Backstage Dirty (The Savage Light Rockers #1)

by Jenika Snow

  “Holy fuckin’ shit,” Marcus said, and when he went to stand the blonde that had been perched on his lap nearly fell right on her ass from the sudden motion. Marcus tipped back his beer bottle until he had consumed all of it, and then handed it to some guy with a pass hanging from his neck.

  The other guys had since turned in their seats to look at them, and Tanner locked eyes with Jacks. He stared at her over his shoulder, and although he kept his expression stoic for several seconds, she saw something flicker in his eyes. And then he stood, followed by Matty and Beats. They all walked over to them, but she and Zoe hadn’t moved. There was this strange atmosphere that had suddenly filled the space around them.

  “You guys look exactly the same.” Marcus grinned, and his bottom lip ring glinted.

  She would have said the same, but honestly they didn’t look the same, yet at the same time they did. There was this clear confidence that surrounded the guys. It wasn’t arrogance, but it was thick, heady, and mixed with something else. Tanner’s whole body became heated, and she cleared her throat when Jacks took a step closer. Now he was standing right beside Marcus, with the other two guys behind him. And then as if that string that was pulled taut between them snapped Marcus embraced Zoe. There was a flurry of loud voices, laughter, and movement from the other guys. But Jacks still stood in front of her, only a few feet away. His shirt was still damp from sweating up on stage, and if she had thought the material had outlined his chest when he had been performing she hadn’t seen anything until this moment. The ink on both of his arms was bright, with artistic designs, swooping lines, and abstract shapes. But, thanks to the damp fabric of his shirt, she could see that he had ink on his pecs as well. The tattoos that covered his upper chest also snaked up his neck. Tanner had never been one that thought tattoos were especially attractive, but seeing them on Jacks made that change drastically.

  “Hey.” His voice was so deep and low, so heated and powerful.

  She snapped her eyes up from his chest to his face, and instantly felt her cheeks heat in embarrassment. She replayed that one word he had just said over and over again, and dammit she actually felt herself grow pliant for him. The way he grinned at her, with those straight white teeth, told her that he knew she had been checking him out. And honestly, that was what she had been doing.

  “Hi.” She was so nervous, but this was just Jacks—kind of—one of the four guys she and Zoe had grown up around. There was nothing to be nervous about, she told herself repeatedly. She smiled and pushed away the awkwardness that Tanner was sure she was the only one feeling. She moved closer to Jacks so she could wrap her arms around him, and pressed her chest to his. Instantly she smelled his clean sweat and the saltiness that seemed to come from it. There was also the scent of his spicy cologne, and Tanner actually found herself closing her eyes and inhaling deeply.

  “Are you smelling me?” There was amusement in Jacks voice.

  She snapped her eyes open and tried to pull back, feeling humiliated all over again, but Jacks wrapped his arms around her waist, held her tightly against him, and actually buried his head in the crook of her neck.

  “Don’t move.” His hands were at the small of her back, and with her arms up and over his neck, the edge of her shirt had risen up. The scorching intensity of his fingers touching her bare flesh had every part of her clenching uncomfortably. Yet it wasn’t a discomfort from distaste, but from this sudden arousal that had slammed into her. “You smell exactly the same.” He whispered against the side of her throat, and the feel of his warm, humid breath along her bare flesh had a shiver racing up her spine. He pulled back and looked down at her, his expression guarded.

  She had to tilt her head back to look at his face, not just because he was so tall, but because they were still so close together. But before either could say anything else, Marcus had her in his arms and lifted her off the ground as he gave her a big bear hug.

  “Damn girl, you’ve gotten curvy.” He set her down, held her hands as he took a step back, and lifted her arms out to the side so he could blatantly check her out. He whistled under his breath. “Yeah, Tanner, you really got curvy.”

  She pulled her hands away and lightly smacked him on the chest. “God, Marcus. I see you still don’t have a filter,” she said through a smile.

  “Five has a mouth that rivals a horny sailor that has been out to sea for the last five year,” Beats said with a grin.

  “Five” She tested his known nickname out.

  “Said a little slower and with more of a moan.” Marcus grinned, but winced as soon as Jacks punched him in the arm.

  “Watch your mouth. These two aren’t groupies here for your amusement,” Jacks said with a bite in his voice.

  Marcus held up his hands in surrender. “Fuck, dude, easy.” He grinned at her and Zoe, and gave a wink for good measure it seemed.

  “But seriously, you can just call me Five now.” They had never called Marcus “Five” while growing up as a nickname, but over the past five years he had taken on the name—for reasons unknown to her.

  “But seriously, you’re a sight for sore eyes.” He looked over at Zoe who was standing in front of Beats talking with him. “Both of you are.”

  She gave a hug to Matty and then Beats, and then they were all sitting on the couch and chairs, beers in their hands, and the atmosphere starting to feel like it used to. It was still a little strange to be right in front of them after all this time, especially Jacks, and not because it had been ages since they had been in the same room. The way they had stopped seeing each other still played through her head like a broken record.

  “So, what’s new with you two?” Beats asked as he twirled a drumstick between his fingers.

  Tanner glanced at Zoe, who sat beside him, and saw her friend’s face redden. Yeah, the poor girl still had it bad for the drummer, but he seemed oblivious to that fact, like he always had. Five—it felt so weird calling him that—was sitting in the chair he had been in before, and that nearly nude blonde was right back on his lap. It took a lot to make Tanner uncomfortable, especially in the sexual sense, but seeing Five slip his hand between the blonde’s legs, and move his other hand to cover one of her breasts, made Tanner feel really out of place. She cleared her throat and looked back at the other three guys. Jacks had since grabbed his guitar and was picking out a soft tune, but his gaze was trained on Tanner. She shifted in her seat and looked at Matty, who was talking to some redhead that she hadn’t even seen enter the lounge.

  “Not much new, well,” she cleared her throat, “aside from the fact I’ve moved back to town because I can’t find a job with my degree.”

  “You go to school working on that computer stuff?” Five asked, but his voice was muffled since he had it practically buried in the blonde’s cleavage.

  “Dude, how about ditching the chick and spending some time with the girls?” Beats said, but there was a sharpness to his words. Beats looked at her and shrugged. “He’s a horny fucker. And I swear his dick is out of his pants more times than not.”

  “Beats, you’re being just as much of a douche as Five,” Jacks said.

  The other guys started laughing, and when Beats looked over at Zoe and nudged her in the shoulder she gave this nervous laugh. That had Tanner smiling, yet feeling bad for her friend. Of course they had all been open and outgoing back in the day, but everything just seemed weird now, different, and she hated that.

  She noticed—and felt—Jacks staring at her, but she willed herself not to shift and not to seem uncomfortable. But of course she knew she looked just that, because she felt her hands slightly shake, and felt the trickle of beads of perspiration form between her breasts again. Now more than ever Jacks’s stare made her feel so hyperaware.

  “Your hair is shorter.” Jacks continued to strum on his guitar, but once again kept his piercing stare trained on her. “I thought you said you were never going to cut your hair short?” he said without really showing any emotion in his voice.

  She r
ealized, when her heart slowed from its crazy thundering rhythm, and when she forced herself to stop fidgeting with the edge of her shirt, that the song he was strumming was “In My Life” by The Beatles. It had been the last song Jacks had played for her, the one right before they had gone in his room and into his bed, where he had taken her virginity. She might have lost her virginity that night, but it had been hard, fast, all-consuming, and exactly the way she had envisioned being with a guy like Jacks. Shifting on her seat again, but this time not from feeling out of place, but because she was wet between her thighs thinking about that night again, she licked her lips.

  “Long hair is a lot to manage.” She lifted her hand and ran a lock of her dark brown now shoulder length hair between her fingers. She also had bangs now, ones that kind of did a swoop thing along her forehead, but bangs nonetheless. “I actually just cut it, like a week ago.”

  Jacks didn’t say anything for several moments, and she hated that she worried if he liked this new cut or not. She remembered all those years ago when he used to reach out and take a piece of her waist length hair between his fingers. He’d rub the locks back and forth while staring into her eyes. Those were the little memories she thought of a lot, and ones he probably didn’t even think about, or remember.

  “I liked your long hair.” He was silent for a moment after he spoke, but still picked out the song. “But I like the short hair better. You look like a grown-up.” Jacks smiled, and everyone around them started laughing. But Jacks and Tanner weren’t laughing, and instead still watched each other.

  “You coming to the show in Denver?” Matty asked, breaking up the trance that had suddenly surrounded her.

  “Um,” she glanced over at Zoe and lifted her eyebrow. “I don’t know. When is it?”

  “This Saturday,” Beats responded.

  “We would love to come.” Zoe spoke up before Tanner could say anything.

  “Sweet,” Beats said and nudged Zoe in the arm again.

  They started a conversation, and soon that tight air that surrounded Tanner seemed to go away as the conversation went from the guys and their fame over the last few years, to the days back in high school when they were playing gigs at a few of the bars in the surrounding cities.

  “You remember we could only go to the ones that would let in minors?” Five said through a laugh. “I mean we couldn’t even stay past a certain time at most because that was when only the legal drinkers could stay.”

  Everyone started laughing even harder.

  “Or what about the time we dared Beats to strip down and run through the center of town fucking naked because we were all trashed on those apple puckers that Zoe got from her folks’ place.” Matty threw his head back and started laughing so hard that tears leaked out of the corner of his eyes. “I haven’t thought about this shit in so damn long.”

  “You jokers think that is funny, yet you didn’t have the Sherriff make you sleep in a cell for the night for indecent exposure.” Beats had this snappy tone to his voice, but as everyone kept laughing a smile broke across his face.

  “Oh, shit, I miss those days,” Five said and wiped the corner of his eyes. He looked up at the blonde, said something low so that only she heard, and then stood. “I need to wind down. Catch you assholes back at the hotel.” He came up to Tanner, gave her a huge hug, and whispered in her ear, “You and Zoe will come to the show in Denver, right?” He pulled back. “The bigger venues are a trip, like a real fucking surreal trip.” He grinned and then winked.

  She hadn’t planned on it, even after Zoe had told them they would go, but how could she say no to spending more time with them? “You know we will.”

  He turned and gave Zoe a hug, too, and then pointed to Jacks. “Make sure the girls don’t back out of coming to Denver.” Beats winked at her once more.

  Jacks nodded. “No fucking way are they getting out of coming.”

  When Tanner looked over at him it was to see him watching her. Of course after he said that last word she thought of totally inappropriate things that the word “coming” was connected with. Heat moved up her neck and covered her cheeks. All it took was a look from him, one that was more mature, carnal, and spoke of experience the likes of which she would never even begin to understand, for her to feel like putty around him. But Tanner needed to remind herself that guys like Jacks and the rest of the band could have any woman they wanted—as was evident by the groupies that were hanging around back here and by the door. Compared to those girls she was a slab of ground beef, and not even the quality kind.

  “I’m going to head back, too,” Matty said, but he was focused on the redhead, and the way she was running a finger over her cleavage.

  Once Matty and Five were gone, Beats stood, which had Zoe doing the same. “I hope we can catch up later.”

  Beats grinned down at her and wrapped one arm around her shoulder, pulling her in close. “You know it. It’s been way too fucking long.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the top of the head, and Tanner looked away. She knew that to Zoe that kiss would be akin to Beats giving her the moon. Tanner also knew that trying to talk sense into Zoe was fruitless, because her friend was madly in love with him, and besides telling Zoe again that Beats didn’t see her as more than a friend would only fall on deaf ears.

  The sound of the crowd only being kept at bay by the thin wooden door and a handful of bouncers seemed to be getting louder by the second.

  “It sounds like they want to bust through and come back here,” Zoe said and looked behind her shoulder.

  “Nah, we’re good, although I’ll probably head back soon, too.” Jacks set his guitar on the ground, leaning against the couch, and stood. “You guys want to come to the hotel? Party?”

  Zoe looked at her, but Tanner couldn’t gauge what she really wanted to do. Frankly she didn’t want to see the other two guys getting it on with those girls that were clearly easy.

  “I won’t sugarcoat shit. It gets pretty crazy at these after parties, but we got the top floor at that swanky new hotel in Aspen.”

  “I’d love to.” The excitement in Zoe’s voice was evident now, and when Tanner looked at her she could see a glow surrounding her. She looked at Tanner and gave her these really big grey puppy dog eyes. “I won’t go without you, but it’s been years since we hung out with them. It’ll be like old times, Tanner.”

  Tanner knew it wouldn’t be, and didn’t want her friend seeing the debauchery that she could only assume would happen at a rock star party. “Um, I think Marcus and Matty had plans…” She glanced at Jacks.

  “They’ll be done with those groupies before we even get to the hotel.” He took a step toward her and reached out for her hand. Once it was encased in his he pulled her up. She felt the calluses along his fingers and swallowed. And then he started to smooth his thumb along the back of her hand, and butterflies—like she was a damn teenager—started flapping in her belly. “I know it’s like a forty-five minute drive, but there are several empty rooms on the floor we took over,” he grinned. “Come on.”

  She stared into his blue eyes, and before she could answer she already knew what she would say. “Ok.” Yeah, it had been that easy. She just hoped she could push away these feelings she had for Jacks, because she knew that being friends with him was the safest route, especially given the way she had left and so much time had passed. She also worried about the experience of going to one of these parties, ones that would probably be filled with alcohol and half-naked chicks wanting his attention in the filthiest of ways. Tanner didn’t know if she could make sure her jealousy didn’t show, because she had no claim over Jacks, even if he had claimed her in a way that had stolen her heart five years ago.

  Chapter Three

  Jacks could hear the bass before they even got off the elevator, but there wouldn’t be any noise complaints, not when he was one of the four members of one of the biggest rock bands in the world. It felt good to be in the spotlight, but it had never been about fame and money for Jacks. It h
ad always been about the music, about getting it out there so people could hear it. Of course he wouldn’t lie and say the money and possessions that he had because of this stardom weren’t great, but it was still about the poetry, the power within the words, and his buried emotions for the only girl he had ever loved—Tanner. He glanced at her, with her dark hair that brushed along her shoulders, those soulful eyes, and that rockin’ body, and he had to will his cock not to get hard. Even though a lot of shit had happened in the last five years, the past was still very much a part of who he was. He couldn’t forget about being with her in his bed, about sliding so deep inside of her, and knowing he was the first guy to take her. Fuck, he was getting hard thinking about that night, and what a night it had been that it still impacted him this way all these years later. He scrubbed a hand over his face and exhaled.

  “You okay?”

  He looked at Tanner and nodded. He prayed she didn’t glance down, because no doubt she’d see the massive wood he was sporting.

  The elevator finally stopped at the top floor, and the doors slid open. He thanked whoever had listened to his prayer, because she turned her focus back on the doors. He gestured for Tanner and Zoe to get off first, and then pointed to the last door on the far end of the hallway. There were several bodyguards standing on the floor in intervals. Zoe took the lead, and her excitement was tangible. That had Jacks smiling. And then he moved behind Tanner and instantly looked down at her ass. She had always had a really fucking nice one, but Five hadn’t been kidding when he said she had curves on her. Now she looked like a full woman, and not the anorexic chicks that hung around backstage and gave out blowjobs, or the ones that spread their legs for them because they wanted to say they had slept with a member from Savage Light. The denim of Tanner’s pants molded perfectly to her ass, and his fucking cock throbbed like it held its own heart within it. Shit, he didn’t want them thinking he was some kind of damn pervert checking her out and getting a boner like he was an adolescent teenager, but it was unavoidable. It might have been a long time since they had actually seen or talked to each other, but she had never been far from his mind.