Heart's Design: A Contemporary Christian Romance

by JoAnn Durgin

  Not getting involved with a man—emotionally or physically—was the best way to play it safe, just as she’d always done. She couldn’t risk her emotions getting involved or her heart being broken by a man who’d take what he wanted and then leave. Isn’t that what most men did? Her father left her mother a long time ago emotionally but her mother allowed it to happen. She’d pushed him away and he finally couldn’t take it anymore. From all outward appearances, her parents’ marriage had been in name only for years. She didn’t want that kind of marriage if she ever married.

  At this point in her life, nothing was more important, and nothing could break her focus of getting great grades and graduating from Harvard Law School.

  Caroline stole another glance at Seth. Nothing. Can. Break. My. Focus.

  Maybe her mantra should be No. Man. Can. Break. My. Focus.

  She yanked her gaze away. Yes, she might need to remind herself more than a few times when she returned home. Who knew if she’d ever see Seth again after she boarded the train bound for Boston tomorrow morning? Like always, she’d immerse herself in her studies and approach her classes with a single-minded dedication. All the while, she’d cling to Seth’s small world theory. It had to be enough. For now. As much as she hated the expression, time would tell whether they would see each other again. Ever. That sounded so final. So permanent. She hated it.

  As they approached Landon’s, Caroline spotted a white, two-door Ford truck with a Maine plate that read I Dig Rocks—one of those fake state plates—and burst out laughing. “That truck has to belong to you.”

  Seth kicked a pebble off the sidewalk as they approached the truck parked on the street. “I can’t imagine what gave you that idea. Hang on just a second. What I want to give you is in the truck.”

  She laughed when he opened the door and started tossing books, spiral bound notebooks, and what looked like a few used fast food wrappers, into the back.

  After he closed the door and turned around, she was standing so close, he nearly barreled her over. Putting one hand on her shoulder, he steadied himself. “Sorry, but I suggested you wait for a reason. As you can see, my truck wasn’t expecting company tonight.”

  “I noticed.” Caroline couldn’t stop her giggles. The expression on his face was adorable, a mix of little boy sheepishness and defensiveness. She darted a quick glance at his hand to see what he’d pulled out of the truck. Looked like a book of some kind.

  “Yeah, well, you try working with rocks for a living. I’ll admit to being a closet nerd.”

  “That’s kind of a given.”

  “Thanks.” He smirked but his grin belied the sarcasm in his tone.

  “I’m one, too.” She raised a hand. “Card carrying nerd and proud of it.”

  “No wonder I like you.” Seth high-fived her and they shared a smile. Like buddies. “Come on. Want to sit in the swing?”

  “Sure.”

  He waited for her to sit first and then dropped down beside her. With one foot, he pushed off from the floor to start the swing. Inside, the house was dark, the night quiet other than a few buzzing sounds from insects. Apparently everyone else had retired for the evening or had not yet returned. She doubted Paulina and Kat were back yet. Hoped they would return before dawn.

  Seth’s arm brushed hers as he offered the book to her. Made from dark leather, it was quite old. Opening it, Caroline leafed through the gilt-edged pages, appreciating the many notes made in what looked like very small, precise lettering. She’d always felt the best books, the ones of most import, were those that were well-loved. Valued. The contents taken to heart. This was such a book for Seth.

  “What’s this? Your little black book?” She couldn’t help teasing him. In the dim light from the lamp mounted on the wall, she could vaguely make out his name imprinted in gold letters in the lower right corner. His middle name was Cameron. Nice.

  “In a manner of speaking.” Seth didn’t laugh and she hoped she hadn’t offended him. “It’s my Bible. I want you to have it.”

  Her breath caught and Caroline bit her lower lip between her teeth. “Oh, Seth. I can’t take your Bible.” How had she missed it was a Bible? Glancing at the cover, she saw letters so faded they were barely legible.

  “I want you to have it.” Placing one hand over hers, he closed her fingers around its binding. “I have another one. After what you’ve shared with me, I don’t want to offend you, or to presume anything, but if you read it, it’s my hope you’ll find words of comfort. From what I know, law school can be pretty tough. And dealing with unsympathetic parents and meeting their expectations can be just as hard. God knows your heart better than anyone—your fears, your thoughts, your desires. All of it.”

  Blinking hard, Caroline listened. She nodded, unable to speak.

  “I’ve got some stuff in my own life to work out, and God’s working on me,” he said. “I became a Christian when I was a kid. My parents took me to church, but it wasn’t until a friend of mine died when I was eight that all the Bible lessons I’d learned finally took root in my heart.”

  “What happened?” She wanted to take his hand, but left one on the chain of the swing while her other hand rested in her lap.

  “I watched my friend fall to his death in a quarry, and it was horrible. We’d gone there, just the same as we had for a year, playing around but we were always careful. Our parents warned us against going there. Seeing something like that shakes you up. I’ll never forget it. I lunged to grab hold of his hand before he fell over the edge.” Seth scrubbed one hand over his jaw, currently shadowed by a new beard’s growth. “The expression a little too late would apply.” His voice had grown quiet. “The Lord knows I tried with everything in me.”

  Inappropriate or not, she grabbed hold of his hand. “What a horrible thing to endure, especially for a kid.” She sat back in the swing, stunned. “I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry.”

  “Jared wanted to be a geologist. We were going to attend school together and go on all these big rock climbing adventures all over the world.”

  “I’m glad you weren’t bitter at God because of what happened,” she whispered.

  “I was for a while, but in an odd way, I’m thankful it happened when we were so young. With youth comes the blessing of easier acceptance in some ways. But I’ll carry my best friend with me all my life. Jared was the one who sat beside me at summer camp when I accepted Christ. That happened only a few weeks before he died. He’s the one I always think of when I make a new mineral discovery or when I stand and teach the kids at the college. Jared would have made a great teacher.”

  The muscles in his jaw visibly tensed, and Seth’s shoulders seemed to stiffen. “Remember I told you earlier about the event in my past that decimated my family?”

  He’d mentioned his mom and dad briefly while they’d been at Java Joe’s.

  Snapping to attention, Caroline nodded. “Yes.”

  “Without going into detail—that would take way too much time—suffice it to say that I still have some lasting bitterness from a certain event in my family fifteen years ago. When Jared died, I blamed myself and thought God couldn’t forgive me. I remember his dad told me something I’ll never forget. He said, ‘You aren’t to blame. No more than I am. I’m glad you were with him right before my boy went into the arms of Jesus.’”

  Seth’s shoulders heaved with the force of his deep sigh. “I still struggle every day with trying to forgive the person I blame for, in essence, stealing my family from me fifteen years ago.” He shook his head as if trying to rid his mind of the unpleasantness from bitter memories. “This probably makes no sense to you. I’m sorry, Caroline. You must think I’m a nutcase. Here I am trying to tell you that my life would be empty without Christ, and I’m pouring out all the stuff in my life you probably don’t want or need to hear.”

  When he hunched forward, she moved her hand to the middle of his back, resting it there. “I think you needed to share it with someone. I’m glad you told me.” She gla
nced at his Bible where she’d tucked it between her and the swing. “You and Beverly have given me a lot to think about this weekend. I can’t pretend to understand what being a Christian is all about, but I’ve been thinking more about God.”

  “I’ll pray for you, Caroline. I want you to call me if you have any questions.” He squeezed her hand. “If you get to the point where you feel you’re ready to ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life, I’d like to be there if at all possible.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “Thank you for not pushing me or making me uncomfortable. I’ll be honest. The few Christians I’ve met have been pushy and turned me in the opposite direction. Like they were trying to shove an agenda down my throat.”

  “I’m sorry that’s been your experience. It shouldn’t be that way. Christianity should be getting to know someone and finding out where their heart lies. You’ve got a lot to give. If nothing else I’ve said tonight makes sense, I hope you’ll seek out His will in your life. God won’t ever steer you wrong. Look to Him and He’ll help you find your dreams. You just have to trust Him and ask Him to guide you. The Bible offers comfort, and hope, and incredible joy. I’d like to see you embrace Christ and see what He’ll do in your life. Just be open to allowing Him to work. Do you think you can do that?”

  Caroline’s tears spilled over and rolled down her cheeks. All the pent-up and repressed emotions overwhelmed her. When Seth opened his arms, she fell into them, quietly weeping.

  “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He smoothed strands of her long hair away from her face when the flow of her tears finally ebbed. Seth gently brushed his fingers over her cheek. The simple gesture was tender, sweet, and touched her somewhere deep inside. Somewhere untouched until now. “My life is better for having met you, Caroline. You’re a very special person.”

  She nodded, touched by his sentiment and rendered momentarily unable to speak. “Thank you,” she said, staring at their joined hands. “I feel the same way about you, Seth.”

  “Would it be too pushy if I prayed? A short one, I promise.”

  She sniffled. “No. I mean, I don’t mind. That’s fine.”

  Taking both her hands in his, Seth began to pray. “Lord Jesus, I thank you that I had the honor to meet Caroline this weekend. I pray that you might work in her heart and help her to see how much you love her. I pray for her as she begins law school and as she makes decisions for her future. Be with her every step of the way, Father. It’s my prayer that she might come to know you, and love you, like I do, so that she may cling to your promises. These things I ask in the name of your precious Son, Jesus. Amen.”

  “Amen,” she murmured, echoing him.

  “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he teased, the humor in his tone bringing warmth to her cheeks.

  She smiled. “Not at all. When are you leaving?”

  “After breakfast tomorrow morning. I need to get back home. My dad isn’t always physically able to help my mom in the way he’d like, and he needs my help to do a few things.”

  “I’m sure he appreciates you. Your presence probably means more than you know.”

  “That might be true, but he hates having to call on me. Stubborn man.” Seth’s voice was quiet, full of deep emotion. “This is something he never expected, and coping with her illness has been difficult. Dad always thought he’d be the one to go first, and he didn’t expect to deal with any kind of sickness. But we deal with it like we do everything else. Every day brings a new challenge, but what else can we do?”

  “So, this is good-bye.” Accepting his hand, Caroline slid off the porch swing.

  “Afraid so.” Seth gathered her in his arms and held her. Like he didn’t want to let her go. She didn’t want him to let her go.

  Caroline closed her eyes as he kissed her forehead, his lips feathering across her skin, warming it. Leaning her head on his broad shoulder, inhaling the musky scent of his cologne, she felt the steady, strong beat of his heartbeat. Never could she have imagined she’d allow a man she barely knew to hold her this way. Not because it was a physical temptation, but because it was comfort. Friendship. Caring and a love she couldn’t understand flowed through Seth from the God he loved, the Lord he served.

  “Thank you for the Bible.” She cradled it against her, holding on tight. She’d cherish it as much for the giver as for what it contained within its pages. “I’ll treasure it.”

  “Don’t thank me. Just try to read it, even a little at a time, and try to remember what I said.”

  “I will. Will I ever see you again?” Her voice was hoarse and full of emotion as she withdrew from his embrace and her eyes searched his.

  “I hope we will.” His eyes were bright in the reflected moonlight. “That’s where trust in God’s plan for our lives comes into play.”

  “Do you feel it, too?” The words slipped out before Caroline could think them through, but she didn’t regret them. Not for one moment.

  He nodded slowly, making her thankful she’d asked. Thankful he hadn’t laughed in her face.

  “Let’s not be a small world story, right?” Another tear slipped down her cheek.

  “Exactly.” Neither one spoke as Seth walked beside her to the front door and pulled it open.

  They stared at one another for a long moment. He stepped forward, and Caroline read the indecision in his eyes. She knew what Kat would do in this moment but she wasn’t Kat.

  Backing away from him, Caroline stumbled over the threshold. With one hand, Seth took hold of her, steadying her. A small smile played about his lips. With their hands joined, their gazes met and held. How long they stood there, she couldn’t know.

  Finally, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek, imprinting this moment and his wonderful smile in her mind. “Good night, Seth. Until next time.”

  “Until next time, Caroline.”

  Then she turned and headed up the staircase without looking back.

  Chapter 13

  ~~♥~~

  Seth stood at the front door, staring outside, focusing on nothing as he sipped his black coffee. He’d had enough coffee to float him down the river and the sun had barely risen on the horizon.

  He felt a hand pat him on the back. “Good morning.” Beverly.

  “Good morning.” He lowered his mug and gave her a quick, one-armed hug.

  “She’s already gone. They left at the crack of dawn.”

  “I know. We said our good-byes last night.” He turned to face Beverly. The warmth of the mug in his hands gave him an odd comfort this morning. Seth gripped it tighter. He’d been up early and heard the girls going down the front staircase. Kat and Paulina couldn’t be quiet if they tried. He’d heard Caroline say a few words, spoken low and confidently. Their leader. Everything in him had wanted to bound down those stairs and pull Caroline close for a hug, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t trust himself or the feelings being with her last night had stirred up inside him. As much as he’d like to stay in Evergreen until after the church service—he’d enjoy the fellowship and the time of prayer might help his current state of mind—his dad needed him at home. So, he’d leave soon.

  “Good-bye or good-bye for now?” Tilting her head, Beverly gave him one of her looks. She was a master at it. A look that told him she could read him better than he could understand himself sometimes. At times, like now, that quality was a mixed blessing.

  “I guess only the Lord can answer that one. I don’t expect to know for a while.”

  “Did you get her contact information?”

  He nodded. “I did. I gave her mine and I gave her something else.”

  Beverly’s brows lifted. “Oh? What’s that?”

  “My old Bible. The well-worn, black leather bound one.”

  “Isn’t that the one your grandfather gave you?” When he nodded, she said, “Your favorite Bible that you always carry even though you have a newer one?”

  “The same.” Seth took another quick sip and then paused to inhale the rich scent of the coffee. He loved his morning b
rew. Nothing was better to get his juices flowing and his body moving. The richer the coffee the better. Even though he’d had a strong cup the night before at Java Joe’s. “I know my Grandpa Ted would approve.”

  She nodded. “Then I’m sure he would. Lovely gesture, I have to say. Generous and heartfelt.”

  “I just pray she’ll read it. Take it to heart. Learn something. Ask questions. Fight it, if she needs to. Ponder it.” Seth narrowed his eyes and met Beverly’s clear-eyed gaze. “Bev, is it wrong to wonder how a mother and father with all the resources in the world at their disposal wouldn’t want to raise their daughter in the church? Any kind of church? Even people who don’t know the Lord usually want their kids to have some kind of foundation of faith. If nothing else, to make them feel like they’ve provided some kind of spiritual guidance as parents when their kids mess up their own lives later on.”

  “Someone’s being optimistic this morning.” Beverly blew out a breath. He appreciated how she wasn’t moving about the room, straightening a pillow or repositioning a magazine on the table. Anything to keep her busy. His friend was so conditioned to cleaning and organizing that he rarely saw her when she stood still. Seth liked this side of her and hoped maybe she’d start to take it easy more often. Paul had hinted that he might suggest to his mother-in-law that they gradually begin handling more of the duties around the inn. Beverly’s knees were giving her some trouble, and her arthritis had been acting up again. Randy’s health hadn’t been good for some time and he’d already suffered one heart attack three years ago. Everything in its season, and maybe it was time. He’d pray that Beverly recognized it as such.

  “I’m only being realistic.”

  “Well, you gave Caroline your Bible. I’m sure she recognized its importance in your life. We send our children into the world armed with what we can provide and then it’s up to them to make their own mistakes and live their lives the best way they can. I know she’s not your child, but it’s the same idea. It’s time to let Caroline go, honey. Pray for her and let her find her own way. Or not. It might take time. She might never come to faith in Christ, but we need to pray she will.”