. She would take to her bed for days on end and Philip and I looked after ourselves until our father came home from work. It wasn’t like today when parents drive their children to school and to all their activities. We were often left to our own devices and we learned early to be independent.”

  “Was your mother really ill? Why didn’t she get medical help?”

  “Well, Caroline, in those days, people did not like others to know about their problems.

  The fear of being sent to a mental hospital kept many sick people behind closed doors. It was only when I went occasionally to the homes of school friends that I understood how different my home life was from theirs.”

  “How do you mean different?” Caroline was trying to imagine the kind of childhood her grandmother must have had, and finding it difficult to visualize anything other than the caring and supportive home created by her own parents.

  “My mother was not affectionate with me. She expected a lot of help in the home and rarely praised my efforts. With Philip she was quite different. It was clear to me from a young age that she loved him much more than she loved me.”

  “Gran! That’s horrible! How did you stand it?”

  “As I said, I thought all homes were like that until I went to friends’ houses. Don’t think I was mistreated, Caroline. My father did his best to make up for my mother’s lack of attention.

  He was my darling daddy and I could always count on him.”

  “But didn’t he die quite young? My mother said something about that.”

  “Yes.” Caroline could not miss the depth of feeling in that one word.

  “Philip had left home by then. I think he hated the tension between my parents and he found work as an apprentice in the north, settling in Manchester. He never really came back again and my mother’s condition deteriorated after he went away.”

  “So you were left alone to cope with everything?”

  Caroline saw her Gran Lynn look down at her hands and turn the wedding rings around her finger. She had noticed this gesture before, and thought it gave the older woman a chance to think before she replied.

  “The worst was that my father was very ill at the end. As a young man he had joined the army and fought in World War 11. Nowadays, he would have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome, I suspect, but then it was expected that men returned home and coped as best they could. He never spoke about his war experiences and probably suffered a lot in silence.”

  “Was this the same time as your mother began to become forgetful?”

  “That’s right. It was a bad situation for all of us. Fortunately, I had met your Grandpa Stavros on a working holiday in Greece one summer, and we decided to get married and move into the family house. Having an extra pair of hands to help me with my father was a tremendous relief for me. I could not have managed without him.”

  “Hey! What’s going on out here? It looks pretty serious.”

  Caroline’s mother appeared with a tray of coffee and a plate of Greek pastries. “Caroline, you have a phone call from Janine again. Take it in the kitchen and ask Mike if he wants some pastries from the plate on the countertop.”

  “Sure, mum.” Caroline jumped up gladly. She was happy to leave her grandmother’s sad tale behind. It was becoming depressing to listen to and she wanted to absorb the details on her own to work out the possible implications for her great-gran’s recent strange behavior.

  Sarah Fenton took one look at her mother’s face and quickly put the tray down on a wrought iron table, taking over her daughter’s chair and pulling it closer to her mother.

  “Mum! Has Caroline been upsetting you?”

  Her mother shook her head. “No, Sarah. It’s just that thinking about the past always makes me regret the wasted opportunities. I don’t think back to those memories very often now. They are too painful.”

  Sarah gathered her mother into a warm hug and wiped a tear from her face. “Oh, Mum, I am so sorry you had to relive those unhappy memories.”

  “No, Sarah. It’s right that Caroline should know what happened in my generation. Very few young people would ever have asked, and much family history di
sappears when the older members die. Please don’t worry about her. I didn’t go into detail about the awful fights between Isobel and Kyle and the accusations they threw at each other when things were bad.

  It never seemed to occur to them that their children could hear every hateful word.”

  “It must have been horrible for you, living in that atmosphere. Did you ever figure out what caused the fights, or was it just a case of a man and a woman who should never have married in the first place?”

  “I’m not sure, Sarah. It must have been something desperately serious that affected both of them. When I was younger I held my hands over my ears to blot out the noise and later on I escaped from the house to meet Stavros whenever I could.”

  “Oh, Mum, you were a real Cinderella, weren’t you?” Sarah hugged her mother again and kissed her cheek with affection.

  “Well, that’s as may be, but, at least I found my Prince Charming early and he has been a gift in my life along with you, Sarah, and your lovely family.”

  “Ha! Don’t tell them that. We have enough swollen heads as it is with Mike getting paid to work on some kind of techie stuff and Caroline venturing off to London to convince the same client of David’s to donate a truckful of material for her project. They say the country is going downhill economically but these two don’t seem to know it!”

  Sarah and her mother laughed at this cheerful thought and headed back into the house, leaning on each other with their heads close together. Caroline watched them through the kitchen window and thought how much happier her own mother’s childhood must have been compared to the story she had just heard about Gran Lynn’s household. Too bad Caroline had never met her great- uncle Philip or her great-grandfather Kyle. She might have had a few words to say to both of them about family responsibilities and gender equality.