Undefinable

by Renea Porter

  I never wanted to kiss someone as desperately as I want to kiss her. But I can’t and it is going to kill me.

  “How about a movie marathon today?”

  “Don’t you have to work?”

  “Nope. Today is your day,” I tell her, smiling. “Let’s take this in there and continue to devour it,” I nodded toward the living room with the cake in my hand.

  “Did I tell you this was the best birthday ever?” she asks looking up to me.

  “You did. And I’m glad it is.” I hold the cake up in a salute. “To many more.”

  Chapter Four

  Cheyanne

  Have I died and gone to heaven? It sure feels like it. Cash, me¸ cake and a movie marathon is the epitome of a perfect day. Can this day get any better? Technically if he kissed me then it would make it the most bad ass day ever.

  Shocking would be one word I would describe Cash. He holds me in his arms for a second time in less than thirty minutes and tells me he will be here for me whenever I need and we only met yesterday. How crazy is that? And he feels the same connection I do. Something is brewing between us and I am not sure either of us could stop it, even if we wanted to.

  ***

  It’s been three days since I first met Cash. It feels like I am living someone else’s dream and not my own. We continue tiptoeing around each other and I itch to touch him, to run my fingers through his hair.

  I ride with Cash to the gym this morning and his father is giving him a questioning look, since I’d rode with him the past couple of days. Now is the time to put some distance between us and I know it is for the best and for both our sanity. So after today’s workout, I’ll see what I can do to make that happen.

  Today we focus on conditioning. By now, I pretty much know the routine by heart and put my ear buds in my ears to get the music pumping. After a few rounds of jabs, punches, and kicks, we hit the track down the road.

  “You have to run four times around to make a mile. Let’s see what you got,” he barks. He is in trainer mode and I was in fighter mode, all business. But there is always that elephant in the room no matter who we are trying to be.

  He clocks his stopwatch watch as I tear up the track, in my new workout clothes. Each time I make it around we high five as I continue on. I thrive off of the things he throws my way; however, whoever invented burpees should die.

  “What’s my time?” I say while breathing heavily.

  “Eight minutes, not bad,” he said. “One hundred jumping jacks,” he taunts.

  I never complain when he asks me to do something. It is me showing gratitude. I might grit my teeth, but I’d never complain. The workouts make me feel energetic and I have a job interview tomorrow at one of the boutiques not far from the gym, within walking distance. Silently, I count each jumping jack one by one.

  “Now what do you got boss, huh?” I tease. I bend over placing my hands on my knees and try to catch my breath.

  He chuckles at my comment. His devilish grin tells me I won’t like what he has in store for me next. “Burpees; now give me fifty.”

  I did fifty fucking burpees. Between the running, jumping jacks, and the burpees it feels like my legs are going to fall off.

  “Happy?” I ask, sitting down in the grassy area.

  “I am actually. You’re a trooper, Cheyanne, and you haven’t complained yet.” He chuckles.

  “I just grin and bear it,” I say, stretching my legs out to stretch them from the workout. Cash sits in front of me and places his feet against mine and we help stretch each other. I love the way his hands feel in mine. It feels perfect.

  “Okay, let’s head back and you can get a shower.”

  We load back into his car and make the short drive back to the gym. “I’ll catch you later,” I say, shutting the car door after we arrive as I walk in front of him. I don’t want him to know how much he, in fact, affects me. But I am sweaty and I need a shower stat.

  Stopping at my locker to get some essentials and a towel, someone swats me with a towel. “Ow.” I turn rubbing my leg from the snap.

  “Hey bitch,” Vanita says with a laugh.

  “Payback’s are a bitch,” I say. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure. What is it?”

  “I am wondering if maybe I can crash at your place. I’ll even take the couch if you can have me,” I am not sure how she will react to my question but I have to get out of Cash’s place.

  “You’re not staying anywhere?” she asks, confused.

  I press my back into the locker, figuring I’ll just tell her to get it over with. “I was homeless before coming in here. Cash insisted I stay with him, which is highly inappropriate,” I whisper, hoping no one can over hear our conversation.

  “Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah, I have an extra bedroom, I’m down for a roomie.” She smiles.

  “Thank you so much. You are really saving me. I promise I won’t stay long enough for you to be sick of me.”

  She giggles. “It’s nothing, really. I’ll just wait for you and we can go get your stuff and then head to my place.”

  I shed my sweaty clothes and rush into the shower. I don’t linger too long so she doesn’t have to wait. And I want to be out of Cash’s place before he gets there, because I don’t want any argument from him.

  I quickly soap my body and lather my hair, giving myself another rinse before exiting the shower. I throw on a pair of shorts, slip my feet into my sandals, and throw on a tank top, going braless once again. As I walk back to meet Vanita, I am brushing my hair. Vanita is my complete opposite. She is of Asian descent with long hair with red streaks through it, and her eyes are caramel colored and she has the body of a fighter.

  “Okay I’m ready.” I snap my towel at her, paying her back from earlier.

  “Fuck that hurt.” She makes a face and rubs the back of her thigh.

  “I told you.”

  “Well let’s go get your things and get you moved in.” She throws her arm around my shoulder as we walk out of the locker room.

  “Don’t tell Cash. I’ll just leave him a note.”

  She winks at me.

  “Well, now look who is bff’s now,” Cash says, making himself known.

  “We’re having a girl’s night,” Vanita says.

  Cash cocks his eyebrow at me and I just shrug.

  I point my finger at Vanita as we walk to her car. “That was a sly move.”

  “See, he doesn’t even know.”

  I slip into the passenger seat of her Camry, securing my seatbelt.

  “I don’t live too far from here, just about three miles So not far from Cash.”

  “You’ve been to his place?” I know it isn’t my place to ask such a question, but my curiosity got the best of me.

  “Oh yeah.” She shrugs. “He’s thrown us parties and stuff.”

  “Awesome.”

  Vanita pulls in front of Cash’s place. “I’ll just be a minute,” I say, opening the car door. It isn’t like I have a lot of things to grab, anyway. I find the key under the flower pot where Cash told me it would be and unlock the door, thankful he isn’t here yet.

  I move around the apartment as fast as I can, grabbing my backpack, and throwing my clothes inside of it. I find a piece of scrap paper and write Cash a note.

  Cash,

  Going to stay with Vanita for a while. See you at the gym.

  Cheyanne

  I am back in the car in ten minutes flat. “That was fast,” Vanita confirms.

  From our conversation on the way there, she only lived about three miles farther and it wasn’t the best neighborhood. People don’t normally mess with me so I wasn’t too worried. Plus, I could handle just about anyone double my size. Lots of folks don’t realize that.

  “Here we are,” she says as we walk in. “It’s super tiny, but make yourself comfortable.”

  “It’s nice. And I really appreciate you letting me crash here.”

  “Like I said, it’s fine. Stay as long as you like,” she sug
gests.

  She lives on the first floor apartment of a high rise building. She keeps it clean inside and it is cozy.

  “Come on; I’ll give you the walk through.” She gestures for me to follow her. We are already standing in the living room, and straight ahead is a small kitchen. Then we turn down a narrow hall with two bedrooms and a full bath in between. “You can stay in here, there’s the closet and a T.V on the dresser.”

  I sit my bag on the bed and thank her for the millionth time; for letting me stay here as she closes the door, giving me privacy. I am exhausted, especially after the workout and I reach in my bag for a protein bar that Cash insisted I keep on hand.

  I change into a pair of my boy shorts and a tank and slide underneath the covers, and flip the T.V on.

  ***

  I blink a few times as the sun shines through Vanita’s see through curtains. I look at the clock and see I have an hour to get ready for my interview at the boutique. I bound out the room, hoping maybe Vanita can give me a ride, but after looking around, she is already gone. This meant I’ll have to walk. I quickly change into a short sleeve top and the best dark wash jeans I have. I run the brush through my hair and apply red lipstick on my lips and mascara to thicken my eye lashes.

  I latch my bag over my shoulder. I don’t leave anything behind at Vanita’s. I am just used to lugging my stuff around. I’m sure eventually I’ll get use to my routine. Walking outside, the sun beams as I shield my eyes. I start to walk down the sidewalk in a hurry, trying to make my appointment on time, when a group of girls approach me.

  “Where you headed?” one asks stepping in front of me. I count a total of five girls. I might be bad ass, but I can’t take them all on.

  “I have an interview I’d like to get to on time,” I bark.

  “Hang out with us,” one my height suggests.

  “I have things to do,” I say, trying to walk around them as they continue to stand in my way.

  “She must think she is too good for us,” a red haired girl sneers.

  I don’t respond and that’s when a fist flies to my face, before I even have a chance to react. I can’t out match them so I grab for hair and pull. I punch with my other fist as hard as I can, making sure I get a few licks in. The one that first approached me is taller than me and holds my arms as the other girls fly into me.

  One fist lands on my eye, one flies to my lip and when they had enough and they just let me lie there, kicking me on their way to wherever they came from. Blood is everywhere, on my clothes, dripping from my nose. I lay there for a few moments, figuring they probably aren’t coming back for seconds. My eye is starting to swell and I manage to get myself up. Once I figure out who those bitches are I will come for them one by one and see how they like the beating in return.

  I fling my top off, revealing my sports bra underneath and dot the blood from my lip and nose. I continue to walk and walk and walk for what feels like forever before I finally reach the gym. I figure there is no way I am going to my interview looking like this.

  I am livid from them jumping me. How is that a fair fight? If I were a cartoon character you’d definitely see the smoke coming from my ears. And the more I think about it the more pissed I get. At least I got a few licks in before one of them restrained me.

  Chapter Five

  As soon as I walk into the gym Cash’s eyes land on me and he rushes over to me. “What the fuck, Cheyanne? Sit, I’ll go get the first aid kit,” he demands. He looks pissed.

  I do as I am told still dabbing my face with my top, which is ruined now from all the blood. I sit at a table off to the side of the gym. Is this what defeat feels like? Because, I feel defeated. I set my bag down on the floor next to my chair as I wait for him to return.

  Cash comes rushing back over to me with the first aid kit in his hand. My eyes can’t help but travel to his strong arms and how sexy they are. Gosh, I just got jumped and all I can do is ogle at him. He is just too damn gorgeous.

  “What happened?” He dabs some ointment on a cotton ball and applies it to my face, where it was cut. I wince in pain.

  “I was leaving Vanita’s and I got jumped, by five fucking bitches,” I state.

  “Oh my god, what happened?” Vanita comes over and asks me in disbelieve, covering her mouth, shocked by the sight in front of her.

  “I was leaving your place and five bitches jumped me.”

  “I’m so sorry that happened to you. Can you describe them? What did they look like?” she asked.

  “One was fairly tall; I think she might have been mixed, kind of lanky looking. One was my height with reddish hair and green eyes, I got a few punches on her, before tall and lanky restrained my arms so the others could lay into me.”

  “I’m going to kill them, fucking kill them.” She starts pacing the floor. “They are from the rival gym in Dorchester. Brandi is the tall one and Busy is the red head. I’m going to kill them.”

  “Everybody just calm the fuck down,” Cash say. “You aren’t going to kill anyone.” He points to Vanita. “Go take that anger out on the bag until I get this under control. We’ll get them in the cage,” he stresses.

  Vanita huffs and leaves Cash to cater to my wounds.

  “Now you, missy, are staying with me and I will not hear another word otherwise. Next time you pull that fucking stunt, I’ll come get you myself,” he whispers so no one can overhear our conversation. “Your eye is swelling badly; I’ll go get some ice.”

  I feel like a damn fool for being jumped, like maybe I should have tried harder. But I know I couldn’t take them all on.

  “Here, it should help with the swelling,” Cash says, handing me a bag of ice. “I should punish you with a workout, for this. You shouldn’t have ever left my place Cheyanne. Jesus what am I going to do with you?”

  I’d gladly take a different kind of punishment.

  He’s still pissed. And I just shrug at his question as I hold the ice to my eye. “I’m sorry,” I say, hoping to ease the tension.

  His face softens a smidge. I did the one thing I vowed not to do, I’ve disappointed him. He bends down to my level and looks up to me. I swear if he keeps looking at me like that, I’ll jump him right here in front of everyone. His eyes are filled with hunger and I watch as he fights it. “Why’d you leave in the first place?”

  “For a number of reasons, your job for one. You could get fired.”

  “And why else?”

  “I’m not saying it,” I say, taunting him. “You know why.”

  He runs his hand through his hair and sighs.

  “You’re really making it impossible,” he declares.

  “Not like I can help it,” I say in a low tone.

  Maybe it’d be better if I just left. Maybe I’d forget about him. Maybe he’d forget about me like everyone else has I might be better off.

  “Maybe I should have never come in here on that day,” I admit, not realizing what I had said until it was already out of my mouth. “You should just go back to what you were doing.” I start to stand and his eyes glare at me. I am not sure what to do so I just grab my bag and leave. I turn my back and walk out, not looking back.

  I feel beaten to a pulp, physically and mentally. I am spent. Latching my bag over my shoulders, I walk up the street. I walk until a familiar car pulls up next me.

  “Get in, Chica,” Vanita says.

  As soon as I hear her voice, I smile, hurting my lip in the process. I notice a few other girls in the back seat, so I am apprehensive. “Come on; get in.”

  I slide into the passenger seat and latch my seatbelt.

  “Candy, meet Cheyanne. Beverly, Cheyanne,” Vanita introduces me to the girls and I turn to greet them with a smile. I have a bad feeling about this.

  “Where we headed?”

  “To kick some ass is where;” Vanita states as Candy and Bev hoot.

  “No one messes with one of ours and gets away with it,” Candy demands.

  “Well, fuck, I’m in.”

 
Venita turns to me. “At that gym, whether we like each other or not, we are a family and as a family we have each other’s back.”

  I give her a weak smile, feeling thankful someone understands me. “Where were you headed anyway?”

  “Nowhere in particular,” I say, looking at my feet. Really I was about to bounce, and never look back. Cash was tortured having me around, but I was not about to admit that. I was not one to give up so easily and I almost did. Almost. Cash probably would have come looking for me, anyway. He liked the torture.

  “They really got you good,” Bev says leaning over the seat.

  “Fucking bitches are lucky they didn’t have the balls to fight me one on one.”

  “Now we’re matched, minus one. There are five of them and four of us,” Vanita says. “I take Brandi, you take Busy, Bev you can take Angela, and Candy you can take the other two bitches,” Vanita instructs. “You can still fight, right?”

  “Fuck yeah,” I say. This is about to get a whole lot more interesting and Candy is big enough to take two on. I am ready as the adrenaline pumps through my veins, the closer we get. Street fighting is my strong point; it has been for quite a while.

  Vanita halts the car as soon as she spots them; high fiving each other for whatever reason. Vanita is already in Brandi’s face as my fist flew right into Busy’s face. I slam my fist into her hard.

  I gripe her by the neck. “How does that feel, bitch? You’re pathetic,” And then I do the most un-respectful thing I could ever do to someone and spit in her face. It is an automatic reaction and I can’t help it. I punch her in the gut, as the other’s spin around me in a blur. I can’t see what else is happening, only that I am about to kill this bitch. Until we hear sirens and we all bail ass out of there, flipping the bitches off as we pull away.

  We all hoop and holler from the adrenaline. The bitch didn’t even touch me. But my eye is throbbing. “We need to go out and celebrate,” Bev states.

  “Do you have a fake I.D?” Vanita asks.

  “Yes.” I never said I never been to a party or two and an old boyfriend made my fake I.D. You couldn’t even tell it was a fake. “I don’t have anything to wear though, and I look like shit.” I point to my face.