Laugh Yourself Healthy
Page 18
Upon returning to San Juan, all his friends were eager to hear about his grand adventure. “How was your trip? How was the game? How were the New Yorkers?” they all asked.
Jose raved—the trip was smooth, the game was fabulous, the New Yorkers were kind. “After they found a seat for me at the game, they all stood up and faced me to ask, ‘Jose, can you see?’”
A groaner
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
“I liked it, but I could not understand why they were killing each other for twenty-five cents,” she said.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Well, everyone kept yelling to get the quarter back!”
Exercise helps pregnancy
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. Couples were practicing the technique all over the room.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet.
Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” asked the teacher.
“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
Golf or hole in one
The golfer stepped up to the tee and drove off. The ball sailed down the fairway, leaped onto the grass, and rolled into the hole. The golfer threw his club into the air with excitement.
“Have you suddenly gone crazy?” asked his wife, who was trying to learn the game.
“Why, I just did a hole in one!” yelled the golfer.
“Did you?” his wife asked placidly. “Do it again, dear. I didn’t see you.”
Fishing
A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. When the other guys would only catch three or four a day, Sam would come in off the lake with a boat full.
The warden asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Sam’s boat.
When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done. Sam’s approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explo-sion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.
Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, “You can’t do this! I’ll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!”
Meanwhile, Sam set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the warden with these words: “Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?”
Sometimes kids are better off left alone
Sandy eagerly began a job as an elementary school counselor. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other end. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. So Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?”
The girl hesitated, then said, “OK.”
Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?”
“Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”
A Russian track coach, interviewed by an American sportswriter, was asked why Soviets are now producing such fast runners.
“It’s quite simple,” the coach replied. “We use real bullets in our starting guns.”
A local community club was organizing a baseball team. They could only muster eight players and were hard put to find a ninth. In desperation, they called on a new member, a very reserved Englishman who had just moved into the neighborhood from London, to join their team.
During the first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the very first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park. The team members stood there, dumbfounded. Unfortunately, so did the Englishman. “Run!” his teammates cried. “Run!”
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. “I jolly well shan’t run,” he replied. “I’m perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball.”
Batter up
As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was.
“We’re behind 14 to nothing,” he answered with a smile.
“Really?” I said. “I have to say, you don’t look very discouraged.”
“Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet!”
A man had been out playing golf. When he got home his neighbor asked him how he had done.
“I shot 70,” the guy said.
“Hey, that’s great,” the neighbor replied.
The golfer said, “Yeah, I’ll play the second hole tomorrow.”
HOLIDAY FUN
A true story
I heard Jeff Smith, a.k.a. The Frugal Gourmet, read this letter from a viewer on the air: “I have had my turkey in the freezer for a year and a half. Will it take longer to thaw?”
Good answer
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No, ma’am, they’re dead.”
Last Thanksgiving, I had my chance to do the traditional thing of shooting my own turkey. Man, you should have seen the people scatter in the meat department.
Things to do at Thanksgiving
When everyone at the table takes turns saying what they are thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught,” and refuse to say anything more.
Thanksgiving joke for the kids
Keep your eye off the turkey dressing. It makes him blush!
A THOUGHT FOR CHRISTMAS
Do you know what would have happened if it had been three wise women instead of three wise men? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, brought practical gifts, and there would be peace on Earth.
OTHER BOOKS BY CHARLES AND FRANCES HUNTER
A Confession a Day Keeps the Devil Away
The Angel Book
Born Again! What Do You Mean?
Come Alive
Don’t Be Afraid of Fear
Follow Me
God Is Fabulous
God’s Answer to Fat . . . LOSE IT!
God’s Big “IF”
God’s Healing Promises
Revised Handbook for Healing
Hot Line to Heaven
How to Develop Your Faith
How to Find God’s Will
How Do You Treat My Son, Jesus?
How to Heal the Sick
How to Make Your Marriage Exciting
How to Pick a Perfect Husband . . . or Wife
How to Receive and Maintain a Healing
How to Receive and Minister the Baptism With the Holy Spirit
Impossible Miracles
I Promise . . . Love, God
Let This Mind Be in You
Memorizing Made Easy
Shout the Word; Stop the Thief
Skinnie Minnie Recipe Book
Strength for Today
Supernatural Horizons
The Supernatural Spine
; There Are Two Kinds of . . .
The Two Sides of a Coin
Watch Out! The Devil Wants Your Mind
What’s in a Name
For more information on tapes, books, or other ministry
opportunities, please write or call:
Charles and Frances Hunter Ministries
P. O. Box 5600
Kingwood, TX 77325-5600
(281) 358-7575
www.cfhunter.org