Undefinable

by Renea Porter

  Why wasn’t she listening to any of that? I go over everything in my head and can’t pinpoint any time where she questioned my feelings. I am torn. I know we said we would take it day by day and I thought that was what we were doing. With my mind in overdrive I grab a few beers; I head to my room, hoping to drink myself into oblivion.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Cheyanne

  Two weeks have gone by since I broke things off with Cash. Most days he looks worse for wear, like he would drink too much the night before. I couldn’t blame him. Forgiving myself for what I did was not going to happen. He’s still training me matter of fact he is training me harder, almost to my breaking point. My heart still races wildly in my chest whenever I am around him. He makes the butterflies flutter in my belly. Once in a while I catch him looking at me intently then he turns away when I catch him.

  Today I’m at the gym and Cash is running me ragged, having me do a rope workout for my arms and back and chest. It’s a heavy thick rope that you shake in different directions, but it wears your arms out quick.

  My workout is coming to a close and Cash works me out to closing time today, claiming I have a fight next week.

  “Did your Mom take the money you hid?”

  “Yep, just like I thought.”

  That was the extent of our conversation.

  I went back and forth with the night of the fight. I wasn’t sure what I did was the right thing or not. Maybe I should have told Cash right away, but his career was on the line and he couldn’t afford to be fired because of me. I wouldn’t be the cause of that. All I know is that my heart aches and I feel lost without him.

  We finish the workout and I am removing my gloves when Cash comes behind me. I can feel his hot breath on my neck. He lightly draws his fingertips over my bare arms, causing goose bumps to form. I am frozen in place. “Does your heart still race for me?”

  I gulp, my mouth suddenly dry. My body is tingling as the ache for him grew. Hurting him killed me but I still ache for his touch.

  “I know you didn’t mean what you said the other week. I’ve let you sulk long enough. Tell me, is your body reacting to me like it always does?”

  Oh god, oh god, oh god. This is the most erotic thing ever and he’s barely touching me. Shit. He’s still lightly brushing my arms up and down with only his fingertips and his hot breath. Did I mention how erotic this is? And right in the middle of the gym, with no one else around.

  “Mmm I can smell your sweetness,” he whispers.

  I don’t know what to do. I want to leave no, I want to run but my legs won’t obey. Damn it.

  “Tell me, Cheyanne, is your body aching for mine, for my touch, for the passion that burns between us? Talk to me, please,” he begs, leaning his forehead on the back of my head.

  I have to get out of here and now. Pulling my leg in front of the other, I hightail it out of there, leaving my bag and everything behind except my phone and key to my apartment. I need air, cool air. Running down the sidewalk as fast as I can, the endorphins kick in and I don’t stop until I reach my apartment. Out of breath, I take the chain from around my neck that holds the apartment key and unlock my door. I stop, placing my hands on my knees and bending over trying to catch my breath.

  What the hell was that back there? Pacing my floor, my nerves are all over the place and my heart skips when a knock sounds on my door. I hesitate to answer it, knowing who is on the other side of the threshold. Hurriedly, I swing the door open before I change my mind and Cash immediately closes the distance between us, kicking the door shut behind him.

  He steps forward, his mouth covers mine and I melt into him, molding my body into his. We fit perfect together. He picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist as he continues devouring my mouth and walking us back to my room. My arms wrap around his neck and I am not backing down now, now that he is here. I can’t deny it any longer. I am about to explode.

  “I missed your red lips,” he says against my mouth before lowering us on the bed. A growl rumbles through his throat as his hands roam my body. I press my body as close as I can get to his, like I can’t get close enough.

  I cup his face and pull my face back and look into his eyes, showing so much pain behind them. “I’m so sorry, Cash. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I cry, the tears flowing down my cheeks, realizing how much I’ve missed him.

  He sits up on his knees, pulling me with him and hugging me. “What happened? What did I do to make you say the things you did?” His voice cracks as he speaks. I had hurt him badly; it is clearly seen behind his green eyes. But my heart is just as destroyed.

  “You’re going to need to sit for what I’m about to tell you, and remain calm,” I speak softly.

  He sits crossed legged on my bed, facing me. “I’m listening.”

  “I’ll start from the beginning; your father came to me before the fight and said that I needed to lose the fight. He bet against me, and told me if I won the fight, I could kiss whatever you and I had goodbye. He even had a picture of us at the beach.”

  “What the fuck?”

  “And I just couldn’t lose the fight. It would have been too obvious, so I won and broke things off with you. I’m sorry.”

  “This pisses me the fuck off. I’m not mad at you. My father gave you an ultimatum and I’ll deal with him tomorrow. But tonight as long as I have you in my arms, it’s all that matters. Now where were we?”

  His comments make me giggle, forgetting my tears and the hurt I caused. I just need him now.

  “Right now, all I need is you, inside me.”

  I pull him onto me, letting his mouth capture mine, bruising my lips from his kiss. He was right about my body reacting to his; he owned me, all of me.

  ***

  I wake, leaving Cash in my bed, looking so peaceful. I slide on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top, padding out to the kitchen. Cash and I made love more than once last night. But I couldn’t help but cry for what I did and he held me the rest of the night, telling me it was okay.

  The ringing of my phone startles me, as I am not expecting a call and it is still early.

  “Hello?” Just as I answer, Cash pads out to the living room where I am.

  The voice on the other end shocks me to my core. I drop the phone on the ground and Cash immediately runs to me.

  “What happened?” Cash asks.

  “My mother is in a coma,” I barely etch the words out.

  I slide down sitting on the cold tiled floor; Cash’s arms wrap tightly around me. I can’t help but cry. I am a cruel daughter. How could I turn my back on her when I did?

  “How?”

  “Overdose; they have her on a ventilator and said I should come down there.”

  “Come on; I’ll drive you.” He stands holding his hands out for me to grasp, pulling me up. He hug me again and kisses my forehead.

  I grab my purse and put my flip flops on, on the way out the door.

  At the hospital, the receptionist directs to the floor that my mother’s on.

  Cash and I step inside the elevator. “I was so mean to her, Cash. I always fuck everything up.”

  “Shhh. Don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s not your fault.” He squeezes my shoulder, comforting me.

  The nurse at the nurse’s station directs me to the room. “You don’t have to stay,” I turn saying to him before we enter her room.

  “No; I’ll stay as long as you let me. I’m here for you. Don’t push me away, Cheyanne.”

  I sigh heavily while my heart flutters for this man, before me. He is the one thing I need to hold on to; the one I see my future with. And maybe he is the one that will make my heart whole again. I lean up pressing my lips to his.

  “I’ll wait out here for a few minutes,” he insists, nodding his head.

  I slowly step in her room, horrified by the machines she is hooked up on. A lump forms in my throat and I swallow, forcing it down. Slowly approaching her, I say a silent prayer hopin
g she will pull through this and vowing to be a better daughter.

  Sitting on the chair next to her bed, I take her fragile hand in mine. The tears flow down my cheeks. “Mom, please come back. Don’t go, not yet. I’ll be better; the perfect daughter,” I cry.

  “I’m so sorry for being so cruel to you the last time I saw you. Please come back.” I bend my head pressing it into her mattress as I lightly brush her hand with my fingers.

  The nurse steps in, checking my mom’s vitals. “Do you think she’ll pull through this?” I ask.

  “Just keep talking to her, you never know. I’ve seen miracles happen,” she says before stepping back out.

  Cash comes into the room to join me. “You okay?”

  “No.”

  “She’ll pull through this. Just believe that she will. And you’ll have a chance to make things right.”

  “I hope so.”

  “I’m going to go get a coffee and a donut. Want one?” he asks.

  “Sure.” My stomach rumbles at the mention of food.

  I am not sure what to do, knowing this just couldn’t go away with a hug, Him being here is all I need to gather the strength. I can’t help but think maybe our last encounter could have prevented this, if only I would have listened to her. I was powerless in this situation, and had no control over it.

  I continue holding her hand, squeezing it, telling her to come back to me. We could fix this tiff between us. Cash comes back with a coffee and a donut for us. I wipe the tears from my cheeks.

  Taking the coffee from Cash, I immediately take a sip.

  “You don’t always have to have a brave face on Cheyanne. It’s okay to be vulnerable; no one will fault you for it.”

  “I feel like I’ve been crying a lot, I’m pathetic.”

  “Stop talking like that or I’ll bend you over my knee.” He smirks, trying to make me laugh. I smile and raise my eyebrow.

  I sip on my coffee and devoured the donut.

  “Well it doesn’t look like we can do anything here. We should get to the gym,” I say while Cash looks out of the window.

  “No practice today. You need to be here, and I need to settle a score with my old man and then I’ll come back.”

  He kisses me on top of my head and he walks out. How could I not love that man? Damn it, he is it for me. An hour later the doctor steps in the room and asks who I am. I tell him I am her daughter.

  “Your mother almost died, Miss…”

  “Cheyanne, Cheyanne Bloodworth.”

  “She’s very lucky Miss Bloodworth. If and when she comes out of the coma, she is going to need to be under a doctor’s care or next time she will die.”

  “Do you think it was accidental or on purpose?”

  “Hopefully she’ll be able to tell us. I’ll check back later.”

  “Thanks Doc.”

  “Did you hear the doc Mom?” I pull her hand up and cup my cheek with it. Her hand is warm against my skin.

  I close my eyes and plead. “Come back. Don’t go. We can fix this.” I doubt she can hear me, or was listening but I pray she is and I’m not normally a religious person. I’m not sure I believe in God, but I hope someone is listening to my cries for help. I just want her better. Maybe this would be the wakeup call she needed.

  Chapter Fifteen

  CASH

  My heart aches for Cheyanne and what she is going through. I can’t even imagine what is going through her head, but I know she is ridden with guilt from the last time she saw her mom. I wasn’t faulting her for acting the way she did. Hell, even I wanted to strangle Candice for what she did. But no one deserved to die, especially not like that.

  I hoped that she would wake, get clean, and actually be there for Cheyanne. But who knows if that will happen.

  As soon as I cross over the threshold of the gym, my blood is boiling for what my father did. Shit! Cheyanne can’t get a break. It’s no wonder she pushes people away. Entering his office, I slam the door behind me.

  “I’m in the middle of something,” my dad bars.

  “Gambling I presume,” I huff and his mouth falls open. “Just what the fuck do you think you are doing? You ordered Cheyanne to lose that fight! How dare you!”

  “How dare me? What about you screwing her? You know the rules, Cash,” he shouts.

  “The rules went out of the window when you started gambling against your fighters. You don’t think I know what’s going on here. I know she isn’t the first one you’ve tried to con. I work my ass off with these fighters. And the fact you had us followed just takes the cake.”

  “It’s just a little side thing I do for fun. You could make some money, too.”

  Is he fucking serious? I huff and shake my head at him and place my hands on my hips.

  “Since you think this is fun, you either sign the gym completely over to me or I blow the whistle on you and this place. I’ll take the fighters with me and leave you with nothing.”

  “You wouldn’t. I’m your father!”

  “Try me. Sign the gym over to me. I can’t trust you with the money because the next thing I know the gym is going to close because of your gambling.”

  “Shit. Cash. You’re pussy whipped.”

  “Don’t you even say any more than you already have. I’m finished with this conversation; it’s leaving a bad taste in my mouth.”

  Running a hand through my hair, I walk out of his office feeling disgusted, shaking my head at him. How could he do that to his son? I guess people will do whatever to get what they want. I’m starting to understand what Cheyanne is going through a little better. We both have fucked up parents. I just refused to believe it about my father until now.

  Call it tunnel vision, but I’m glad I have a nice clear view now.

  ***

  Cheyanne

  Cash comes into the hospital room with flowers in tow, for my mom. “These are beautiful. You shouldn’t have,” I confess, planting a kiss to his lips.

  “What’s the scoop?” he asks.

  “No change. They brought her in last night and I met the doctor. He’s hopeful she’ll recover, but she’ll need to be under her doctor’s care if she wants to get better. I’ve been talking to her the whole time you were gone. Speaking of which, how’d it go with your dad?”

  “We’ll talk about that later,” he squeezes my hand.

  I placed the flowers on the table next to her bed; I admire all the variations and colors. It makes her room brighter.

  “Well, I think we should go ahead and go. The nurse will call if anything changes,” I tell him.

  “Are you sure?”

  I nod, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I hate leaving her alone, but I need to take a mental break after the day I’ve had.

  We walk outside to the car and Cash grabs my hand, holding it into his. “What are you doing?” I ask, confused, knowing we are in our town and anyone could see us.

  “I’m holding your damn hand. No one is going to tell me who I can and can’t date.”

  I arch my eyebrow. “Okay then.”

  Inside the car, he’s driving with one hand and holding my hand in his lap, kissing the back of it, and sending chills down my spine. “Everything will be okay. Your mom’s going to wake up and you and me well, you’re stuck with me.”

  My heart swells. “What’s all this about?”

  He turns the wheel of his Camaro and turned into Waffle House, bringing me back to the first day I met him.

  I smile. “Remember the first day?” he questions.

  “How could I forget? It was the day my life changed for the better, and I met you.”

  We walk in and take a seat in the booth we first sat in. “I watched you for a bit before I came in that night. You took my breath away right then and there. I knew I was done, and in a world of trouble.”

  I blush. “I felt the connection when you helped me with my stance. It was electric.”

  “I felt it, too. Now, about my father…”

  The waitress interru
pts our conversation to take our order.

  He reaches over the table holding my hand in his.

  “As I was saying, I talked to him and threatened that he needs to sign the gym over to me so I could run it properly, or I would leave and take all the fighters with me.”

  “I bet he loved that,” I say.

  “Yeah, so those rules he stipulated pretty much went out the window when he decided to lose all my trust. I don’t think you’re the first one he’s tried to con. To think I lost a few weeks with you is unacceptable.”

  Our food arrives and we continue our conversation.

  “Oh god, you’re going to be my boss and my trainer,” I joke.

  “Get used to it,” he teases. I stop chewing my food as soon as I see the leggy brunette approaching.

  “What?” he questions as I stare at her.

  “Well don’t you two look cozy,” Bianca says, looking to Cash.

  “Can I talk to you outside?”

  “We’re kind of in the middle of something,” Cash huffs, clearly irritated by her.

  “I’m sure she can wait a few minutes,” she says.

  “I’ll just be a moment,” he tells me.

  What the fuck just happened? I wait, wondering what was so important for her to come in here and interrupt us. My mind is coming up with all kinds of crazy ideas, but most likely she wants to get her fangs in him for another roll in the hay.

  Cash comes back in, clearly upset about something.

  “Well, what did she want?”

  He runs his hands through his hair and sigh heavily. “I don’t know how to say this?”

  “Just blurt it out,” I tell him.

  “Bianca says she’s pregnant,” he says with a pained look on his face.

  “What? Didn’t you use protection?”

  “Yes, but clearly it’s not 100 percent effective. This is the last thing I need.”

  “How far along is she?”

  “About eight weeks. And of course I told her I wanted to take a paternity test. She said we could do it at the ten weeks mark, and she’s insisting it’s mine. I just don’t know what the hell I’m going to do if it’s mine, Cheyanne. I was not expecting this. This is my worst nightmare.”