Of Introductions and Abductions

by Robert Dahlen

  “I did!” Michiko said. “I wanted to tell her about you guys last night, but she made me watch some TV show named Doctor What instead.”

  “Doctor Who, you mean,” Mec said, cutting off Beth's reply.

  “Are you a fan?” Beth asked, her eyes lighting up.

  “It's a good show, but I wish they'd bring back Eureka.”

  “How about Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers?” Mandy asked as she returned to the table, carrying two menus and a high chair. She set the chair down and handed the menus to Michiko and Beth.

  “How about you and Winx Club?” Mec said.

  “Now, now,” Mandy said as she bent down and gave Mec a peck on the cheek. “You know I'm a Tinker Bell girl.” She hurried off.

  Beth opened Gregor's purse and set the guinea pig in the high chair. “About time, girl,” he grumbled. “I was starting to go blind in there.”

  “A talking guinea pig,” Mec said.

  “And a master of stating the obvious,” Gregor said.

  “Forgive me. I was hypnotized by your purse.”

  “Another indignity.”

  “So, Mec,” Beth said, “what was Michiko supposed to be telling me?”

  “About us. About this place.” Mec gestured to take in the whole cafe. “Everyone here except for you three is an Emigre.”

  “From Faerie?”

  “Mostly,” Mec said, “except for Sam there in the corner and a handful of others. Most of us have to try to fit into human society at some point, so we put on our seemings and pretend. We all need a place to unwind and be ourselves, though, so we come here. It's a no-seeming zone, and a no-conflict zone, so we can relax and enjoy the company.”

  “And the free Wi-Fi!” Michiko said.

  “And the cute waitresses!” Mec said as Mandy walked past. She rolled her eyes and tried not to smile.

  “So you two…” Beth started to say.

  “Are you familiar with the term 'sexual dimorphism'?”

  “Isn't that illegal in some states?” Michiko said with a grin.

  “Pixies and gremlins are the same species?” Beth said.

  Mec nodded. “Pixies are always female, gremlins are always male. Pixies always have the wings, and usually have some creative talent.”

  “And gremlins get the mechanical ability?”

  “And the good looks.” Mec grinned.

  “So how did you get left out?” Mandy said as she came back to the table, coffeepot and two mugs in hand. The gremlin stuck out his tongue at her as she set the mugs down. “Coffee okay for you?” she asked Beth.

  “God, yes,” Beth said, reaching for the cream and sugar.

  “How about me?” Mec asked.

  “You need to get going,” Mandy said. “You're late.”

  “No, I'm not.” The gremlin checked his watch. “Oh. Yes, I am.”

  “As usual.”

  “Hush.” Mec stood up. “Michiko, good to have you back. Beth, nice to meet you. Gregor, get a better purse.”

  “Mec, get to work.”

  Mec kissed Mandy. “See you when you get off.”

  “Bye, sweetie.”

  “Bye, sugarplum.” Mec left, passing a quartet of dwarves on his way out. Mandy grabbed menus and hurried over to them.

  “So,” Michiko asked Beth, “how's the coffee?”

  Beth took a sip. Her eyes widened. “It's…it's good!”

  “I know!”

  “Restaurant coffee isn't supposed to be this good.” Beth took another sip. As she did, she heard grumbling from a nearby table. She looked over and saw two men there, though she quickly realized that “men” was not quite accurate. One was easily seven feet tall, two feet taller than the other. They both had greasy black hair and big bulbous ears and noses, reminding Beth of the troll from the night before.

  The shorter one looked up, saw Beth, and grimaced. “Dirty Earthling,” he said, looking away. “They'll let anyone in here nowadays.” The bigger one nodded.

  Michiko muttered under her breath and started to stand, but Mandy was behind her, laying a hand on her shoulder. “I'm sorry,” she said quietly to Beth. “I'll talk to them.” Beth nodded as Michiko sat down, tight-lipped.

  “Do you know those losers?” Beth asked Michiko.

  “They're a couple of grifters,” she said. “Their mother was a faerie, and their father was a troll. They're called Big Jake and Little Jake.”

  “What, did their mother run out of names?”

  “They're twins.”

  Beth raised an eyebrow. “You have got to be—”

  “MONKEY QUEEN!”

  Beth froze in her chair and turned white. Gregor's fur stood on end.

  A monster had burst out of the kitchen and was headed for their table. He was taller than Big Jake, purple with flaring red eyes and sharp fangs, fiery red hair, muscles everywhere, and huge bat-like wings. “Michiko!” he growled in the deepest voice Beth had ever heard.

  Michiko stood up. “Yes?” she said with a grin.

  “Where in the world have you been?” he asked. “We've missed you!” He gave Michiko a tremendous hug, which she eagerly returned. Beth and Gregor both sighed with relief.

  “I've been busy! Bad guys don't hunt themselves!” Michiko pulled free and sat down.

  “Who are these?”

  “This is Beth McGill. Beth, this is Aloysius Alphonsus. He's the head chef here.”

  “Hello!” Aloysius said, smiling as he shook Beth's hand. She nodded, feeling too stupid to say anything; in her panic, she'd missed the chef's hat and apron he was wearing.

  “And this is Gregor,” Michiko said.

  “Ooh! A guinea pig! He doesn't bite, does he?”

  “I can talk, you know,” Gregor snapped.

  “That may be worse,” Beth said.

  “Beth,” Aloysius asked. “What brings you here?”

  “She's my new partner!” Michiko said with a grin.

  “On this case, anyway,” Beth said. “We'll see how it goes after that.”

  “What are you working on?” Aloysius said.

  “We're trying to figure out what happened to Puck.”

  Aloysius's face fell. “I wish I knew,” he said, shaking his head.

  “You know him?”

  “Almost everyone here knows Puck. Every Sunday, for years, he's come here for breakfast. He never sits by himself; he either brings company, or he sits with someone who's already here. And he always orders the same thing—the Flaming Pits of Hades omelet.”

  “That sounds like something he'd order,” Beth said. “Just being near his food is almost too spicy for me to handle.”

  “I know! So today, he comes in by himself, asks for a menu, and sits by himself. He's quiet, and I couldn't blame him with all he's been through. So I thought I'd do him a favor, and I whip up his favorite, with extra jalapenos. And then he orders—”

  “A Belgian waffle,” Mandy said as she walked up to the table. “With whipped cream and blueberries.”

  “The omelet's still under the heat lamp,” Aloysius said with a heavy sigh.

  “Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?”

  “But Clyde's back there—”

  “It's Sunday!” Mandy said. “We're busy! And more dwarves just came in!”

  “Have they ordered yet?” Aloysius asked.

  “No.”

  “Has Michiko ordered yet?”

  “No.”

  “Well, let's take care of that,” Aloysius said. “What'll you have, Michiko?”

  “Pancakes!” she said with a big smile.

  “Big stack with fruit on the side?”

  “Yep!”

  “And you, Gregor?”

  “I ate already,” the guinea pig said.

  “I'll fix you a little dessert, then. You'll like it. Beth?”

  Beth turned red. “I've been so busy taking this in, I haven't even looked at the menu,” she said. Michiko giggled.

  “Try me,” Aloysius said.

  “Okay.” Beth thought f
or a moment. “Ham and cheese omelet? Just a plain one, not like one of the Professor's?”

  Aloysius nodded. “That comes with hot potato chunkies and your choice of toast.”

  “What do you recommend?”

  “Well…” He bent down and whispered to Beth, “Just between you and me, we have a delicious sourdough English muffin.”

  “And blueberry jam?”

  Aloysius straightened up. “Freshly made.”

  “Awesome!” Beth grinned. “Let's do this.”

  Aloysius beamed and collected the menus. Then, Mandy cleared her throat. Aloysius grinned sheepishly and handed her the menus. “Kitchen. Now,” the waitress said.

  “Alright, alright!” Aloysius moved quickly away from the table, wincing in pain as Mandy whacked him on the rump with the menus. “That hurts, you know,” he said as the kitchen doors closed behind him.

  Mandy hurried up to the front and put the menus away. As she did, a woman walked in and exchanged a few words with her. She had long gray curly hair and glasses with large round lenses and was wearing a purple sweater, red sweatpants, floppy hiking boots and hat, and a backpack and a shoulder bag. She was, to Beth's surprise, human.

  She glanced quickly around the cafe and spotted Michiko. “Hello!” she shouted.

  “Hiiii!” Michiko jumped out of her chair as the woman hurried over. They hugged.

  “Where have you been?” the woman asked. “What have you been up to?”

  “The usual,” Michiko said, grinning. “Mary, this is Beth McGill. Beth, Mary Crimble.”

  Mary and Beth shook hands. “New partner?” Mary asked.

  “We're working on Puck's case,” Beth said.

  “I thought they found him already.”

  “Long story.”

  “Join us!” Michiko said.

  “Can't,” Mary said. “I've got a walking tour in half an hour. I'm just getting pastries and coffee. Isn't the coffee here the best?”

  “It is pretty good—”

  “I'm leading a tour of the woods. It's the time of year for ghost stories, so I'll be telling a few along the trail. And did they catch the hobgoblins yet?”

  “Not yet, but—”

  “Wait. Funny story. Did you know there used to be another auldgate to Faerie here in town?”

  “No!” Michiko said. “Do tell!”

  “I will!” Mary said. “You know about the one in the woods, but the other one is right in the center of town. Right in the center of Paulsen Plaza, in fact.”

  “Where did it lead to?”

  “From what I understand, it let out right by where the hobgoblins wound up settling. It was sealed during all that mess a long time ago, of course. Did you order the pancakes again?”

  “Yep!”

  “I knew it! You'll like the food here, Beth. Oh, here's mine! Thank you!” Mary said as Mandy handed her a paper bag and a large coffee. “Gotta run! Or eat and run! Or walk! Bye!”

  “See you next week!” Michiko said with a smile. Beth nodded.

  Mary waved as she headed for the door. “I hope they do something about the rodent problem here,” she said out loud to herself.

  “Michiko…?” Beth said.

  “She's a friend of Puck's,” Michiko said. “That's why.”

  “'Rodent problem',” Gregor muttered. “Bah!”

  As Mary left, a faerie in red and gold hurried in. He went to Mandy and whispered to her; she rolled her eyes and pointed to the kitchen. He bowed and headed there, passing Michiko and Beth.

  “One of Wrexham's men,” Michiko said. “What's he up to now?”

  “No good, I'll wager,” said a faerie sitting by herself at a small table; several other diners murmured their agreement. She had wavy black hair and was dressed in a black turtleneck sweater and matching slacks. She had a cup of tea in front of her, and was reading a very old-looking book.

  “Better him than some clueless Earthling!” Little Jake said with a sneer. Big Jake laughed.

  The laughter stopped as Mandy charged towards them. “That's enough!” she said. “I already warned you once. Keep it up and you're out of here.”

  “We were just having fun, Mandy!” Little Jake said.

  “Not here you don't,” the pixie said, folding her arms.

  “Yeah, whatever. Where's our breakfast?”

  “You haven't paid for last Sunday's breakfast!”

  “Next week, like I told you. Now,” Little Jake said, “be a good little girl and get us—”

  “Gentlemen.” The Jakes looked over to where the faerie who had criticized Wrexham sat. “I am trying to read,” she said. “Your blather is not helping. Be quiet, or else.” Little Jake gulped and nodded, and took a sudden interest in the wood patterns in his table.

  “Thanks, Scylla,” Mandy said quietly. The faerie nodded and resumed her reading.

  “Nice work there,” said a faerie at a table near Scylla's. He had olive skin and curly brown hair, and was foppishly dressed, from his purple coat and frilled shirt to his buckled boots, which were resting on the table as he leaned back in his chair. Give him the right hat, Beth thought, and he could pass for the Fifth Musketeer.

  “You shouldn't have your boots on the table, Windsor,” Scylla said without looking up from her book.

  “Ah, fair lass, I know where these boots should be.”

  “I suspect 'under Scylla's bed' is the answer.”

  “Smart and beautiful!” Windsor smiled and winked.

  “Mandy?” Scylla said as the waitress walked by. “Could I get a glass of water?”

  “Are you going to dump it on Windsor's head?” Mandy asked, eyebrow raised.

  “If necessary, yes.”

  “Extra ice it is, then. And get your boots off the table, Windsor.” He pouted but complied.

  “Best show in town,” Michiko said to Beth.

  “Is that the same Windsor who—” Beth started to say.

  “Yep. Hey, Windsor!”

  He glanced at Michiko. “Yes?”

  “You haven't told me how Tierra's doing.”

  “You haven't asked. I found a safe house for her. She's doing fine, but she's been asking after Puck.”

  “Could you keep her there?” Michiko asked. “For another day or so?”

  Windsor raised an eyebrow. “Even though they've found Puck?”

  “Let's not take any chances. Whoever did it is still out there.”

  Windsor sighed. “Fine. 24 hours more.”

  Michiko smiled. “Windsor! Is this 'safe house' your living room?”

  He shrugged. “It was the best I could do on short notice. I was lucky to get away from her and get here today, and I still need to bring her back a veggie scramble.”

  “Thanks, Windsor! I owe you one.”

  He nodded as Wrexham's agent emerged from the kitchen and hurried out of the restaurant. “What would Wrexham want with a cook?” Beth asked.

  “I bet it has something to do with Puck,” Michiko said.

  “Yeah. They were so buddy-buddy last night.” Beth made a face.

  “Scylla?” Michiko said.

  The faerie looked up from her book. “Yes, Michiko?”

  “Was Puck ever friendly with Wrexham?”

  “Far from it.”

  “No surprise there,” Beth said.

  “Puck worked for Wrexham very briefly,” Scylla said, “and it did not end well. If Puck ever had to choose between eating live scorpions or going back to work for Wrexham, I think he would have picked the scorpions.”

  “With hot sauce.”

  “Obviously.”

  “Thanks!” Michiko said.

  Scylla nodded and returned to her reading as Mandy came by, carrying four plates, two big and two small. “Here we are!” she said as she set the food down in front of Beth and Michiko. “Gregor, this is a little snack for you,” she said as she set one of the small plates on his tray. On it was a thinly-sliced strawberry drizzled with a honey-like sauce.

  “Hrmph,” Gregor s
aid as Mandy left. He took a disdainful sniff. Then, he took a deeper one. Then, he picked up a strawberry slice and nibbled it tentatively. His eyes widened, and his whiskers sprung out. He shoved the slice in his mouth and chewed slowly, eyes half-closed, cheeks bulging.

  Michiko had added a small flood of syrup to her pancake stack and was eating happily. Beth had just finished her first bite of her omelet. “My God,” she said.

  “Something wrong?” Michiko asked.

  “No. No, this—this is great. The omelet—the potatoes—”

  “You should try the pancakes. Here.” Michiko cut out a slice and slipped it onto Beth's plate.

  Beth speared the pancake slice and bit it. She smiled as she chewed. “Wow!” she said. “Is there anything here that isn't delicious?”

  Michiko thought it over for a moment. “Maybe the napkins?”

  Beth giggled and returned to her omelet as Aloysius popped out of the kitchen again. “How's everything?” he asked.

  “Yummy!” Michiko said.

  “Terrific!” the chef said. “And yours, Beth?”

  “Aloysius,” she said, “if I were looking and you did dishes and windows, I just might be tempted to ask you out.”

  “If I were looking and you were a man, I just might listen.”

  “Figures.” Beth smiled.

  “I like this one!” Aloysius said to Michiko. “But I have got to tell you about my visitor just now.”

  “Wrexham's agent?” Michiko asked.

  Mandy came over. “Yeah, what did he want?”

  Aloysius pulled out a scroll from underneath his apron and unrolled it. “He's throwing a big party tonight.”

  He set the scroll on the table. Mandy read from it, “'To celebrate the heroic rescue of the storied faerie Puck, and to commemorate his pending return to the Courts of Faerie, our beloved Duke of Wrexham will hold a celebratory gala this evening starting at 5:00 P.M. Guests welcome.'”

  “How did you get invited?” Beth asked.

  “Oh, I used to work for him,” Aloysius said. “I was the chief chef, you could say.”

  “So why'd you quit?”

  “It got boring. He's a seafood fanatic, and it was always twice-baked hagfish this and barnacle souffle that. Oh, and the being a loud spoiled temperamental jerk part.”

  “That might outweigh the perks,” Beth said. “So Puck will be there?”

  “That's what the invitation says,” Michiko said.

  “You know, Michiko…”