Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat for Binge Eating

by Michelle May M. D.

  The child who doesn’t get dessert unless she finishes all her dinner learns that sweets are an incentive to eat more than she was hungry for. “Eat all your dinner or you don’t get dessert” translates to, “You have to overeat so I’ll reward you by giving you more to eat.” Of course, bribes work because children have a natural liking for sweets. Using certain foods to reward good behavior or as a prize for finishing their meal causes children to believe these foods are special, so they want them even more.

  Children and adults may also learn to eat in response to environmental and emotional triggers. For example, have you ever suddenly felt like eating when you walked by doughnuts in the break room at work? It’s common for people to confuse this sudden urge to eat with true hunger, but environmental situations often trigger “head hunger” whether your body needs food or not. These triggers develop when certain activities, people, or places are paired with eating so often that they become linked in your mind: one automatically goes with the other.

  Examples of environmental triggers include mealtimes, holidays, advertisements, entertainment, social situations, friends and family members, restaurants, and even certain rooms in your house. The abundance of highly-palatable foods in increasingly larger portions has become a significant problem for people in many cultures.

  You may have also learned to use food to express, hide, or cope with your emotions. Everybody has emotional connections with food including celebrating special events, showing love, or finding comfort in Grandma’s apple pie. As one person said to me, “Food is the background music for my life.” Emotional eating becomes destructive, however, when it’s the primary way a person deals with such feelings as loneliness, boredom, anger, stress, or depression.

  Dieting further disconnects you from trusting yourself and knowing what your body really needs. Ironically, many diets force you to eat on a schedule so you never get hungry—as if hunger is something to fear! Sometimes you’re forced to ignore your hunger signals in order to follow the diet rules about when to eat.

  Diets can also create fear of not having enough points or calories left when you get hungry. Of course, most diets focus on what you eat, not why, so they don’t work long term. The feelings of frustration, deprivation, guilt, and failure can be so powerful that just thinking about starting another diet or weighing yourself can become triggers for overeating. Kurt had never been on a “real” diet but describes how he got disconnected from hunger and fullness.

  I think it started after college. I don’t really think of myself as an emotional eater, but I played college football so I was in the habit of eating these huge meals at the training table and partying during the off-season. When I got my first sales job, I spent most of my time behind a desk, but I was still eating like I had in college. I put on some weight so I started skipping meals during the day to try to get it back under control. Now it’s easy to see that I let myself get way too hungry and then I overcompensated when I got home. It seems like such an obvious concept but somewhere along the line I guess I forgot that food is fuel. If I’m honest with myself, I’m under a lot of pressure to make my sales quotas and eating at night seems to take the pressure off for a while too.

  Relearning to Respond to Hunger

  Can people who are out of touch with their hunger signals begin to recognize and once again use hunger to guide their eating? Definitely! Hunger is a natural, innate tool, and the skills for using it effectively can be relearned. In fact, at times you may already be eating according to your hunger signals. This process will help you strengthen that skill. In fact, many people we’ve worked with who said they couldn’t remember what hunger felt like discovered that not only could they begin to feel hunger again, they get excited about it!

  A remarkably simple but powerful way to become more mindful of your body’s cues is to pause and ask yourself, “Am I hungry?” whenever you want to eat. This important question will help you distinguish an urge to eat caused by the physical need for food from an urge to eat caused by other triggers.

  What Does Hunger Feel Like?

  It’s very common for people who have struggled with food to be disconnected from the physical sensations of hunger. They simply don’t recognize, pay attention to, or respond to the signals.

  Perhaps you feel like you’re hungry all the time. Wanting to eat isn’t the same thing as needing to eat and it’s unlikely that your body needs food constantly. Could you be misinterpreting other physical symptoms and sensations like thirst, fatigue, or nervousness for hunger? Do you confuse emotional or environmental triggers, cravings, and appetite with hunger?

  Maybe you never feel hungry. Could you be missing the signals of hunger because you don’t really remember how hunger feels or you’re too busy or distracted to notice? Have you learned to ignore hunger because of dieting? Or maybe you really aren’t hungry because you’re eating for so many other reasons.

  Before reading ahead, stop and think for a moment. How do you know when you’re hungry? What does it feel like? What are all the signs your body gives you to let you know when you need to eat?

  Do you recognize any of these common hunger symptoms?

  •Hunger pangs

  •Growling or grumbling in the stomach

  •Empty or hollow feeling

  •Gnawing

  •Slight queasy feeling

  •Weakness or loss of energy

  •Trouble concentrating

  •Difficulty making decisions

  •Lightheadedness

  •Slight headache

  •Shakiness

  •Irritability or crankiness

  •Feeling that you must eat as soon as possible

  What Causes Hunger?

  What do all these symptoms have in common?

  They are physical. They’re not thoughts, feelings, or cravings. To become more aware of these physical sensations, it helps to understand what causes them.

  Hunger symptoms are caused by a combination of your stomach’s emptiness or fullness, your body’s need for energy, and various hormones and other substances in your body. We’ll focus on your stomach and blood sugar, however, since they cause the most recognizable symptoms.

  Your stomach is composed of muscle-like tissue that squeezes food to break it apart, mix it with digestive enzymes, and move it into your intestines. When your stomach is empty, you become aware of the muscular contractions, which cause the growling or rumbling you may feel or hear when you’re hungry. You may also experience an empty or hollow feeling. Since the stomach produces small amounts of digestive acids even when there’s no food there, some people get sensations of gnawing or queasiness.

  At the same time, you may notice symptoms of your blood sugar (called glucose) dropping. Your body and brain primarily use glucose from your bloodstream for energy. As your blood sugar falls, you may notice your energy level begin to dip and find it harder to concentrate and make decisions. When you’re extremely hungry, you may develop a headache or feel lightheaded and shaky.

  Hunger can also trigger mood changes. Many people become irritable, impatient, cranky, or short-tempered when they’re hungry (hangry).

  Hunger symptoms are initially subtle then become stronger until you reach a point when you feel you absolutely must eat. If you wait any longer you simply won’t care what you eat as long as you get something into your stomach. That’s why waiting to eat until you’re ravenous often leads to mindless food choices, overeating, and bingeing.

  What Happens When You Eat?

  When you eat, your digestive system breaks down and absorbs the food, causing your hunger symptoms to subside. Food and fluids fill your stomach, and as you eat or drink more, your stomach begins to stretch. You’ll begin to feel a sense of fullness, discomfort, or even pain. You may be tempted to loosen your belt or unbutton your skirt to make room for your expanding stomach.

  When you eat, energy is drawn to the digestive system. That’s why your mother told you to wait for thirty minutes after you ate t
o go swimming. When you eat a small amount of food, you won’t even be aware of the digestive process going on. However, if you eat a large amount or heavy foods, you may notice that you feel drowsy or sluggish and it may be difficult to concentrate and be productive.

  The type of food and how much you eat determines how long the digestive process takes. After the food is broken down, your body will use the energy for its activities and store any extra fuel until it’s needed. When your stomach is empty, your body is ready to process more fuel and the cycle of hunger continues.

  BODY-MIND-HEART SCAN

  A Body-Mind-Heart Scan will help you become fully present and aware of what is happening in this moment. We’ll focus on the Body part of the scan first because some of the sensations of hunger are subtle and can easily be missed if you’re not used to noticing them. In addition, tuning in to your body will help you identify other physical sensations and information. Remember that the purpose is awareness. Anything you feel is fine so just notice it without judging it. Try not to use judgmental terms like “terrible,” but rather descriptive terms, such as “tingling sensation,” or “burning from the base of my skull down to my shoulders.”

  Please don’t just read about this scan and set it aside. When you learn a new skill, it is essential to practice it over and over until it comes naturally. Practice checking in every few hours, even when you don’t feel like eating. This will help you increase your awareness of yourself and allow you to get in touch with the hunger signals that you can easily miss when you’re distracted by your daily activities. It will also help you learn to recognize hunger before you are overly hungry and therefore have difficulty making mindful choices.

  Focus your attention. When you’re near appetizing food, it may be more difficult to tell the difference between wanting to eat and needing to eat. Move away from the sight and smell of food so you can focus, calm yourself, and pay attention to what your body is telling you. To minimize mixed signals, try to move away from any place or situation you associate with eating. This might be the kitchen, dining room, break room, or even the living room, bedroom, or car if you’re in the habit of eating in any of those places. If you’re going to eat at a restaurant, do a Body-Mind-Heart Scan before you go inside. At a party, you can step outside and admire the backyard for a moment in order to tune into your signals.

  Focus inward. Once you’re away from food and any food associations, find a comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed and close your eyes for a moment if possible. If you can’t get away from the food or situation, just try to tune out your surroundings for a few moments. One woman said, “God won’t mind if I add a few seconds to my mealtime prayer for a Body-Mind-Heart Scan!”

  Take a few deep breaths and calm yourself. Be aware that being near food or thinking about eating might cause you to feel excited or anxious, making it more difficult to identify the signs of hunger. By taking a few calming breaths, you’ll reconnect your body and mind so that it will be easier to focus on important sensations and feelings. If your attention drifts away, gently guide yourself back to where you left off.

  Body: Focus on your physical sensations. Slowly move your focus to the top of your head. It might help to visualize a ring of light moving downward around your body to help you focus on each part.

  Notice your physical sensations as your attention travels over your forehead, eyes, nose, ears, mouth, jaw, throat, and neck. Does your head feel fuzzy or lightheaded? Are you aware of any tension? Discomfort? Pain? If you have discomfort or pain, can you describe it, for example, as stabbing, dull, or achy?

  Proceed in this manner down your arms to your fingertips. Scan your torso, noticing your breathing and your heartbeat. Turn your awareness to your stomach by placing your fist over your upper abdomen, just below your ribcage. Picture your stomach like a balloon. It’s about the size of your fist when it’s empty and can stretch several times that size when it’s full.

  Ask yourself, “Am I hungry?” What physical sensations can you identify? Are there pangs or gnawing sensations? Is there any growling or rumbling? Does your stomach feel empty, full, or even stuffed? Perhaps you’re neither hungry nor full; as a result, you don’t feel your stomach at all.

  Continue to scan downward over your abdomen, hips, buttocks, legs, and down to your feet. Notice other physical sensations. Do you feel edgy, lightheaded, or weak? Are these signals coming from hunger or from something else? Are you thirsty or tired? Are you aware of any tension, discomfort, or pain elsewhere? Scan back up to your head.

  Mind: Focus on your thoughts. Quite often, your thoughts will give you clues about whether or not you’re hungry. Notice whether you’re thinking something like “I deserve this.” Remember, hunger is a physical feeling that comes on gradually, not a thought that appears suddenly. If you find yourself rationalizing or justifying, “It’s been three hours since lunch so I should be hungry,” you may be looking for a reason to eat.

  Heart: Focus on your feelings. What emotions are you experiencing at the moment? Let go of any negative thoughts or feelings you’re having about eating; just notice what’s there.

  We’ll build on the Body-Mind-Heart Scan in future chapters but for now, use this opportunity to become more mindful of your body’s signals and start to reconnect with your inner self.

  So, it’s really pretty simple (though not always easy). Whenever you feel like eating, ask yourself, “Am I hungry?” and do a Body-Mind-Heart Scan to focus on your physical sensations, thoughts, and feelings.

  THE GREY AREA

  ACCEPTING YOUR BODY

  Recovery from binge eating is not just about healing your relationship with food. You must also heal your relationship with your body. As you learn to listen for the information your body is offering you, you’ll begin to realize that your body is not an object to be admired and adorned—or despised and neglected. It is a precious gift that deserves your attention and appreciation.

  It may be difficult to imagine accepting yourself as you are right now. In our programs, we’ve worked with many people who were highly successful in their careers or personal lives, but because of their feelings toward their body, they still felt that they were somehow inadequate. They wasted a tremendous amount of energy beating themselves up for this perceived fault. When you begin to accept and even appreciate your body, you can invest your energy in building relationships, accomplishing other meaningful goals, or simply enjoying your life. After all, you only care for the things you care about. But where do you start?

  Start with acceptance. Mindfulness is awareness of the present moment without judgment, including accepting your body as it is right now. You may fear that if you accept yourself as you are, you won’t make any changes. Generally, just the opposite is true. Harsh and judgmental attitudes toward yourself ultimately drive your Overeating and Binge Eating Cycles. Accepting your body as it is right now allows you to make decisions about caring for yourself in the present moment, which is after all, the only moment you have any influence over.

  Live for today. There may be some things you wish to work on, but when you get caught up in body hatred, you might delay practicing self-care, waiting until you feel that your body is more deserving. This becomes a self-perpetuating cycle. For example, avoiding social activities and isolating yourself can lead to emptiness—a void that is filled with food. Instead of putting your life on hold until you meet some arbitrary definition of beauty, or even health, remind yourself that this is your life.

  Don’t measure your self-worth. Getting on the scale is meaningless and even harmful if you allow it to define your worth and determine your mood for the day. The numbers don’t say anything about who you are and how you feel as you make changes.

  Don’t be weightist. Like racism and sexism, “weightism” is bias and discrimination based on certain external attributes. Unfortunately, weightism is a form of prejudice that is still tolerated in our society. You can decrease weightism in two ways:

  First, rid your
self of your own weightist thoughts. You may not even be aware that you’re having them until you notice that you feel shame about your body. Stop hurting yourself! Because these thoughts can be so damaging, work on replacing them with more realistic and compassionate messages. Substitute positive statements about body diversity. Examples of such messages include:

  Bodies come in all shapes and sizes.

  Health comes in all shapes and sizes.

  Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

  I accept and appreciate my body.

  Second, don’t buy into the weightist messages of others. Use positive self-talk and set boundaries.

  If someone judges me by my weight, it says more about them than me.

  Weightism is no better than racism or sexism.

  My self-esteem does not depend on the opinion of others.

  Keep your comments to yourself.

  Accept your genetic blueprint. Our culture often promotes unrealistic and unhealthy expectations about what bodies should look like. With every disparaging glance in the mirror comes the promise of “just one more diet.” As long as you are at war with your body, it will be difficult to find peace with yourself and food. While it is important to eat a balanced diet and be physically active, genetics are a strong determinant of body size and shape.

  Don’t compare yourself. For all you know, the person that you envy is naturally thin, spends an unrealistic amount of time at the gym, or perhaps even suffers from an eating disorder. Instead of trying to measure up to someone else, learn to focus on your own strengths and appreciate your own uniqueness.

  Focus on function. Your body is intricately designed, capable of performing complex tasks, doing great work, getting you where you want to be, and experiencing physical pleasure. In turn, you have the ability to appreciate it and care for it so it can function optimally.