All That Matters

by Michelle Congdon

I frowned and eyed Jackson from the corner of my eye, still refusing to look at him. I watched as he awkwardly scratched his head before taking a seat beside me. Way too close beside me. I felt my body tingle in the very spot where our arms touched.

  “Harper, look at me.”

  I continued to ignore him and everything he was making my body feel at that moment.

  “Please. Please, look at me.” He let out a loud sigh when I still didn’t make a move. “Fine, just listen then. I’m sorry about before. Jon is a friend and my teammate, but he’s trouble. I don’t want you getting involved in his mess, nor do I want to pick sides when he screws you over, because he will. I told my parents we were both going to act responsibly this weekend―”

  “So what? You’re the only one allowed to have fun? The only one allowed to be drinking? What about fucking? It seems you’re the only one allowed to do that, too,” I snapped, finally turning to face him. He remained silent but his eyebrows grew together, his questioning, blue eyes bore into mine. “So what if I sleep with Jon or I get used? It’s none of your damn business what I choose to do, Jackson. And as for the drinking, I’m not the alcoholic, remember? Shouldn’t you be the one staying away?”

  “What do you mean by I’m ‘the only one allowed to’ be fucking?”

  I turned back toward the lake, unable to look at him any longer without the urge to punch him in the arm. Trust him to be only interested in the part about having sex.

  “Harper?”

  “I saw you, okay?” I hissed. “I saw the both of you leaving the cabin. Happy?”

  “Is that what this is all about? You drank the beer because you think Dina and I had sex?”

  “Well, did you?” I asked, turning back to him.

  “No…Not exactly.”

  I studied his face before it finally clicked into place; they didn’t have sex but he did other things. I shot to my feet immediately, ready to storm off in disgust but a firm hand around my wrist stopped me from going anywhere. I ripped it from his grasp. “Don’t touch me with those hands,” I spat venomously.

  “Harper, wait!”

  I ignored his calls and didn’t look behind me as I made my way back to the cabins.

  Was this how I was to spend the entire weekend? Trying to avoid him? I was ready for the weekend to be over if that was going to be the case.

  I was lying on my bed wide awake, not sure how many minutes or hours had passed. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get to sleep; my mind was spinning with too many thoughts.

  The rest of the afternoon was entirely awkward. Harper didn’t speak to me, Dina had been clingy, and the boys were all behaving strangely and casting odd looks when they thought I wasn’t looking. Damn it, even Jon pulled me aside after our heated argument and asked what the hell my problem was. I told him I was fine, but he wouldn’t have it. I refused to go into details and went back and sat by the campfire with everybody else.

  My eyes were glued to Harper the entire night, and not once did she look my way; instead, Jon and Simon had her undivided attention. She was giggling at the stories they were telling and performing like the great little actress she was. At one point, I got so irritated that I got up, moved away from Dina and the rest of the girls, and sat beside Lapeki, just so I could be closer to Harper. I wanted to hear what the boys were saying that was making her laugh like that. I needed to be close to her.

  After a couple of hours passed, I gave up; I couldn’t take it anymore. Either I was going to spontaneously combust from all the built-up anger or I was going to grind away my teeth to my gums. I stood up and let everyone know I was headed for bed. Dina followed me, of course. I knew she was hoping to have sex this time, so I used an excuse and told her I wanted to take a shower, alone. I took my time, walking as slowly as I could toward the communal bathrooms and then stayed under the hot water until it went cold.

  By the time I’d gotten back, I was relieved to see that Harper was in my cabin, though she ignored me while she towel-dried her hair and then hopped into her bed. It was obvious she’d gone for a shower around the same time I was out there and had made sure to avoid me in the process.

  I wanted to say goodnight but stopped myself last minute; I didn’t want to start another argument with her or with Dina. Speaking of Dina, the amount of times I had to swipe her hand away from my groin drove me crazy. I was not in the mood, and I wasn’t into having sex while somebody else slept in the same room close by.

  A loud groan pulled me out of my thoughts.

  I lifted my head to look over at Dina beside me, but she was sleeping heavily. I heard the groan again, this time followed by whimpering. I sat myself up and looked around the darkened room. Harper.

  I could see her silhouette moving around restlessly.

  On instinct, I got out of bed and rushed over to her. She was twisted up in the bed sheets and shaking, her entire body covered in sweat.

  Suddenly, her panicked cries got louder and she began thrashing around. It was like she was trying to get away from something or someone. Fuck! And she was crying!

  Before I knew it, I was laying on the bed beside her with my arm wrapped securely around her tiny, sweat-covered body, holding her tightly while she thrashed about. I needed to find some way to calm her quickly.

  “Shh. Harper. I have you. You’re safe. You’re only having a dream.”

  “No! Don’t touch me. Please let me go,” she said in a frightened voice. I immediately tensed hearing her words, and I was about to do as she said when she started up again. That’s when I realized she was still dreaming. “I’ll do anything, please, just stop. It hurts. It hurts too much.” What the fuck is she dreaming about?

  I squeezed her tighter. “Harper, it’s okay. It’s just a dream. It’s only a bad dream, baby.” I gently rocked her, ignoring the pain on my face from the many times she’d already hit me with her elbow.

  I continued whispering to her until she eventually stopped thrashing and shaking violently, and her crying was no more than a whimper. Still, I didn’t let go.

  “It’s all gone. Sleep now, baby. I’ve got you. You’re safe. I’m not letting go.”

  She turned to face me and snuggled into my chest. “I don’t want him to hurt me anymore. Make him stop. It’s sore. I’m so sore.”

  A shaky arm wrapped around me, and so I pulled her closer and planted kisses on the top of her head.

  That was one fucked-up dream. Only I was not entirely convinced it was one. What the hell happened to her?

  I made a mental note to ask her about it in the morning but at that very moment, my job was to make sure she didn’t have another nightmare. I decided on staying in her bed, with my arms protectively around her; Dina would just have to deal with it.

  My eyes fluttered open to the warmth of the early morning sunlight shining on my face through the bottom of the curtain above my bed. I began to yawn but was immediately interrupted by the strange sight before me. Staring straight back at me was a hard, sweet-smelling, bare chest. I froze, suddenly aware of the strong, muscular arm wrapped around my waist and the fact that I was unable to move. I felt my heart beat faster as I struggled to piece together the evening.

  No, I hadn’t been drinking; the large sip I had of Jon’s beer hardly counted, and it took more than that to get me drunk enough to forget that I’d gone to bed with someone.

  Rather than look up to see who it was, I tried to slip out of his grasp while keeping a close eye on his chest rising and falling, not wanting to wake him.

  I had barely moved an inch before snippets of last night began to flood my mind. I’d had a nightmare, the first nightmare in a very long time. Shit! Being angry with Jackson had made me completely forget to take my pills last night. Without them to block out the thoughts, my mind was open to the nightmares of my past. Did Jackson hear my screams from his bed? All I was sure of was I needed to get away from where I was.

  I tried to break free, with more force this time, when the arms around me instantly tight
ened.

  “It’s okay, Harper; I have you,” a familiar voice mumbled.

  My head shot up at the sound of the male voice, and I found myself only inches away from Jackson’s face. Inches away from those lips.

  “What are you doing in my bed?” I snapped, trying to avert my gaze from his lips.

  “Harp, you were having this terrible nightmare. I didn’t know how else to stop you,” he whispered sleepily. When his eyes finally opened, I could see sadness there, but I wasn’t entirely certain what had caused it.

  “So, you decided the best option was to sleep next to me?”

  I was actually grateful for what he did, but I would never admit that to him. Instead, I pulled back, trying to put as much space between us as I could on the single bed. Jackson took the hint and released his hold of me.

  “After I rocked you back to sleep, I didn’t have the heart to leave you, in case it happened again. Harper, you had me so worried.”

  I thought back to last night. I vaguely remembered a voice telling me everything was okay. I was also certain my nightmare was cut short; the whole scene didn’t play out in my head like it usually did. What I could remember was that one minute, the sick bastard was on top of me, ready to enter; then everything was black, and a soft, reassuring voice filled my mind. That voice belonged to Jackson.

  “Tell me what you were dreaming about,” Jackson asked, watching me with those hypnotic blue eyes.

  I shook my head. “No. It was just a dream. I’m fine.” There was no chance I was going to reveal anything to him. My nightmare was going to remain my secret.

  “ I don’t believe you. It seemed like more than just a dream. What happened to you, Harper?”

  He lifted a hand and wrapped it around my forearm. My eyes immediately darted to the spot that tingled under his touch. I tried ignoring it, but when he started gently, with his thumb, tracing around the tattoo of the winged angel carrying a girl that I had there, my body went into overdrive and I involuntarily shivered. Why did he do this to me?

  I closed my eyes, trying to steady my heart rate, and wondered if he knew what he was doing to me at that very moment.

  “You know, I’m here if you ever want to talk. I’m serious, Harper; I mean that. Last night, you scared the Hell out of me. I felt powerless in every way possible. If something’s happened, I want to know; I want to fix it, but I don’t know where to start if you don’t let me in.”

  My eyes opened to find his steady gaze at me.

  I was very aware of his hand that was now gently sliding up and down the entire length of my arm, causing the butterflies inside my stomach to go wild. But it was the look on his face that had me frozen and unable to move. I could see the worry but also some sort of internal struggle in his eyes.

  He wanted to help me, but if I told him the truth, would he act differently around me? More importantly, would he go and sell the darkest, untold story of my life to the world? After all, he spilled the one secret I did reveal to him. Being in his arms made me want to trust him again. Including him, there were people in my life that I had trusted, that were supposed to take care of me, but they, too, had betrayed me.

  Tears filled my eyes. I needed to leave; I didn’t want him to see me cry.

  I jerked away from him and jumped to my feet, running out of the cabin as fast as I could.

  “Harper!” I heard him shout from behind me.

  I wasn’t sure whether he’d jumped up or was still lying on my bed. I only knew my tears were falling uncontrollably and I didn’t want him to see me like this. I was thankful that it was really early; I doubted any of the other guys were awake yet.

  I headed toward the same spot under the tree as yesterday and as soon as I got there, I buried my head in my knees and finally allowed the tears to flow.

  I cried for everything; tears for Quinn, the tears I’ve held onto for so many years, for what that man did to me, the innocence he took away, and tears for all the problems I’d caused my family.

  Shit! I hadn’t meant to upset her; I’d only said the honest truth. I did want to help her. I hated seeing her that way, the way I saw her last night. Maybe she saw through me and could see what I was really thinking? That I’d wanted to kiss her and I was struggling to keep my eyes off those perfect lips. Fuck! She was upset and I was still being a complete fuckwit, thinking about myself again. I was such a dick.

  I quickly threw on a shirt and chased after her.

  I passed Lakepi and Simon and gave them a brisk wave when I saw the confused looks on both their faces. I didn’t have time to explain the situation to them; I had to find Harper. I had a feeling she’d be in the same spot as I found her yesterday and thanked the heavens when she was.

  “Hey,” I said, trying to sound as normal as I could.

  She didn’t respond at first but after a while, she slowly raised her head and wiped her face. My heart ached. I automatically dropped down beside her but forced my hands to remain by my side; she probably wouldn’t want me touching her.

  “Harp―”

  “I’m sorry,” she responded in a tiny, broken voice.

  “What for?” I asked a little stunned that she was the one apologizing.

  “For running off like that. You were only trying to be nice.”

  “Harper, listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear?” I risked moving closer to her and put an arm around her shoulders; to my surprise, she leaned into me. I tried not to break into a smile. Instead, I gave her shoulder a squeeze and pulled her closer, resting my chin on the top of her head. “I should be the one who’s sorry. I was only trying to help, but I didn’t think of how much it’d scare the hell out of you to find me half-naked in your bed.”

  A small laugh escaped her. “I didn’t mind one bit.”

  This time, I couldn’t stop the grin on my face. I released her and lifted her chin with my hand so she was facing me. She glanced up from underneath her long lashes. Holy shit. This girl was going to be my undoing.

  Without thinking, I reached up with my free hand and wiped the stray strand of hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. At the same time, with the hand that held her chin, my thumb gently stroked her cheek as I held it there.

  Helpless against her magnetic gaze, I wondered whether she knew the way she was making my entire body feel. My heart was pounding; surely, she could hear it bashing against my ribcage.

  I sucked in a large amount of air and swallowed the lump that formed in my throat.

  “Harper,” I said breathlessly, still gently stroking her cheek with my thumb. “I want to kiss you, but I’m afraid―”

  “I want you to kiss me,” she replied in a low but steady voice, her eyes never leaving mine.

  I remained where I was, not sure whether to believe the words I’d heard come out of her mouth. Had I imagined them? The fact that she hadn’t looked away or pushed me away was a good sign; if anything, she appeared to have inched closer.

  I sucked in another gulp of air and rested my forehead against hers. Closing my eyes, I lowered my thumb and began to trace around her soft lips. I heard a soft moan escape her, which made my heart skip a beat; I knew then she was feeling the same way I was.

  I moved my thumb and placed my hand back up to the side of her cheek. This time, I let our lips touch, and a sudden rush of electricity hit me as soon as our lips made the slightest contact. Whoa. If this was how it felt after touching her lips, I couldn’t wait to feel what kissing her would do to me.

  I pressed my lips against hers and kissed her slowly. I had planned to take my time, letting her know I could be gentle and caring, but it seemed like she had other plans. Her lips parted and mine quickly followed in sync. My tongue darted out in desperate need to get a taste of her. The moment her tongue met mine, my whole body felt like it was about to explode. Holy shit. She tasted better than I’d ever imagined. I wanted more… so much more.

  I moved to get a better angle, deepening our kiss. Another moan escaped her, which cau
sed my body to respond with a throaty groan.

  It was hard to find the self-control to pull myself away, but the kiss had to end. I didn’t want it to, but if I kept it up, we were going to be doing things we weren’t yet ready for.

  I gently nipped at her bottom lip, sucking on it before pulling away completely. Both left breathing heavily, I caught her eyes fluttering open and the smile on my face grew.

  “That… that was unbelievable,” I whispered to her. “You’re unbelievable.” Seeing her blush and look away coyly was possibly one of the hottest things I’d ever seen; I wanted to kiss her all over again.

  “Shit! Umm…”

  My body stiffened upon the sound of the voice. I dropped my hand from Harper’s face and whipped my head around to find Jon standing there with his eyes wide.

  “Jacko, I’m real sorry, man, but we’re all getting the boat ready. The girls offered to cook up breakfast…” he trailed off, standing there awkwardly while rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

  “We’ll be right up in a minute,” I replied, trying not to make it seem like a big deal that he’d just caught my cousin and me making out. I shuddered at the thought. No! I couldn’t let myself think of Harper like that. Yes, she was my cousin but not biologically, and that was the important part.

  Jon nodded briskly before turning and making his way back up toward the cabins. I waited until he was out of sight before turning back to face Harper, who was staring down at the ground.

  I reached out, took a lock of her hair, and twisted it around my finger.

  “Tell me, are you having fun? Because if you’re not, we can head home.”

  Those unique-colored eyes flicked up at me. “Don’t be stupid. I don’t want to ruin your weekend off. I’ll be fine. I’m just glad we aren’t arguing anymore.”

  My eyes moved down, highly distracted by the way she bit her bottom lip. I wanted to be the one doing the biting. I wanted to taste her juicy, plump lips again. Hell, I wanted to do more than that.

  My cock jumped at the wicked thoughts running around my head. Whoa, boy.