Our Song

by Savannah Kade

It took all of ten seconds before the story started pouring out, punctuated by her questions.

  “I only got Andie three weeks ago. I only found out she existed four weeks ago.”

  “Wow.” That was big. “So do you have sole custody? Was there a problem?”

  He made that same harsh sound that wasn’t laughter, “Yes, there was a problem. Her mother died of cancer, and her birth certificate says she’s mine, not that I was ever made aware of that. So Child Protective Services just calls up one day and tells me I have a daughter and I need to come get her.” He paused for breath and pushed a hand through his hair.

  Wanting desperately to jump in, Kelsey held back. Years of therapy had taught her that the good stuff came when you tamped down your own feelings and waited the other person out. JD proved her decision wise.

  “Well, she was in Texas, where I’m from, and so it took a week to get ready and go get her. I did all of it myself.” He took a gulp of air, as the waiter showed up again with a loaf of bread that JD tore into.

  Kelsey waited her turn, still staying silent, taking a hunk of bread when JD offered it to her. This was getting interesting.

  “I told TJ about it because he was going to see the kid. But my folks would not understand having a child out of wedlock and they had never understood why I dated Stephanie in the first place. By the end of it I could see why. Stephanie was totally psycho, which explains a lot of this mess.”

  Kelsey winced at his terminology. She’d heard Andrew referred to as ‘psycho’ too many times, and she feared for this little Andie whose father had termed her mother that. But again she stayed quiet, munching on bread as much for an excuse to not participate in the conversation as for food.

  “So I drive to within an hour of where my folks live, and pick up this little girl who just lost her Mother, and that I didn’t even know existed. CPS warned me that she had issues. Which makes perfect sense: she’s been handed off to strangers and her Mom died of cancer, so she wasn’t doing a very good job there at the end. I couldn’t figure out why Stephanie didn’t just call me.”

  At that moment their food showed up, and the story stopped for plates to get settled. JD dug in, fork first, ignoring the broccoli that came on the side of his chicken parmesan. Kelsey eyed her asparagus and wondered if JD ever ate vegetables. Probably not, after all he was in his twenties and clearly stuck in the college phase. The guy even had a band, for crying out loud.

  Picking up the thread of the story, she held it out to him. “Of course Andie has issues. She’s been abandoned and kidnapped.”

  That got him. “She has not!”

  “Well, of course not. But that’s the way a five-year-old would see it.”

  He went back to his dinner, his eyes moving with his thoughts. “That makes sense. That does explain why she’s so stubborn. She doesn’t want to do anything I ask, and she won’t stay still or quiet to let me work.” He sighed, sounding much older and very worn out.

  “Have you tried working with her?”

  “Of course I’ve tried working with her. She doesn’t do her share. Even for a five-year-old.”

  Kelsey twirled her fork in her linguini just to keep her hands busy. “What I mean is make it look fun. If you need her hair brushed, then you brush her doll’s hair. Get her to do it herself if she won’t let you. When you have to work, give her something to do that looks like your work. My kids love filling out old forms while I write loans. It isn’t perfect but it’s better than the alternative.”

  “Okay, June Cleaver, tell me more.” He sat back and eyed her. At first she laughed at being called June Cleaver, but then she gasped.

  “Where did your food go?”

  “I ate it. Have you never had a guy around before?”

  She gulped. For years she’d had Andrew. “Not one that ate that fast.”

  JD smiled. “I guess he didn’t have competition. Between me and TJ, it was eat fast or don’t get seconds.”

  In her mother’s house ‘sedate’ was the key word. Though, the Lord knew Andy had never fit that.

  JD motioned for her to eat again, then ruined it. “In another eight to ten years, you’re going to have a teenage boy in your house, so watch out. . . Now, tell me more about how to tame the shrew.”

  That put a damper on the eating. But getting this poor guy help with his daughter was the priority. “Figure out what’s bothering her and address it. Ask her what she wants to do. When you talk to her crouch down to her level. Give her choices. Ask her which veggie she wants with dinner, and give her a few options. Maybe you get her new clothes but let her pick from a few things you’ve already chosen.”

  “Okay, is there any way to do this on a shoestring budget?”

  “Oh, yes.” She ticked off her points on her fingers. “Buy generic at the grocery store, eat at home, trade babysitting instead of paying for it, rent movies, play board games, spend time at the park, it’s free.”

  “So, it can be done.”

  Kelsey smiled. “I’m living proof.”

  “I’ve been living poor for two and a half years. We’re trying to get this band up and making a profit. Alex lives with his folks, Craig’s girlfriend paid their rent. At least she did until she walked out on him two months ago. Then TJ moved in with him last month because I had to move out of our apartment and get a room for my six-year-old. So I don’t have anything left to help TJ out either.

  “I’m renting the condo because CPS wants her to have her own bedroom and bathroom and no other adults living there. I signed a year lease, then left for Texas. I was so close to my Mom and Dad’s, but I turned right around and drove back. It’s costing a fortune, and this little girl doesn’t have anything but a bed and sheets and a few teddy bears. All her shoes are too small, her clothes are too small. She didn’t know where her toothbrush is . . . I’ve had to replace all of it.”

  His head slipped into his hands again, frustration rolling off him in waves.

  Kelsey reached her hand out to rest against his arm. It was all she could think of to do. The heat of him radiated through her skin and reminded her that he was probably the first adult she’d touched in a year. “It is tough replacing everything, but you’ll only do it this once, and after that it will only be small things one at a time. Kids aren’t cheap, but they don’t have to cost as much as most people pay.”

  “The kicker is, she doesn’t even want me. She wants her mom, and she just hates me.” He kept his head in his hands, but didn’t shrug off her touch.

  “She’ll get through it. It will take a while to see how much you care, but she’ll see it.”

  He lifted his head and looked her square in the eyes. “I’ve been thinking of calling CPS and having them take her back. Put her up for adoption.”

  That hit her like a shove to the chest. She hadn’t seen that coming from a guy who seemed to be doing everything he could to help this little stranger.

  “Why!?” She wished she could swallow the accusing tone that had flown out with it. But she couldn’t.

  JD, true to his laid-back self, didn’t take offense. “Because she doesn’t want to be with me. She’s cute, she’s bright, someone will adopt her, won’t they?”

  “Not necessarily.” Kelsey hardly knew this child but she briefly toyed with the idea of adopting Andie herself. “Older kids don’t always get good homes. Especially if the foster homes in between aren’t good, or if she feels abandoned again and her behavior gets worse.” She knew she was painting a bad picture for him. But there was no guarantee that a kid would get adopted.

  Even from across the table she could see his back teeth grind. “I think there’s every possibility that they’ll take her back anyway when they figure it out.”

  “No, they won’t.” Kelsey shook her head at him. He was in a horrible spot. “Look, I don’t think people should have kids they don’t want, but you didn’t even know about her. If there was a better alternative for her, I’d recommend it. But shouldn’t it be best to be with her father? It’
ll just take time.”

  “Well, see, it just gets better. Her paperwork arrived yesterday. I saw her birth certificate. Never mind that Stephanie named her Anderson. Anderson Winslow Hewlitt—my last name.” He stopped and took a breath. “This is why I had to get away from her. Aside from the fact that I haven’t had any sleep, I can’t talk about this in front of her. Who knows what she’ll think?”

  It sounded like some grand conspiracy theory, but Kelsey was a trained wait-and-see-what-you-get kind of girl. Through hard earned skill, she kept her face neutral.

  JD leaned forward. “She’s five. Barely five—not almost six.”

  Okay?

  She waited.

  “I haven’t even seen Stephanie in almost seven years.”

  Kelsey frowned. Of course he hadn’t. That was how he didn’t know he had a daughter. Then the math clicked, and her mouth fell open.

  JD saw that. “Yeah, she’s not mine.”

  “But she looks just like you!” Where had wait-and-see-what-you-get Kelsey gone?

  “That’s because Stephanie had a type.” He pointed to himself. “Dark hair, dark eyes.” He leaned back, having grandly let the cat out of the bag. “I found out that she cheated on me while we were together—with a guy who could have been my brother.”

  “It wasn’t TJ!?”

  “No. TJ wouldn’t do that to me.”

  Kelsey sucked in a lungful of relief. It was like a bad soap opera.

  JD picked up the thread. “I knew there was every possibility that Andie wasn’t mine. Stephanie had been sleeping around. But this . . . it’s, . . . I don’t know what.”

  Kelsey started doing some fast math. “So you two split ways and a year and a half later she has a baby and puts your name on the birth certificate.”

  “The only thing I can figure is that she didn’t even know the names of the guys she threw herself at.”

  “Was she like that?” For some reason, this other woman piqued Kelsey’s curiosity like nothing had in a long time.

  JD’s face turned sad and thoughtful for a moment. “She was not right in the head, and I didn’t know it at the time. I just didn’t put the pieces together.”

  Kelsey chewed her asparagus.

  “I’m ashamed to admit that I watched one of those self-help talk shows even once . . . and even more ashamed to admit that I learned a few things.” Half his mouth pulled up in a wry smile.

  “Oprah, huh?”

  He held his hands up, as if proclaiming some sort of innocence. “It was a re-run one night a few years ago. I couldn’t sleep, and I haven’t touched the stuff since.”

  She laughed. “So what did you learn?”

  JD turned serious. “But they were talking with survivors of sexual abuse and it all sounded just like Stephanie. She grew up with her father and her uncle. She moved out the moment she could and wouldn’t set foot back in that house. Hated men in general, but slept around like there was no tomorrow. I thought she was just a slut. I broke up with her for it.” There was a slight pause, then he raised one eyebrow. “This may be some sick revenge.”

  Setting her fork down, Kelsey waited until she got JD’s full attention. “Did it ever occur to you that this wasn’t about you, but about Andy?”

  A frown marred his otherwise perfect features.

  “That maybe when the time came to assign her child a father, this woman, who hated all men, wrote down the father she would have wanted her child to have. Andy isn’t revenge on you. You are a gift to Andy.”

  Chapter 3

  JD bit down on his tongue, to stop himself from what he’d been about to say. He’d always wanted to be a parent someday, but not like this. His kid had a major behavior problem. He hadn’t expected to always say “we can’t afford it.” Of course, he’d also thought he’d be older and have a wife and . . . well, he’d thought a whole bunch of things that weren’t turning out that way.

  Child Protective Services was supposed to come and counsel him. But the regular visits they promised dwindled to a single phone call before the first visit had even occurred. That call had been from Andie’s caseworker stating that she wasn’t going to be able to make it. JD wasn’t holding his breath for a second call. CPS was overloaded and under-budgeted and he was small potatoes. He didn’t even have to worry about adopting. Thanks to that erroneous birth certificate, Andie was all his.

  “Andie,” He squatted down in front of her, giving her the advantage of height. Kelsey was right: that part had worked. Andie still always disagreed, but now she stayed and listened. “We have to brush your hair, honey. It has tangles.”

  This was one of the many battlegrounds Andie had chosen. He made it happen every other day, or else her hair got too tangled to do anything with. Mentally, he cycled through the advice Kelsey had given him. “We can get rid of the tangles entirely.”

  That got Andie’s attention.

  “We can cut it short, or we can brush it every night. Which do you want?”

  Andie’s eyes had gone round at the mention of cutting it. That clearly was not going to be her choice. He hid his smile from her, knowing that he would win.

  But he didn’t.

  Andie shrieked. “You will not cut my hair! You don’t touch me!”

  His teeth clenched even as he fought to keep his outward appearance calm. He rotated away and stood to his full height, no longer caring if Andie felt reassured.

  Twice this last week he’d taken her over to see Kelsey and her two kids. When Kelsey was there, Andie always did what she was told and agreed to things. She helped Daniel put away the lawn toys. She let Kelsey brush her hair that night. She ate vegetables.

  But once they were home, and the magic that was Kelsey was gone, Andie turned into this demon again.

  JD felt his anger fade to utter despair. Andie simply hated him. It wasn’t getting better as Kelsey promised. And Kelsey didn’t see it, because Andie was improving when Kelsey and her kids were around. Just none of the improvements were sticking when he got her back home.

  Or maybe he wasn’t doing it right.

  Regardless, it was Tuesday and he still didn’t have a sitter lined up for tonight. He needed one fast. So he simply walked away from Andie, clutching the hairbrush in his hand, afraid to let her hold the thing. He was certain that if he did, it would hit him square in the back when he wasn’t looking.

  His fingers punched Kelsey’s number by memory, he’d pestered her so much this past week. But she’d seemed glad to help every time he had needed it, and he hoped that she would feel that way again.

  “Hey JD, what do you need?” Her caller ID told her it was him, and the fact that it was him told her he was in need of something. He winced.

  He wanted to say, I’m just calling to chat or I’d like to pay you back for all your help, but neither of those was going to come out of his mouth tonight. “I need a babysitter tonight. Do you mind if I call Bethany?”

  “I don’t mind if you call Bethany, but you have to pay her.”

  That set him back. He was pushing the envelope of his bank account these days, but he wasn’t going to write a rubber check to the sitter.

  Kelsey’s voice in his ear took away his concern that she thought so low of him. “I’ll trade you if you want to bring her here tonight.”

  “How does trading work?” Trading scared the crap out of him. He was doing so poorly with one child that the thought of all three kids was enough to make him go after the kitchen knives and try to expose some veins. At least Kelsey’s kids seemed as angelic as their mother.

  “When do you need to leave tonight?”

  “About five.” He turned and saw Andie brushing her doll’s hair. The pink nylon threads gleamed while her own tangled mess was untouched.

  “Why don’t you both show up an hour early and I’ll feed the kids and we can work out the details?”

  Just then he knew.

  Somehow she must be able to see into his living room—into his life. She could see that he was failing mise
rably. Kelsey was taking pity on him.

  Well, while he would have liked to be getting something else, pity it was. “Okay. So we’ll show up around four. Thank you.”

  They hung up and he refrained from a victory dance. He was certain Kelsey was watching.

  For the next half hour, he worked on sheet music while Andie watched some cartoon on TV. It was a Kelsey-approved cartoon, and that meant it had some redeeming qualities. He had followed Kelsey’s advice in this, like many things. She seemed to have the whole single-parent thing worked out, and he was just floundering. He’d start making his own decisions just as soon as he could figure out what the hell choices he had.

  He scribbled notes and tried to upgrade the lyrics he’d written. He heard all of it in his head, but instead of playing it out loud he kept it to himself. JD wanted to pick up the guitar sitting in the corner and put sound to thought. But he didn’t dare put reality to the music in his head in front of his daughter who hated everything.

  Having Andie know the guitar was something he cared about was not anything he was anxious to have happen soon. She left towels and new clothes on the floor, stomping on them as a way of showing him how she felt about the things he cared for. The few toys he’d bought her always wound up irreparably broken within a few hours.

  Aside from giving away the value of his music to the small demon, he figured he couldn’t pull off the song tonight anyway. He was more in the mood for revenge, and the lyrics that popped into his head were altering the tone from romantic to evil. One of the other guys was going to have to change his trite wording to something better. It wouldn’t be him, not today.

  He looked at her again, noting that she seemed content now, brushing the doll’s hair.

  I’m doing the right thing.

  He was certain he wasn’t doing it the right way, but Andie needed him far more than she knew. Kelsey had galvanized him with those words about Stephanie choosing him as the father of her child, even if he wasn’t actually the father.

  Well, he was Andie’s father now. He had flat out told the CPS caseworker that he hadn’t even seen Stephanie in seven years. If they hadn’t done the math yet, they weren’t going to. The little girl was his to keep.