Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat for Binge Eating

by Michelle May M. D.

  Respect your body. In place of body loathing, develop “body respect.” You don’t have to like every part of your body to respect it. Respecting your body means treating yourself with dignity, caring for your well-being, and listening to your body’s needs. Respectful body messages include:

  My body deserves to be fed and taken care of.

  My body deserves to be groomed and dressed nicely.

  My body deserves to be touched affectionately.

  My body deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

  Nurture your body. Do nice things for your body such as getting a massage, using luxurious lotions, taking bubble baths, and updating your hairstyle. Treating yourself this way demonstrates that you are cared for and allows you to experience your body in more positive ways.

  Dress in the here and now. Too often people continue to wear old, worn out, or outdated clothes because they are waiting for their body to reach a certain size before they buy new ones. Avoid wearing clothes that don’t fit because they will make you feel uncomfortable and overly body conscious. Try new looks and experiment with new colors and styles of clothing that flatter your present body. Don’t wait another day to develop your own personal style in clothing—and attitude.

  Expect respect. Hold your head high and your shoulders back, speak in an assertive tone, and expect the respect you deserve. This body language encourages others to treat you with more respect, which in turn will help you learn to respect yourself!

  If you are unable to accept and love yourself as you are now, it is unlikely that you will ever be satisfied with yourself no matter what changes you make. Instead of waiting for the body you’ve always wanted, learn to love the body you have.

  (Note: Some people communicate through body size. For example, it may be used to tell other people that you are powerful and strong, or that you don’t want to be noticed or approached. This is a fairly complicated issue and one that should be explored with a counselor or therapist with the goal of learning to communicate your needs, wants, and boundaries in the most effective ways possible. Other individuals have had traumatic experiences such that they disconnected from their bodies as a way of coping, surviving, or protecting themselves from further pain or abuse. If this might be the case for you, please seek help from a therapist who is a trained trauma specialist to safely address these issues.)

  HOW HUNGRY AM I?

  The Hunger and Fullness Scale is a useful tool for assessing your hunger and fullness levels before, during, and after eating. It will help you identify hunger cues, observe how different types and amounts of food affect you, and recognize when the urge to eat has been triggered by something other than hunger. This scale is not intended to set strict guidelines about when you should eat; rather, it is to help you develop a greater awareness of your body’s subtle signals.

  The Hunger and Fullness Scale ranges from 1 to 10. A level 1 represents ravenous—you’re so hungry you could eat this book. A level 10 means you’re so full that you’re in pain and feel sick. Remember, smaller numbers, smaller stomach; larger numbers, larger stomach.

  In the middle of the scale is a level 5, which equates to being satisfied and comfortable. At a 5, you cannot feel your stomach at all. It’s neither empty nor full; it isn’t growling or feeling stretched. This may be how your stomach feels after you’ve eaten breakfast. Most people don’t want to feel sluggish in the morning, so they tend to eat light, which results in a comfortable level of satiety.

  It may be challenging at first to label your hunger and fullness levels with numbers, but as you practice, it becomes second nature. Here are some descriptions to help you learn what the numbers mean.

  1 Ravenous: Too hungry to care what you eat. This is a high-risk time for overeating.

  2 Starving: You feel you must eat NOW!

  3 Hungry: Eating would be pleasurable, but you can wait longer.

  4 Hunger pangs: You’re slightly hungry; you notice your first thoughts of food.

  5 Satisfied: You’re content and comfortable. You’re neither hungry nor full; you can’t feel your stomach at all.

  6 Full: You can feel the food in your stomach.

  7 Very full: Your stomach feels stretched and you feel sleepy and sluggish.

  8 Uncomfortable: Your stomach is too full, and you wish you hadn’t eaten so much.

  9 Stuffed: Your clothes feel very tight and you’re very uncomfortable.

  10 Sick: You feel sick and/or you’re in pain.

  It helps to develop a good mental picture of what’s happening to your stomach at these different levels of hunger and fullness.

  Make a fist with your right hand. When your stomach is completely empty, it’s about that size—a level 1. Since your stomach is only about the size of your fist, it only takes a handful or two of food to fill it comfortably to a level 5.

  Another way to picture your stomach is to think of a balloon. When it’s empty you’re at a 1. When you blow that first puff of air into the balloon, it fills out gently and takes its shape. That’s a 5.

  As you take a deep breath and force more air into a balloon, its elastic walls begin to stretch and expand. These are levels 6 through 10. Your stomach is able to stretch to a 10 in order to hold excess food; therefore, the numbers over 5 indicate how stretched or uncomfortable your stomach feels.

  MINDFUL MOMENT: Your stomach is only about the size of your fist so it only takes a handful or two of food to fill it.

  If you blow in too much air, a balloon will continue to stretch and eventually pop. Fortunately stomachs rarely rupture, but most of us have eaten so much at one time or another that we’ve said, “If I eat one more bite, I will explode!” When you feel this way, you’re at a 10.

  Of course, changes in blood sugar levels, energy levels, moods, and substances in the bloodstream resulting from the digestive process also signal hunger and fullness. These other clues help tell you how hungry or full you are. Kurt found the concept of hunger and fullness to be really helpful.

  I used to pay more attention to fueling my car than I did my body. I wouldn’t get on the freeway for a long trip without checking to see if I needed to fill up. And I wouldn’t pull off the freeway every time I saw a gas station without looking at my fuel gauge first. The Hunger and Fullness Scale is like my own personal fuel gauge.

  When Is the Best Time to Eat?

  Once you’re aware of your signals, you can use the Hunger and Fullness Scale to begin to fine-tune your eating patterns. Starting in the middle, let’s work our way down the scale.

  5 or higher: If you’re at a 5 or above and you want to eat or keep eating, you know something other than hunger triggered it. This is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and how you respond to your environment and your emotions. Chapters 3 and 4 cover that in more detail.

  4: When your hunger level is at a 4, you’re slightly hungry and starting to think about eating. You can begin to plan for it by making sure time and food will be available when you’re ready to eat. There will be times when you’ll want to eat even though you’re only slightly hungry—for example, at a mealtime or when you won’t have another opportunity to eat later. Just keep in mind that if you’re only a little bit hungry, you need only a little bit of food.

  3 or 2: The ideal time to begin eating is when you reach a 3 or 2. At this point you’re significantly hungry, so food will be pleasurable and satisfying.

  1: If you put off eating or don’t notice that you’re hungry until you’re famished, you may not think as clearly or make mindful decisions about what you want to eat. You’re more likely to eat anything you can get your hands on and eat too quickly to notice when you’ve had enough. That’s why you can easily go from starving to stuffed.

  Now that you’re aware of what can happen when you’re at a 1, you can slow down and think about your choices. Have a few bites of food then wait a few moments to take the edge off your hunger so you are less likely to overeat. And remember, being really hungry doesn’t mean you ne
ed a lot of food; it means you need to eat soon.

  HUNGER RHYTHMS

  As you begin to reconnect with hunger and satiety, you can learn to understand your personal hunger rhythms.

  Hunger doesn’t follow a clock.

  If you tell yourself, “I should be hungry; it’s dinnertime” or “I shouldn’t be hungry yet,” you may not be listening to your body. While it may be more convenient—or necessary—for you to eat meals at conventional times, those mealtimes don’t always coincide with your internal clock or natural hunger rhythms. Although it can be challenging, you are in charge of either adapting your meals to fit your hunger rhythms or adapting your hunger rhythms to fit your schedule. Using an awareness journal can help you figure out what works best for you.

  If you find that you’re hungry between meals, you can experiment with keeping a snack on hand, moving your mealtime up, or eating more protein at the meal before. For instance, if you’re usually hungry at four in the afternoon but you want to be hungry for dinner with your family, plan a light afternoon snack so you won’t be ravenous. Since it’s not always convenient to eat when hunger tells you to, you may need to retrain yourself to be hungry around a particular time. For instance, if aren’t usually very hungry during your lunch hour, you could try eating a little more protein at breakfast so you can skip your mid-morning snack or eat less at lunch and be prepared to have a mid-afternoon snack.

  Another example is breakfast. Everyone knows that breakfast is an important meal to spark your internal thermostat and give you energy. If you drink several cups of coffee and rush around all morning getting ready, your hunger signals may be suppressed or ignored. If you aren’t hungry when you first wake up, check your hunger level an hour or two later. You could also try getting up a little earlier so you can slow down to eat. Some people aren’t hungry in the morning because they eat a large or late dinner—or binge—at night. You can retrain yourself to be hungry in the morning by addressing late night eating.

  Hunger may seem erratic.

  Hunger comes and goes according to your body’s needs. You may feel hungry frequently one day and rarely the next. For example, many women experience wide fluctuations in their hunger throughout their menstrual cycles due to changing hormone levels. Because of your activity levels and many other factors, you simply don’t need the same type or amount of food at the same time each day.

  This is contrary to the way most diets are structured and yet another reason why they usually fail. You were more likely to “cheat” when your hunger levels didn’t match the rules of whatever diet you were following. This time be your own expert by learning to understand and trust your body’s signals.

  Eating small meals satisfies hunger best.

  When you don’t overfill your stomach, you’ll feel light and comfortable after eating. For a visual reminder, gently make a fist then open your hand. A handful or two is about how much food it takes for your stomach to go from a level 1 or 2 to a level 5. Surprising, isn’t it, when you think about how large most serving sizes are?

  Of course, when you eat a small amount of food, you’re likely to become hungry more often throughout the day. That is why so many people who eat instinctively seem to be eating all the time. This is the origin of common diet rules: “Eat six small meals a day” and “Eat every three hours.” Some experts presume that you’ll lose control of your eating if you get hungry. But now you know that exactly the opposite occurs; you’re more likely to eat in a satisfying way when you’re hungry—as long as you’re not too hungry.

  Instead of using an arbitrary schedule designed by someone else, listen to your body. Observe your natural hunger rhythms and establish a consistent meal pattern that matches them. The instinctive pattern of eating smaller, more frequent meals rather than a large meal once or twice a day will level out your blood sugar and supply a consistent fuel source. As a result, you’ll experience fewer mood and energy swings.

  Hunger is affected by what you eat, not just how much.

  The types of nutrients and the amount of energy food contains all affect your hunger levels. Macronutrients (carbohydrates, proteins, and fats) are digested at different rates and cause the release of certain biochemicals. For example, protein-containing foods lead to the greatest level of satiety; foods high in fiber slow down digestion. That’s why whole grain crackers with peanut butter literally stick with you longer than plain crackers and why a palm full of broccoli affects you differently from a palm full of chocolate candy. When you’re really listening to your body, you can adjust what you eat to regulate your hunger patterns.

  Hunger can’t be satisfied before it occurs.

  Eating to avoid feeling hungry later at an inconvenient time is called preventive eating. Think of it this way. If you’re comfortable in a room but you put on a heavy coat because you might get cold in an hour, you’ll probably get hot and uncomfortable in the meantime. Instead, if you wait until you feel cold, the coat will do what it’s supposed to do—make you warm and keep you comfortable. Hunger works the same way. If you eat now because you might get hungry in an hour, you’ll feel full and uncomfortable. If you wait until you’re hungry to eat, you’ll feel comfortable and satisfied.

  Preventive eating is sometimes a response to a fear of hunger. Perhaps there was a time in your life when you were insecure about having enough food. Or perhaps you perceive your natural feelings of hunger as unpleasant and try to avoid them. To combat this fear, assure yourself that you’ll usually be able to eat when you’re hungry and then be prepared by keeping food on hand. You’ll probably find that it works better to have a healthy, satisfying choice rather than a food that will call to you even when you’re not hungry.

  Hunger can be postponed.

  If food isn’t available or it’s not convenient to eat when you get hungry, your hunger may disappear and return in an hour or two. That’s because your body will turn to other fuel sources—an important survival mechanism. Keep in mind though, that if you take advantage of this and ignore hunger too often, it may backfire and cause your metabolism to slow down in order to conserve energy. Also remember that when hunger comes back, it’ll probably be even stronger.

  Every urge to eat is an opportunity to become more mindful of your body’s signals and to begin to use that information to care for yourself. Kurt talked about how this shift happened for him.

  I like thinking of my body like a high-performance vehicle; I wouldn’t expect my car to run on empty and my body can’t either. I’ve also become aware of how poorly I function when I over fuel my body at night. It sets off a chain reaction that is hard to break out of. But my biggest lesson is that bingeing is just another symptom of the way I’ve been running my whole life these days, and that’s got to change. I fully intend to make this high-performance vehicle last a full lifetime!

  CHAPTER 3

  IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD

  Natalie was surprised to realize how often she felt like eating when she wasn’t hungry.

  I had just gotten the kids out the door and off to school. Mornings are always such a whirlwind. I stood there looking around the house, not sure where to start. I felt overwhelmed so I wandered into the kitchen to look in the refrigerator. As I rummaged around in the leftovers, it dawned on me that I wasn’t hungry. I had eaten less than an hour ago with the kids before they left.

  I’m starting to realize how often I automatically eat even though I’m not hungry. I go straight to food as soon as I’m alone, especially when I don’t want to do what I think I’m supposed to be doing. Instead of feeling guilty about procrastinating, I feel guilty about eating. My pattern has been to binge then take a nap because I feel so full and tired, or binge after everyone else is in bed then pass out around midnight. I don’t think that it’s food I want, but the escape that bingeing gives me.

  I’m not really sure what to do about it though.

  In the last chapter you learned how to identify symptoms of hunger. It can take some time to fine-tune this pr
ocess so don’t be concerned if it’s not coming naturally yet. As you relearn to recognize hunger, like Natalie you may be surprised how often you want to eat when there is no physical indication that your body actually needs food.

  You’re in charge of what you do next. Notice how different that is from being in control. Being in control implies that you don’t let yourself do the things you want and that you do other things even though you don’t want to. Control is what you need to follow the rules of a diet. Being in charge means you get to make choices. Natalie figured this out pretty quickly.

  Now when I feel like eating, I’m more aware of whether I’m hungry. The problem is there are still lots of times when I want to eat even though I’m not hungry. I start thinking, “I’m not hungry—I shouldn’t eat.” But that just makes me want to eat more. It really helps to give myself permission to choose to eat without feeling guilty. That doesn’t mean that I can eat as much as I want without regretting it sometimes; when I listen to my body, overeating doesn’t feel good either. What it means is that I can change my thinking from “I’m not allowed” to “I get to decide.”

  WHEN DO I WANT TO EAT?

  I’m Not Hungry. What Now?

  Remember, whenever you have an urge to eat, ask yourself, “Am I hungry?” We didn’t say, “If you aren’t hungry, you’re not allowed to eat.” If we did, that would be as restrictive as dieting. When you want to eat (or keep eating) even though you aren’t hungry, you get to decide what you’ll do next.

  MINDFUL DECISION MAKING

  You may not know why you make certain choices, but there are always reasons you do what you do. In fact, each day is composed of a series of conscious and unconscious mini-decisions that lead you closer or further away from a desired result. Even doing nothing is a choice to stay the same.