Easy

by Mercedes Siler

  I look at her hand gripping mine.

  “There’s a box right here I have ready for you. There are letters from your father and the deed to a house and an inheritance. You’ll have to pay taxes on the house but it’s otherwise free and clear. He meant for it to be for you so you would have someplace to go if Caleb wasn’t good to you. He lived in it a while, waiting for me and for you, but I never took you.”

  “What happened to him?” My mouth is dry and my tongue feels stupid. Someone told me once you shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to, unfortunately I’m curious by nature and that wisdom is lost on me. Whatever she says is going to ruin my life and I still ask because I’ve always held out hope that someday I could find him and when he saw me he’d give me everything I’ve ever craved, all I’ve ever needed.

  “He broke up a fight and one of the men fighting stabbed him to death. You were about nine, I think.”

  I feel sick and my head immediately starts pounding.

  This is so much worse than anything I’ve ever had to deal with in my life.

  All this time I’ve hoped and dreamed, and that’s it? Nothing? All this time I thought I could have had a father who loved me and wanted me, and now I don’t and that’s it? That’s it? That’s how the story ends?

  “Caleb will help you figure everything out. He’s a good man.” She holds my hand. “She’s beautiful. A lovely girl. How does Abby like her?”

  “She’s protective.” There’s buzzing in my ears so loud I don’t hear myself speak. I don’t want to be in this room. I don’t want to speak to her as though what she told me didn’t just fuck my face in half.

  “Take care of your sister, okay? The other ones will be okay but she needs you. She always has. Caleb will get someone to take care of the little ones. They’ll be okay. Abby needs you. Promise you’ll take care of her?”

  “I will.” I can’t feel my tongue.

  “I love you, Ezra. Please forgive me.”

  I nod. Forgiveness. Better for me than you.

  “I want you to know how much I love you.” She’s looking at me with so much intensity. “You’re my dream come true.” She’s reaching for me to pull me down, to touch me or kiss me one last time but I can’t.

  I take the box and leave.

  Mayyim is sitting on my bed playing with the baby who is giggling and showing her baby gums.

  I sit myself down with my back against the wall. I don’t feel anything yet, but it’s nice to see this scene right now. If I let myself feel I’m going to lose it. I’m watching myself rage and throw things and destroy this hellhole. I can see my face and the rage as I try to kill it. And I see this girl in her pretty green dress and the baby she wants, so I sit and I don’t feel anything.

  I’ve known my mother was dying a long time.

  I’ve known my whole life Caleb Jones wasn’t my father.

  But I’ve always hoped my real father was out there somewhere and we could meet and he’d be the person that helped me to know who I was, and I wouldn’t feel so empty. He would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

  Now I can’t ever talk to him.

  She kept me from him until it was too late.

  What if he had known me? He wouldn’t have tried to break up a fight, knowing he could get hurt and taken away from me. What if I could have saved his life and I never got the opportunity?

  He left me a house. That would have been nice to have over the last few years.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I shake my head. I look at the box, thinking about opening it. I don’t know if I want to see personal stuff right now. I want to look at the legal documents. What’s gonna win…Curiosity or self-preservation?

  Curiosity always wins.

  I close one eye and squint the other, pulling the documents that look familiar in my legally trained mind. I accidently saw the corner of a picture and now my stomach is churning and I want to throw up.

  I close the box quickly.

  It’s a four bedroom, three bath house, ocean property. The house is two thousand square feet with a half-acre of land. Single story.

  I don’t care about the value.

  Where is it located? Playa Del Rey. Twenty to thirty minutes to anywhere in LA. Twenty minutes from the firm I’m interviewing for in Century City. I don’t know any creeps that live there. “Know any creeps that live in Playa Del Rey?”

  “I don’t know where that is,” she answers.

  “It’s below Venice. Above El Segundo.”

  “My mom and stepdad live in Malibu.” She shrugs.

  “It’s like forty-five minutes south of Malibu.”

  She looks at me like she has no concept of what I’m saying, curious but preoccupied with baby thoughts. “What’s in Playa Del Rey?”

  “A house.”

  “Your house?” she asks.

  I nod. “Technically it’s our house.” The property alone is worth about a hundred thousand. I don’t care about that. I want a place to live. Property taxes are pretty high but who cares? He left me a hundred thousand dollars I could have accessed on my eighteenth birthday. But that’s okay. I didn’t need it. Jake and I have never run out of money because he made it and I kept it.

  Jake.

  He hates me right now which is stupid because I want to share this with him. I have to share this with him. But I also don’t want any conflicts as far as proprietorship or one person thinking they have more of a right to be there than the other. And what about Mayyim?

  “I don’t mind it being your house because you’ll take care of me. I just want to be an extension of you, if that’s okay?”

  She’s young and she doesn’t know directions but she’s beautiful and humble and she’s exceptionally knowing.

  I take a breath. “What about Jake?”

  “What would you do if I wasn’t there?”

  Hmm. “If it was me and him and this happened? I wouldn’t change anything. I’d do my thing and he’d do his, and we’d combine resources and I’d take care of responsibilities using the backpack system.”

  “Why can’t you do that?”

  “I’m going to start working and I have to go back to school. I don’t want there to be a thing with him. I like you a lot.”

  She nods. “I understand. Is it close to Santa Monica? That’s where my aunt lives.”

  “Yes. Santa Monica is about ten minutes north. Maybe twenty minutes.” I shrug. There are so many things we haven’t discussed. “Do you want to go to school?”

  “Maybe?” She gives a half-hearted shrug.

  I nod. “It doesn’t matter to me. I can support us all, I just want you to be happy.”

  She smiles sweetly. “Yes, I’ve learned from my mom that I’d like to be able to take care of myself and not have to get with guys to get ahead.”

  Yes. That’s good. But I am going to take care of her. “So we have our immediate plan. Do you have your license?”

  She shakes her head. “I have a bus pass. I like to look out the windows, not drive.” She picks Hannah up and holds her in her lap.

  I nod. “I’d also like to have Cece and the kids stay when they need to.”

  She smiles. “Of course.”

  “But I want us to be comfortable with living arrangements because until I finish school this is it.” I look at the money paperwork. There’s a lot of stuff I don’t understand so I’ll have to ask Mr. Jones for help.

  “What kind of house is it?”

  I smile, trying to figure out paperwork. “Not like this.”

  “That’s good. That would be scary.”

  I laugh and put the papers away.

  “What else is in there?”

  “I don’t want to know right now. She said there were letters and I think there might be pictures.” I tell her what my mom said.

  She frowns softly.

  Abby knocks softly on the doorjamb. “Lunch is here.”

  Chapter 24

 
Micah is sitting in my lap and my brothers are laughing at some stupid story one of them told. Stacy is laughing at every little thing. Abby is sitting next to me like always and Mayyim is on the other side. Abby looks exhausted. Ben is distributing food. Zech is talking to Stacy. Abby is looking distraught. “Hey,” I whisper. “Are you okay?”

  She nods and picks at her sandwich. “Yeah. I’m fine. There’s a lot going on.”

  I side hug her.

  “Hey, no secrets over there, you two.” Stacy says loudly, drawing Ben and Zech’s attention to my side of the table. “So, who’s this? You haven’t introduced us.” She smiles a patronizing smile at us like we’re children.

  “This is Mayyim,” I tell her. I help Micah with his sandwich because he’s having trouble.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Mayyim? Is that how you say it? What is that?” she asks, trying to sound nice but it’s coming out exactly how she means it.

  “Yes,” she says quietly.

  “Is that Indian or Jewish?”

  “It’s Hebrew,” Zech says. “Right?”

  Mayyim nods graciously.

  “Are you Jewish?” Stacy asks.

  “By heredity, I guess,” she answers.

  “I don’t think that will fly in this house. We like Jesus,” she jokes, looking between my brothers who are not sharing in the joke at this poor little girl’s expense.

  They’re good people like that.

  “So, how do you know Ezra?” Stacy continues, eating like a horse.

  Mayyim looks at me. I’m totally not ready for the shocked stares but I also don’t want anyone to think I’m ashamed. “She tripped me while I was running away from a party and made me take her with us. That’s how we met.” I smile at Mayyim’s apologetic expression.

  “What happened to your face? I can stitch it for you, you know,” Ben says.

  I shake my head. “I just got in a fight with Jake. How will it look on Tuesday?”

  “It’ll probably be red and puckered. It should heal pretty nice.”

  Ben is a first year resident at the UCLA medical center. He’s going to be a plastic surgeon. “Cool. Do it. I have an interview Tuesday.”

  “Been fighting a lot?” he asks, looking at my bruises and cuts.

  “No. Just two separate issues that are now resolved and I’m done.”

  “How does Jake look?”

  I glance at Abby who is picking at her food, distraught. “He’s alright. He was fighting someone else and I tried to break it up. It happens.” Chills crawl up my spine because I remember what Jake said about telling them I was breaking up a fight, and now I know it’s how my father was killed. It gives me a sick sense of déjà vu. “I got a concussion with the first one. Can you check me out to see if I’m okay?”

  “Yeah. You feeling okay?”

  I nod my head gently even though I don’t feel so good.

  “So, are you guys dating or what?” Stacy gets back to what she wants to talk about.

  I pause and look at Mayyim who smiles brightly at me and turns to them. “We are strangers travelling on the same road and I’m happy to have the company,” she explains, shy but strong.

  I smile at her as she continues to eat. I look and they’re all looking at us. I smirk. “How’s the doctoring business?” I ask, and make a show of listening until they forget about me. I lean and put my mouth on Mayyim’s ear. “Are you embarrassed or ashamed?”

  “Neither.”

  Her lips are pretty.

  She kisses me softly. Her cheeks are pink.

  Already I feel better about life. If one little kiss can do that…fuck. “I want to live life, Mayyim. With you.”

  “That sounds amazing.” Her eyes are tear-glossy. “What are you going to do about Jake? You gotta help him get out, too, or he’s going to be lost.”

  I know. What am I going to do about Jake?

  We continue eating and chatting until Mr. Jones comes into the room and my brothers and I stand to greet him. He shakes hands. He looks at Mayyim and now at me as she stands.

  “This is Mayyim,” I explain.

  He shakes her hand, smiling. “Nice to meet you, Mayyim. Do you live close by?”

  “No, she doesn’t, sir.”

  “Does the lady have a voice, Ezra?”

  I nod. “Yes, sir.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mayyim. I hope my sons and daughter have made you feel at home.”

  “Yes. Thank you.” She smiles shyly.

  “Are you staying, then?”

  “Yes, sir, we’ll be staying,” I answer.

  “Good. Has Abby shown you to your room, then, Mayyim?” he asks.

  “She’ll be staying with me, sir.”

  He looks at me, daring me to continue when we all know the outcome. He looks tired.

  And now here’s the pause and I continue. “Mayyim is my wife.” And now the stares and the jaw dropping. I kiss Micah’s head and glance at Mayyim and Abby.

  Abby looks at me and Mayyim with disgusted astonishment. She looks back at me and if looks could kill I’d be dead. “Are you serious?” she seethes; her eyes are begging me to be joking.

  “Yes.” I nod.

  “When did that happen?”

  “A couple of weeks ago. We were bored in Palm Springs.” They’re all looking at us.

  Abby gets up abruptly and storms off.

  Now Stacy is looking at Ben, pissed. They’ve been together three years. So at least there’s that.

  “Is she pregnant?” Stacy asks.

  “Not yet,” I tell her.

  “Congratulations?” Ben says, unsure.

  “Thanks.” I nod.

  Caleb Jones looks back and forth between us and the rest of them. “I don’t blame you. There’s nothing else to do in that shithole.” He looks me in the eye. “Did you see your mother? She’s been asking for you.” He sits at the table next to me to talk to me, looking over my face. “Your face is on the questionable side, but I’m glad to see you dressed for the occasion.”

  “Yes, I saw her.”

  “Did she meet your lovely wife?”

  “Yes, she did.”

  “Wonderful. I’m glad you came and you had the respect to make yourself presentable. Is Ben going to stitch that for you?”

  “Yes. I was breaking up a fight. I wasn’t looking for trouble.”

  He nods. “That’s wonderful to hear. It’s amazing what a good union will do. You’ve always been a bright kid. That’s why it’s been difficult for me to understand why you’ve done so many stupid things.”

  “Well, I guess I’ve had my reasons. But, regardless, it’s brought me here.”

  He nods agreement. “I’ve always told her to tell you about things,” he says, confidentially. “She thought you would react badly. She didn’t know and I didn’t feel I had the right to say any different to you. But I’m glad you are where you are now. I’d like for you to stay and see your mother off, and I expect you’ll check in and come for dinner now and again like Ben, and have a part in Micah and Hannah’s lives. Come for church on Sundays, at least brunch. Your mother would like to know that you’ll always be part of the family. And of course I’ll take care of your education.”

  Man, I am such a little girl lately. My eyes are tearing like crazy. If you knew how many bridges we just crossed to get to this clearing of mutual respect, even through the emptiness of knowing he’ll never be my father, you would be damned. “How do you know I’m good enough now?”

  “It’s never been an issue of good enough. It’s your mindset and what’s important to you. I can tell you’re not dwelling on the ghosts of your past. You look hopeful and focused. And a month ago you wouldn’t care how you looked and what you were wearing.”

  I can’t say that’s not true. “I’ve always been a good big brother to them regardless of the clothes I was wearing and what I thought the future held for me.”

  “A good big brother is also a good example.”

  I guess that’s true.
<
br />   He’s an asshole but I can’t say he’s not right. “We went to the Santa Monica Pier the other day. I was talking to a guy who was fishing and he got two bites while I was talking to him so he let me reel one of them in. It was a sculpin?”

  He nods. “The ones with the spines?”

  Now I’m nodding. “Yes. So the guy said I should keep the pole.”

  He grins. “So you found someone to feed you for a lifetime, huh?”

  “Yes.”

  “I tried to do that with the Bible, but I guess you needed a literal pole.” He laughs.

  I grin. “I’ve believed God loves me my whole life. I think I need to know I am worth being loved and can love without the love being taken away from me.”

  “Well, I know you’ve had your fair share of heartache. I know you were close friends with Kate. I know it affected you when she died.”

  “I didn’t know you knew.”

  He shrugs. “You were always willful and obstinate, but you were never wild until after the accident. It’s unfortunate, what happened to her and her baby.”

  Well, at least it’s something. I’ll take anything from him. “I’d like to move on. I’d like to keep moving forward.”

  “Sounds good to me.” He shakes my hand. He turns to Mayyim and starts talking to her. I turn to Abby who has returned looking green. “What’s going on with you?” I ask her quietly.

  “I’m sad mom is dying and I’m the only one being sad. And then you!” she whispers back. “I hate you. You never do anything right.”

  I squint at her. She’s upset about something and it’s more than sadness. “I think we’ve already reached acceptance about mom. I thought you had, too.”

  “I hope no one is so complacent when I die.”

  “I won’t be. If I’m alive when you die I will not accept your death,” I tell her and hug her. I kiss her curly red hair. “I love you, Abby.”

  “Then why didn’t you tell me you married some pink-haired bimbo you just met?”

  I frown at her. “Because you wouldn’t get it.”

  “I’m getting pretty goddamn tired of people telling me what I will and will not get,” she whispers angrily. “I might be able to understand a lot more than you think.”