The Christmas Visit: Comfort and JoyLove at First StepA Christmas Secret

by Moore, Margaret

  His words did not make any sense to her. What was the difference? Lord Gavin wanted her in a way that made her skin tingle and in a way that tempted her to say yes.

  “I do not understand, my lord. My lady?”

  Lynna was guiding her out of the room as Lord Orrick answered.

  “And neither does he, Elizabeth. Neither does he.”

  Chapter Seven

  It took two days for her to build up her courage and make her decision. Lady Margaret’s servant seemed to find things for her to do that gave her time to think and that kept her out of view from most of the keep’s inhabitants. Well, if the truth were told, Lady Margaret insured that she did not see Lord Gavin during this time. And that he did not find her. Elizabeth did not know if he even sought her out, but suspected from the fervor in his invitation that he might have.

  Her choice to go to the Gilbertine community was not a difficult one at all. Lord Orrick’s sponsorship and the word of Lady Margaret was more than enough for her to be permitted to join their community. She did not think she would take vows, for ’twould take much in penance and prayer to cleanse her soul from her many transgressions. If she did decide she heard the call, her mother’s jeweled ring, safely hidden in her cottage, would be enough to pay the dowry required.

  She felt stronger somehow in making the decision and knowing that she would choose her path. That knowledge did not lessen the gratitude she owed to and felt toward the lord and lady of Silloth. Orrick could have claimed her as a serf and forced her to belong to him as part of his demesne. No one would have or could have challenged his right to that. But he never did. One more extraordinary thing to be thankful for.

  Now she walked slowly up the steps and down the corridor that led to Lord Gavin’s chamber. Standing quietly outside his door, she thought on this once more. If she was leaving the world behind, she needed to be with him before she did. His embraces and his kisses were the only ones that had ever promised her something and made her want whatever that was. Her body had reacted to the touch of many men, but her heart and soul had stirred only at his. As she reached to knock, she prayed that he would not refuse her this small favor.

  Elizabeth heard him moving within the chamber and waited for him to open the door. It shouldn’t have, but his appearance surprised her. He opened the door from behind it and she knew from his stance that he was naked and that he held his sword at the ready. His real sword. His eyes widened and then he opened the door to let her enter. As she moved into the room, he tugged on his breeches behind the door before closing it.

  “Old habit, I fear,” he said, nodding toward the sword that lay on the floor near the door. “I expected no visitors this night.”

  She had considered what her words should be for hours before she approached his door, but all of the well-practiced ones disappeared as she met his hungry gaze. Were words even necessary? She would not burden someone of his status with words of love. She could not give them and he could not accept them or the promise that was always at the core of them. He would understand the significance of her presence here and her actions in offering herself to him.

  They stood several paces apart. Pure terror kept her from taking the first step toward him. So many things were wrong with this; so many things could go wrong. Deep inside, Elizabeth knew he would not let it, and so she made the first movement. ’Twas just a small one, not a step at all, but as she did, he opened his arms to her and she was in his embrace and surrounded by his strength in but a moment.

  Not sure what to expect, she waited. Would it be as quick as that other time? Would he linger as some men did, intent on evoking something from her body as he took his pleasure? Would he take her? How could she do this?

  She could not breathe. Elizabeth struggled against his hold, trying to pull air into her chest. He did not loosen his grasp and she felt as though the world were going dark. Just before it did, he released her. As her legs gave out, he scooped her up and carried her to the bed. After placing her there, he poured two cups of ale and made her drink some of hers.

  “Do not try to talk, lass. Just drink this all. And breathe.”

  The nervous look on her face had turned to terror just as she reached him and it took only a moment before her struggles became apparent to him. As much as he would have liked to keep her in his arms, just knowing that she was here was enough to give him the courage to let her go. Gavin watched as she emptied the cup and handed it back to him.

  “So, I am back to being the terrifying Scots warrior now? You fear my strength and size again?” He tried to keep some measure of levity in his voice and it must have worked, for she gifted him with a soft smile.

  “As my grandmam would say,” she began.

  He laughed. “I am certain not to like what she said, so let us move on to something more pleasant.” He sat down next to her so that he did not tower over her and he was pleased beyond measure when she did not move away or cringe from him.

  “I…my lord…I…” She began several times and never got past the first word or two. Gavin decided that they did not need words at this time and dipped down and touched his lips to hers, silencing any more attempts to speak. When she opened her mouth and welcomed his tongue, he lost the ability to speak.

  Steadying himself with a hand on each side of her, he let her grow accustomed to him before moving forward. She accepted his kisses and even when he pressed for more, she gave it.

  She gave it!

  Surprised by this realization, he drew back and searched her face, her eyes, for some explanation.

  “I have only done this as a whore, my lord. I know not how to do this any other way.” Tears glistened in her eyes and his heart hurt as he knew that she was offering him something very precious indeed.

  “And I have only done this as a husband for a very long time, lass. Mayhap we can show each other the way?”

  His words sank in and a stab of pain pierced him. He had given her a truth that had not been known to him before that moment. Oh, he had lain with other women since Nessa’s death, but those times had never involved his heart. Or his soul. This time with Elizabeth did and now they both knew it. When he almost drew back from her to let the pain pass, her soft hands touched his face, holding his cheeks and bringing his mouth back to hers.

  That small gesture broke through any hesitation either of them had and he pressed her back onto the pillows as he claimed her mouth with his. He wanted nothing so much as to fill the softness he knew would now welcome him, but he fought to keep his desires under control until she was ready. Until she took him. If she could. He lay on his side and she turned to meet his mouth again.

  Gavin tasted her deeply and tugged up the length of her gown and the chemise under it up until he could touch her bare skin. The shudder that went through her simply intensified the arousal he was feeling and he grew harder than he had been. He thought she might be ticklish when she squirmed at his light stroking of her knee and then he moved his hand onto the soft skin of her inner thighs. When her legs opened, he drew back to look into her eyes. If they were empty as before, he would go no further.

  She returned his gaze with wide eyes. Not sure if they were wide with fear or anticipation, he slid his hand up until it grazed the silky hair between her legs. Then Gavin parted her woman’s flesh and slipped one finger into her heated depths. He did not touch deeper but waited for her reaction. ’Twas swift in coming.

  Elizabeth grabbed at his arm and seemed to want to stop him, but she licked her lips and loosened her hold. He leaned down and kissed her once more, sucking gently on her tongue as his fingers moved inside her and found the wetness and heat he desired. She moved restlessly beneath his touch and finally, finally, he felt her hand move from his arm to his chest. He paused and guided her to his hardness, hoping she would, but not forcing her to touch him. And she did.

  He did not realize that he had not laced his breeches until her hand slipped inside and grasped his erection. The moan escaped him and filled her mouth bef
ore he could stop it. Her small hand and light touch teased his eager flesh and he rocked against her palm in spite of his fear that he would disgrace himself and come too quickly. For a moment, he felt like a youth instead of the aging man he was. When she slid her hand down onto his sac, he knew he must stop her.

  “Elizabeth, lass,” he whispered as he lifted his mouth from hers. “Can we take this off?” He tugged at her gown. “I would see all of you before we join.”

  However, before she could comply, she surged against his hand as he spoke and he felt the wetness pour from within her. Not wanting to miss this chance to pleasure her, he slid another finger into her and rubbed from inside out. Elizabeth arched and her eyes grew wider. Her breath had turned to panting and she was trembling next to him.

  Gavin moved his other arm beneath her head and pulled her closer, trapping her leg with his thigh. He became relentless in his touch, spreading her woman’s wetness over the flesh there until she gifted him with several moans. She tilted her chin and tried to lift her head to his so he lowered his mouth to hers and mimicked the actions of his hand with his tongue. Soon he felt her body tighten and arch and he knew her peak was on her.

  “My lord?” She grabbed his arm again and he read the fear in her expression. “I cannot….”

  “Let go, lass,” he urged. “Trust me and let go.”

  She closed her eyes and he thought she would refuse to let go of her control and her fear at what he was doing, but a smile tugged the corners of her mouth.

  “As you wish, my lord,” she murmured after a moment, her eyes now open and meeting his.

  “Gavin. My name is Gavin. Say it. Please.”

  Now she smiled fully as she spoke. “As you wish, Gavin.”

  “Nay, lass.” He shook his head slightly. “’Tis as you wish this time.”

  He made no move yet to climb on top of her and his words startled her. He sought to pleasure her first, something that had never happened before to her. Not in all the years with Kennard, not in the months and months earning her living on her back. No man had ever put her pleasure before his own.

  Elizabeth felt the tightness winding within her until the tension felt too intense, too pleasurable. Even though she recognized the pull to loosen herself from what her body felt, she gave Gavin her trust and stayed with him. And the reward for it made her breathless. When she would usually feel threatened by such a close hold, she now felt cradled and safe. When she would have turned inward and shut off what she felt, she now let the enjoyment of his touch, his kiss, his pleasuring of her fill her.

  Aching and throbbing from within, she moved in time with the motion of his fingers until the scream welled in her. Wound beyond tightening, she felt the waves of sensation pour over and through her and this time she let it come. Her flesh, her whole body, tingled and tautened even where he did not touch. And then, when she thought she could feel no more, she fell.

  And Gavin caught her.

  It took a few minutes for her to catch her breath and in that time he never stopped touching her. His hand glided soothingly over her hip and onto her stomach. He lifted her hair from her face and touched a soft kiss on her swollen lips.

  She enjoyed the softer waves that still moved through her and knew that this was the bliss that could happen between a man and woman, something that she’d heard so much about but had never experienced before. She waited for him to say or do something, not sure of what would happen next.

  And still he did not take her.

  She knew he could, she could feel his hard flesh against her leg as they lay together on the bed. He moved neither closer to nor farther from her. Puzzled, she slid from his side and pushed herself back to sit. She still wore her gown and he his breeches, but the proof of his lack of fulfillment pushed through the gap in the breeches and she wondered if she should pleasure him now.

  Before she could do or say anything, he rolled from the bed and handed her the other cup of ale he had poured before and filled the empty one for himself. She drank hers and watched over the rim as he did the same, although he turned slightly from her as he did. Elizabeth choked on the ale as she realized he was covering himself and tying the laces as he drank.

  “Was that the first time you…reached your peak?” He said the words, but the wonderful blush that filled his cheeks told of his embarrassment over voicing the subject. “You seemed surprised by it, almost fearful.”

  How did she answer him without lying or telling him too much? Never in the times with Kennard had her pleasure been important. There were a few times when it was pleasant, but more often than not, it was a hurried affair done in the dark of night and with as little physical exertion as was needed to complete the act.

  The first times at the house where she was brought into her trade were too unpleasant to think on and she did not want to ruin this experience with Gavin with memories of those times. He was waiting for an answer, watching her with those piercing blue eyes of his. She gave him the truth.

  “Aye, my lord. ’Twas the first time I have felt such things.”

  “Great God in Heaven! What sort of men are these Sassenachs that they cannot make certain a woman is well-pleasured as they take theirs?”

  He slammed down his cup and raked his hands through his hair. Then he looked at her with bleak eyes and she knew he was thinking what had happened between them on this very bed. Before he could speak again, she slid from the bed and walked to him. That had been a mistake; she knew how deeply he regretted taking her that night. He told her with words and by his actions that it had been a misjudgment on his part to do so. No other man had ever regretted his callous taking of her body as his due.

  Only this one.

  She stepped closer and smiled at him. She wanted to offer him something to show him how much she appreciated his thoughtfulness. She needed to show him how much she cared for him. All she had to give was herself.

  Elizabeth loosened the ties on her gown and chemise, bent over and grasped the bottom of the garments and lifted them up. Luckily these were borrowed clothes from someone much bigger than she was so she was able to get them off. Of course, Lord Gavin’s hands pulling them over her head helped. She stood naked before him and waited for him to accept.

  She followed his hands as they untied his laces and pushed his breeches down over his hips to the floor, exposing his powerful hips and legs to her sight. And his manhood that was still hardened and ready. He reached down and pulled the breeches free and threw them in the corner. Then he stood straight. The fire in his eyes told her he wanted her, but there was something else that reassured her.

  When he took her in his arms, her skin sizzled at his touch. Their bodies met and the heat of his warmed her and made her shiver, as well. He turned around and pulled her with him to the side of the bed. Once more he surprised her by sitting on the edge of it and bringing her to stand in front of him. The soft touch of his fingertips on her breasts made her tremble and she felt her eyes close as she concentrated on how her body felt under his touch.

  His mouth replaced his fingers and she gasped loudly at how quickly the tension within her built. One and then the other breast received his attentions and her breasts swelled as he suckled on them, tasting them and drawing her nipple into his mouth. When she felt the nip of his teeth against the sensitive buds, she reached out to steady herself. Her hands met his hard chest and she looked at him. Surely he did not mean to pleasure her again? Lord Gavin laughed and Elizabeth realized she’d spoken the words aloud.

  “Aye, lass, ’tis my plan. But I would not be opposed if you would like to add to my pleasure.” He paused and took her hand, guiding it toward his hardness.

  Ah. Elizabeth knew what he wanted. Many men wanted her to take them in her mouth rather than in her body. She didn’t understand it, but if it would give him pleasure, she would grant him this service. She began to kneel in front of him when his expression darkened. Something was wrong.

  “Nay, Elizabeth. Do not kneel to me.” He took h
er by the shoulders and lifted her back to her feet. “I but wanted to feel the touch of your hands there.”

  “Not my mouth?”

  “Not if you do not want to. This is not about force now, lass. ’Tis about wanting.”

  She shook her head. She did not want to do that. It had been forced on her many times, but she never liked it. “I would rather not, my lord.” Elizabeth waited for his reaction.

  “Then let us discover what you do like to do, lass,” he said, and his voice grew deep and warm. “Tell me what you think of this.”

  His strength amazed her as he lifted her by the hips, brought her onto his lap and slid them both back on the bed. In another moment she found herself sitting over his legs, astride him with his hardness directly under the flesh she now discovered was still quite sensitive. His hands, now freed from supporting his body over hers, explored her body, touching everywhere, making her shiver and shudder as he did.

  Elizabeth felt him pulsing beneath her and knew she wanted him inside of her. Surprised that she could feel this desire for a man or for joining with a man, she sat back on his hips and looked at him. Her heart filled with love and tears burned her eyes and throat as she thought of all the years lost in her life and all the unhappiness that had come before. If only they had met before, before she had…before.

  He must have noticed the tears, but she was thankful he did not speak of them. Instead he urged her forward to him and brought her to the brink of pleasure with his mouth on her breasts.

  “Take me, lass,” he whispered to her as he kissed her. “Take me now.”

  He let her go and she slid back to take him inside her. The thrill of controlling this coupling made her clumsy. “Help me,” she whispered as she moved back and tried to guide him into her.

  He drew his knees up a bit and supported her bottom with his legs and his hands spread her woman’s flesh. With little effort on her part, his hardness entered her and soon she was filled with him. He let out a moan that spoke of his pleasure. He gifted her with a wicked smile, one that foretold of even more gratification to come and then he guided her hips to move as though she were riding a horse.