Teach Me

by Danielle Burton

  I stepped forward so the barrel was against my chest. “I ain’t got shit to live for. Do it.”

  His gaze faltered, his eyes darting to what I assumed were his boys.

  A hand gripped my shoulder and pulled be back. Isaac stepped between us, and scowled at the wanna-be thug. “Put that shit away, Devon.” He faced me with the same scowl. “What the fuck are you still doing here?”

  I turned away from him and dropped to the pavement.

  Killa’s chest rose and fell in short bursts and her eyes were fixed on me.

  Katara stood now, explaining to Isaac what had happened. “I was walking her and she got loose. One of them tried to pet her and she went crazy and started barking and growling.”

  Ignoring the pain in my chest, I bent forward and scooped Killa into my arms then stood and started for my car.

  “Where the hell are you going?” Isaac called behind me.

  I kept walking. She needed medical attention. I doubted there were any animal hospitals nearby, so I’d have to look one up on my GPS. When I reached my car, I slid into the back seat with Killa in my lap and grabbed my phone. Blood streaked my screen as I scrolled through the menu.

  I wiped it and my hands on a clean area of my shirt and looked down at Killa. She lay motionless, her cold eyes staring at nothing. “Killa? Come on girl, wake up. Please.”

  I leaned back in my seat, heat seizing my heart. My vision became blurry and something wet slid down my cheek. I brought a hand to my face and wiped at the unfamiliar wetness. A lump rose in my throat and a strangled sound choked its way out. More soon followed as I sat holding Killa to my chest. Try as I might I couldn’t make myself stop.

  Close to a decade of unshed tears forced their way to the surface. Things I’d buried with alcohol, while burying myself inside some strange kitty. This was the reason I never stayed sober for more than a few days. I didn’t want to feel it. All the fucked up shit it my life was too much to bear. The wound of my soul was open and exposed. Too much had happened for it to ever scab over.

  The tears kept coming. Tears for Killa. Tears I refused to cry over a mother who abandoned me and a father who never wanted me in the first place. Tears for my auntie and for pushing away the only family I’d ever known. Tears for all the pain I’d endured over the course of the shit storm that was my life.

  The front door of my car opened and Isaac looked in at me.

  I wiped at my face and tried to pull myself together, refusing to look like a bitch in front of the guy who’d kicked my ass a week ago.

  He closed the door without a word and left me to my sorrow.

  A long while later he returned with a garbage bag and a couple of shovels. Together we dug a hole in the open field behind his apartment and laid Killa to rest.

  Isaac patted my shoulder and nodded toward the building. “Come on. I’ll find you something to change into.”

  I just stood there staring at him.

  He let out a hard breath and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Look…Katara fessed up to putting the moves on you. I still don’t like that you went along with it, but…my bad for bashing your face in.” He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, and then arched a brow at me. “We cool?”

  I returned his shrug with one of my own. “It’s whatever.”

  ~ ♥ ~

  I stood outside the dorm Jay and I shared with my hand poised to knock. Isaac had offered to let me come back with the condition that Katara and I stay ten feet away from each other at all times. I’d turned him down, it just wasn’t the same without Killa there.

  Taking a deep breath, I knocked and waited for Jay to answer.

  His voice came through from the other side. “It’s about time slow poke. I was about to start watching it without–” The smile fell from his face when he saw me. He stood there gaping at me for a long minute before pulling me into hug.

  My arms remained at my sides as I fought the urge to break down again. Only three weeks had passed since he’d lost his mom, and I didn’t want to intrude on his mourning by having him worry about me anymore than he already had. So I put on one of my many hats, this one belonging to carefree Benji. I smacked my lips and tried to free myself from his tight embrace. “Man, get on with that soft shit.”

  He finally let go then gave me a playful punch in the shoulder. “Where have you been and what the hell happened to your face?”

  My body was weakened from sleep deprivation, lack of sustenance, and most likely dehydration so the punch left my skin feeling sore. I rubbed my shoulder and stepped past him into the room. “I just needed some time to myself.”

  He eyed me for minute but didn’t acknowledge me dodging his other question. Instead he nodded and went to sit on his bed. “You good now?”

  I shrugged, and rubbed at the stiffness in my neck. “I’m...breathing, barely.” I could’ve lied and said I was a-o-kay, but I was doubtful he’d believe my lie.

  I huffed a sigh of relief when he didn’t press the issue.

  He looked me over again, no doubt wondering why I looked like hell warmed over. “Look, I’m sorry for going on off on you the way I did. You were mourning the only way you knew how and I should’ve respected that.”

  I fell back on my bed, and laced my fingers behind my head. “It’s whatever.” I should’ve been the one apologizing. I was a shitty friend for picking a fight with him simply because I was in a bad mood. Especially after he’d just come from saying goodbye to his mom. I tried to force those two words out, but I’d never quite mastered admitting when I was wrong. “You know I didn’t mean none of that shit I said, right?”

  “Yeah I know.”

  I gave a quick nod before closing my eyes. I was in desperate need of some real sleep. Between sirens, gunshots, and crackheads banging on my window, I’d hadn’t slept an hour straight in days.

  No sooner than I’d started to drift, a phone rang and scared me back awake.

  I listened to Jay’s end of the conversation with Gabi’s dad then watched him stand and rush around the room.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He threw on his coat with tears in his eyes. “Gabi’s hurt.”

  ~ ♥ ~

  Cam finished talking to Jay then came and sat next to me. The tears running down her face did something to me. I wanted to pull her close like the morning she’d cried into my shirt after that asshole had tried to have his way with her, but I wasn’t sure how she’d react in this scenario. She’d been in a terrible place that day, which was mostly likely her reason for looking at me for the first time with something on her face besides contempt or disgust.

  Since the day we’d met something in her had struck me as odd. Sure I flirted with her a lot, most times just to get under her skin, but my curiosity wasn’t even sexual. Well, at least not strictly. It was the way she carried herself, that air of confidence she bolstered that I’d seen through immediately.

  Cam wasn’t this confident, well put together woman she’d like everyone believe her to be. She was just as fragile as the rest of us, moving through life on top of fractured glass where one wrong step could send you free falling with no clue how close you were to the bottom.

  It was easy for me to see through her façade…we wore the same mask.

  She wiped her eyes and looked over at me. “What happened to your face?”

  “Nothing.”

  Her eyes narrowed, but she let it go.

  I knew she didn’t believe me, but I couldn’t tell the truth. I liked this new way she looked at me, I didn’t want to lose it.

  Chapter Six

  ~ Camryn ~

  Have you ever had that feeling where the world fails to move? Well, that’s what happened to me when I got word that my best friend was lying at the bottom of a stairwell. She was the one person in the world who’d ever cared about me, and the person I cared for the most. She was my sister in every way that mattered. My heart floated in limbo until the doctor had spoken those magical words, she was going to be okay.

/>   I had to fight the urge to shove Jay to the side to get to her, but seeing that she was the love of his life, I suppose he had first dibs. Then I had to wait for her parents to go in. I thought I would die of impatience before it was my turn. I just needed to see her with my own eyes, know that she was truly okay and didn’t plan on leaving my side any time soon.

  As soon as her mom and dad vacated her room I barreled in and rushed to her bedside. For a while I just stood there staring down at her.

  Gabi raised a quizzical brow at me. “What’s wrong?”

  I collapsed in the chair next to the bed, fighting the lump in my throat. Crying was one of the C’s I tried to avoid. There was nothing cool, calm, or confident about it. But my life was in shambles, and for a moment I thought I’d lost the only person I had in my corner.

  In the three weeks that had passed since the funeral, I’d kept everything bottled in. Everyone had been mourning, and I hadn’t wanted to seem selfish. Not only that, but I was embarrassed. Why? I don’t know. I knew Gabi of all people wouldn’t judge me, but the feeling still kept my lips sealed.

  In high school I’d flaunted my wealth. Not because I felt I was better than anyone, but it’s what made me, me. I had something no one else did, a famous father. Even in death his name still echoed the walls wherever I went.

  Very few people at River Crest University knew, including Gabi. I’d wanted it that way. For once in my life I wanted people to like me for who I was inside, even though most days I didn’t even know who that was. Guilt had been weighing on me lately. The friendship I cherished most was built on lies. I was a fraud and when Gabi found out, I’d have no one.

  I laid my head on the mattress as the tears broke free, unable to control my sobs.

  Gabi’s hand stroked my back gently. “It’s okay, Cam. I’m okay.”

  I sniffed and grabbed some tissues from the side table. “I know. I was just really scared.” I took her uninjured hand in both of mine and hugged it to my chest. “You’re my sister, and you’re all I have.”

  Gabi squeezed my hand, and her lips curved into a frown. “What’s wrong, Cam? Is there something else bothering you?”

  Placing her hand back on the bed, I shook my head. “No, I was just worried about you.”

  She looked over me for a minute and her brows furrowed. “Cam, you know you can come to me for anything right?”

  “I know, I just...”

  “What is it?”

  I focused my gaze on my three hundred dollar Manolo pumps, ones I’d be saying goodbye to any day now. “I have to drop out of school.”

  “What? Why?”

  I lifted my gaze to hers and wiped the wetness from my face. “My bitch of a mother cut me off. Says she’s not taking care of me anymore, and somehow got her hands on my trust fund. I’m flat broke and once this semester is over I’m going to be homeless as well.”

  “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.” She opened her arms and I immediately filled them, soaking the shoulder of her hospital gown with a fresh round of tears.

  “What am I gonna do, Gabi?”

  She rubbed my back, rocking me gently. “We’ll figure something out. I’m sure we can find a way for you–”

  “Why don’t you stay with me?”

  We both jumped, and I swung around to face the door. Benji leaned against the wall with his hands stuffed into his pockets.

  “Eavesdropping Benji? That’s creepy, even for you.”

  He pushed off the wall and made his way offer to us. “I wasn’t eavesdropping. Y’all were talking when I came in and I didn’t wanna interrupt. Especially once the tears started flowing.” Leaning past me, he pressed a kiss to Gabi’s forehead.

  She slapped his arm, and narrowed her eyes at him. “Where have you been, and who did that to your face?”

  “Nowhere and nobody.”

  “Benji...”

  He ignored her mothering gaze and stood up straight. “You alright?”

  One of her brows lifted and she folded her arms. “Are you?” It was admirable the way she cared about everyone, probably her best quality.

  Benji just shrugged while taking a step back. “I’m good.”

  Gabi’s suspicious gaze swept over him again before she turned her attention to me. “We’ll figure something out. I promise.”

  I talked with Gabi a few minutes longer before Jay came in and shooed us out so that she could rest.

  I made my way back to the waiting room, hoping Gabi’s parents hadn’t left so that I could get a ride back to my dorm. Someone fell in step beside me and I glanced over to see Benji looking down at me. Whatever had happened in the time since we’d bumped into each other, if you could even call it that, had left him a lot worse for wear. He didn’t seem inclined to share said information and I wasn’t about to ask again. Why should I even care was the question that bounced around in my mind. So what he’d saved me. He was still Benji. I’d thanked him and that was that.

  He walked ahead of me a bit then cut me off.

  I stopped short and folded my arms, not close to being in the mood for whatever perverted thought would come spilling from his mouth. “What Benji?”

  “I meant what I said about you staying with me. Well, it’ll technically be with my uncle since I live with him.”

  I craned my neck to look up at his face. Even in four inch heels he towered over me. The corners of his mouth were turned down and not an ounce of light showed in his eyes. Again I found myself wondering what secret pain he was hiding. I’d heard through Gabi of his drinking binges and the argument between him and his cousin before he’d gone MIA. I shook that wonderment away while also shaking my head. Benji’s mind wasn’t somewhere I wanted to be. “No thanks.”

  He caught my arm as I stepped around him and gently turned me to face him. “Why not? You need a place to stay, right?”

  “Yes, but that place isn’t going to be with you. I appreciate the offer and what you did for me before, but don’t expect me to repay you with sex. It’s not happening.” I spun on my heels and searched the waiting area while I continued toward the exit. Gabi’s parents had left. Great.

  Benji cut me off again and looked down at me with a frown on his face and his brows knitted together. “You seriously think I’m that big of an asshole?”

  I blew out an exasperated sigh and stepped back so I could look at him without nearly breaking my neck. “You haven’t exactly given me a reason to think differently.”

  “I’ve never bartered with a girl for sex, Cam, and I never would. Just because I like getting laid doesn’t meant I’m a douche. Every girl I’ve ever bedded has been of her own free will. I don’t trade favors for sex.”

  I stood looking everywhere but at him in an effort to ignore the hurt look in his eyes.

  Why was he being Superman all of a sudden and coming to my rescue? He was much easier to hate when he was a perverted ass hat. “Benji, I…I’ll think about it.”

  He nodded, then just stood there rubbing at the nape of his neck. “You uh, need a ride?”

  Here I was again, sitting in the passenger seat of Benji’s car outside my dorm, an awkward silence hanging over us. A question formed on my lips numerous times but I couldn’t bring myself to ask about his wellbeing. Benji and I didn’t have that kind of relationship. We didn’t have any type of relationship, had never even held a conversation that didn’t involve him coming on to me and me shooting him down.

  I let the question die, and then glanced over at him, trying my damnedest to not let the way his shoulders sagged or his blank stare out of the window affect me. “Why don’t you give me your number? If I decide to accept your offer, I’ll let you know.”

  He looked at me and gave a small nod.

  A quick search of my coat pockets revealed that I’d left my phone in my dorm room earlier. “Do you have some paper?” I opened the glove box in front of me to look for some.

  Benji reached over me and slammed it back shut. I’m sure to try to stop me from seeing what was i
nside, but it was too late.

  I stared at the now closed compartment for a long moment before facing him. “Why do you have a gun?”

  He kept his gaze in front of him and handed me his cell phone. “Lock your number in. I’ll text you so you have mine.”

  I took the phone but continued to stare at him. “So we’re going to pretend I didn’t just see a gun in your glove compartment?”

  “That’s the plan,” he said, still not looking at me.

  “Benji, if you’re in trouble...”

  He glanced at me and shook his head. “The only trouble in my life is me.”

  “Have you ever thought about talking to someone?”

  “Don’t need to.”

  I laid my hand on top of his on the steering wheel in an attempt to get him to look at me. He didn’t. “Benji, everyone needs a friend.”

  He scoffed and cut his eyes at me. “You ain’t Gabi and I damn sure ain’t Jay. I’m good by myself.”

  “Benj–”

  “Are you gonna give me your number or not?”

  I let out a heavy sigh and locked my number in. “If you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate.”

  He took the phone back and tossed it in the middle console between the seats but didn’t respond.

  With a roll of my eyes, I turned and opened my door. I’d barely shut it behind me before he sped off. Well, at least I’d tried.

  ~ ♥ ~

  A week passed and I had yet to come up with a solution to my problem. As the semester drew to a close, my anxiety about the coming months tripled. Even if I did accept Benji’s offer, then what? I couldn’t stay there indefinitely.

  Since my steady stream of cash was cut off, it became more and more obvious that I had no plan. When I’d applied for college I hadn’t really thought of a future. The only thing on my mind had been getting away from home. Wanting and needing to be on my own. I’d come here thinking I’d somehow find myself but that had yet to happen. Who was Camryn Elsbury without the glitz and glam?