Backstage Dirty (The Savage Light Rockers #1)

by Jenika Snow

  They stopped at the double doors at the end of the hallway, and the girls stepped to the side. He hoped they were prepared for a fucking madhouse. He pushed open the doors, and the music pulsated outward powerfully. The master suite was probably the size of most of the other rooms on the floor put together. There were more chicks than dudes, but that was common whenever these parties were thrown. Instantly he saw a few celebrities, some musicians, and a whole lot of staff and groupies. The majority of chicks were either dancing like they were at a strip club and collecting dollar bills, or grinding up on anyone that was right in front of them. Jacks stepped inside the room and gestured for Zoe and Tanner to come in, too. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought them to something like this, but honestly he hadn’t wanted the visit with Tanner to end.

  He stopped and turned to face them. “You guys want a drink?”

  “Sure,” Zoe answered. Her eyes were wide, and her face showed wonder as she looked around.

  Tanner nodded, but she was looking around the room, too. He didn’t even want to know what she was thinking.

  He left them by the front door and walked up to the bar that was a few feet from where they had been standing. No way in hell he’d leave them alone in a fucking zoo like this, but he could see them and knew they needed a moment to take it all in. A few girls were squealing right beside him, rambling on about the concerts they had gone to see the band perform, but he was focused on Tanner. The tank top she wore was white, and it had this delicate little lace trim around the collar. Her breasts were huge, and looking at them, thinking about sliding his dick between the huge mounds, was one fucked up thing to do. Shit, she had just come back into his life after a long time of being apart. He knew everything there was to know about her, but what he knew about her was from when she had been eighteen years old and younger. She was into her twenties now, the same as he was, but he felt like he didn’t know her anymore. All they had were past memories, ones that had faded over time. How could people really know each other without having spoken for five years? Jacks still considered her one of his best friends, but whether that was the truth still was really not known. Honestly, even if he was only admitting to himself right now, he had always thought of her as so much more, especially after he took her virginity.

  God, now was not the time to be thinking about this shit, but having her so close, seeing her after so long, it was hard not to let the past bombard him the way it was. He had been reliving that night he had been with her over and over again in his head since it happened. He wasn’t ashamed—although he probably should be—that he had beaten off to that night like it was a broken reel in his head. But he knew they had shared something special that night, and knew in his heart that she had felt the same way, too. He had finally been with the girl he had been in love with nearly his whole fucking life, but then shit had hit the fan once it was all said and done. It had been one big fucking slap to his face when she had grown distant and then just up and left like what they had done hadn’t meant anything to her. He tried to wrap his head around what he had done to make their nearly lifelong friendship grow cold and uncomfortable all because they had had sex. Yeah, they had been drinking, but he sure as hell had known what the fuck he had been doing. He had thought about it a lot—a fucking lot—and the only conclusion that made sense was that she regretted it. She sure as shit acted into it when they were doing it, but once it was said and done she totally acted like he had just been some guy she fucked and it didn’t mean anything.

  A lot of shit had gone through his head in the years after that, and he had used that heartache, emptiness, and rage that had grown after his pussy-whipped feelings had been discarded to write the music that had helped the band get to the top.

  He continued to stare at her, watched as a smile formed across her face when she waved at Beats from across the room, and knew that it was his own feelings and emotions over the past and their relationship that had caused his anger. Tanner was not the type of person to do anything intentional for the sake of hurting someone. He hadn’t told her how much he had cared for her, that even though they had that one night of drunken sex that it had meant so fucking much to him, so he couldn’t be pissed at her for leaving like she had. Clearly she had been scared. How could she not be when she had just given her virginity to a boy she had known her whole life, and one that she considered her best friend?

  “Sir? Do you need anything else?”

  Jacks looked over at the bartender. The younger guy was wearing that black and white tuxedo bullshit that his company probably made him put on for shit like this. He should have just come in a faded t-shirt and a pair of holey jeans. At least then he would have fit in to a party like this. “Yeah, give me a double of Crown.” Jacks needed that little surge of alcohol to get through tonight, because as it was he felt off-balance, and he hadn’t felt like that since he had been a teenager.

  The bartender nodded once and set him up in a matter of seconds.

  He slid the shot glass toward him and Jacks tossed it back. The burn of the alcohol moving down his throat felt good, really damn good. “Another one.” Now Jacks was the one to slide the shot glass to the guy, and once he had it refilled he tossed that one back, too. He took the three bottles of beer back of to the girls, handed them each one, and started drinking his own as he looked around the suit.

  “This is an insane party, Jacks.” Zoe had to yell over the music to be heard.

  Jacks smiled down at her and nodded. It wasn’t the craziest party that Savage Light had ever attended, at least not yet. There was no doubt that a few jokers in this place were packing coke, and although he didn’t touch the stuff, and the rest of the band didn’t—not anymore at least—it was still an unavoidable part of this lifestyle.

  “You guys care if I go hang out with Beats?” Zoe asked, and even though the music was loud and bumping Jacks could hear a longing note in her voice. Before either of them could answer she was heading over to Savage Light’s drummer. He sat in one of the white leather couches, and although there were a handful of women hanging around him, he told them to leave with a wave of his hand when Zoe stepped up to him.

  “She still carries a torch for him.” Jacks didn’t phrase it like a question, but he felt Tanner’s gaze on him. He looked over at her, and although she wasn’t showing any emotion on her face, he knew she was surprised he had said anything.

  “I didn’t think any of the guys knew.”

  He shook his head. “They don’t, or at least they had never told me anything.” He shrugged. “They were always too interested in getting their dicks wet, partying, or the music to see what was right in front of them.” He stared into her blue eyes, and wondered if she caught the note in his voice. He wasn’t just talking about the shit the guys did, or what they missed. He was also talking about her, and how he had noticed her for a long time.

  She was silent for a second and then glanced at where Zoe and Beats were sitting. “And you weren’t?”

  “What?” He had a feeling he knew what she was referring to, but he played it off cool and calm, and let her be the one that brought it out in the open.

  She turned and fully faced him. “Getting your dick wet, partying, and the music.” Tanner did a pretty good job of keeping her voice neutral, but he heard the slight tremble in it.

  He shrugged, not sure how to answer, because although it seemed like an easy enough question it really wasn’t. How the guys acted had been no secret back when they had been hanging out, but Jacks had never flaunted it like Matty, Beats, or Five did, and it was because he had carried this torch for a girl, who up until he had been with her sexually hadn’t acted like she wanted more with him. Well, look at how that had fucking gone.

  “Yeah, you were so into that shit.” She was laughing at him.

  He chuckled, but it was a bit strained. “I mean, I was a punk ass teenage guy, but I never brought those high school skanks to watch us play, and certainly never brought them home with me after gigs.”

&n
bsp; She stared at him for a second and finally shook her head. “No, I suppose you didn’t do any of the stuff the other guys did.” She glanced down, and he saw her cheeks turn pink.

  He still had an effect on her. Good.

  “But you still had your fair share of girls hanging off of you at school.” She smiled and then laughed, but it sounded forced.

  “Of course I was into puss…” He cleared his throat. “I was into chicks, the drinking, and of course making music.” But I was more interested in you.

  “So you knew the whole time she wanted Beats?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I mean I assumed since I never actually asked her. I saw the way she watched him play though, and those little giggles she made every time he told a joke.” He grinned. “We all know Beats’s jokes are pathetic as fuck.”

  She started laughing and nodded. “Yeah, they were pretty bad.”

  Jacks couldn’t help but feel his dick twitch at the sound of her laughter. “But the other guys were oblivious, that much was clear.”

  “Good. I’d hate for Zoe to have her feelings known like that when clearly she didn’t want them out there.” She was watching Zoe and Beats again. “I feel bad though, because I know he only saw her as a friend. She was—is—head over heels in love with him still.”

  “It’s probably better this way. I mean I don’t think Beats could have given her what she needed. Not then and really not now.” Jacks wasn’t going to talk about all the girls that thrust themselves at the band on a nightly basis. At first it had been exciting, but now it was so common that Jacks didn’t even blink when a set of big fake tits were thrust in his face.

  He watched Tanner’s profile as she looked around the room again and drank her beer. She had a stray piece of dark hair that brushed along her cheek, and he had to curl his fingers into his palm to stop himself from reaching out and brushing it away. He wanted to talk to her, to ask her why she had left the way she did, why she hadn’t reached out to him all these years, and tell her that he had also held a torch for her this whole time. But then she’d probably fire back her own string of questions.

  “If you love me so much, loved me all this time, why have you been linked countless times to those Hollywood women?”

  “Why didn’t you call me if you felt this strongly?”

  “Why did you never tell me how you felt?”

  All of those questions, and more, would come from her, because he didn’t think if he spilled his guts like that that Tanner would just shrug and be on her way. But what he feared the most was if he did tell her that he cared for her, that she would laugh at him, and tell him that what they had done five years ago was only about sex. They were friends, nothing more. He considered himself a strong man, but she could have crushed him with a few words. He was weak in that regard.

  Changing the subject sounded like the best move right now. “Over there is our opening act, Black Pearl. They are a band out of Detroit that started in the lead singer’s basement.”

  “Just like Savage Light.” She turned and looked up at him, this small smile playing across her face.

  He nodded and smiled. “Yeah. They’re touring with us, and I just know that they’ll be hitting it big. They have this original sound to them, like a mix of metal, folk, and classic rock. It’s crazy good shit.”

  She opened her mouth to respond, but before a word could leave her mouth there was this little squeal that came from behind him.

  “Oh. My. God. I cannot believe I am standing right in front of Jacks Lorde.”

  He turned and looked down at the blonde girl, probably fresh out of high school. She was wearing the same outfit as the majority of the women here: cropped top, no bra, and shorts tiny enough that her ass was probably nearly hanging out. “Hey.” He smiled down at her. She may not do anything sexual for him, but she was a fan, and he didn’t snub them.

  “Oh. My. God,” she said again, and her cheeks started to turn red. “I just seriously can’t believe I am here right now. I’ve seen like every concert Savage Light has performed in Colorado.” She started waving her hands in front of her face and glanced over her shoulder.

  Jacks followed her gaze and saw a group of three girls whispering to each other and acting like typical teenagers that he saw countless times at these parties. Where they even found the majority of these people was beyond him. But he never turned his back on them, even if some got a little fanatic.

  “Listen, I’m a little embarrassed to ask for this, but,” she glanced over at her friends once more, “but can I have your autograph?”

  “Sure.” He reached in his back pocket for the Sharpie he always carried, and uncapped it. Before he could ask her name, she had her top pulled down over her chest. Her tits bounced free, and he heard Tanner choke on her beer. Looking at her over his shoulder, he gave her an apologetic smile. God, she was totally not used to these blatant actions, and he had thrust her in it because he had been a selfish bastard. He didn’t have to ask her to come back to the hotel, and didn’t have to mention her staying at the hotel.

  “Can you make it out to ‘your number one fan, Brittany’?” The blonde moved her finger over her breast. “Right here.” She thrust her chest out, and he quickly scribbled his name and the message on her boobs. She squealed loudly and launched herself in his arms. Before he could react she was moving away from him and bouncing over to her friends.

  He looked over at Tanner who had her attention on the girl that just left. “Sorry about that. I guess I should have warned you that tits and asses are one of the main autographed body parts at these parties.” He ran his hand over the back of his neck and looked around. All out debauchery was happening. Girls grinding their shit on guys, booze being drunk in copious amounts, and this was only the beginning.

  Tanner finished off her beer and cleared her throat. “I think I’ve only seen that stuff actually happen in movies.” She still had those wide blue eyes trained right on him, but then she started laughing and shook her head. “That was crazy. I mean she just whipped those suckers out like there weren’t a hundred people crammed in here.”

  Jacks was glad she was at least smiling over it. But he had to remind himself that she didn’t know that he was uncomfortable with that shit because she was around. If she wasn’t here and that happened he would have signed, and maybe even taken the girl up on an offer for a quick fuck in the bathroom if the opportunity presented itself. But having Tanner standing right beside him, smelling that floral scent of her perfume even more than the spilled alcohol and sweat that mixed in the air, made him feel off kilter and almost embarrassed by the blatant sexuality thrown his way. Yeah, he would probably be called pussy-whipped, but he didn’t give a fuck.

  “Lap dance. Lap dance. Lap dance.” The loud chorus of people calling out the same thing drowned out the music.

  “Body shot. Body shot. Body shot.” The other half of the party seemed to be calling out something else. It was like a damn Westside Story brawl on what groupie would do the next sexual act.

  A girl with pixie cut light hair stood in the center of the room, several guys around her, all hollering out one of the two suggestions that had gotten the crowd worked up.

  “Do a line off her tight fucking ass,” someone called out.

  “No, do a line off her tits,” another guy called out.

  Now would be a good time to go someplace else, especially if the drugs were coming out. People started moving closer, caging them in. He pressed his side against Tanner’s, trying to block her from the sudden surge of movement as everyone attempted to get in on the action of watching this girl get blow inhaled off of her body. The girl getting ready to degrade herself for the enjoyment of the crowd moved over to the glass table between the two leather couches. Everyone was getting wild at this point, even more so when the table was cleared off and the girl climbed on and lay in the center of the table. Her top came off, and her tits were pretty big for how small she was. When she reached down and started shimmying out of her Daisy
Duke shorts Jacks turned so he was facing Tanner. Her eyes were wide as she was watching all the crazy shit going on around them.

  “Come on.” He took her hand and led her through the thick throng of people. A lot moved out of his way, called out his name to stay and party with them, but the people that didn’t move the fuck back got shooed out of his way.

  “Is that cocaine?” Tanner didn’t sound surprised.

  It was only going to get worse. You stupid fuck. Why in the hell would you bring her here knowing you didn’t want her to see this part of your life?

  “Yeah,” he said in a clipped tone, but kept his focus in front of him and toward the balcony doors just a few feet from them. A few people were already out there. “Get the fuck out of here.” He didn’t care if he sounded like an asshole. He was pissed at himself. It was the middle of summer, and there was a light breeze that moved by. Once the door closed behind the people, which left them alone, Tanner moved closer to him. Her hair moved around her shoulders from the breeze, and as she stared out the balcony at Aspen and the mountain view, Jacks moved closer, needing to be closer.

  “Again, I’m really sorry about all that. I shouldn’t have brought you or Zoe here, or at the very least warned you about the shit that happens at these things.”

  She looked over her shoulder and into the living room where Zoe was pressed tightly beside Beats. She was looking at the pixie getting cocaine cut into a line onto her belly. Zoe’s eyes were a little wide, but when Beats wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in tightly to the side of his body her entire expression changed.