Of Introductions and Abductions

by Robert Dahlen

  “We should crash the party?”

  “Exactly! We can snoop around and try to find out what happened to the Professor.”

  “And maybe get some dirt on Wrexham's plans!” Michiko said. “Good thinking, Beth!”

  “Aw, thanks.” Beth smiled.

  Michiko spun in her seat to face Aloysius. “So, you're taking us?”

  He shook his head. “Oh, I'm not going,” he said. “The Duke only invited me so he could try to talk me into working for him again. I'm happy here.”

  “I'd be happy if you'd get back in your kitchen,” Mandy said.

  “Have the dwarves ordered yet?”

  “No. One of them can't decide.”

  “Clyde can handle things until he does. I don't want any more wasted food today.”

  “Wasted—” Mandy's eyes lit up. “Is Puck's omelet still there?”

  “Under the heat lamp,” Aloysius told her. She nodded and headed for the kitchen.

  “So how do we get in if you're not going?” Beth asked.

  “Simple enough,” Aloysius said. “Does anyone have a pen I can borrow?” Michiko pulled one from her pocket and handed it to him. “Thank you,” he said as he knelt over the scroll. “How many guests?”

  “Three,” Michiko said. “We should bring Gregor.”

  Aloysius nodded and scribbled a quick note on the invitation. Then, he licked his thumb, spoke a few words under his breath, and pressed his wet thumbprint on to the invitation. “Michiko?” he said. She licked her thumb and pressed it next to his print. “Perfect!” he said. “You're all set.”

  “Thanks!” Michiko said, putting her pen away.

  “You're welcome. Just—just find out what happened, okay?” Aloysius asked. “I miss the old Puck.” He shook his head.

  “Yeah. So do I,” Beth said. She stared sadly down at her plate, lost in thoughts and memories.

  Michiko reached over and gently squeezed Beth's shoulder. “Me too,” she said. “But I'll do what I can to get him back.”

  Beth looked up at her and smiled. “You mean, we'll do what we can,” she said. Michiko returned her smile.

  “Hey! Jake and Jake!”

  Mandy came out of the kitchen, carrying an omelet split over two plates. It was covered in a red sauce, and it seemed to be not just steaming but smoking as well. “It's your lucky day!” she said as she set the plates down on the Jakes' table. “Can't let this go to waste, so it's yours.”

  “Really?” Little Jake asked.

  Mandy nodded, keeping a straight face. “On the house.”

  “Hot dang! Free grub!” Little Jake grabbed a fork, Big Jake did the same, and they both scooped up and chewed large bites of omelet.

  Their eyes popped open. Their skin turned beet-red. Their eyes watered. Steam seemed to come out of their ears. Big Jake grabbed a full pitcher of water from a nearby table and swallowed the entire contents in two gulps. Little Jake grabbed the glass of ice water from Scylla's table, drank the water, and started gargling with the ice cubes.

  “Touche,” Beth said with a smile. Aloysius's jaw had dropped. Michiko and Gregor were hysterical with laughter, as were many of the other diners. Even Scylla was smiling.

  The dwarves watched with amazement. Finally, one of them cleared his throat and said to Mandy, “I'll have what they're having.”

  It was late in the morning when Michiko, Beth and Gregor headed out from Wonderland. As they started back down the dirt trail, Beth said, “Michiko?”

  “Yessss?”

  “Can I come here every Sunday?” Beth asked.

  “Maybe,” Michiko said. Beth harrumphed in response, and Michiko laughed.

  “Serious question,” Beth said. “Where is the party, and how do we get there?”

  “It's all in the invitation,” the Monkey Queen said. “I'll show you back at the apartment.”

  Chapter Nine

  “No!” Beth said. “Not that!”

  “It'll be okay,” Michiko said. “Just this one time.”

  “But—but I can't do it. I just can't.”

  “Let me, then.” Michiko reached out.

  Beth threw her back against the wall of her apartment. “Not my David Tennant poster!” she cried with mock anguish as she stood in front of it. It was a giant-sized poster, taking up a large part of the wall near the front door.

  Michiko sighed. “Beth, that's the only spot here where there's room to put up the invitation. We just need to take the poster down for a while.”

  “Why not put the invitation on the door?”

  “It might cause things to malfunction. That would not be pleasant.”

  “I'll do it, then,” Beth said. She removed the pushpins from the top edge of the poster, carefully rolled it down towards the bottom, then took off the pins there.

  “See?” Michiko said. “That wasn't so bad, was it?”

  Beth stuck her tongue out at Michiko as she gently set the rolled poster on top of a bookshelf. “So why do we need that much space?” she asked.

  “It's for the invitation,” Michiko said. “It's actually an artificial, temporary auldgate that leads to the hall where the party is being held. They're called 'porths'.”

  “How does it work?”

  “Faerie magic. At or after the time marked on the invitation, I'll activate the porth. It'll open and expand, and we enter it and walk through a passageway to the party. Then when it's over, we walk back, and the porth closes after we pass through and come home.”

  “That must create problems if you want to stay over at a friend's place afterward.”

  “Arrangements can be made.” Michiko winked. “And it keeps out party crashers.”

  “Unless you know someone.” Beth grinned.

  “Yep!” Michiko sat on the couch and pulled her smartphone from her pocket. “Next, we need fancy outfits, the gaudier the better.” She eyed Beth. “We're not the same dress size, are we?”

  “Don't worry. I'm covered.”

  “Huh?”

  “Cosplayer,” Beth said. “I just have to dig out one of my old costumes and alter it a little. How about you?”

  “I just need to make a quick phone call,” Michiko said as she tapped the smartphone's screen.

  “You know a seamstress?”

  “This is quicker. Feng? Hiiii! I need a favor…”

  Feng arrived at the apartment twenty minutes later with three boxes and a garment bag for Michiko. By then, Beth was in her bedroom, madly digging through her closet. She found the dress she wanted, tried it on, and then let it out while grumbling. She made a few other alterations before Michiko interrupted her with leftover pizza.

  After lunch, Beth followed Michiko's advice and laid down to take a nap. With all that had happened the last two days, she thought sleeping would be impossible, so she was surprised when she woke up two hours later. She took a quick shower, got dressed, and did her hair in a simple updo—the first time in a long time, she realized, that she hadn't just combed her hair and been done with it. A touch of makeup and a pair of heels, and she strode, a bit wobbily, out of the bedroom.

  “Michiko?” she asked. “Are you ready—” She saw Michiko and cut her question short.

  The Monkey Queen was wearing a floor-length yellow gown, taken in at the waist, with long, puffy sleeves. The embroidered red and dark gold floral pattern was reminiscent of formal Chinese dress, but the petticoats, and the lacy collar and hems, were Western touches. She was wearing short yellow heels, had accessorized with diamond jewelry and a hint of lipstick, and had combed out her hair. “Do I look okay?” she asked, fidgeting nervously.

  “Are you kidding?” Beth said. “You look great!”

  “Thanks.” Michiko blushed and smiled.

  “Where did you get that dress?”

  “Grandmother Fox had it made for me. We've had to go to some fancy dinners. I had to borrow the jewelry, though. I've got some spares if you need anything.” Michiko pointed to a box on the couch.

  “Thanks. My jewe
lry's not fancy enough.” Beth dug out a necklace and earrings. “Where's your staff?”

  “Somewhere safe.” Michiko grinned. “I never thought I'd see you all dressed up! You look wonderful!”

  “I'm full of surprises. And thanks.” Beth smiled.

  “Did you sew that?”

  “Every stitch!” Beth said with pride. She was wearing a navy blue, long-sleeved Victorian-style gown that stopped just short of the floor, with black trim that matched her hose and heels and ruffles everywhere. “I made it for a sci-fi convention; it was a steampunk thing. I took off all the mech trimmings a while back, and I just sewed in this lace.” She tapped the black lace that covered her collarbone and areas below it.

  “Why?”

  “I'm not going to have a bunch of faerie perverts looking down my dress. How about Gregor?”

  Michiko grinned and gestured towards the cage. Gregor was wearing a mini tuxedo top, cut to fit a guinea pig, with a bow tie. “He's all set!” she said.

  “You look…quite formal,” Beth said.

  “I look like a contestant in a pet show from Hell,” Gregor grumbled.

  “But a cute one!” Michiko said.

  “Let's get this over with,” Gregor said. Beth set the purse on the table, and the guinea pig crawled into it. “There had better be strawberries there.”

  “Beth, before we go,” Michiko said, “we need to go over a few things.” Beth nodded. “First off, we'll probably be the only humans there. We'll be in for a lot of abuse from some of the guests.”

  “No surprise there,” Beth said.

  “Just remember, it's nothing personal. Except against all of humanity.”

  “Don't slug the obnoxious losers. Got it.”

  “If you can get into any conversations, do it. See what info we can get.”

  “What if I run into the Professor?” Beth asked.

  Michiko shook her head. “You should stay out of his way.”

  “But—”

  “No buts,” Michiko said. “We can't risk getting tossed out for causing a scene.”

  Beth sighed and nodded. “Anything else?”

  “One last thing. If any of the Dukes or anyone in their entourages offer you anything to eat or drink, say 'no', but politely.”

  “The old 'eat faerie food and you'll be their slave for life' trick?” Beth said.

  “Yep! Stick to the buffet tables.” Michiko grinned.

  “Got it. All set?”

  “Are we late now?”

  “Only fashionably so.” Beth picked up Gregor's purse.

  “Wait!” Michiko grabbed her smartphone and stood in front of the invitation, which was pushpinned to the wall where the poster had been. Beth hurried over and stood next to her. They crouched together, smiling, and Michiko held the phone out at arm's length and snapped a selfie.

  Michiko set the phone on a bookshelf. Then, she licked her thumb and pressed it against the invitation. As they watched, it darkened, then expanded, flowing out until it covered a large swath of the wall. “Party time!” Michiko said. She took Gregor's purse and held it by the flap; the guinea pig leaned against her fingers. She laid her other hand on Beth's shoulder and guided her into the porth.

  Within ten steps of passing through the porth, the light from Beth's apartment had faded, and they were walking through shadow. “Michiko?” Beth asked, trying to keep the worry out of her voice.

  “It's okay,” Michiko said. “I know it's a bit spooky.”

  “How do we know where we're going?”

  “Look down.”

  Beth did, and saw a lighted line set in the ground beneath them, reminding her of movie theater floor lights, stretching into the distance. “Got it,” she said. “So…fairies use these all the time?”

  Michiko shook her head. “It takes a lot of work, and magical energy, to create one porth, never mind dozens. They're usually only created for emergencies or special occasions.”

  “So, this is basically Wrexham showing off,” Beth said. Michiko snickered, and Beth added, “Where does this lead to?”

  “I'm sure it won't be Wrexham's estate, but aside from that, I don't know. It could be somewhere else in Faerie, somewhere on Earth, or maybe even somewhere between worlds.”

  “So try not to use the front door when we leave?”

  “Yep!” Michiko said with a grin as they approached a door-shaped light in the darkness.

  They emerged from the porth onto a sprawling landing. The staircase it topped was wide enough to hold a herd of elephants, with room left over for a hippo or two. The stairs led down to a ballroom that could have doubled as a convention center, or a football field. Hundreds of faeries were already mingling, talking loudly, and getting lost. A small orchestra tried to make themselves heard on a stage against the far wall.

  “Time to make an entrance!” Michiko said, nodding to an elderly faerie in full butler regalia standing stiffly nearby. He presented a blank piece of well-worn paper to her; she licked her thumb and pressed it on the paper.

  He held up the paper and read, “Announcing Aloysius Alphonsus!” The partygoers nearest the stairs paused and looked up at him; he continued, “He sends greetings, but he is unable to attend, for he fears he is coming down with the vapors. In his place, he presents the Monkey Queen and two companions.”

  Michiko and Beth descended the stairs, smiling and waving like beauty pageant contestants. “I should have brought my smartphone!” Beth whispered.

  “It wouldn't have worked here anyway,” Michiko whispered back. “Wrexham is a total Luddite.” Beth giggled.

  They walked past two overdressed faerie women who turned up their noses as they passed. “Humans,” one said.

  “So immature,” said the other.

  “And what horrible attire!”

  “So common.”

  “I must admit, though—I like the purse.” The other one nodded.

  Michiko was all smiles as she weaved through the crowd. Beth stayed close as she tried to copy Michiko's example, but she found it difficult. She was both fascinated and overwhelmed by what she was seeing.

  Most of the attendees were faeries, and almost all of them had gotten decked out. The men wore silken robes or tunics over leggings, and the women wore dresses of the finest fabric, all in the colors of their houses. Their hair was perfect without exception, and their jewelry would have made Liz Taylor weep with envy. They all moved with well-practiced and premeditated grace. Their speech was cordial and thoroughly pre-rehearsed. And their glares and sneers cut through Beth like the sharpest needles.

  The hall had plenty of alcoves and quiet corners along the walls, presumably for discussions of a private or sensitive nature. Michiko led Beth into one, asking, “So what do you think?”

  “It's like all the cheerleaders and jocks in high school got together to pick on me,” Beth said, “but on a much grander scale.”

  “Ignore them,” Michiko said as she opened Beth's purse. “Gregor?”

  The guinea pig stuck his head out. “Strawberry time?”

  “Strawberries later. Eavesdropping now.” She pulled Gregor out. “Sweep the room. Try to avoid being seen. Listen in on anything you can involving Puck or Wrexham. If it's anything important, find me or Beth ASAP.”

  “Is there anything else?”

  “Yes. Try not to get stepped on.” Michiko set Gregor on the floor.

  “Oh, thank you so very much,” Gregor said as he scurried off.

  Michiko turned back to Beth. “You too, Beth. See if you can find anyone here who's willing to talk. And avoid Puck.”

  “And don't get stepped on,” Beth said with a sigh.

  Michiko grinned and left the alcove, ducking past a waiter. Beth waited a minute, then swallowed hard and moved into the crowd.

  Michiko watched as the faerie servant walked past, doing his studied best not to notice her. She took advantage of that to slip a glass off the tray he carried. She sniffed its contents, made a face, and emptied it into a nearby potted p
lant.

  “Monkey Queen!”

  She turned and saw Duke Wrexham approach her, fake smile in place, trailed by two of his men. “What a surprise to see you here!” he said.

  “Slow TV night,” she said. “But—”

  “Oh, look!” Wrexham said. “Your glass is empty! Men, get that special bottle from my…private stock.”

  “You know, I'm not old enough for that,” Michiko said. The duke ignored her.

  The other faeries nodded and hurried off. As soon as they were gone, Wrexham dropped the facade. “Why are you here?” he said.

  “I missed you!” she said with a grin. “It's been hours!”

  “Don't play games with me, Monkey Queen! Who sent you?”

  “Your former chef. I need to steal some recipes.”

  Wrexham's eyes narrowed. “You're here about Puck, aren't you?”

  “He's no chef.”

  “I should throw you out of here right now!”

  “And create a scene in the middle of your big bash?” Michiko said, her grin widening.

  Wrexham suddenly smiled again, as his men returned with a small bottle. “Ah, I see! Well, Monkey Queen, you're welcome here. Enjoy yourself! Stay for the entertainment! In fact—” He uncorked the bottle. “Would you care to join me in a toast, with my compliments?”

  Michiko laughed and shook her head. “I never drink and walk through porths.” She spun away from Wrexham and back into the crowd; he scowled as he re-corked the bottle.

  When Beth was younger and had seen too many movies with princesses, she had occasionally dreamed about great parties, glorious balls with hundreds of attendees. And she would show up at the ball, be herself, and win everyone over with her charm and wit.

  So much for that daydream, Beth thought as she stood in a darkened alcove. The party-goers had ignored her when she tried talking to them, and she had heard some of them snickering as she walked away. Try as she might to keep up her spirits, she was beginning to feel depressed and alone, the way she always felt at parties. She sighed and steeled herself for a trip across the floor, figuring that even if the rest of the party stunk, the buffet tables would be interesting.