Easy

by Mercedes Siler

  “I thought he was all up in your sister’s goods lately.”

  I roll my eyes. Ugh. “I gotta go.” I hang up. Mayyim is picking at her kabobs. “It’s supposed to rain tonight and tomorrow. I’ll take you to my favorite places to eat and to Crystal Cove to see the tide pools. I love the tide pools.”

  “Sounds fun.” She smiles at me.

  It does. I need to get away from feelings of loss. There’s nothing like feeding sand crabs to little crabs to make you feel like your life is going to be okay.

  Chapter 31

  We went to Nick’s Café for lunch, the best diner in all of LA. We’ve never been like this alone together, so it was cool to sit across from her and talk to her. She talked about all the places she’s lived, and high school, and how she never had friends because she wasn’t like the other girls. She was quiet and read magazines and kept to herself. She took work classes to earn extra credits so she got to leave school at lunch to go to her class where she worked at the daycare for the local continuation school.

  We started talking about her aunt, and Yiddish and Judaism which she doesn’t know too much about, but she does know there’s no word for husband, just man and lord, which she’s always thought was fascinating.

  I told her about how eggs remind me of dead babies, and how we were in my room and it was sunset when Kate came over with her family and told me she was pregnant. And sunsets are burned into my mind as being at both times heartbreakingly beautiful and so sad, a nauseating beauty.

  I told her about how I met all my friends which got a few laughs.

  We’re at Crystal Cove with jackets on against the cold, climbing over the rocks, looking at the sea life.

  I catch a big motherfucking crab right now.

  “Don’t hurt it,” she whines at me.

  I’m not going to hurt it. I’m going to feed it. Let the games begin. “I’m not. Gimme the bucket.”

  She hands me the bucket, worried and skeptical.

  I put him in there with sand, water, and seaweed. He immediately starts chomping on seaweed, which, like always, tickles me. I hand her the bucket, chuckling.

  She smiles. “You look completely insane.”

  “Feeding crabs is one of my favorite things to do.” I admit, it is crazy. I jump off the rock and reach for the bucket and her. I kiss her and she’s delectable. I inhale the ocean, the rain and the pear scent of her skin. She’s more intoxicating than any drug I’ve ever had.

  I have to break away.

  I busy myself digging for sand-crabs and dumping them into the bucket. I sit back and pull her close to watch the bloodbath. If sand-crabs had blood it would be a bloodbath, but they don’t.

  “This is your favorite thing to do?” she simpers, amused.

  We made out for a long time in the car afterwards and she let me get to second base. There are a lot of things we haven’t done yet. Making out in a car and getting to second base is so basic. It’s thrilling every time we do things we haven’t done that are so fundamental, and there are no negative feelings about it because there’s no guilt. It’s pure goodness.

  We went to Polly’s on the Pier in Redondo Beach on the way home. From the look in her eyes and on her face, with her wind-burned pink cheeks, I think if this was a first date and she wasn’t worried about being pregnant and staying that way, I think I would have totally gotten laid which makes this a triumph even if I’m not getting laid.

  There’s a note on the table in Jake’s terrible handwriting when we get home. All it says is “Brought groceries and I’m sorry.”

  He brought groceries. The refrigerator is full. Jake has all sorts of crazy connections so he gets things for free or cheap a lot of times.

  But where is he and why is he sorry?

  Tomorrow is Saturday, and I’m going to start teaching Mayyim how to drive. Then Sunday’s brunch. If I could cut out Stacey, religion and lawyer talk, Sunday brunch would be awesome because I get to play with Micah, and Hannah, my special piece of the world. I want them to know they are loved because I never knew for sure.

  “What does it say? Why’s there so much food? Oh my God, cheese Danishes. I’m going to eat them all!” She’s already eating one with another in hand. She looks like a chipmunk.

  “You’re going to eat them all?” I grin.

  “Yes.” She offers me one as though she’s being generous.

  I haven’t had a Danish in forever. I take it and eat it. If I had less of a sense of moderation, I would eat them all too. I watch her stuff her cute little face and walk away towards the bathroom. I love her butt. It’s perfect.

  I sit at the table.

  Today was such a great day. What’s going to come along and fuck it up? I don’t know if I can deal with it.

  She comes back, smiling. “There’s no more blood. Do you think that’s a good sign?”

  I pull her into my lap. I’m feeling sleepy and content, and optimistic which is a new feeling. “I think we’ll have to wait and see what happens.” I get into her top so I can finish what I started in my car and she lets her head fall back.

  Her breasts are perfect, too. Not too big, just perfect. Her nipples are hard as I kiss them, feeling her body react to what I’m doing to her.

  The phone rings.

  It’s bad news. I don’t want to answer it.

  “Aren’t you going to get the phone?” she whispers, breathless from what I’m doing to her.

  “Just bad news.” I murmur.

  “Isn’t that more of a reason to answer it?”

  “Nope.” The ringing stops and I carry her to the bedroom.

  The phone rings again.

  She answers it while I get her out of her pants, so it’s okay. I don’t listen because I don’t want to know. I hold her from behind and squeeze the fleshy parts of her body.

  She hangs up and pushes me onto the bed. “Do you want the bad news now or after?”

  “After.”

  Chapter 32

  We’re standing in the police station lobby waiting for Jake as he walks out looking like this is the worst day of his life. He sees me and immediately averts his wild eyes.

  I don’t know the whole story yet. But at this point I am completely disappointed in life. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

  “I’m so sorry, Ezra.”

  “Shut up, and let’s go, Jake.” I help him move along and get him to the car.

  The ride is pretty quiet. Mayyim is in the backseat staring out the window with a soft frown.

  We drive up the street and through the gates to the house.

  I grab Jake’s upper arm to lead him. He feels too boyish and warm for me to be mad at him. He should be allowed to be this boy, soft, and awkward and unsure about everything. I love this boy so much, and it sucks he can’t be that but that’s what this life is for him.

  My dad’s butler opens the door and we follow him in.

  I’m so tired. All I wanted to do today was to go to bed with my beautiful wife, thinking baby thoughts of happiness and peace.

  Caleb Jones motions to chairs. I sit Jake in one and sit in the other. He sits and we sit. My sister is sitting in the corner looking a lot like Jake but with more resoluteness and a lot more anger, staring anywhere but at us.

  Caleb Jones sits back in his chair. “Why would you bring this hooligan here, in my house, when you know I just kicked his no good son of a bitch ass out?” he yells. The shotgun is right beside him, leaning against his desk.

  “Because he’s my brother and he needs my help.” My voice sounds as deadly as his.

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Ezra. You brought this trash into my house. And you’re going to take it out. It’s because of you my daughter is ruined. So I’m going to give you two choices.” He steeples his fingers, arms on his desk. He’s wearing a light blue polo and golf pants looking older than I’ve ever seen him. I’ve never noticed what he looked like or that he’s ten years older than he was ten years ago. He’s reasonably tall, shorter than I am, but broader
like his sons. His hair is white but it used to be a sandy brownish blonde. “Ezra?”

  I break myself from staring at him in disbelief. This is going to be bad. Nobody makes a deal with the devil and comes out unscathed. My stomach hurts. I can feel the unease to the ends of each hair on my neck. I’m going to be given Sophie’s choice on the best day of my life. Jake was here and there was an altercation, and he rampaged and left, and continued to destroy things, and eventually got arrested, and I had to use my inheritance to bail his ass out of jail, and it’s all because of whatever this is.

  Things were going too beautifully. “I’m listening.”

  “Abigail is being disowned and disinherited. What she’s done goes against everything she’s been taught and everything I represent in the community. I have a responsibility to my constituents to uphold these values, and Abigail refuses to do the same. She’s to leave tonight. I don’t care where she goes. She’s no longer my concern.”

  What the fuck? “For what? Indiscretion?”

  “For insubordination and insurrection.”

  “This girl?” I motion to her. She can be an asshole and snarky at times but mutinous? Rebellious?

  “She’s proven to everyone she’s no longer a girl who can take her father’s firm, but loving regulation, but a woman who’s fully capable of making her own choices, however idiotic they may be. I gave her the option of being his problem now and staying in my good graces, but she’s made the only intelligent decision she’s ever made - a little too late - and refused, so my hands are tied.”

  “I don’t get it. What’s this all about?” I’m so confused. It’s a big deal to get caught with the guy your dad hates. But for him to disown her, that’s serious. Too serious.

  “Which one of you wants to tell Ezra what’s going on? You were both obviously too weak of individuals to clue him in before he got here,” he thunders.

  Abby flinches.

  Jake is sunken into himself. He lifts his head and looks me square in the eye, his eyes blearily filled with tears. “She’s gonna have my baby,” he says, soft but strong. He takes a panicky breath. “I got Abby pregnant.”

  My eyes narrow at him, but I can’t be mad. He’s like a poor raggedy puppy who peed on the rug. His nose has been rubbed in so much he doesn’t know how to be good. And for what? I’m not going to be mad at him. I can’t.

  “Your degenerate friend got your sister pregnant and she’s bastardizing the child by refusing to marry its father. I’ve given her that choice and he’s shown remarkable character by stepping up in that regard, and she has refused.”

  This is not going to be good. And I know how both of them feel about having kids, they don’t want to. “So, you’re throwing out and disinheriting your pregnant daughter?” I’m asking him because this is how I put things together in my head. “How are you going to sleep at night?”

  “Quite well. My affairs are right with the Lord.”

  “So, what am I here for? What are my choices?”

  “You’ve recently turned your life around, Ezra, and that shouldn’t go without recognition. Before this whole mess I was ready and overjoyed to have you be a permanent fixture in the family. You’ve done a great deal to take steps forward. You’re taking school seriously, and your career. I would like to pay for the rest of your education, regardless the cost or where to. I notice what a huge help you are with Micah and Hannah. You’re all Micah talks about. But you will have to turn away from evil. I still hold to the fact that I can’t have bad influences in my house. Look what happened to your sister.”

  “I have my own mind.” Abby glares. “Ezra had nothing to do with this. He is a good person. Better than you could ever be.”

  Jake sits, broken.

  I lean forward, adopting his pose, play for play. “So what you’re saying is I have to make the choice of taking care of my pregnant sister, who has no one, and no life experience, and won’t make it on her own, and being cut off with her. Or staying in your good graces and receiving everything that comes with it, including a relationship with my little brother, who above everything else needs stability and love in his life after losing everything he’s known, his mother and sister?”

  “I’m saying turn away from evil and be rewarded, or don’t, and have nothing.”

  I search his eyes for some glimmer of humanity but all I see is a man lost in his perceived moral standards. A man who sees in black and white.

  Do I choose my sister, who I love, and who needs me, and nothing? Or a little boy who has nothing and I get everything? It’s not so tough a choice as it is a heartbreaking one. “I guess I choose my family. The one I’ve made for myself, and now my sister. No matter how little blood we have in common I’m not going to leave someone I love destitute.” I watch his eyes and emotion flashes for a split second before he sits back, turning his attention to something on his desk. I think it might have been relief.

  He looks back at me, stone-faced once again. “That’s the beauty and stupidity of you, Ezra.” He sits straighter. “I’m pulling your college fund. Your little brother and sister will forget your names and any love in their hearts for you. They’ll never know you.”

  It hits me like an arrow to the chest. Micah’s poor confused little face. He’s not going to understand what’s going on. All he’s going to know is the feeling of abandonment. First his mother and now us.

  Abby is crying. Maybe she thought I wouldn’t choose her. But if so she doesn’t know me at all and she should have thought of this before she didn’t use birth control or insist on condom usage.

  “You’re excused.”

  I stand and turn to Abby. “Get your shit. Let’s go,” I tell her, hearing my voice echo in my heart. Caleb Jones stands and I pull Jake. “Let’s go. We’re not welcome anymore.”

  Caleb picks up his gun and looks down the barrel at Jake. “That son of a bitch has never been welcome here.”

  I push Mayyim and Jake to the front door before turning back to look for Abby. She’s probably just wandering around in a daze.

  I run up the stairs to her room. She’s trying to pick out books and crying.

  I growl at her. “Your father has a shotgun pointed at your boyfriend’s back and you’re here looking at books? Get your clothes and your stuff. Let’s go. As much as you can get. He’ll send the rest.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend. I don’t care if he shoots him.” She shakes her head.

  We grab as much as we can and head back down and out to the car where Jake and Mayyim are waiting. I shove everything in the trunk and drive off. Jake is crying and begging forgiveness. Mayyim is angry. Abby is a weepy ghost. At least she’s stopped blubbering.

  “I’ll take the mechanic job. You won’t have to worry. I’ll take care of her. I’ll get a place,” Jake says, trying to get a hold of himself.

  “Love, you know it’s not that easy. And if she’s not going to marry you, why would she live with you? Just because she’s having your baby doesn’t mean it’s going to work, you know?” This is a mess. There goes my nest egg. I’m going to have to use it on school. I should have known this morning when I woke up and the world was at my fingertips that it was going to end badly.

  “I’m so sorry, Ezra. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” He covers his face and sobs horrible boy sobs. “I’m sorry. I know how important school is to you.”

  I put my hand on his head. “Put your seatbelt on.”

  He pulls it on weakly.

  I’ve never seen Jake lost, and scared, and weak. I’ve seen him as the Hulk, and as a raging bull and a comedian, a survivor, a con artist, but never like this. “It’s okay. I’ll have to use my inheritance money. I was going to save it to get out of this hellhole. Maybe go to Vermont. It seems peaceful there.”

  “I’ll pay you back.”

  “How are you going to pay that back when I can’t even pay for it by wages? You’re being irrational.” I glance at Mayyim. She has a mean look on her face. I think it’s about Abb
y who is sitting in her corner staring out the window. “It takes two people to make a baby, Love. Don’t take all the credit or responsibility.”

  He shakes his head, disconsolately. “I don’t want a baby,” he groans and cries in his hands again.

  “I didn’t either,” Abby says, staring out the window.

  “It sounded as though he said if you had agreed to marry him this wouldn’t have happened.” I look at Jake. He’s mostly a man of honor, at least as far as that goes, he probably offered himself right off the bat.

  “So I’m supposed to jump at the opportunity to marry a guy who doesn’t check in or stick around and is offering to marry me because of something we’re stuck with that neither of us wants? That sounds like happiness in a fucking box, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t be in this position if I could have relied on him. I could have gotten rid of it and no one would have known but us, but I couldn’t get a hold of you. I don’t have access to money because I live in the seventeenth century in that place. Do you think I even want to be a fucking teacher? I want to be a writer.” she yells. “For the New York fucking Times.” Her face is screwed up with crying. “How am I going to do that now?”

  “Shut up, Abby! Stop yelling.” I yell back. “You went to college for God’s sake. You know where babies come from and if you didn’t when you started you could have done some research.” I shake my head, disgusted. “You could have married him to make things right and had the marriage annulled in a week or even file for divorce citing abandonment or failure to provide. But you had to drag my ass into it when I am finally happy and things are okay. I’m never going to see Micah and Hannah again because of you.” I can’t believe how enraged I am. Watching her cry makes me sick. I know Jake. He’s an idiot. The thought of having a baby was the furthest thing from his mind and he would have tried to make it right. And he likes her even though I don’t know why. But she’s supposed to be smarter than that.