Undefinable

by Renea Porter

  “We got you covered,” Vanita says and winks, as she pulls along the curb of her place to park.

  I follow the girls into Vanita’s room as she rummages through her closet; Bev sits me down on the edge of the tub, grabbing a pair of scissors.

  “What are doing with them, stabbing a bitch?” I ask.

  “I’m cutting some long bangs so you can cover that up. Trust me,” she says, pointing to my now black and blue eye.

  “Just keep them away from my eyes,” I say about the scissors.

  Wetting my hair down, she combs the strands and snips a chunk of hair as I watch the blonde strands fall to the tiled floor. She then takes the blow dryer to fix my hair. I’ll admit, it feels nice to be pampered a little. Once Bev is done, Candy swoops in with Vanita’s makeup bag and starts applying makeup to my face.

  “I do have my own red lip stick,” I tell her.

  “Red will look perfect with you blonde hair,” she states.

  She carefully applies blush, eye shadow to match my other eye, cover up around my eye, and she thickens my eyelashes with expensive mascara.

  “How’s that?” Candy and Bev wait for my response as I look into the mirror. I look different, yet the same, a better version of myself minus the black eye.

  “I love it. Thanks guys,” I say smiling. I am excited for the night ahead. A night to let loose and forget about anything else is what I need.

  I dig for my lipstick and apply it to my lips to finish off the look.

  “Gorgeous,” they all said in unison.

  “I really appreciate you guys coming today. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

  “Now try this on. If it fits you can keep it,” Vanita instructs, pointing to a red mini dress.

  “I couldn’t possibly keep it,” I say, running my fingers over the material.

  “Try it on.”

  I look around wondering do I undress in front of everyone or do I go to the bathroom to change. I hold it up to myself and look in the mirror. This dress is just too pretty for me. Without giving it another thought, I throw my sports bra up over my head and pull the dress over my head and then undo my jeans. They don’t seem surprised by my actions, thankfully.

  All three of the girls respond in unison, “Perfect.”

  “Shoes, you need shoes,” Vanita says frantically. “What size?”

  “Eight.”

  “Here,” she hands me a black pair of peep toe heels. “But these I want back.”

  I nod, sliding my feet in and they fit perfectly. I’m not used to high heels, so they aren’t too high. Vanita is already fixed up, now we’re waiting on Bev and Candy to finish getting ready. I think about today and everything that’s happened.

  A lump forms in my throat as I think I almost walked away, for what. I’m not a quitter, that is not who I am. Maybe we can work around this attraction, like me getting a new trainer, but then there’s still living at Cash’s place, so avoiding him would still be impossible. I’m sure it’ll all work itself out, one way or another. One of has to break down, and give in. But it won’t be tonight, because tonight is all about partying it up with the girls. And maybe I’ll find a guy to take my mind off Cash.

  Chapter Six

  CASH

  As soon as I walk into my apartment, I see it’s empty. What if Cheyanne meant what she said when she left? Panic sets in and I have to fight the urge to go look for her. An idea forms in my head. It could be a long shot, so hastily I grab my cell and text Vanita. She would tell me if Cheyanne was with her or not and I can narrow down the possibilities that are overflowing my mind.

  Vanita, it’s Cash. Is Cheyanne with you?

  God this is so inappropriate. I curse myself for letting myself fall this hard, so hard that I can’t backtrack from it. It’s too fucking late.

  Yes, she’s with me, Candy and Bev. We are going to Red Velvet tonight. She’ll be fine. I can drop her off when we leave.

  I don’t know how to respond. I’m thankful Cheyanne is opening up to people and letting them into her life. She deserves to live a little. My tensions ease, knowing she’s in good hands. And knowing they’ll be fine. But something tugs at my thoughts, thoughts I don’t need to have, feeling the urge to go to Red Velvet myself, just so I can see her with my own two eyes.

  Okay. Have fun. I keep my reply simple. She can’t know how much I care.

  I keep my phone in my hand, fighting with my urge. But urge prevails and I text two of the other trainers and another buddy that I grew up with. A guys night I think.

  Guys night! How about some drinks and fun at Red Velvet?

  They all reply that they are in. Yes! After working out the details, we agree to meet at the bar. I rush into the shower and wash the day’s grime away. My thoughts consume me. They are all of Cheyanne, her face and the pain she must have endured getting beat up. Not only that, but coming into the gym must have killed her pride, she had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Maybe she remembered the words I told her that I’d always be there for her.

  And like I promised, I was there. I cleaned up her cuts, and her eye. I just wanted to grab a hold of her and kiss her, kiss some fucking sense into her. She thought moving out would settle the attraction between us, she was trying to separate herself from me. The truth was I didn’t want separated from her, no matter how much I’m fighting the spark between us. From the first moment I touched her in the gym, it was like a surge of electricity buzzing through my veins, I never knew existed.

  Once out of the shower, I splash some cologne on and pull on my good pair of dark wash jeans, a plain tee shirt, and slap on one of my leather cuffs to complete the look.

  CHEYANNE

  I’d never been to Red Velvet. It is the up and coming club in town. And by the line to get in, everyone in town is trying to get in. Thankfully the line moved smoothly and the bouncer never gives our I.Ds a second look. Walking in, it was splashes of red, black and white. The dance floor is huge and lively with partygoers; I can’t wait to join in. Immediately a guy grabs my attention. He has pitch black hair, and his trim body is very appealing to me, noting that he was tall was a bonus factor in my book.

  Grabbing a booth, the ladies and I toast with a shot of some mixed concoction. It is good and goes down smoothly and that was all that matters to me. Tonight, I don’t need to prove anything. These ladies are accepting me how I came into the gym. They were my family. Ah family, that’s weird to think about. Had I finally found the place where I belonged? Only time would tell. Shaking my head from the deep thoughts plugging at my brain, I grab another shot from the second round of drinks that just arrived.

  My body starts humming to the music and I start to sway to it. Music is my second love. I sought refuge in the words on countless lonely nights.

  “Well, I think we are the hottest bitches in the club, if I do say so myself,” Vanita shouts over the music.

  We high fived each other, laughing. “I don’t know about ya’ll but I need to find myself a man, tonight.”

  “Girl, you know it,” Candy says.

  Clearly I need to get laid and that guy is looking even more appealing than before. I spot him walking toward me.

  “I spot one coming your way,” Bev stated. “He’s been eyeing you since we arrived.”

  I try not to blush.

  “Can I buy you ladies a round?” He questions.

  “Oh course you can,” Vanita speaks.

  “Hi, names Ryan,” he said leaning into my ear

  “Cheyanne,” I reply.

  “That’s a beautiful name.”

  Really. I didn’t need the niceties. I just need someone for a moment of bliss, no strings attached. The round of drinks come and we all clink our glasses before downing the shot. A familiar body grabs my attention, he’s at the bar staring intently at me. I can’t even go to the club without him being there. I am officially screwed. I pretend not to see him. So I put all my focus on Ryan.

  “Dance?”

  “That’s what
I came here for,” I shout over the music.

  He takes my hand and leads the way onto the dance floor. I’ll be the first to admit, his hand doesn’t feel as nice as Cash’s does. But it would have to do, just for tonight.

  The music is thumping loud and causing my heartbeat to kick up and my adrenaline is insanely high. Ryan and I are dancing sexy together; I mean, we are practically fucking on the dance floor. I shake my hips to the music, flip my hair, and turn my back to him. I wrap my arms around his neck and I feel his erection pressing into my ass. He slides his hands along my sides as we dance. His nose is in my neck as I lean my head back. Spotting Cash staring intently at me, I grin, enjoying the show I am putting on for him. This could be him I’m grinding my ass into. But the gym and it’s fucking rules, plus he is the owner’s son. This is killing me as much as it is him.

  I turn to face Ryan. “Damn girl,” he says into my ear.

  I grin as we continue dancing so close, you couldn’t fit a dime in between us. In between dry humping Ryan, I catch glimpses of Cash as he continues to stare at us. The look is not a good look; it is almost murderous. I continue the torment knowing full aware of what I am doing. I am not drunk. I’m only slightly buzzed and I grab hold of Ryan’s hand and tug on it. He chuckles as we make our way through the crowd. I am looking for a secluded spot for the both of us as I don’t want to leave with him but I need to feel him inside me. I find a hall and he spins me around pressing me into the wall, placing his lips on mine as his tongue invades my mouth. He cups my ass as I press myself into him. We can’t do it here in the open, so before getting too hot and heavy we find an employee only bathroom. He shut the door behind us and locks it.

  He props me up on the counter that houses the sink as we make out. We continue kissing and for a brief moment I am lost in Ryan. He cupped my breasts through my dress, running his thumb over my hardened nipples, while his other hand is working it’s way underneath the hem of the dress. I can’t wait to have him inside me. I rake my hands under his shirt, feeling his chiseled chest.

  “God, you are gorgeous,” he says of my naked body.

  “I need you now Ryan,” I state, through my heavy breaths.

  I scoot up so I can flip the dress above my head, placing on the other side of the sink. I am completely naked in front of this stranger. Now he needs to be at least semi naked so I raise his shirt off, placing it on my dress. Fuck, his chest is muscular and buff. He rips a condom open, sliding it on.

  He continues to kiss me as he pressed his erection into me. A moan escapes my throat as he pumps into me. I was so ready for him.

  My ass was barely on the counter now as we press our bodies close. I wrap my arms around his neck as my breasts press into his chest. The friction of him against my clit makes me surge over the edge as I moan into ecstasy. My body shudders and he comes. He groans, pressing into me one last time, and bends over breathing heavily into my neck. I try to steady my breathing.

  Ryan steps back discarding the condom; I scoot off the ledge, grabbing my dress, and slipping it back on, as if nothing happened. I check myself in the mirror and smooth my hands over my hair.

  “Can I see you again?” Ryan asks, pulling his shirt on.

  I put my hand on his shoulder. “This was fun, but what we just did will go no farther than that,” I say, giving him a wink.

  Okay this probably wasn’t the best idea in the world, but at the time it felt like it was a good idea. I am not prepared for the wrath that was propped against the wall with his arms crossed as I stepped out of the bathroom. I wasn’t prepared to be met with Cash’s green glare. Ryan was already making his way ahead of me, leaving Cash and I alone. He makes my insides tingle.

  “Is this what you do when you go out?” he asks angrily.

  “I don’t think what I do in my spare time is any of your business,” I argue.

  “Oh but it is little one,” he taunts, almost laughing.

  “Fuck you, Cash. I’m tired of tiptoeing around this,” I say making a circle motion with my finger between us. “Either you do something about it or don’t. Make up your mind.”

  I stalk ahead of him. I am officially pissed. But the mission to drive him bat shit worked. I go to turn back into the club but a hand grabs a hold of me, pulling me back.

  “Oh no you don’t,” Cash says. He pulls me to the side, presses me into the wall and kisses me, fiercely.

  I wanted to give in, I wanted to cave into him and let him do whatever it was he wanted. But this didn’t feel right. He was drunk.

  His lips touch mine. “I’d been dying to kiss those red lips since I met you.” He smirks.

  “Cash, you’re drunk,” I say, smelling the alcohol on him. I push his chest away from me.

  “You did this to me.”

  “Give me your car keys.” I hold my hand out, staring into his glazed green eyes.

  His eyes are challenging me so I reach into his pocket and grab them “Go wait by the car, and I’ll let the girls know I’m leaving,” I demand.

  I search the crowded dance floor until I find Vanita nestled with a handsome guy. I tap her on her shoulder and she turns to me.

  “I’m going to get out of here. I’ll see you at the gym okay.”

  “Okay,” she shouts over the music.

  Outside the night crisp air slams against me, causing me to shiver. I press the unlock button on Cash’s sports car in a sea of other fancy cars. He is leaning up against the passenger side door with his hand shoved in his pants pockets.

  Chapter Seven

  Walking into the apartment with Cash is awkward. The whole drive home, both of us are quiet. I feel dirty from Cash kissing me after I have been with someone else. Cash knew and he made me feel like this. I immediately head to the shower while he stumbles around the apartment until he finds his bed.

  In the bathroom, I inspect my face. My eye is turning shades of blue and purple. It looks horrendous. The cut on my lip is nearly invisible especially when it’s already covered in red lip stick. My side hurt a little from being kicked while I was down but it wasn’t too bad. I was still breathing.

  Slipping into the shower I let the water cascade the day away. It’s been a rough one for sure, between being beat, getting laid by Ryan and kissed by Cash. All in a day’s work. And to think what my life was like exactly one year ago, it’s a stark contrast to living on the streets. I had a fresh shower at my disposal whenever I wanted, food in the fridge and a roof over my head. I guess I can be thankful for those things, especially Cash taking me in the way he has, no questions asked.

  After my shower, I slip into a pair of shorts and a matching tank for bed. Out in the living room, I unfold the sheet and blanket spreading them over the couch. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and the remote for the T.V. I assume Cash is dead to the world so I slip under the sheets and flip the T.V on, settling on a movie with Matthew McConaughey.

  ***

  The smell of bacon and eggs cooking wakes me up. I catch a glimpse of Cash, bare chested with a pair of low hung pajama pants on. I swallow a hard lump as my mouth goes dry. Grabbing my bottle of water, I sit up and drink the rest down.

  “Breakfast is ready.” Cash smiles as he sees me sit up.

  This is not right. Is this him apologizing? My stomach rumbles, and then I realize I haven’t eaten for a whole day. I stalked over to the stool lined along the counter, just as Cash was plating the food.

  “No hangover?” I ask, making him aware of last night.

  “Yes, and about last night…” he says.

  I interrupt him before he can finish his sentence.

  “Please, don’t say anything. You were drunk; it’s forgotten.” I motion with my hand as I dug my fork into my eggs.

  The fact that his lips touched mine was not forgotten, that was something I would never forget. Those lips felt amazing on mine but it was the wrong time and timing is everything.

  “I’m sorry I said fuck you,” I say not making eye contact.

  “
I deserved it. You should have just slapped the shit out of me,” he states.

  “The thought crossed my mind,” I say and we both laugh.

  We eat breakfast in silence. I know he is sorry for what he said and did. We both were in the wrong.

  “How about we just wash last night away and we start on a clean slate?” I ask. It is the only thing I think that we can do to rectify the situation. We can put last night behind us by having a clean slate.

  “Deal,” he says, shaking my hand. “I’m Cash Anderson.”

  “Cheyanne Bloodworth.” I chuckle.

  We finish eating and I can’t help but smile. I help clearing the dishes and load the dishwater.

  “Thanks again for breakfast.”

  “Don’t mention it,” he smiles.

  As much as I like our little arrangement, living here with Cash is wonderful but I really need to find my own place.

  “Do you know of any apartments I can check out?” I ask, sitting on the stool again, watching him clean the counter.

  “Um, I’m not sure,” he stutters. Wait! I think there might be one upstairs, above me.” His eyes gleam. “I can call the landlord for you if you want.”

  Now that sounded like a perfect situation. I could live in the same building and he can feel at ease knowing I’m right above him. Literally.

  I smile. “Yes, that would be wonderful.”

  “Listen, you don’t have to move out of my place. But I get it, you wanting your own space.”

  “I’m glad you understand. I am very appreciative of you letting me crash here and training me and treating me like a normal human being.”

  ***

  CASH

  Cheyanne’s words sting. Has she been treated as anything but a human being? Did people treat her like the trash that they’d thrown out because she was homeless? I swallow hard as my eyes sting.

  She might have a hard exterior, but she was the most genuine and honest person I know. She blew into my life like a tornado and I was still shaking from the after affects.