Undefinable

by Renea Porter

  “I haven’t had a mother since I was five years old. So I’m having a little trouble believing you. Do you need a place to sleep?”

  “I’d greatly appreciate it, you letting me stay here. Can you please tell me how your life is going? What’s new?”

  “Well, for starters, I was homeless for a whole year, barely surviving the winter. On my eighteenth birthday I walked into a gym that Cash trains at, and I never left.”

  “I’m glad you have someone that cares about you the way he does,” she admits.

  “It’s really nice, god knows you never gave a shit,” I tell her harshly.

  “I did the best that I could, Cheyanne.”

  “The best you could? That’s almost laughable seeing how you sold me to your drug dealer when I was five, just so you could get your fix. And I won’t even give you the satisfaction of telling you what’s happened after that. And the foster homes weren’t much better.”

  She covers her mouth in shock.

  “I know you’re still using, I can see it as clear as day,” I tell her, almost feeling sorry for her.

  “I’m trying to stop. And I’m really sorry for what I did and what you went through.” She cradles her face in her hands as she cries.

  “How many times have I heard that you’re trying to quit? How many times? It’s so hard to believe you at this point. You can stay the night, but I’d like for you to be gone by morning.”

  “I know I don’t deserve any sympathy.”

  This is my harsh reality. I go to my room, stash thirty bucks where she would find it, if she was looking, and grab my purse and an overnight bag. I come back out in the living room as my mother is drying the tears from her eyes.

  “I’m going to stay with Cash. You can have the bedroom for tonight.”

  “Please stay,” she begs, reaching out for my hand.

  “I can’t, I can’t,” I stutter.

  I take the stairs to the first floor and knock, hoping Cash would actually be there. Cash’s door flies open and he pulls me inside. “Is everything alright?”

  “No, no, it’s not okay.” The tears start to stream down my cheeks. He guides me over to sit on the couch as he crouches in front of me, sitting on the coffee table; he’s eye level to me. He reaches for the box of tissues and hands me a couple. “Here you go. What happened? Talk to me.”

  “It’s just all lies; everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. She said she’s trying to get help to get clean, but really she just came for a warm bed and she’ll steal the money I purposely hide for her to find, and then she’ll be gone until her next fix.”

  “Why did you lie about her being dead?”

  “I’d rather think of her as being dead. It’s just better saying that than her being a druggie.” I wipe my tears.

  Cash studies my face intently. “What else are you not telling me?” His hands grace my knees as he tells me I can tell him whatever it is.

  I bend my head down; squeezing my eyes as the tears find their way out again and I take another tissue. “She sold me to her drug dealer when I was five,” I tell him.

  When I look up at Cash, I see his jaw clench. “I really want to go choke her. Come here,” he motions. “You don’t have to say anymore.”

  Leaning forward, he wraps his arms around me, engulfing my body with his. He comforts me while I continue to cry, until I’m all cried out.

  Lifting my head, I look into Cash’s eyes. “I told her she had to be out by morning. But I can’t stay there, not tonight. It’s just too much.”

  “I got you,” he says.

  “You’re not mad I lied?”

  “No, I get it. But please don’t do it again. I won’t and do not feel any less of you because of the circumstances you couldn’t help. None of this is your fault.” He lifts my chin. “You hear me?”

  “Yes,” I respond, blinking back the tears.

  “Now, go get changed. You can stay here with me,” he says.

  Chapter Eleven

  I do as he tells me, grabbing my bag and heading to the bathroom to change. Looking in the mirror, my tear streaked cheeks are red, and my eyes are puffy. I broke down and couldn’t stop it. I hate that Cash saw me so vulnerable, it makes me feel and look weak.

  I straighten my hair with a brush and grab a washcloth to clean my face. Exiting the bathroom, I flip the light switch off and look up to see Cash leaning against the hall wall across from me, with his arms crossed. My eyes roam over his bare chest, as his pajama pants hang loosely on his hips. My mouth waters at the sight.

  “Are you okay?” he straightens up.

  “I’m better.” I swallow hard.

  He pulls me into his arms, holding me right there in the darkened hallway. His chest is warm against my cheek.

  “Come on to bed,” he tugs my hand.

  I halt. “Bed?”

  He chuckles. “Yes, bed. I don’t think you should be alone. I won’t try anything…unless you want me to,” he teases causing me to giggle. That wasn’t such a bad thought. My cheeks feel heated from blushing.

  He slides into the bed flipping the covers down for me to join, and spreads his arm across the bed. I slide in next to him and rest my head against his chest. And all I want to do is rake my hands over it, but resist the urge.

  “Cash.”

  “Hmmm,” he says.

  “Thank you for being here for me, for always being here.”

  “I told you I would,” his voice vibrates through his chest.

  We just lie there in the darkness letting the moon shine over us as it engulfs the room.

  “But you confuse me sometimes,” I whisper.

  “I know,” he responds, his words barely audible.

  “Can we not be confused for one night?” I want to kiss him, and for him to kiss me even more.

  As if he could read my thoughts, he tilts my chin up to face him. His lips tenderly touch mine, intensifying the kiss even more as he moves his tongue inside to explore my mouth. I almost melt right in his arms. I think my heart just exploded in my chest.

  When he pulls away, I look at him confused.

  “I don’t want to take advantage of you in your vulnerable state. But I do want you,” he states.

  “I want you too. And right now you are all I want. I’m a big girl and if I want you to take advantage of me then you shouldn’t argue with the half-naked girl in your bed,” I tease.

  He chuckles at my comment then brings my face back to his, possessing my lips and caressing my arm and sending chills over my body. I run my hand over his bare chest and he sucks in a breath.

  He presses a finger to my lips. “If I’m going to be kissing these, no one else is to be kissing them, no one other than me,” he states.

  “I’ve only ever wanted you to be kissing them,” I admit.

  “Do you know what these red lips do to me? Do you have any idea how hard I get just seeing that red lipstick on you?”

  I smirk. “Yeah well, I don’t want you inviting anyone over other than me to your place for a quickie,” I retort.

  “You’ll be my first call,” he teases. “Seriously though, no one can know about us, at least not for now.”

  His comment gives me hope that maybe this thing between us can go somewhere. I nod in agreement. “We’ll figure it out as we go.”

  I lean up, continuing to kiss him, throwing my leg over his waist so I’m positioned on top of him. He lifts the hem of my tank top over my head, flinging it on the floor.

  “God, you’re beautiful,” he whispers, leaning up to kiss me.

  I can feel his erection pressing into me, only we still have shorts and pants separating us. I bend down, cupping his face as I kiss him while my breasts graze over his chest. He moves to cup them, rolling his thumb over my hardened nipples, as a soft moan escapes my mouth, and then I tilt my head back.

  I maneuver to pull my shorts off and Cash pulls his pants off, exposing his erection. I lick my lips. We can’t get enough of each other, as we savor each
kiss and every touch. I close my eyes, trying to burn this moment in my brain. Cash reaches for a condom in his bedside drawer, slipping it on. Crawling back on top of him, he slides inside me, filling me up. My mouth falls open as we rock to the other’s rhythm. I rock my hips on him, his hands touching every inch of my chest, breasts, and my neck, not leaving anywhere untouched. He’s making me his and possessing me, making himself my very own addiction.

  “You feel so good, and look beautiful sitting on top of me,” he groans. “Show me those pretty blue eyes,” he demands.

  I open my eyes and meet his green lust filled ones. He grips my waist as I buck against him. Bending down I grip his face, kissing him and exploring his mouth while he fights for control. He moves to kiss my neck as I tilt back in ecstasy. Our breathing kicks up, and I moan as my body convulses, Cash soon following me, pushing another final thrust into me.

  “Wow,” I say, rolling off him.

  “Yeah,” he responds as we lie there catching our breath.

  He lazily turns to me and kisses me again, taking me over the brink. “You’re mine from now on.”

  I smile. “Ditto.”

  I lean into Cash, resting my cheek against his warm chest. He lightly plays with my hair that is splayed everywhere.

  “Guess what?” he whispers into my hair.

  “What?”

  “No gym for the next two days.” He reaches and plays with my fingers, interlocking them together.

  “Maybe we can just not wake up from this until Monday,” I admit.

  “Or we could just go on a small road trip and spend the rest of the weekend like a normal couple at a hotel, away from prying eyes, if you’re up for it.”

  I look up at him. “Really? That would be amazing.”

  “Then I’ll set it up in the morning. Get some rest.”

  I don’t want to close my eyes, fearing all this was just a dream, even though this all feels real. My biggest fear is Cash waking up and calling what happened tonight a mistake. It’s the best night of my life. I got a taste of him, what it felt like to be in his arms, to kiss him and to touch him. Pure bliss is the best way I can describe it. Being with him was not a mistake. Unfortunately my eyes disobey me and fall heavy against my will. Falling asleep in Cash’s arm wasn’t the worst idea. It feels nice, and I feel protected.

  ***

  CASH

  Waking up with Cheyanne in my arms feels like a dream. I am tempted to pinch myself just to be sure she is for real. I smirked at the thought of being with her. It feels wrong but oh so right.

  I don’t want to get out of bed for fear of disturbing her, being that we didn’t get to sleep until really late. And since we have the weekend off, I feel like getting out of town and heading to Salisbury seemed like a great idea.

  Quietly, I slip out of bed, reserving a few moments to pass as I watch Cheyanne sleep; she looks like an angel, my angel. I walk out of the room, heading straight to the shower. After my shower, I slip into a pair of gym shorts and sleeveless shirt. I grab the cooler and pack sandwiches, drinks, and desserts. Stealthily, I slip back into the room and grab her bag and take out what she needs, which if I have my way would be barely anything. I pack our clothes in one suitcase and load the car.

  Back in the bedroom, I move Cheyanne’s hair back and plant light kisses on her cheek. “Wake up sleepy head,” I whisper, smiling down at her as she rubs her eyes.

  “Mmm,” she moans, smirking at me.

  “Get up,” I swat her butt playfully and she squeals.

  Going to the kitchen I make a phone call to a hotel. I get breakfast ready while she showers, as I am half tempted to slide in behind her. Just the thought of her wet slippery body makes me hard. But I know we’ll have plenty of time for that later. She is now my addiction; she is the only one to curb the need until I need my next fix.

  Putting my thoughts on hold, I swirled the eggs in the pan and got the bacon going in another pan, and bread in the toaster. She meets me back in the kitchen, wearing a pair of short jean cutoff shorts, a belly shirt showing off her toned stomach, her hair pulled back, and her flaming red signature lipstick. Any man with a dick would get a hard on at the sight that is before me and any woman would envy her.

  “Just in time,” I tell her, getting breakfast on our plates.

  “I’ll be glad to get out of this town for a day or two,” she says.

  “Well, as much as I love to see you naked, our first stop is getting you a bikini or whatever. I already packed the other clothes you need.”

  “You packed my things?” she questions.

  “I did. Don’t worry I did pack your clothes,” I chuckle.

  ***

  “Have you ever been to Salisbury?” I turn and ask Cheyanne as we pull up to the hotel.

  “I haven’t, but it looks nice.” She smiles lazily at me.

  “I’ll go get the room key and come right back out,” I say, swinging the car door open.

  We make our way to the third floor room.

  “You need to model that bikini because that was just cruel you not letting me see earlier,” I tell her. She bites down on her bottom lip, her eyes playfully dancing over me. “Or I could just help you out of these and we can worry about that bikini after,” I say, gripping her waist and walking her backward to the bed.

  “Oh I like the way you think,” she teases.

  I tug the button of her shorts and slowly unzip the short zipper. I hold her gaze as her breathing kicks up. She turns her back to me and shimmies out of her shorts, bending over and showing off her great ass graced with a light pink thong.

  “Now, you like to tease, don’t ya?” I tease.

  She smirks devilishly and we fall onto the plush bed with me on top of her. I reach to lift her tank over her head, flinging it to the floor. I kiss her red hot mouth; roam her body with my free hand as she moans into my mouth. Just touching her gets my skin heated.

  She locks my gaze and pulls my hand up to her heart. “This is what you do to me. My heart races every time you’re near. Even training, my adrenaline rush is always in overdrive. This is all you,” she whispers.

  I lower my head and take her mouth, exploring with more fire and heat than before. I tower over her, planting kisses along her neck, collar bone, and down to her chest. She is like a quench of thirst on a hot summer day. “Such a beautiful sight,” I whisper against her skin, as it glows from my touch. She was made for me.

  She reaches down and runs her hands through my hair as her body reacts to my touch. “I love the way you touch me, Cash.”

  Her back arches as I reach her wet center. My tongue explores her as she spreads her legs wider, granting me access. I insert a finger while I lick her juices. I’m already about to explode, so I lean up to kiss her feverishly then I swiftly reach for a condom and put it on.

  “I need you inside me now.”

  She wraps her arms around my neck as I thrust inside her. Tilting her head she moans out loud and grips the sheets. I feel her body convulse and spasm against mine.

  “Oh fuck,” I groan as I release my own pleasure. I bend my head and rest it against hers until my breathing subsides. I plant a kiss on her nose before getting up and discarding the condom.

  “Now about that bikini,” I say with a smirk.

  I watch as she grabs the shopping bag. I smile, watching her.

  After having Cheyanne and connecting with her the way I have, I’m not sure I can walk away from this, from her. How can I? My heart is conflicted with the loyalty I feels to my family and to the love I could possibly have right here in front of me. But I can’t imagine either road would be easy.

  “What do you think?” She models a black bikini with red and white trim, the top just triangles covering her tits, the bottoms providing just enough coverage.

  “You look stunning. Now how about we head to the beach.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Cheyanne

  This has to be a dream; this isn’t real. This is not my life. I hadn’t
even paid attention to the beach outside of our hotel window until Cash mentioned it. It’s miles of sandy beach and water. Being Labor Day weekend, we get to enjoy some of summer’s finest creation, the beach, Salisbury Beach to be exact.

  I carry my flip flops as I wiggle my feet in the fluffy sand. Cash comes up and scoops me up and swings me, causing me to giggle. Setting me back down we find a spot to relax and play.

  The water goes on for miles and miles as it blends in with the color of the sky. Cash spreads out an old blanket for us to lie on.

  “I’ll race you,” I yell, running toward the water and leaving Cash behind. As soon as I reach water’s edge he catches me in his grasp. The water feels cool against my skin, causing goose bumps to form on my body. Cash lets go and I dunk myself under the water.

  “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on,” Cash beams. “Your hair is the color of the sun and your eyes match the blue water and sky.”

  I reach up, wrapping my arms around his neck and plant a kiss along his lips. Everyone seems to disappear; it is just us in this very moment as we stand in the water. He is making me fall in love with him; it isn’t just about the sex anymore. He’s the epitome of the perfect guy career oriented, genuine, put others before himself, insanely good looking. His zest for life is contagious. Somehow I’m waiting for the rug to be pulled up from under my feet. I can’t figure out what I’ve done to deserve all this.

  “Where did you go just now?” Cash asks. He grabs my hand, holding it as we walk back to the spot where our stuff is.

  “I was just thinking what I did to deserve all this and you,” I respond.

  He tilts my chin up, so our eyes meet. “You deserve this and so much more. I know I don’t know everything about you or your past, but I do know you deserve way more. I just hope I can give it all to you.”

  My heart beams at Cash’s words, giving me hope to a happily ever after. “You are giving it to me, right now.”

  “This is only the beginning,” he says.

  We lay on the beach and dip in the water well into the evening. My skin is kissed by the sun and Cash is a little tanner.