by E. L. Todd
Marie had grabbed the mail off the table and started to sort through it. “What?”
I held up the carton.
She eyed it in my hand for nearly five seconds before she processed what I was asking. “How did you know I drank that…?”
“I saw the empty carton in the fridge.”
She continued to stare at me blankly.
Since she wasn’t going to say anything I set the carton on the shelf.
“Thank you…that was sweet of you.”
I shrugged and continued to unpack the groceries. “I got you some coffee too. I noticed you were low.”
She tossed the mail on the table and came to my side. She grabbed the bag of coffee from my hands. “It’s whole bean.”
“Isn’t that what you like?” I wasn’t usually here in the mornings but I noticed the grinder on the counter. Francesca drank coffee but she wasn’t picky about it. I assumed it belonged to Marie.
“How did you know that?”
I shrugged again. “I just deduced it.” I set the beans on the counter.
Marie stared at me for a few more seconds before she helped me unload the groceries. Quietly, we worked together and placed everything where it belonged. Her arm brushed against mine when she passed and I got a draft of her scent. “You’re a sweet brother.”
“And friend, I hope.” The words left my mouth without being considered. They just flew out like word vomit. I set the bag of chips in the cabinet before I met her gaze.
She nodded. “Yes. A good friend.”
When I stared at her like that I felt the tension deep in my gut. Being this close to her made me feel things I couldn’t explain. The energy flowed through me like a electric wiring. Whenever I looked at her I was always aware of my unnatural breathing. It was always a little faster than normal.
She held my gaze without speaking, her thoughts a mystery.
We stood there for nearly a minute and nothing happened.
She crossed her arms over her chest, succumbing to the pull that affected both of us.
I finally found something to say. “Let’s take Frankie to the beach. Maybe some fresh air will lighten her spirits.”
“Yeah.” She tucked her hair behind her ear, something she’d never done before. “That could be fun.”
“Alright. I’ll get her up.”
***
Like always, it was a struggle to get Francesca to do anything. By pure manipulation I managed to get her showered and ready for the day. I got her in shorts and a tank top, her hair done and her teeth brushed. I couldn’t get any make up on her. It was a pointless attempt.
We drove to the beach then set up our stuff in the sand. It was a nice day, sunny and bright. The breeze kept us cool and protected us from the summer’s heat. I wore swim trunks and a t-shirt, but I probably would take a dip eventually.
Marie wore a sundress, and the straps of her bikini peeked out through the translucent fabric. I wanted to see her pull her dress off, showing off those gorgeous curves that she should flaunt every single moment of the day.
Francesca stuck her feet in the sand and stayed quiet, like always. I made small talk about the weather and the size of the waves. Since our conversation, I never brought up Hawke. It seemed to please her but also destroy her when I did.
After an hour Francesca left the blanket and walked along the shore, her eyes downcast for seashells that washed up on the sand. Her dark hair blew in the wind, the slight curls becoming straight.
Marie watched her go, concern in her eyes for her friend.
It was getting warm so I removed my t-shirt and felt the sun’s rays right on my skin. I glanced at her in my peripheral to see if she would look.
She did.
“Good idea.” Marie pulled her dress off then lay back on the towel, her flawless skin glowing in the sunshine.
I wanted to look but I controlled myself. I leaned back on my elbows and stared at the ocean.
“I wish I could wipe her memory.”
Like always, her voice washed over me like a soothing bath. She had a distinctly feminine voice that was also strong. It belied her strength and power underneath. I liked listening to it. And like always, the memory of her saying my name came back to me. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. “I know what you mean.”
“I still don’t understand why he left. They were so in love.”
“I know. I don’t get it either.”
“He hasn’t said anything to you?”
“He won’t tell me why. But he said it had nothing to do with cheating or anything like that.”
“Then what could possibly be the reason?” She crossed her ankles, her perfectly manicured nails reflecting the light. They were turquoise, playful and bright.
“I haven’t got a clue.” If two people loved each other they should be together—end of story. “But she seems to understand he’s never coming back. But yet, she continues to mope around.”
“It’s not like her at all. If someone pushes her down she gets right back up. She’s a fighter.”
“I know…it scares me.”
“We’ll just have to wait and hope things get better.”
But how long would the wait last? I’d been spending all my free time with my sister. I didn’t mind because I knew she needed me, and I also didn’t mind because I liked spending time with Marie. I was beginning to see the layers she possessed. She was smart, ambitious, and funny. There were many more traits that I never paid attention to, besides her obvious beauty. The fact she was so loyal to her friend, standing beside her no matter what, was what I noticed the most. Good friends were hard to find, and I was glad Francesca had someone who had her back until the end of time. “It will get better. I just don’t know when.”
She lay back on the towel and looked up at the sky.
I glanced at her and realized her eyes were closed. That’s when my eyes took her in, focusing on her face. She had thick eyelashes that were black and beautiful. It heightened the shape of her almond eyes. She didn’t wear make up to the beach, but the gleam of the sunscreen was obvious. There were a few streaks across her cheek, difficult to see but noticeable all the same. Her lips were shiny like she just put on Chap Stick. Her hair was in loose curls but they were starting to fall out from the ocean breeze.
Without her make up I could see the small freckles that marked her face. They were tiny and almost invisible but I could see them when I sat this close to her. They reminded me of distant stars in the sky, and I wondered why she covered them up at all. If anything, they were cute.
I never really paid attention to the structure of her face, but then again, I’d never seen her face bare like that. Her eyebrows were light just like her hair, and her cheekbones were prominent, making her have a slender face. I began to notice every little detail, every little feature.
I forgot about her body in her bikini because I was more interested in her face. Now I wish she would open her eyes so I could see their beauty. They were green, I knew that. But what other details would I be able to see under the bright sun?
When I realized I was gawking at her like she was a painting I looked away. To any passerby it looked like I was staring at her in her bikini. Technically, I was. But I’d only been paying attention to her face. “So…that guy you brought back the other night is your boyfriend?” I hadn’t realized she was seeing anyone, and when they went into her bedroom I felt a little sick.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” She opened her eyes then grabbed her sunglasses from her bag. “We’re just seeing each other.”
And sleeping together? I held back the retort because I knew I’d be a huge ass if I actually said that out loud. “So, it’s casual?”
“Yeah. We’ve only been on one date.”
I think I recognized him from the bar that night Hawke flipped out on Aaron. “I think I’ve seen you with him before.”
“We have mutual friends but he didn’t ask me out until recently.” She spoke quietly like she didn’
t want to have this conversation at all.
I realized I was interrogating her, asking a bunch of questions I had no right to ask. I wasn’t even sure why I was asking them at all.
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“No.” Now that I thought about it, I realized Marie was the last woman I slept with. When Francesca crashed and burned my sex life was put on hold. I’d been spending so much time with her that everything else took a backseat. “Haven’t been out in a while.”
“I’ve never seen you with a girlfriend.”
It wasn’t a question but I took it that way. “I’ve never been into relationships.”
“You like to play the field?”
“I guess.” She seemed to be the same way, if she slept with Cade on their first date. It was a sexist thing for me to think but it still happened. Or maybe I thought I was the only guy she ever had casual sex with. When she told me I used to be her high school crush I actually thought she was making an exception for me. But now I realized she wasn’t. I couldn’t describe what I was feeling, but I knew one thing.
I was confused.
“What about you?” I asked. “You’ve been in any serious relationships?”
“Not really. The longest I’ve been with the same person is a few months.”
Marie could have whomever she wanted. Obviously, she was hot. But she was also smart. She was going to college and working a part-time job at the same time, so she was motivated to make something of herself. On top of that, she was loyal to those she loved. And she was confident—her sexiest attribute. She could have any guy she wanted—as long as she wanted him. “Any reason why?”
“None of them fit the bill.”
I didn’t understand her expression. “What does that mean?”
“I didn’t see it lasting forever. I didn’t want to lead them on longer than necessary. Heartbreak is a terrible thing.” She propped herself up on her elbows and looked at Francesca, who was still walking along the beach quietly.
She was considerate—another attractive attribute.
I worked hard to get where I am now. I put myself through college just the way Francesca did. I got my degree in finance then continued onto my master’s. Right now I was an underpaid intern but one day I’d make real money. Marie was the exact same way. “That’s the right thing to do.”
“There’s nothing worse than falling for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. If a guy weren’t into me I’d like to know. Saves us both some time.”
“True.”
She looked out to the water then uncrossed her legs. She dug her feet into the sand and watched them disappear. She sat up then got her hands involved, playing in the sand.
I watched her and immediately thought of a child building a sand castle.
I sat up and rested my arms on my knees, staring at her every move. “You think Cade is going to turn into something serious?” I needed to holster my questions but I couldn’t stop them from coming out.
“If I could predict the future my life would be boring.”
Her vague response shut me down. I clearly wasn’t invited to ask anything else. “Where would you like to work someday?”
She drew her fingers in the sand then erased it. “Anywhere that will take me.”
“I meant your dream job. If there’s one place you could work where would it be?”
She drew Francesca’s name in the sand. “Well, I’ve always been a fan of Maximum Shot. He’s the biggest fashion guru in the world. I would love to write articles for his magazine. If I could combine my two loves—writing and passion—I’d be a very happy woman.
I wasn’t into designer clothes but I knew who he was. “Is their office in Manhattan?”
“Yeah. I’m going to apply after college but my hopes aren’t very high. I know they get a zillion applicants every week—most of them from IV league schools.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“When all you are is a resume, it makes all the difference in the world.”
Maybe one day I’d be able to pull some strings for her. If I had the right clients I could make anything happen. “It doesn’t matter where you go to school. It doesn’t reflect your intelligence.”
“I don’t know about that…”
“Well, I know you’ll be smarter than every other applicant.”
She stopped writing in the sand and looked at me, hesitance in her eyes. She was trying to read me, to understand if I had a different meaning than I projected. I wasn’t trying to come onto her. I said what I really thought—that she was talented. She eventually turned away, not getting an answer to her unspoken question. She wrote my name in the sand.
I eyed it. “You have nice handwriting.”
“Thanks.” She smeared the sand across the letters, wiping them out.
I looked down the coast to make sure Francesca was doing okay. She was sitting in the sand far along the beach, her hair flapping in the wind. She was probably crying to herself, just as she did in her bedroom when she thought I couldn’t hear her. If this break up happened over another guy I would tell her to get over it. But Hawke’s departure really screwed her up.
Marie followed my gaze. “How long do you think this is going to go on for?”
“I don’t know…” If it lasted more than a few months I’d go crazy. I could only handle Francesca’s depression for so long. “I might have to get her a prescription for Prozac.”
“I don’t think that would do anything. She’s not clinically depressed.”
“Her brain chemistry is still out of whack.”
“We’ll just have to keep distracting her until she moves on.”
We took her to the beach for the afternoon but she still managed to wander off and mope silently. There was only so much Marie and I could do. “She’s lucky to have a friend like you.”
“She’s lucky to have a brother like you.”
Francesca and I weren’t close. Typically, I only saw her a few times a year. We usually got together around the holidays and sometimes for birthdays. Even though we lived in the same city we didn’t bump into each other at the bars. But when disaster hit, I was there.
Just the way she would be there for me.
***
After we came home Francesca immediately went into her bedroom, barricading herself inside for the rest of the night. She didn’t talk anymore or announce what she was doing when she was doing it, but I’d come to learn from her actions.
Marie set her beach bag on the couch and tossed her sunglasses inside. “Well, I had fun even if she didn’t.”
“Yeah, me too.” I sat on the couch and stared at the blank TV, unsure what I should do. It was okay for me to go home but something kept me there. Marie’s presence soothed me. If I went home I’d just be alone in my empty apartment. But if I stayed here…Marie was there. “Maybe we can try to get her to bake tomorrow.”
“Maybe.”
“We can have football on and make something that goes with the sport.” I didn’t know anything about baking but Francesca always found a reason to throw something together.
“Yeah, we can give it a try.”
I wished Mom were still around. She would know exactly what to do. I couldn’t even begin to understand Francesca’s feelings. I’d never been in love before, and I certainly had never experienced heartbreak—at least in a romantic way.
Marie spotted my unease. She was beginning to read me more clearly. “It’ll be alright, Axel.”
“I keep telling myself that…”
She eyed my hand sitting on my thigh but didn’t take it.
“I wish my mom were still here—especially at times like this. She would know what to say.”
Marie listened to my every word, her eyes locked to mine.
“Francesca was closer to her than I was. They were more like friends than mother and daughter.”
“I remember…”
“Are you close with your mom?”
She stared down at the groun
d. “Not really. But I love her.”
I nodded even though I wasn’t agreeing to anything.
Marie looked down at herself, seeing the sundress that had tightly specks of sand stuck to it. “I’m going to shower. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
That was my invitation to leave and I couldn’t reject it. “Yeah. I’ll be here in the morning.” I put my hands in my pockets and walked to the front door.
She walked with me, her face slightly tinted from being in the sun all day. Her nose was the darkest part, probably because it was the flattest surface on her body. The sunblock was still smeared on her face distantly. Soon, it would disintegrate altogether. I stared at her face repeatedly, memorizing it.
She stopped when we reached the door and waited for me to walk out. “Have a good night.”
“You too.” I didn’t reach for the door. Instead, I stood there.
She held my gaze like always, refusing to back down from any type of engagement.
I found myself wanting to stand there and stare all day.
She kept her arms by her sides, hardly blinking as she met my look.
These strange things kept happening with her. Inexplicable moments happened where we just stared in silence, but had a conversation that wasn’t communicated with words. I could feel the hum in the air, the distant chime that hugged inside my brain. These moments were both addicting and uncomfortable.
I turned away first, letting her win the round. “Good night, Marie.” I let myself out and stepped onto the threshold. The door closed behind me, but I stayed on the stoop and waited for a sound I needed to hear. Never in my life had I stood like that, waiting for something I never paid attention to.
The lock turned and snapped into place.
Then I left.
Bromance
Axel
After a lot of convincing I agreed to make the drive to New York to see Hawke. The only problem I had with that was Francesca. I couldn’t tell her where I was going, but I also couldn’t leave her alone.