Our Song

by Savannah Kade

  It soothed his conscience a little to raise Stephanie’s child. After that overly-enlightening Oprah show, he’d tried to find out where she’d gone, but he hadn’t been successful at locating her. It had hurt to know she’d been just an hour down the road all that time and he hadn’t followed through enough get the address or phone number.

  Kelsey suggested that Stephanie didn’t want to be found. That she wouldn’t want him to know what she’d done. Which was probably why she hadn’t called when she was sick either.

  Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey.

  He placed all his eggs in the basket she’d advised. After all she was living proof that it could be done. She had two kids she was raising on her own. Plus, she’d had them since they were babies, and that meant she’d been a mom since she was probably around twenty-one, he figured.

  If she could do it, so could he.

  It didn’t help that she was hot with those wide hazel eyes and lush lips that she chewed on occasionally.

  He attempted to push the thought away, just as the timer dinged at him—the timer Kelsey had loaned him to help out with setting limits for Andie.

  He gathered up his papers, shoving them all down into the pocket on his guitar case. The four of them had been at this for a full year now, with no real success at it. Just enough money came in here and there to keep them thinking they stood a shot.

  Now he questioned that. Now he had a kid to think about.

  “Come on Andie, your show’s finished. Let’s go over to Kelsey’s.”

  Andie popped right up, still clutching her doll and the tiny hairbrush. That was his only offer that she’d ever truly accepted—going to Kelsey’s.

  Andie didn’t speak, so he filled in the empty spaces. “You can play with Daniel and Allie tonight, and I expect you to go to bed when Kelsey tells you.”

  Yeah, that was a laugh riot. Of course, Andie would do what Kelsey told her to, with no fuss whatsoever. Kelsey could tell her to eat a bucket full of worms, and JD didn’t doubt that they’d all go down without a single complaint. If Andie wanted ketchup to dip them in, she’d say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to boot.

  Chapter 4

  He slung the guitar over his shoulder and let Andie out the back door. He tried casually brushing his fingertips across her head in a show of affection, but Andie must have seen it coming. She ducked.

  He ate the sigh that threatened to escape. As much trouble as Andie was, he was certain that she felt far worse than he. He was trying hard to be the adult here.

  Andie skipped the thirty yards to Kelsey’s front door. For these small things, Lord, we are grateful.

  Kelsey opened the door at Andie’s light, polite knock. His daughter held the pink-haired doll up for inspection. “Look! I gave her pony-tails like Allie’s.”

  JD looked at the doll. Sure she had. Oh, the irony.

  “Ooooh!” Andie squealed in pure delight. “Just like you!”

  That popped his head up. Sure enough, Kelsey looked like serious jailbait, her caramel hair gathered into Ellie-May pigtails. Her outfit reflected the day’s heat—a tank top that didn’t quite reach the waist of low slung jeans that had been sheared almost indecently short. Ellie-May meets Playboy.

  Luckily, she started speaking and that helped stop his mind from the track it had wandered onto. “Kids! You guys go play for a while. JD and I are going to talk. Then after JD leaves I’ll give you guys hot dogs.”

  He started to speak, but Andie beat him to it. “Will you make me pony-tails like that?” She pointed one small finger to Kelsey’s own hair.

  “After your Daddy and I talk.” Kelsey turned back to JD as though that was that. He would have to remember that: just speak his mind and declare the conversation over.

  Kelsey walked herself into the living room, unconcerned that the kids were going off into another room to play. A place where no adult eyes would be on them. Then again, while Andie broke things and wreaked havoc at his house, she didn’t damage a single thing here. Which just proved that Andie was capable of being good—and added fuel to the Andie-hates-me fire.

  His nerves settled as surely as he settled himself into the comfy couch. The furniture made him think of families with sweet moms and dads that came home after work. But no dad came in for dinner here, and he didn’t remember any of the moms from his childhood looking like that.

  He switched the topic to the only thing that was keeping him from being completely at ease. “So tell me about ‘trading’.”

  She shrugged. “It’s free. We just keep track of hours, and try not to let one of us get too far ahead of the other.”

  “How do I pay it back?”

  She laughed out loud at him. She had to see that he was terrified. “You watch the kids and I go out for a while.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of.” That was the only downside to this trading business.

  “It’s not that bad. I actually think it’s easier with all of them here. Andie is new, and she keeps them occupied. Aside from the usual policing, she isn’t much extra trouble.” Her finger found its way into one of her pig-tails and her lean legs tucked up under her on the couch. Yup—jailbait. But Kelsey kept speaking, “I think you’ll discover you like having them over. You’ll get more done.”

  “Yes, because your children are angels.” JD decided to confess his troubles. Kelsey may be jailbait, but she was his lifeline, in a way CPS never could have been. “Andie is still terrorizing me. She’s a different kid here. At home she breaks things, screams, throws tantrums. She took her dinner plate off the table and threw it on the floor last night. Thank god it was plastic.”

  He felt lighter telling her that. And lower.

  “So there’s something there specifically directed at you.”

  He nodded. He’d already figured that one out.

  “Can you get her to counseling?”

  “The state’s supposed to send somebody, but they called and canceled.” Kelsey’s eyebrows raised at that, but he kept speaking. “Our insurance doesn’t cover therapy.”

  He couldn’t believe he was saying these things. His money situation hadn’t bothered him before. He’d chosen it. But he’d chosen it for himself. Now he was putting Andie into it too. And confessing it to Kelsey.

  “Well, I’m no professional, but she does talk to me. I’ll see what I can get out of her until we come up with a better solution.”

  He changed the topic back. “So you’ll watch them tonight and I’ll owe you about five or six hours of baby-sitting. When do you want me to watch them?”

  Kelsey shrugged. “I don’t know, is that okay?”

  He didn’t respond.

  She smiled. “You can always say ‘no’ if I need a sitter and you can’t do it.”

  “Okay.”

  “Oh!” Her mouth flew into a perfect ‘o’. “You won’t owe me the whole six hours. Only . . . two thirds. I have two kids and you only have one.”

  JD snapped back a little at that thought. That did make the whole trading thing better.

  “Are you available any daytimes?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I’m home during the day.”

  Kelsey frowned at him. “Are you home with her all day every day?”

  He nodded and watched as Kelsey’s eyes grew two sizes. “No wonder you’re crazy. Mine go to day-care two days a week in the summer.”

  “I asked TJ to take her one day, but he brought her back within the hour. She’d kicked him in the shin. Twice” JD almost laughed. “He said he wore condoms so it wasn’t his problem. I wanted to tell him, so did I.”

  Her face froze.

  Oh shit. He’d said the wrong thing. He’d just been talking and he’d offended-

  She laughed hysterically, her hands flying to her mouth to try to keep the sound in. “You didn’t tell him?”

  “No, I haven’t.” Thank god she hadn’t been offended.

  After a moment she calmed down, and changed the topic. “You do need to find a spare babysitter in c
ase I’m not available. I suppose you could use Bethany, but I may have her, and she’s already busy Tuesday nights.”

  “Where does a person find a babysitter? There isn’t a secret directory somewhere, is there?”

  “No.” But she smiled at the thought, a wide, teeth-revealing grin. For the first time he understood what he was seeing in her eyes all the time. She looked like there was a core of sadness that no laughter could quite penetrate. He fought the urge to ask her about it, and when she spoke again something in her tone let him know he’d been scrutinizing her a little too closely. “You find babysitters at church.”

  “Church?” The word rolled off his tongue like it belonged to a foreign language.

  “Do you go?”

  He shook his head.

  “Well then, there are babysitting clubs, where you log hours with anyone and a central member keeps tabs for the whole group.” Her finger crept back into the pig-tail again, winding it around, as though her brain had no idea it was there. “But I’ll be honest, when I checked it out, they were all homemakers and career moms who compared the size of their SUVs and talked about their kids’ test results and soccer teams. I didn’t fit in very well. I imagine you’d fit in even less. But . . .”

  He just shook his head. That sounded way too close to his definition of hell.

  “Then church is the best place.” She nodded at him. “I didn’t go again until after my mom died, but it was a great place for support and even just some peace of mind on a Sunday morning. It’s not like I was getting to sleep in anyway.”

  That erupted a bitter laugh from him. He hadn’t slept a full night since Andie had arrived in his life. She woke up screaming like a banshee, or worse, he’d awaken to muffled sobs. At times it was the only reminder that she was a scared little kid and not an actual hell-child.

  Church it was then. He’d been raised Catholic, and he’d find a nice place around here. Maybe he could sleep through the service.

  Two problems solved in one night was about more than he could handle. He stretched and closed his eyes for a short second, only to have Kelsey jostle him.

  She stood over him, her legs straddling his for balance, and nudged him. “Hey sleepyhead, time to wake up.”

  “What?” He blinked. He hadn’t fallen asleep, had he?

  She pointed to a clock. “It’s five already. You were out for about forty minutes.”

  He blinked up at her smile, wide and friendly.

  He had to go.

  She stepped away, now that she knew he was awake, and he bolted for the bathroom. He ran his fingers through his hair, and rinsed out his mouth. He splashed water on his face and wondered how he could have just passed out on her couch like that.

  He used the hand towel that was hanging perfectly beside the sink to dry himself. The whole bathroom said a woman lived here. That someone had made a home for the people here.

  He ran for the front door, and grabbed his guitar. Kelsey waited to lock up after him. And he felt bad for saying it. “I might be late.”

  She shrugged. “Be as late as you need to be.”

  “Thank you.”

  He heard the lock click into place as he went down the front walk, followed by a faint sound that was surely her voice calling the kids to dinner.

  Andie was safe and she’d behave. That meant Kelsey and her kids were safe, too.

  JD moved on to his next worry: the band.

  He walked the three blocks to Alex’s parents’ house. Alex was going to give him a lift. He was cutting every corner and saving every expense.

  He was ruining the band. He considered bowing out. But then what? They had synergy. They just had to find their spot.

  For two blocks he wondered how much he was lying to himself, if he was living his life on childish dreams, refusing to grow up. Thank god he hadn’t actually had to say the words to Kelsey, I have a band. He might as well have just added we’re going to be famous someday.

  Not that he wanted to be famous. He didn’t really. He’d been lead singer until he’d convinced TJ to join them. That had been the final piece; the point at which he’d become convinced that they had it, and they should keep at it until they made money.

  Alex exited the basement door and walked up to meet him. “You look a little worse for wear, dude.”

  “I am actually a lot worse for wear.”

  Alex shrugged as he undid the locks to his own old beater. “Well, if nothing else, it has really convinced me to wear my johnny hat, every time.”

  JD clenched his teeth. He so did not want to have this conversation. He was taking way too much heat about this, and if the guys found out that Andie wasn’t even his child, he’d never hear the end of it. They weren’t reacting well to the extra stress of his having a kid. They took it only because it seemed there was no other choice. They didn’t realize that a quick blood-test would send Andie back from whence she came.

  The problem remained: Andie was his child now. If not by blood, then in his heart?

  Maybe.

  Maybe he just couldn’t stomach the thought of what might happen to an innocent kid if he sent her back. There just weren’t any happy solutions here. So he was going to do his best.

  When they got to Craig’s, they honked and a minute later Craig’s old Camaro pulled out of the parking structure. Alex followed to a row of old studios. They were crumbling. Not nearly as nice as the set-up they’d had at his and TJ’s old apartment. But it was sure better than getting kicked out of his condo.

  Craig hopped out of his car, grabbing equipment and slamming the door. “We can use unit three. It’s already vacated. The land’s been sold and the whole thing’s getting demolished in three weeks. We can use it as much as we want in the meantime, every night if we want.” He looked at each of them, making it clear that he thought that was what they should do.

  There was no way JD could keep up that kind of schedule. He knew Craig was waiting for him to say so.

  It was TJ who spoke up. “We can’t practice Thursday night.”

  “Why?” Craig’s voice was sharp to his roommate.

  “Because we have a gig.” TJ smiled.

  Craig didn’t. “Does it pay?”

  JD stepped in. “It doesn’t matter. It’s better than rehearsal and we need the exposure.” It had been ten months since he’d sold a song and that infusion of cash had more than disappeared on equipment and studio fees and the occasional pizza.

  TJ smiled. “Yes. It pays.”

  Craig let his breath out. Deservedly so. He was working part time early mornings at Starbucks to make ends meet since his cushy ride had dumped him a few months earlier.

  With the announcement, some of the bite left Craig, and no one commented on JD’s lack of vigor. Maybe they simply expected that of him now.

  They turned their attention to the Thursday night job they would play. After planning their set, JD spent hours pouring frustration after frustration into his guitar, until he was exhausted. But he couldn’t just go home. Alex was his ride. He wasn’t going to be the first to tap out for the night either. That was just a point of pride.

  It was Craig who finally called off the dogs. Within a few minutes the room was silent and they had most everything packed away. With a borrowed studio like this, they couldn’t really set up shop. But JD hoped soon they’d have their own place. He’d been hoping that for a while now.

  At home, JD quickly stashed his guitar and headed over to Kelsey’s, realizing only as he knocked that he should have showered first.

  “Hey.” She pulled the door open without checking, but he didn’t chastise her for it. She looked thoroughly mussed, but simply ran her fingers through her hair and stifled a yawn.

  “I’m so sorry I woke you.” He practically fell over his own words and feet as he entered into the living room. “I won’t stay out that late again. Let me pay you back at full time this time.”

  Her brows pulled together and she looked at him like he was nuts. “What are you, Catholic?
What’s with the guilt?”

  He had to smile. “Yes, I am Catholic, and I’m sorry I woke you up.”

  “No big.” She closed the door and walked away. She’d changed into a t-shirt and sweats, definitely ready for sleep. “Do you want a drink?”

  “Oh, I don’t want to keep you up.” He’d just get Andie and—

  “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” She turned with her hands on her hips. “If you’re tired and you want to get home, that’s just fine. But I’m awake, I’m getting myself a drink, and if you want one I’ll grab you one, too.”

  “Do you have a coke?”

  “Ah, so you are wide awake, or at least you plan on being.” She pulled two cold cans from the fridge and held his out to him before popping hers. She motioned to the sofa, but he refused.

  “I should have showered. I shouldn’t sit on your sofa.”

  She checked him out, and he was surprised that he was afraid she’d find him lacking.

  “I thought you were going out for practice.” She countered that statement right away. “Not that it’s any business of mine, but you look like you’ve been to the gym.”

  He followed her to the kitchen, perching on a stool and setting his coke down on the counter. “Practice is a workout.”

  Kelsey propped her hip against the counter and continued to nurse her soda. Her hand pushed through a few papers that littered the counter, and she produced a little pink post-it. “Here, I got you the name and number of a possible sitter.”

  He was getting ready to thank her, when she shifted, looking a little uncomfortable.

  “Listen,” Her voice had an odd tone to it, and that made his brain perk up. “I’m just going to say this once. I’ve met Bethany, and she’s gorgeous. She’s twenty, and if you want to get involved with her that’s one thing, but don’t use her as a sitter if you want to date her. That’s a cardinal rule: when you find a good babysitter you don’t screw with it.” She paused, then added, “figuratively or literally.”

  He laughed, even as he was unsure where the energy to do so came from. “I promise I won’t screw the babysitter. Thank you.”