Time Out of Mind

by Ruth Hay

  Chapter Ten

  On Monday morning, it was all over the school that Caroline Fenton’s Community Connections project had received official approval.

  Joan Miller came to find Caroline at the lunch hour and told her she had spoken to Eva Singh earlier, and assured her that the project could start straight away as Caroline’s schedule of classes had been amended to accommodate her out-of-school timetable.

  “Now, don’t neglect your exam preparations Caroline,” warned Ms. Miller, sternly. “It’s not worth risking your qualifications because you are involved in what is essentially a charitable assignment. This will look good on your C.V. portfolio when you go for interviews, of course.”

  Caroline bristled a bit at the implication that she was not serious about the work she was about to do with the residents at Mayfield Manor.

  “No, I will look after my other commitments, Ms. Miller, but perhaps this Community Connections project will lead to a future career in Elder Care management.”

  Caroline had never actually considered her future career in any detail. She spoke without thinking, in order to get a more positive response from Ms. Miller, but the second the words were out of her mouth, she realized it was, in fact, a possible direction for her.

  “Well, we’ll see how things go for you, Caroline. I understand you have a number of college students involved. Keep in mind that they will not be able to claim extra time out of school for their participation.”

  “I am aware of that, Ms. Miller,” replied Caroline in a more conciliatory tone. “I am sure we can work out a suitable schedule.”

  “Right then! Let me know if I can be of any help. We all wish you success, you know.”

  “Thank you.”

  Caroline waited till her Student Services teacher had left the cafeteria then let loose with a whoop of suppressed excitement at the thought of the days ahead. Janine and Ashley who had been watching the previous exchange from an adjacent table, leaped over to Caroline and the three friends celebrated by jumping up and down and giggling for a minute with their arms entwined.

  When they finally ran out of breath, Caroline was the first to calm down.

  “Now it gets serious, gang! We need a council of war to coordinate our efforts. Everyone has to have a cell phone and all the others on speed dial.”

  Two heads nodded in agreement.

  “Let all the groups know it’s a go, Janine, and you work on the promo shirt design with Ashley. We’ll have to be very well organized if we want to achieve any of what we said was possible.

  I will be at the nursing home this afternoon to set things in motion and I’ll report back to you both tonight.”

  “Yes, Field Marshal Fenton!” said Janine with a mock salute. “We’ll rally the troops for you!”

  “Cut it out, Janine!” whispered Caroline, looking around to see if anyone had noticed, but she couldn’t resist laughing at Janine’s stance with her rigid back and stiff facial expression.

  “It will take military–style order to get this project moving along, believe me. Don’t let the old folks down!” she cautioned them.

  “No sir!” they replied in unison and the trio dissolved in laughter again.

  * * *

  Caroline arrived at Mayfield Manor in a much more serious mood. She knew she would have to get Mary and Eva on her side if she was going to match the proposed activities to the seniors’ interests. She would need to know who might have played chess before and which residents were interested in music and from what era.

  In addition, she needed to know which of the elderly could go outside safely in walkers or wheelchairs to watch the garden club workers. There was also the issue of introducing animals into the environment. Who, for example, might have had pets before and would enjoy the opportunity to share some time with a friendly dog?

  It was essential that Eva was willing and able to provide this information, so that Caroline’s team of helpers could contribute effectively in the little spare time they had to give.

  The nursing home manager and Caroline got right down to business as soon as the office door was closed.

  “Yes, I did get the message from your teacher that the college approved your project, Caroline. I will help whenever I can, but the person who can best answer your questions is Mary. She and her staff can supply background details about residents’ likes and dislikes as they have daily contact and know the relatives who visit. Over time, these family members have filled in information about the sometimes-surprising former lives of our residents.”

  Caroline made a mental note to talk to Mary as soon as possible, then turned her attention back to Eva Singh who was still talking.

  “You understand, of course, that an invasion of new faces could be upsetting for our residents. I will need a schedule of visitors’ names and times so that we can safely co-ordinate activities.

  I presume the other student helpers will not be free until later in the day?”

  Caroline nodded agreement and added, “Most clubs meet after classes in the afternoon. It will take some time for students to arrive here by bus but we could be able to start by about four or four thirty, if that is suitable.”

  “Actually, that is a very suitable time frame for us.” Eva was flipping through a calendar on her desk as she spoke and marking pages with a highlight pen.

  “You have been here throughout the day, Caroline, and you know the routine. Mornings are taken up with washing, dressing and medications. Most of our residents prefer to breakfast in their rooms. After lunch, some stay in the lounge for television or conversation, but many return to bed for a nap or a rest. The period between four, and dinner at six, is the time we usually schedule activities, although these are infrequent, I am afraid, due to the costs involved.”

  “That sounds perfect for us, Ms. Singh! I will send you a detailed schedule of names and plans each week for your approval and I promise not to overwhelm your residents with too much change at one time. We hope to try out several things on a small scale and see what is popular or most beneficial. “

  Eva smiled to support Caroline’s ideas and noted, “I see from my calendar that Mr. Johnson’s company will be installing a closed-circuit video system in the next few days. I have made space in my office for the monitors and I am happy to tell you that there have been no objections from family members about privacy concerns. In fact, a number of relatives were pleased to hear about the innovation. It will, of course, be my responsibility to observe the system in operation and I will report on its effectiveness. Mr. Johnson and I spoke on the phone and he will personally instruct the night staff on the system requirements.”

  Caroline breathed a sigh of relief at this information. For a moment she had thought she might be asked to do night duty as well as supervising all the other activities the students were keen to try.

  “I must say, the night staff are rather anxious to try this idea, Caroline. I heard a number of positive comments about saving time and shoe leather. My only concern is that staff may fall asleep when they need not move from my office. I must remember to ask Mr. Johnson if the system can provide a signal to wake someone when it is inactive for a lengthy period.”

  Eva began to write a note to herself and Caroline slipped quietly out of the office.

  She had decided to spend an hour with her great-grandmother before heading home as it had been several days since she had seen the old lady. “After all,” she reminded herself, “if it hadn’t been for Gigi, none of this would be happening.”

  When she pushed open the door, she was surprised to see her Gran Lynn seated in a chair by the bedside. Immediately Caroline feared something had happened.

  “No, no, my dear! There’s nothing wrong. Your mother asked me to pick you up today as she is busy at work and I came early to see how your great-gran is today. Truthfully, I have been thinking a lot about what we discussed at your home on Sunday. It has been on my mind that there were questions you asked that I was unable to answer. The older I get
, the more I realize that there are more than the standard two sides to every question and I may not have been fair in my statements about my mother in those days.”

  She reached forward and gently patted the hands of her mother who was fast asleep on her back, propped up against a heap of pillows.

  Caroline felt contrite at once. “Oh, I didn’t mean to upset you, Gran. I was just trying to understand what made Gigi so anxious, and I was hoping we might be able to reassure her if we knew what caused her to be so distressed.”

  “I know you were only trying to help, Caroline. I think what you are planning to do here is amazing and I am so grateful for your interest and concern.” She turned to Caroline and stroked her cheeks with the same gentle touch. “You are a remarkable child and I could not be more proud of you than I am at this moment.”

  Tears sprang into Caroline’s eyes and trickled down onto her grandmother’s hands. They looked deeply into each other’s eyes and a bond was made in that moment from heart to heart.

  Her grandmother was the first to break eye contact. “Now, tell me exactly what my mother said to you when she was in distress and I will try to figure it out, if I can.”

  “Well……” Caroline cast her mind back to that day. So much had happened since then that she was not sure she could recall the event with any accuracy but although the words were fading from her memory, the emotions were clear as soon as she looked over at the worn, old face on the pillows.

  “As I told you, Gran, I can’t remember exactly what was said, but she was sobbing and saying something about being sorry. It was as if she was begging for forgiveness from someone. I don’t know what could have started it. She was resting quietly only moments before she began to cry. It was really heartbreaking to hear and I didn’t know what to do for the best.”

  “Please don’t blame yourself, my dear. I know just how upsetting it must have been for you.

  I have seen exactly the same reaction from my mother on more than one occasion.

  In fact, the last time it happened was in this room when she was holding the wedding picture.

  I put the picture away in the drawer here so that she wouldn’t see it and upset herself again.”

  Curiosity flooded through Caroline but before she could ask to see the wedding picture, her grandmother had already reached forward and extracted it from the bedside table, holding it our so they could examine it together.

  Caroline saw a small sepia-toned photograph in a silver frame of two couples standing solemnly side-by-side. Without her grandmother’s statement that it was a wedding photograph, she would never have recognized the scene as one of celebration. The men wore ordinary dark suits and the women were dressed in skirts and jackets with matching hats and gloves. It seemed very formal and no one was smiling.

  As she studied the faces for clues, her grandmother pointed to the young man to the right of the groom in the centre and said, “That’s my father.”

  Caroline could just about see the resemblance to her grandmother. “Do you know who the married couple are?” she asked.

  “I am not sure. Probably friends, or perhaps a family member of my father’s, but I never met any relatives from his side of the family so I would be guessing.”

  “Do you think there might be names written on the back of the photograph?”

  “Caroline! That’s a smart idea! I never thought of looking there. My mother kept this photograph hidden in a box at home. I only saw it once or twice and presumed she liked the picture of her husband as a young man. Now I am beginning to wonder why she kept it at all, and why she insisted on bringing it with her to Mayfield Manor.”

  “I’d rather you removed the picture from its frame, Gran,” said Caroline. “I don’t want to be responsible for damaging it.”

  In a moment her grandmother had prised off the cardboard stand and gently separated the layers of paper behind the old photograph. A piece of cut newsprint fluttered to the floor and Caroline quickly picked it up hoping to find a date or perhaps a line or two of information about the wedding. The two heads bent over the tiny print but they could find nothing relevant.

  By now the back of the photograph was exposed to the light and a few words of writing could be seen.

  “I hope you can read that fancy handwriting, Gran. I never read anything these days that isn’t produced by a computer.”

  “When I went to school, we had to learn long-hand writing but it was not the beautiful copperplate script of my mother’s generation.”

  “So, you recognize your mother’s writing?”

  “Of course! Before she became so ill, my mother often wrote notes and put them in my school bag to remind me what to do for supper when I came home.” The photograph shook in her grandmother’s hand as she remembered happier times. Caroline kept silent and gave the older lady a few uninterrupted moments, although she could hardly wait to hear what was written.

  “So,” she began at last, “it looks like the names are written in the same order as the figures in the photo. That should be helpful.” Caroline nodded and bit her lips to stop herself from rushing her grandmother as she deciphered the writing.

  “The first is Amy Warren, then Marion H. Jarvis or Yarvis, then Angus T. R. McLeod, the groom I suppose. Last is my father ‘s name, Kyle Purdy.”

  “None of these other names is familiar to you, Gran?”

  “None at all! I can’t remember hearing them spoken about during my childhood or later.”

  “Well, this picture must mean something to Gigi if she kept it by her for so long.”

  Caroline squinted to see a faint photographer’s stamp in the bottom corner at the back of the photograph. She could just make out a year date although a thumb print had obscured the month.

  “It was taken in 40!” she exclaimed. “That must mean 1940. What a long time ago!”

  Caroline turned the photo over again and looked at the faces of these people who must all be dead by now.

  “That explains why the wedding party looks so solemn,” added her grandmother. “It was probably a register office affair. One or more of these people may have been about to join the armed forces to fight in World War 11. In fact, my father must have enlisted at about that time.

  None of them is in uniform but my father must have known either Marion Jarvis or Angus McLeod well, to be chosen as best man at their marriage. This is interesting, Caroline. I feel a bit like Miss Marple trying to solve a mystery that has something to do with my own family.”

  “I agree, Gran!” laughed Caroline in response. “Let’s examine the photograph and the names to see if we can unearth anything more about the mysterious couple, Marion and Angus.”

  As excitement gripped them, their voices had risen and Gigi awoke suddenly in time to hear the two names spoken by Caroline.

  “Stop! What are you doing? Give that back to me. How dare you!”

  The wrinkled hand reached down and grabbed the photo from Caroline’s fingers with such unexpected strength that the fragile paper ripped into two pieces.

  While Caroline watched in horror her great-grandmother screamed hoarsely and fell back onto the pillows sobbing and crying in despair.

  Chapter Eleven

  My photograph is ripped into two parts! My photograph!

  I feel as if my heart is tearing in two. I can hardly breathe.

  I have loved and hated the photograph in equal measure for so many years. Often I tried to resist looking at it. The pain it caused was more than I could stand. My final look at the two people I had loved the most and betrayed utterly. The two people I would never see again because of that betrayal.

  Much as I longed to gaze on those beloved images just once more, inevitably my memory dragged me back to the last, desperate time I saw Gus face-to-face.

  A number of weeks had passed since the night in the bomb shelter and I had avoided all contact with Gus, fearing to see his disgust at the way I had deceived him.

  Marion was puzzled by my reluctance to make up ou
r usual happy foursome but I made excuses using Kyle’s evening work in his uncle’s butcher shop as a feeble reason why I did not want to join them at the film show or the monthly college dances.

  My private pain increased whenever Marion extolled the virtues of Gus and described to me how much more loving and considerate he seemed to be lately. She was pleasantly surprised about this, as she had feared his reaction to the disappointment of their failed assignation in the hotel. I could have told her his new attentions were an attempt to absolve his guilt for allowing me to seduce him so easily in the dark basement of that same hotel.

  Of course I could say and do nothing without heaping wrath upon my head, and I was too much of a coward to confess and take my punishment. But punishment was meted out nonetheless, and I could never have imagined how much more painful that would be.

  Immersed in my own conflicting emotions I had not noticed the weeks passing, until I was checking exam dates in my college calendar.

  I had always circled the days during my period so as to be more careful about what I would wear at those times. Normally I was able to predict those days for months ahead as I had a consistent 28 day cycle.

  I stared at the calendar in horror as I counted back the weeks since my last period, and counted again and again in mounting panic. No amount of repetition would change the conclusion I was forced to confront.

  I had missed a period. Worse yet, I had foolishly had sex with Gus in a fertile part of my cycle.

  I was training to be a nurse and I knew better than to take this kind of risk.

  At first, I denied the terrible realization and talked myself into a vain belief that I had been so worried and distracted that I had caused a delay in my usual clockwork-like system and all would be back to normal in a few days. But, as the days dragged on with no result, I had to face the unthinkable. I was carrying Gus’ baby.

  Fear made it impossible to sleep or eat. My parents would kill me if they knew. My plans for a future in nursing would vanish if my education was to be interrupted by a pregnancy.