Easy

by Mercedes Siler

  We load her into the hearse and the funeral guys take over. Everyone gets into their cars to go to the graveside service, and we’re supposed to get in this big, black ugly limo to go over there. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle the stifling heat of being with my brothers, and Caleb Jones, and Stacy, and the babies all in one place like that.

  Jake brings the girls outside.

  He’s got to have a cigarette.

  No, he doesn’t smoke.

  Pauly does, but he’s way the fuck over there talking with Darry and Cece.

  I think I’m about to have a panic attack.

  Ben grabs my arm and I want to hit him and run.

  “Hey, little brother, loosen your tie and breathe,” he tells me, quiet and discreet, talking in my ear while holding me. “Relax your shoulders.”

  I follow directions but I still want a cigarette. “I need a cigarette.”

  He shakes his head. “No you don’t. Get the cigarette out of your head. Focus on breathing and tightening and relaxing muscle groups.”

  I do feel better. A little bit like a pussy, though.

  “How’s your head doing?”

  I nod, still jonesing. “I haven’t woken up with a headache the last couple of days.”

  “Keep laying low, little brother.”

  He hugs me and I hug him back. I like Ben. He’s a good guy. “The thought of piling into that ugly ass car is stifling,” I tell him, pulling away.

  “It’s a short drive. Do what you do best and make everyone else uncomfortable.”

  “I can’t. I found love in my heart and I can’t hate anymore.”

  “I never thought I’d hear that.” He smiles, his perfect teeth practically sparkling.

  I get in with Micah and sit on the back bench, Mayyim and Hannah next to me and Abby next to her.

  *****

  I did kidnap Abby. The nanny took the babies so she had no excuse not to go. Cece took Teddy home and came back. We’ve been at the beach since sunset. Jake and Abby walked off alone and it was nice to see him stooping to listen, his hand on her back while she spoke and her cute rosy cheeks.

  My uncle Ray told me everything he knew and told me when I was ready to go back there we would be welcome to stay with him, and that’s when I started drinking and I haven’t stopped.

  Jake drank, but Darry and Pauly are pretty wasted. Cece paints Darry’s toes while he sits being drunk and playing guitar.

  Mayyim and I have been drunk and making out for about an hour, lying on a blanket in the sand outside the fire light.

  If I don’t get it soon I’m going to lose it all over the front of her pretty black dress. I can’t bring myself to stop kissing her so I can move on to the rest. But I move my hand up her soft thigh and to the place I want to be.

  She’s not wearing underwear.

  She didn’t wear undies to my mother’s funeral.

  I try to discreetly rub her into ecstasy from inside and out. I wish I could taste her but I think it would be complicated with the sand.

  She looks at me with those crystal clear, gray eyes, telling me so many unspoken things and how good I’m doing. I’m in and fucking her and she’s got her hand between us rubbing herself like I taught her. My mouth needs to be on her flesh, anywhere, and I can’t wait but I have to because everyone else is around which is weird.

  Why did I start fucking her with other people around? I must be drunk. My drunkenness does not change the way I feel about her or that I am making love to her on the beach. I wish I could see her boobs without everyone else getting the privilege, as it is I can just paw through her clothes which I haven’t done since I was in seventh grade.

  She throbs and arches, and I hear her stifled little moans and I let myself go.

  I kiss her face, and I hear applause and cheering after my finish. I feel like I’m at a concert or lobsters have crawled from the ocean to applaud my completed act.

  But, oh, I get it. It’s because there are people here and they saw me do it.

  She kisses my cheeks and my ear and my throat. She gives me hickies and a thought of starting my new job flies through my head, but it hurts so good. I can’t care anymore at all.

  Pauly yells to go for round two but I don’t think I can.

  I probably wouldn’t anyway because he told me to. And what if she’s super drunk and she’s not going to remember any of this? I’m not at my best but it’s beautiful here and the fire is nice and there are so many stars. “Are you okay, Beautiful?” I ask her.

  She smiles the most beautiful smile. “Yes. Are you?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t mean for this to happen, though. I’m sorry, I got caught up.”

  “That’s okay. I don’t care.”

  “Are you still drunk?”

  “Only on you.”

  I kiss her, blushing, getting hard again. “I’m feeling very apologetic right now, so I’m sorry. I love you. I wanted to give you more. I wanted to give you the best oral sex of your life. And privacy.”

  She giggles. “Thank you. It means a lot to me. You make me want to pee on you.”

  “You’re drunk.” I smile at her.

  “I am not. I am a lady.”

  I giggle with her and kiss her again. “I love you. You are my favorite food.” I mumble against her.

  That doesn’t make any sense.

  “My favorite food is macaroni and cheese,” she breathes.

  “Homemade or box?”

  “Homemade.” She mmms and pulls my shirt to touch my skin, giving me shivers.

  I take a deep breath, breathing in her warm, milky smell and the salty oceanness.

  “Hey, Easy, I’m taking your sister home.”

  I wave him off and get back to this beautiful girl whose favorite food is homemade macaroni and cheese, and who is also turning me so she’s on top.

  Chapter 29

  The phone is ringing and I’m having a hard time dealing with it.

  Why did we get a phone?

  Things were so much more peaceful when there was no phone ringing.

  “Oh my God. Get the phone!” Mayyim growls and puts her pillow over her head.

  Damn. “Hello?”

  “Mr. Ezra Jones? Please hold for Caleb Jones.”

  If I wasn’t so hung over I would probably be worried about this but my head hurts too much, so I close my eyes and scratch and hold.

  “Ezra?”

  “Yes, sir.” I sit and move to the edge of the bed. “Is everything okay?”

  “No, it’s not okay.” he growls. “I trusted you would take care of your sister and get her back home safely because you’ve taken such great strides to turn your life around.”

  I am so confused. “What? What happened?”

  “I caught that heathen in bed with your sister this morning. Tell me how that happened?”

  Dread tingles its way from my feet to my stomach. “I don’t know. I have no idea. We had a bonfire at the beach by my house. He offered to take her home because it was on the way. I don’t know what happened after that. I didn’t know that what would happen.” And I was otherwise occupied and didn’t care either way. I told him not to get caught in her bed though. “What’d you do?”

  “I got my shotgun, what do you think I did?”

  I laugh because he is completely serious. “What did he do?”

  “He ran out of range of my gun in his skivvies.”

  I grin. “Is Abby okay?”

  “What do you mean is Abby okay? This is no laughing matter. You brought this into my home and you ruined your sister, in God’s eyes as well as a potential husband. She’s no good to anyone now.”

  What do I say? I’m sure someone will take her and her whoring ways, right? This is ridiculous. This is not my fault. Why did she let him into her room? All she had to do was fuck him in his awesome car like any other self-respecting slut. This is bad for all concerned. “I’m sorry, sir. I should have taken her home.”

  “Well, I have to go. I have a meet
ing. I’ll see you on Sunday for brunch.”

  “Yes.” I listen to the click and the dead line. I hang up and open the windows before crawling back into bed.

  But was that it? Did he call to complain? What a change in the game. I’m still invited for brunch?

  “What happened?”

  “My dad caught Jake in bed with Abby this morning.”

  “Really? What happened?”

  “He went after him with a shotgun and he ran.”

  “Really? Insane.” She pulls me in. “What’s he gonna do with her?”

  Yeah, it is. But I believe it’s true. “I don’t know. I think he called to complain. Like he sees me as a person.” I dig through the blankets to find her soft, warm little body. I wrap my arms around her and touch her warm soft, easily habitable belly. “Do you feel anything?”

  “No. I think I’m broken.” She sighs and turns in my arms to snuggle to my chest.

  I rub her naked back. “Don’t worry. We can always adopt one of Cece’s many unwanted future children. Maybe Jake’s mom will let us have Teddy.”

  “Teddy is cute. And she has so many. She probably wouldn’t notice he was gone.” She snuggles closer, sleepy. “I think Cece is excited about this one but maybe the second and third one.” She yawns and falls back to sleep.

  I kiss her forehead. I’d take Teddy. I rub her belly softly. I can imagine my life the way I want it, touching her like this. I want my life to be full to overflowing. I hold her close so there’s no space between us and I hold my hand on her, drifting back to sleep myself.

  Chapter 30

  I was pretty much whizzing through filing for the first three days of work, so they put me on case research. It’s a lot to do in four hours, so they want me to work full time. I don’t want to because I’ll be going back to school in January and I have a lot to do to fix up my house. I don’t want to be away from home until Jake has a full time job, either. I’m not worried about Jake doing anything to Mayyim, but I don’t want it to be a thing, another man being at home with my woman while I have to work to support them. That’s a reason for dissention.

  He’s trying to get his uncle to let him do custom paint jobs at his shop but his uncle is hesitant because he thinks it will bring in gang trouble. I keep telling him to take the mechanic job because he can and he can stop doing his weekend work.

  He’s been coming home for dinner most nights and crashing, and then he usually comes home in the middle of the night on weekends and hangs out. He and Mayyim played soccer last weekend while I rested my head and watched them. And we played at the beach.

  Sunday Mayyim and I went to brunch. Seeing Micah and playing with him was nice. I’m glad I get to see him whenever I want and especially every week. We took him to get ice cream after we ate. Mayyim got to hold Hannah. She’s starting to sit and eat real food. Abby was despondent and withdrawn the whole time and my dad kept preaching about the road to righteousness and not being misled, bad associations spoil useful habits and fornicators not inheriting God’s Kingdom. I’m not saying it’s not true, because, if God says it, it has to be. But the thing is, there are a lot of examples in the bible of sinners who repented and changed their ways and God forgave them.

  I feel for Abby. Not too long ago I was wearing her shoes but I was always the outsider and I never had anyone on my side and she always has, so I don’t feel too bad for her.

  It’s lunchtime and I’m home from work. There’s an awesome Greek restaurant down the street from the firm that I brought food home from.

  The house is silent and empty.

  Normally Mayyim is around doing something.

  Broken glass and blood and wreckage flash through my mind. “Mayyim!” I yell, rooted to my spot and sweating.

  “I’m in here.” She calls from our bedroom. I can hear her sniffling softly.

  I drop the food off at the table that Jake scrounged and come into our room. She’s sitting in bed. It looks like she had been lying down. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” I take my tie off while pushing off my shoes. I unbutton the top button of my shirt I get into bed with her.

  “I’m bleeding so I think I might not be pregnant.” She looks numb for a second. Her chin starts trembling and she covers her face with her hands, crying big crocodile tears. “I hate him. I want him to die. He ruined my life.” Her body is shaking with sobs while I hold her. “This is all I’ve ever wanted and it’s gone, and it’s all his fault.”

  I think this is good. I haven’t seen her cry over what he did to her and her body. It’s good to grieve. I think she’s okay.

  I hold her and let her cry. It takes a while but she’s sniffling again. “I’m sorry I didn’t make anything to eat or anything.” She wipes her tears away.

  I help her. “I brought food home.” I put my hand over her warm belly. “It’s going to be okay. No matter what happens. You trust me, right?” I look into her beautiful eyes.

  She sniffles and nods.

  I move down, breathing against her belly, like blowing softly into the embers of a dying fire and I pray for us to be at peace no matter what happens.

  I look at her. “We can stay in bed all day, but tomorrow we are going to get up and dust ourselves off, okay?” I sit and pull her. She smiles sadly and nods. I wipe away a stray tear. “Are you hungry?”

  She nods.

  I get the food and bring it back, sitting across from her and spreading everything out. I love Greek food.

  “Your sister called earlier. And Cece,” she says, making a face.

  “What’d they want?”

  “Abby said to tell you she called and Cece called to say she’s officially knocked up. She called right after she took the test, I guess.”

  “Excellent. One step closer to our harvest.”

  She smiles because it was meant to be funny, but she didn’t find the humor in it.

  “I hate her, too.”

  “I don’t hate her as much as I like her.”

  “She’s tough. But not as tough as you.” I lean to kiss her and she smiles a real smile.

  She shakes her head. “I’m not tough. I spent all day crying over nothing.”

  “I think you’re pretty tough. And I don’t think it’s for nothing. You have a right to be sad about the things that have happened to you.”

  “I didn’t fight it because I was tired.” She shakes her head again, tears falling. “It was graduation week and I was home from school early. I went to take a nap because I had to work my ass off to get my grades up in a couple of stupid classes so I could graduate. It was hot in the house and I had woken way too early in the morning for rehearsal. I ran out of birth control because my mom wouldn’t take me to get them refilled because she was on a scotch bender. I didn’t know he was home because I was sleeping. I woke up and he was there, and I didn’t say anything or do anything to get away because I knew he would chase me and take it anyway. So I took it, while thinking about cotton candy.” She covers her face. “If I had known everything would have happened I would have stabbed him in his fat stomach until he died.”

  I’m angry the motherfucker hurt her. I’m angry the life she wanted may have been permanently ripped away from her. But I’m proud of her for having the grit to trip me and tell me to take her away, to kick him in the balls when she got the chance, and take the chance of being hurt again to send him to jail. I’m proud she would have stabbed him until he died.

  “You probably don’t want to hear about it.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not so insecure or that much of a maniac that I can’t let you talk.” I touch her shoulder. I want her to talk to me. She hardly says anything about the bad things like they’re bad.

  “I had to use my babysitting money to buy a stupid pregnancy test. And when it was positive, I died. I swear. My heart just stopped and I couldn’t breathe.”

  “That’s what I felt like when Kate told me she was pregnant.” It was so odd. I remember the feeling more than I remember what was said, like ever
ything stopped.

  “What about her?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. I think she did it on purpose to piss off her parents, so I don’t think she was so surprised or blindsided.”

  She frowns and looks a million miles away. “For about two days I was completely dumbfounded, and then I started thinking of the baby as mine, not his, you know? I started thinking about running away and what I could do, making plans and saving money. And then my stomach would hurt so bad until I couldn’t get out of bed and I couldn’t stay awake, but I couldn’t sleep. My insides blew up and I started bleeding to death. I kept telling them I needed to go to the hospital but they wouldn’t take me so I called 911 and when they came and got me I could hear them complaining about how much that was going to cost them.” She shakes her head. “I had so much hope, you know? I had a plan and then it all went straight to hell. I couldn’t stay there. Everything went straight back to the way it was before. Nothing changed but me. I’m glad I left and I’m glad you let me come with you.”

  I hug her tightly, holding her head to me. “Me too. I think you might be the best thing that ever happened to me.” I can’t imagine how awful it would be to be so hurt and not have anyone want to help you.

  “I feel the same about you. I’m young and we haven’t known each other as long as we’re supposed to, but I don’t care. I love you.”

  “Me too. I love you.” I kiss her cheek and pet her hair.

  She pulls away, kisses my lips and goes back to eating and I am blown away by how loved and warm I feel, to the marrow of my bones.

  The phone rings and I pick it up, foggy with love. “Hello?”

  “Hey, do you know what’s going on with my brother? He blew through here like a hurricane about an hour ago. He looked horrible,” Cece says.

  I’m so done with trying to figure out all the answers. He’s a good guy and my best friend and I love him. I believe he’ll make the right choices eventually. The thing I’m most worried about is him dying or getting arrested before he figures it all out but I can only do so much without getting in trouble myself. “I have no idea. Try Isri. She’s usually the root of the problem.”