All That Matters

by Michelle Congdon

  “It was me, Uncle Hugo,” I suddenly blurted out, tearing my gaze from Jackson to face my uncle.

  “Harper?” My uncle almost dropped his fork, managing to catch it before it hit the table but losing his food in the process. He ignored it as his confused eyes honed in on mine. “It was you?”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt Jackson’s gaze burning on the side of my head, but I didn’t dare look at him; I couldn’t face him, not yet. “Yes, I’m sorry. I found the key the day I arrived when I was exploring the house. I was always going to pay you back. I’d planned to this afternoon, but I got sick of all the people following me around. I thought an extra day wouldn’t hurt, you know?”

  I could tell Uncle Hugo wanted to be angry, but he couldn’t, not while the entire family sat around the dining table, casting stunned glances at one another. He let out a sigh. “It’s okay, Harper. But next time, I’d really appreciate it if you’d ask first. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but we try to be honest with one another in this household.”

  I nodded. “I understand. I’ll pick some up the next time I get a chance.”

  “No, there’s no need. I’m not much of a drinker myself. Everything you see in that cabinet has been given to me as gifts. I suppose it was about time someone made use of it.” He shrugged before looking away and continuing with his meal.

  I threw an apologetic smile at my aunty, who still hadn’t wiped the stunned look from her face, before playing with the leftover food on my plate.

  “So, you boys are going down to Jervis Bay, is that right?” Aunt Juliana asked, obviously trying to fill the awkward silence that blanketed the room.

  “Not all the boys. Just a few, and their partners, as well,” Jackson answered.

  “Can I come?” Blake begged.

  “No!” his parents replied in unison.

  “Honey, once you’re eighteen, we’ll let you hang out with your brother on camping trips. You and your sister will both be spending the weekend with us,” replied Aunt Juliana.

  “Seriously? I don’t want to go to a stupid medical conference thing.”

  “Blake, stop whining. You’ll be in Melbourne, staying at the Crown, not a prison,” Uncle Hugo responded.

  “I don’t want to go to a ‘stupid medical’ confa… thing either, Daddy.”

  I couldn’t work out which was funnier, Madison copying her brother and stumbling on the word ‘conference’, or Uncle Hugo’s face when he heard her say ‘stupid’. I had to keep myself from laughing as Uncle Hugo got frustrated and ended up hitting his closed fist on the table, shutting everyone up.

  “Enough! Blake, Maddie, you are both coming to Melbourne with your mother and me, no questions asked. Jackson, it’s your weekend off, do as you want, but remember, I will not offer help to you in the future if you pass this opportunity up. And Harper, since there will be no one home, you may have to travel to Melbourne with us; sorry about that.”

  “Or she could come to Jervis Bay.”

  I threw a curious look at Jackson. I wasn’t sure what shocked me more: knowing I wasn’t trusted to stay in the house alone, or Jackson offering for me to join him on his weekend trip. “I mean, if you want, that is. The offer is there.” He shrugged, trying to act casual.

  “I don’t know if that’s such a—”

  “Come on, Mum. You think Harper will enjoy being stuck in a hotel room all weekend? At least there is going to be people, and girls, her own age at Jervis Bay.”

  “But there won’t be supervision.”

  “Really, Mum?” Jackson cast a wry look at his mother. “We’re both adults, and everyone else there will be, too. We won’t be drinking. It’ll just be a weekend of camping; an opportunity to get out of the city, for a change.”

  “He’s right, Julz. They’re both adults; let them do what they want,” Uncle Hugo started. “If we want Harper to enjoy her time here, we have to at least let her do a few things she wants.”

  Jackson grinned at his father.

  “Please behave. That is meant for the both of you.”

  “It’s like you’ve forgotten who you’re talking to. When have I ever misbehaved?” Jackson said with a scoff.

  I smiled along with his parents, but I knew, in the back of my mind, that uncle Hugo’s comment wasn’t directed at the both of us like he’d mentioned. He wasn’t worried about Jackson messing up; all eyes were on me for that one.

  I knew that after the moment I blurted out asking if Harper wanted to come to Jervis Bay at the dinner table that it was a bad idea. I’d only said it because she’d defended me. It was something I’d never have expected from her, yet she’d done it. I tried to bring it up in conversation with her, and thank her, but she wanted none of it and said if I ever mentioned it again, she’d tell my dad the truth; I never brought it up again.

  Things started to turn the minute we pulled up in front of Dina’s house and Dina opened the passenger door of my car to see Harper already sitting there. I hadn’t told her about Harper, purely because I knew she’d react the way she had. Not only had I been given the silent treatment the entire car ride down, but Dina also had a smart-arse remark to everything Harper had to say. I had to fight the urge to intervene a few times while Harper surprised me by ignoring it all. I knew she was the type of person who had no problem giving it back, but I guess she was really taking his ‘behave’ thing my dad warned us about seriously.

  Everything worsened ten-fold when we finally arrived at the campsite. I’d expected things to be cold between Dina and Harper, but I’d completely forgotten what effect Harper would have on the boys. The moment we stepped out of my 4WD, the boys all had her in their sights, staring at her greedily with their lust-filled eyes. It was as if they’d forgotten their own girlfriends were also on this trip. Not a single look, no matter how quick, went unnoticed by me, and it made me feel things I shouldn’t. Was I jealous? Or was I just being the protective, older cousin? I wasn’t sure. All I knew was every time I caught the boys glancing in her direction it made my blood simmer, and I wanted to walk right up and smack the stupid smirks off their damn faces.

  Why the hell did I have these feelings? The boys were practically my second family, my brothers. Not once had I cared if they looked at Dina in that way, or the fact that Jon, and three of the other boys, Simon, Mitchell, and Lakepi, had been with her before she and I started sleeping together. The feelings I was having for Harper were taking on more of a possessive nature. It was starting to scare me.

  “Babe, did you need to invite her? I can’t believe she agreed to come. I thought she’d find the thought of sleeping in a small, dirty cabin for the weekend disgusting.”

  I tore my eyes away from Harper for a moment to look at Dina, who was standing beside me. They were the first words she’d said to me all day; that was typical for Dina. Even if she were angry with me, she would play happy couple as soon as we were in front of others or girls she was threatened by. I automatically frowned when I saw her face. Luckily, Dina’s focus wasn’t on me. She was busy staring at the new nails she’d gotten done yesterday. I’ll never understand why girls do that. Who needed brand-new nails on a camping trip?

  Instead of telling Dina off, I looked back over at Harper, who was still by the car, and began making my way toward her.

  “Where are you going?” I heard Dina call out, but I didn’t bother answering her. I was too preoccupied with something else that was making my skin heat up.

  My jaw tightened as I watched Jon, standing beside Harper, whisper something that made her throw her head back with a laugh. I reached them both in time to just overhear him ask if she’d like to stay in his cabin for the night. Over my dead body, I was allowing that to happen.

  “No,” I responded in a stern voice.

  Harper and Jon turned simultaneously, both surprised to see me standing there. Jon shot me a suspicious look while Harper narrowed her eyes and gave me one of her hateful glares. I seriously needed to remember to tell her that look didn’t
work on me anymore; instead, it made her look cute. I had to hold back the smile that wanted to escape and cleared my throat. “Harper, the deal with you coming this weekend was that you stay in my cabin and there is to be no alcohol, remember?”

  “Yes, Dad,” Jon teased, rolling his eyes. I ignored his comment and kept my eyes focused on my cousin. She was still staring at me in the same way, except now I was pretty sure I could see the fire burning inside them. “How does Dina feel about that?”

  “How do I feel about what?”

  I tensed at the sound of Dina’s voice beside me again. I held back my irritation at both Jon and the situation I was in. I hadn’t told Dina about the arrangement, either; she was certainly not going to be enjoying it.

  “I asked Harper if she’d like to stay in my cabin tonight, but your boyfriend already decided she’ll be shacking up with the two of you,” Jon explained.

  I threw him a glare. He knew about the arrangement Dina and I had and that we weren’t dating! How can somebody be great on the field but a complete dick off it?

  “What?” Dina started. “No, Jackson. You promised we’d have a fun weekend.”

  Dina was still rambling on, but I’d tuned her out; I was too distracted by Harper, who managed to quietly slip away. I could tell she tried to make sure nobody noticed, but I noticed. She was headed down toward the large lake, and I found myself about to follow her when a hand grabbed hold of my arm. “Baby, are you even listening to me? I had special things planned for us tonight.”

  I tried to protest but Dina was already pulling me toward our cabin, the opposite direction from Harper. The last thing I noticed was Jon waving at me with a triumphant grin on his face before I gave up and turned around, letting Dina take me wherever she was leading me.

  “In here now,” Dina said, coaxing me with her index finger as she stood in the doorway of our cabin.

  I followed her in, prepared to tell her I wasn’t in the mood when she suddenly cupped me, a devilish smile played on her lips. Of course, the little fella responded immediately to her touch; how could he not?

  “Look, I’m not in the mood,” I managed to get out, trying but failing to move her hand away.

  “Oh? Well, I think this guy says otherwise,” she teased, tickling me down there, which caused my cock to stiffen further; the girl knew all the tricks.

  She leaned back and tried to kiss me. I didn’t respond immediately, turning my face to the side every time she tried, but when she tightened her hold on my package, I gave in. I had her up against the closest wall in record time.

  She willingly parted her legs wide enough for me to rest two fingers at her entrance way. No underwear. Of course, she’d have it no other way.

  She let out a loud moan as I pushed my fingers through and began pumping forcefully. She reached for my board shorts and frantically untied them before ripping apart the Velcro zip. They dropped to the ground just as her hand wrapped around my swollen cock, and she began jerking me off in time with my fingers. I was fully aware the glass door was wide open, but thankfully, the thick curtain was obscuring most of the view. Would anyone be stupid enough to enter? The thought automatically made me think of Harper. What if she were to walk in? I’d hate it if she saw me this way with another woman. If I were with her, the sex wouldn’t be a mindless quickie just to get off; I’d be savoring every moment, every taste of her.

  “Don’t stop, Jackson. Don’t stop.” Hearing Dina’s voice brought me back to reality. Why the fuck am I thinking about sleeping with my cousin? “I want you inside me.”

  My forearm was leaning against the wall with my forehead resting on top when she asked. I shook my head before pulling my fingers free from her.

  My number one rule was not to have sex with anyone without a condom. I wasn’t an idiot; I was well aware of the crazy women out there just dreaming for the chance to snag their own player by ‘accidentally’ falling pregnant. Dina already had one child, and I wasn’t willing to find out whether or not she was after another one. She was obsessed with footballers, and that was enough to keep my head in check and my dick covered.

  Sex was completely out of the question, but since my body was in desperate need of a release, I turned to the next best option. I felt like a complete arsehole but there was no time to worry about that, I just needed the job over and done with.

  I placed my free hand, without moving myself off the wall, on top of her head and lightly pushed downwards. I heard her sigh but she obeyed and went down on her knees.

  When Dina had me in her mouth, a gruff groan escaped my throat. My eyes shut and my hands balled into fists; it was perfect. It was the perfect opportunity to think of Harper… to zone out and figure out what the hell was wrong with me. The girl I wanted was outside, not with me…

  He was so infuriating! What was his deal? He invited me to this shitty little camping-in-cabins weekend trip, which I already hated, for what? Ever since I’d taken the fall for stealing his father’s alcohol, Jackson seemed to have it stuck in his head that I needed the favor to be returned or something. The only reason I’d agreed to come along to this poor, middle-of-nowhere town was because I had no other choice. Even though I’d wanted to visit Melbourne, there was no way I was spending three nights trapped in a hotel room there.

  I stepped over to the edge of the lake and submerged my toes in the cool water. Even allowing myself to go this far in had me on edge, not only from fear but also from the memories of the recent pool incident. The nervous feeling was somewhat comforting, though; it felt better than the anger growing inside me.

  I’d walked halfway around the lake until I found an area, which gave me a perfect view of the cabins, where I could spot anyone heading toward me. Company was the last thing I wanted; it was silence that I desperately desired. I needed to think about these stupid feelings I was having for Jackson and what they meant. Jesus, he was here with his girlfriend, or whatever the hell she was; I shouldn’t be having these thoughts. Sure, she was a total bitch, and football groupie, and not worthy of him, but was I? I was fighting a losing battle against my own demons. In his eyes, I was a drug user, suicidal, a broken and fragile little girl brought up in the spotlight and given everything she’d ever wanted as a way to ease the pain of the past. He had no idea how accurate all of those things were. I wasn’t even close to being good enough for him, and he was supposed to be my goddamn cousin. What the hell was wrong with me?

  My vision began to blur and my throat closed up. I closed my eyes to try to stop the tears wanting to fall. No. I stopped crying long ago.

  I hated myself. I was angry with Quinn for leaving me alone in this messed-up, sick world, and I hated that I didn’t have the courage to tell anyone what was really wrong with me. What had been done to me all those years ago.

  My chest heaved as a sob escaped me. I quickly opened my eyes and blinked away my tears. Why was it all happening now? I hadn’t cried since my innocence was forcefully taken away from me. Why did being around Jackson have to bring up all the feelings I had worked so hard to suppress?

  I wiped under my eyes and took one more look out into the middle of the lake before turning and making my way back toward the campgrounds.

  When I arrived back, the boys were all standing around a gas barbeque, talking and laughing with beers in hand. Jon was the first to spot me and waved me over to join him.

  “Want some, babe?” he asked, shoving his opened beer can into my hands.

  I looked down at it, unsure whether to take a sip or not. Half of me wanted to, just because I knew how much it would annoy Jackson, but the other half kept telling me I was better than this. “You know, you don’t have to. I just thought you’d like something to drink.”

  I smiled and was about to hand the beer back to Jon when I spotted Dina stepping out from one of the cabins with her hair all over the place, followed closely by Jackson, who had his head down and was adjusting his swim shorts.

  A rush of anger filled me. We’d arrived less than half an
hour ago, and they’d already had sex!

  “You know what? I’m kind of thirsty after all.” I looked up at Jon and gave him an impish grin. It was totally forced but, like everyone else, the guy couldn’t tell the difference. He simply responded by putting an arm around my neck and pulling me closer in to him. Perfect.

  I lifted the can to my lips and took a long mouthful.

  “The girl can drink! Marry me, please!” Jon chuckled, hugging me tighter.

  “What the hell are you doing?” The angry words came at the same time the beer was ripped from my grasp. “And take your fucking arm off her, Jon!” Whoa. Talk about over-reacting.

  Jon immediately removed his arm and dropped it by his side.

  Jackson stood in front of me, face red as a tomato with his nostrils flared, glaring at me as if I’d just done the worst possible thing in the world.

  “You’re a complete jerk, you know that!” I barked before turning and stalking off, back toward the lake where I’d come.

  “What’s your deal, mate? What the hell has gotten into you?” I heard Jon shout. Jackson shouted something back and then other male voices joined in, but I refused to turn around; I hope they gave Jackson what he deserved.

  I reached the lake once again and found a tree close by, big enough to hide behind, and sat down.

  Why did he have to go and do things like that? He wasn’t my brother, and he sure as hell wasn’t old enough to be telling me what to do. Just because I’d agreed to come on this stupid thing didn’t mean he got to have all the fun while I sat around bored. I might as well have gone to Melbourne.

  “Hey…” I didn’t have to turn around to know whose voice it belonged to.

  “Just leave me alone,” I spat out venomously without looking.

  “I didn’t mean… I’m sorry about that back there, Harper.”