If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1)

by Preston, Sara

  Everett stiffened.

  She peered at him.

  His lips were pursed and he shook his head. “Was he drunk?”

  “Yeah, but isn’t there some unwritten guy rule about the things you say when you’re drunk hold an element of truth?”

  “He’s bipolar, Liza. He says things he doesn’t mean all the time.” Everett drew her into his arms. “He’s rough. They pumped his stomach and gave him two bags of fluids so far. And it’s been awhile since he had a shower.”

  “Great.” Liza let out a deep breath and let Everett lead her into the room.

  Julian lay in the bed hooked up to monitors with IV lines running from his hand. She stopped her in her tracks. She gasped and let out a sob. “I can’t—” She turned away. Her breath came in gasps and her chest ached.

  Everett rubbed her back. “Breathe, Liza. You need to calm yourself. Long, deep breaths.”

  She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She needed to think about the baby. Going into to labor now would not be good for anyone. She blew out a couple more deep breaths before she was able to get herself under control. “Drew said, it’s alcohol poisoning?”

  Everett nodded. “He was out cold when Drew found him. We think he fell, he’s got a helluva gash next to his right eye.”

  Liza glanced over to see the gauze covering an area near his temple. She blew out another breath. “Why would he do this to himself?” She sank into the chair next to his bed. She touched his hand. It was cool to the touch. Another tear ran down her cheek. Careful to avoid his IV, she rested her forehead against his arm.

  A hand touched her shoulder. She glanced up to see Gramps standing next to her. Drew had joined them as well.

  “In answer to your question, Liza, this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this.” Everett let out a sigh. “He had a bit of a drug problem as a teenager and ended up OD’ing on cocaine at sixteen.”

  “What?” Liza sniffed.

  Gramps sat down next to her and handed her a box of tissues. “Everett and I sat in this hospital eighteen years ago, wondering the same things we’re wondering now. Will he live?”

  Everett pulled out his phone and scoffed. “Eighteen years to the day. It’s the eleventh of November.”

  “I don’t understand, you’re such a wonderful family. Why would he . . .” She covered Julian’s hand with her own.

  “The eleventh of November?” Drew sat in the corner of the room, away from everyone else. “How much of our childhood did he tell you?”

  “Not much. You two were kidnapped as babies and reunited with your family at twelve. He mentioned abuse, but didn’t elaborate.”

  Drew stood and motioned for his chair. “Have a seat, Dad, it’s time you knew this story, too.”

  Drew sat down on the corner of Julian’s bed facing Liza. “You figure it’d be different when you grow up with a mother who wanted children so much she kidnapped you from the hospital. That wasn’t the case with us.”

  Gramps patted Drew on the leg.

  Drew gave Gramps a sad smile and looked at Liza. “I always wondered if the reason she couldn’t have children was because she was no good with them. Aside from regular beatings and the emotional abuse, she left us home alone a lot. And I’m talking leaving us alone at the age of three. She’d lock us in a bedroom for hours upon hours with a couple toys and no food.”

  “That’s awful. Couldn’t someone hear you two crying?” Liza squeezed Julian’s hand. Even though he wasn’t telling the story, it was also his story.

  “She tended to move us around a lot and we always lived in the country. Never any place where people would hear us scream or cry.” Drew paused and peered at his brother. “Julian’s always been a bit of a smartass, even as young as three. He tended to get it worse because he couldn’t prevent himself from saying or doing the opposite of what he was told to do.”

  Everett chuckled and Liza saw him wipe his eye. “That’s my Julian. After you two came home there was never a dull moment.”

  Gramps laughed. “I wonder where he got that from? Shit, Everett, it didn’t matter how much trouble you got in, you had to have the last word.” He leaned over to Liza and pointed to Julian. “That man right there is more like his father than you will ever know.”

  Liza ran her fingers up and down Julian’s arm.

  Everett winked at her.

  “Anyway, it was rough for both of us. And it didn’t get any better. We were six years old when Ester – that was her name – brought home a new boyfriend. A real winner. He liked Ester just fine, but what he really liked was little boys.” Drew paused. “The date hit me. If I remember right, it was the eleventh of November, because we had a Veteran’s Day program, it ran long, and they let us out of school late.”

  Everett rose and walked over to wrap his arm around Drew’s shoulders. “I thought it only happened to you.”

  Drew patted his dad’s hand and sniffed. “Julian didn’t want anyone to know, so I kept his secret. He was attacked before me. I wasn’t home, he stayed home sick that day. When I got home he was cowering in the corner of our room, and wouldn’t tell me what happened. Then two days later, when I got sick he screamed and yelled and begged for me to go to school. I found out why later that afternoon. He did things even I don’t like to admit. Julian found me when he got home and we cried together, that’s when he admitted the sexual abuse happened to him as well.”

  “Jesus. I can only image how guilty he felt that he couldn’t stop it from happening to you.” Everett blew out a breath. “What I wouldn’t give to strangle that bitch.”

  “Would have saved us all a world of hurt.” Drew patted Julian’s leg. “The second time it was just him. A new boyfriend with the same penchant for little boys. We were seven at the time. I woke up in the middle of the night hearing sounds, I went crazy and hit the guy in the head with a baseball bat. Ester woke up and we moved that night. Not because she believed us, because she was afraid someone would call the cops.”

  Liza wiped the tears from her eyes and touched Drew’s arm. “I had a friend in Elementary school who was in the foster care system. She was raped and murdered at ten years old by the man supposed to be taking care of her. I can’t imagine what the two of you went through. I became a case manager, to try to prevent that from happening to anyone else.”

  “He’s going to be pretty pissed when he finds out I told you. He’s never told anyone.”

  “He told me.” Gramps looked up at Drew.

  “He did?”

  “Well, not on purpose. When he OD’d I stayed with him that night. He faded in and out most of the night. At one point he started crying and told me everything. He didn’t remember telling me afterwards, but we did talk about it.”

  “And you both kept it from me.” Everett sighed.

  “He made me promise not to tell you. He didn’t want you to think any less of him.” Gramps rested his hands on his knees. “I know you wouldn’t have, but he was sixteen and in a bad spot. I figured he’d tell you one day.”

  “He’s my twin. I promised I’d never tell. I only did it now, because he needs help. He’s not going to get better if he doesn’t deal with everything. And that’s part of it.” Drew wiped his tears on his shirt. “I think it’s time for another intervention. If he does this again, he’s not going to make it.”

  “Another—” Liza’s gaze darted between Everett, Drew, and Gramps.

  “Once he got out of the hospital after his overdose, he stole money and the car keys to go buy more cocaine.” Gramps looked over at Everett who shook his head.

  “We had him arrested and Dad convinced me to let him sit in jail overnight.” Everett peered at Julian. “I’m not sure what you said to him, Dad, but Julian was a changed kid when he came home.”

  Gramps leaned over to Liza. “Ask him about it. I bet he’ll tell you.”

  “I’d just be happy if he woke up.” Liza squeezed his hand, hoping he’d squeeze it back, but no such luck.

&n
bsp; The door opened and a nurse came into the room. “There’s only supposed to be two people in here at a time.”

  Liza blew out a breath. “I’m not family—”

  “The hell you aren’t.” Everett stood and looked at the nurse. “I recall my last name being on this building. Would you like to inform your supervisors why the Vitalli funding stopped?”

  Liza whispered to Gramps, “And now I know where Julian got that from.”

  Gramps shrugged. “They both got it from me. I used to be in the mob.” He winked at Liza.

  She cocked her head. “I thought Julian was joking when he said that.” Was he telling the truth or not?

  The nurse pursed her lips. She pushed past Gramps and Liza to change the bag of fluid.

  Liza moved her chair so she was out of the nurses way, but could still hold on to Julian’s hand. When the nurse was done, she also checked the IV lines.

  Julian’s hand closed around hers.

  Her gaze flew to his face.

  He blinked.

  “Julian.” She stood and tried to touch his face, only to find her belly in the way. She sat down on the bed and reached over to caress his cheek. “Julian.”

  “Liza?”

  She heaved a heavy breath, sobbed, and dropped her head against his chest.

  “Ma’am, I need to check his vitals.” The nurse touched Liza’s shoulder.

  Liza lifted her head, wiping at the tears.

  Julian gripped her shoulder in a weak hug, bringing her down against him.

  “I love you.” Julian’s eyes drifted closed again and his hand slid off her shoulder.

  “Ma’am, I really need to check him out.” The nurse touched Liza’s shoulder again.

  She pressed a kiss to Julian’s cheek.

  Drew offered her his hand and she let him pull her to her feet. “I’m gonna get out of here. I need to rally the troops if we’re going to put an intervention together.” He tucked a necklace into his shirt that Liza swore had a ring on it.

  “What’s on your necklace?”

  “It’s the tree one I always wear.” He deflected her question and turned to his dad. “I’ll catch you at home. Let me know if we need anything.”

  Liza cocked her head and looked at Drew.

  He shook his head. “Not the time.” He mouthed and then gave Gramps a hug. “I’ll see you all later.”

  “Bye, Drew.” Gramps and Everett waved.

  She turned to Julian.

  His mouth moved.

  She grabbed the cup of water off the table and brought it over to him. Liza put the straw between his lips.

  He took a drink and blinked up at her. “Thank you.”

  She put the water down.

  He touched her hand.

  She met his gaze.

  “What happened?”

  She looked back at Everett and Gramps not sure what to do.

  The nurse finished checking his vitals. “We’ll finish this bag of fluids and give him another. Now that he’s awake the doctor will run some more blood tests to make sure he didn’t do any major damage to his liver or kidneys. You should be able to take him home in a few hours.” She looked down her nose at him, shook her head, and headed for the door.

  “Bitch.” Julian said.

  The nurse turned around and glared at him, before stalking out of the room.

  Liza chuckled. “Someone’s feeling better.” She dropped into the chair next to him.

  “A little.” He closed his eyes again.

  Liza touched his hand.

  He moved his hand so it was covering hers and squeezed. “So is someone going to answer my question?”

  Everett moved into Julian’s line of vision. “You tried to drown your woes in a bath of whiskey.”

  “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.” He brought his hand up to his face and pulled the oxygen candela out of his nose. Rubbing his face, he stopped at the gauze on his temple. “What happened?”

  “Your brother said he found you on the floor and it appeared you hit your head on the way down.” Gramps came over at sat down next to Liza.

  Julian looked from Gramps to Everett. “This is a familiar scene.”

  “One I had hoped not to relive.” Everett jingled the change in his pocket. “What were you thinking?”

  “Hell if I remember. I tried to forget something and must have succeeded.” His gaze went to Liza.

  He didn’t remember. She tugged her hand away from his and wiped at a tear.

  “Oh shit, what did I do?” He used his hands to lift his body and pushed himself up on the bed.

  Liza shook her head, couldn’t speak. She managed to blink to clear the tears from her eyes but refused to meet his gaze.

  “Dad?” Julian tried to reach for Liza’s hand, but she moved out of his range. “Must have been something pretty bad.”

  “From what I understand, you left her.” Everett folded his arms.

  Julian rubbed his forehead careful not to hit the bandage. “Oh God, Liza. I’m sorry.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and then looked over at her. “Will . . . can you ever forgive me?”

  She couldn’t look at him. Her heart screamed for her to forgive him. Her brain reminded her he’d been stupid and forgotten what it meant to be a responsible adult. She sobbed.

  Gramps hauled her into his arms.

  “I fucked up something royally.”

  Something snapped. Liza moved out of Gramps arms, shoved herself to her feet, and marched to Julian’s side. “That’s the understatement of the year. You showed up at my apartment three sheets to the wind, telling me you’d send money, but wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Nothing, Julian. You wanted nothing to do with us. And then to prove it, you proceed to drink yourself into oblivion. Yeah – I’d say you fucked up.” She jabbed her finger against his chest. Turning on her heels, she marched out of the room.

  *****

  Julian watched her go. He blew out a heavy breath and tried to hoist up into a sitting position. “Help me up.” He ripped the blood pressure cuff off his arm and reached for his IV when his dad caught his hand.

  “Stop.”

  “No, I’m going after her.”

  “You’re going to leave her alone.”

  “Get the fuck out of my way.”

  “And what do you hope to accomplish by dragging your sorry ass after her?” Everett crossed his arms. “Because if you go after her now all you’re going to end up doing is making it worse. She needs time.”

  “I need to apologize.” Julian let his head fall back on the pillow and growled. His body refused to cooperate. He hit his forehead with the palm of his hand.

  “Did you ever consider this has nothing to do with what you need?” Everett raised his hand, then dropped it. “And how many apologies does that poor girl have to accept before you change the way you think and stop hurting her.”

  “I can’t lose her.”

  “Maybe you should have thought about that before you went on a weeklong bender and poisoned yourself with alcohol.” Everett slammed his fist against his hand. “Damn it, Julian! What in the hell were you thinking?”

  Julian clenched his fists in his hair. “I don’t fucking know.”

  “You lost her when you told her you wanted nothing to do with her or your baby. The only thing I see right now is a selfish boy who has no respect for himself, Liza, or the baby. So unless something drastically changes and you’re ready to commit leave her alone. It’s not fair to let her hope only for you to keep pulling the rug out from under her.”

  Julian pursed his lips as his father’s comment percolated in his brain.

  “Everett.” Gramps stood and put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go check on Liza? Give Jackie a call let her know he’s awake and going to make it?”

  Everett let out a deep breath. “You’re going to have to make some changes if you want to keep her.”

  Everything his father said to him leached into his brain. If he had any respect for
her, he wouldn’t have accused her of cheating on him in the first place. “I know, Dad.” Julian nodded. “I know.”

  Everett hugged his son. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” Julian nodded.

  Gramps patted his son on the shoulder as Everett headed out of the room. He waited until Everett left before peering at Julian. “You and your father are quite a bit alike. You may have spent the first twelve years of your life away from him, but you two are two peas in a pod.”

  “No, Dad has his head screwed on straight.”

  “He didn’t always.” Gramps sat down on the bed next to Julian. “Looks like you and I could use another talk.”

  Julian glanced toward the window. The sky was dark. The clock on the wall read three after four in the morning.

  “I can’t do it on my own, Gramps. I need help.”

  “We never expected you, too.” Gramps patted Julian’s leg. “We’re a very large, very close family. We want you to succeed, Julian.”

  “I’m going to walk into an intervention when I get to Mom and Dad’s aren’t I?”

  Gramps shrugged. “I don’t know what the boys have planned for you. They’re all worried about you.”

  “How’s Drew doing?”

  “He went home to get some sleep. He’s more than a little worried about you, but he’s distracted by something else. Liza noticed it earlier.” Gramps yanked a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his nose.

  “He’s in love with Ava and she doesn’t want anything more than friends with benefits.” It wasn’t right to give up his brother’s secret.

  Gramps smiled and shook his head. “You boys can’t have normal relationships can you.”

  Julian started to chuckle then winced and grasped his head. “Come on, Gramps, normal wouldn’t be any fun.” He rested his head against the pillow and yawned. His eyes drifted closed and he fought to keep them open.

  Gramps stood. “You get some rest. I’m going to sack out in the chair over there and when they release you, your dad or I will take you home.”

  “No, you’ll take me to Mom and Dad’s so I can be dealt with.” Julian let out a sigh. He wanted to tell Gramps to go home, he didn’t need to stay the rest of the night, but his eyes drifted closed and he lost his battle with sleep.