“Well, isn’t this a cute room,” my mother’s voice said behind me.
I turned to face her. My father was right behind her, both hands full with my carry bags.
“Mom, you don’t need to convince me to stay; I want to be here,” I reminded her.
“Firebird, this place is one of the best rehabilitation centers in the country. Dr. Harrison Grant, you’ve met him before, he’s one of the specialists here and a good—”
“Guys! I know. I. Want. To. Be. Here,” I stated again. I smiled and shook my head. You couldn’t blame them for being that way. It was something they were used to, and I could bet deep down they were praying this was going to be the last and final time they saw their eighteen-year-old daughter in rehab. And I was going to make sure of that.
My relationship with my parents had improved. Not only had I been blinded by my own behavior, I never once stopped to think what effect it had on my parents. I always assumed they hated me, cheering each time I was shipped off to rehab because they never had to see my face. But recently, I found out the truth. They did care. They always had, they just never knew how to handle my wild behavior. And they worried so much. They were afraid whether each time I relapsed it was going to be the last time they saw their daughter alive. They never knew the real reason behind it, but now they did. It gave them more reason to see me well, to see me overcome my demons, and knowing they felt this way gave me hope; I could do this.
“Sorry, Harp, we don’t mean to be like this,” my mother said.
I smiled at her. “I know, Mom, and it’s okay. I’ll be okay.”
She walked over and placed a kiss on my forehead. “We’ve allowed the internet and phone to be connected this time, so you can call or video chat with us at any time.”
“Thanks, guys,” I replied, but I knew I wasn’t going to be using it. If I was going to get through this properly, I needed to use this time to focus solely on myself.
“We’ll come check in on you weekly.”
“You don’t need to do that, Mom. I’m sure you and Dad have better things to do than fly across the country each week to make sure I’m on track.”
“Nonsense, we want to do it,” my dad added.
“That’s what the phones are for, right?” I reminded them. They both looked at me as though I’d just said something extraordinary. “Just call, seriously. It will probably be better for my recovery anyway.”
They both stood there stunned, most definitely taken back by my mature response, and it caused me to laugh. “Oh, come on, you two. I’ve just spent weeks in Australia, and you were both fine with that.”
Their faces dropped simultaneously. “Harper, you and I both know how different it is this time,” my mother said in a quiet voice.
I tried to smile at her. “I know, Mom, and that’s what I’m trying to say. I’m going to make it this time. I promise.”
My mom wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tightly. I felt my dad’s arms surround me, as well. “We love you so much, Harper Phoenix. Don’t you ever think otherwise,” my mom whispered.
Closing my eyes, I lifted my arms and hugged them back. “I love you both so much, and I’ll miss you, but let me do this my way.”
I felt them both nod against me, causing me to smile inwardly. Everything was going to be all right.
Tomorrow was the big day. The day I got to see my family; the day I got to go home. And even though I was ecstatic, I was also down because I was going to miss this place. In the course of three months on my road to recovery, I’d made some great friends. Owen, a twenty-six-year old musician who suffered from an alcohol addiction, had become one of my closest friends in this place, along with sixteen-year-old Lauren. Lauren came from a wealthy family who ended up mixing with the wrong crowd at school and got addicted to some heavy drugs. I owed much of my recovery to these guys. Without their help, I’d been close to throwing in the towel more than twice.
I’d said I wanted to do this, but I never said it was going to be easy; it wasn’t. There were days where my illness would get so bad and out of control, I craved the one thing I was so used to, to help make it stop. Only I didn’t have access to any pills, and the staff was definitely not going to just hand them out willingly, no matter how much I demanded. I struggled on those days, and my mood bounced from one extreme to the other. That’s where Owen and Lauren came in. Lauren liked to talk a lot. It drove me crazy, but strangely enough, hearing her voice and having her around soothed me. We’d go for walks outside and even took up yoga classes. On the days I was angry and frustrated, Owen would encourage me to go along with him to the gym where he had a punching bag set up for the days he felt the same.
It was sad to be saying goodbye to the people I’d come to know, but we’d promised to stay in touch and planned to meet up with one another in the future.
A loud commotion outside my room caused me to swing my head toward the door, just as it flew open and my mom and dad came rushing in, my dad almost tripping over his own feet.
“Surprise!” they shouted at the same time. I started laughing after seeing the dorky looks on their faces.
“What are you guys doing here? I don’t leave until tomorrow.” I rolled my eyes but couldn’t stop the huge smile from forming.
Mom raced over to my bed first and threw her arms around me, quickly followed by my dad. “We couldn’t wait,” Dad responded after he pulled away. “And we wanted to be here to see your face when—”
My mom elbowed my dad, causing him to stop mid-sentence. He bit down on his bottom lip and a weird smile spread across his face as he looked at me. I eyed them suspiciously, but they purposely carried on acting as though nothing odd had just happened. My dad failed miserably; he was a musician, so I couldn’t blame him, but my mother, the great actress… well, I’d expected much more from her. If anyone had seen this, they’d be demanding for her to give her Oscars back.
I opened my mouth to question them but a voice at the door interrupted me. “So, this is where you’ve been hanging out for the past twelve weeks while we’ve been working our butts off, huh?”
“Sierra?” I blinked in disbelief as my sister entered the room. She glanced around the room with a smirk on her face before her eyes finally landed on me. I was shocked to see her; after all, I’d never expected to see her in one of these places, or even care I was in one.
“Hi, Harper.” She made her way toward me, bent down and gave me a hug. “You look good.”
“You’re scaring her, CC,” my eldest brother, Ryder’s voice interrupted. “Harp will probably want twelve more weeks in this place if you continue to be affectionate toward her.”
I giggled as my sister pulled away from me, and my brother hugged me next. “She’s right, though; you do look good, kid,” he said quietly in my ear.
As he pulled away, he reached into his pocket and took out a small envelope with green and blue pencil scribble all over it. My name was written neatly in black marker across the front, which had then been scribbled over with red colored pencil. “Chase decided to write you a letter.”
I smiled as I took the envelope from him and tore it open. There was a short letter written in my brother’s wife, Natalya’s, handwriting, and then a picture of a large circle with an uneven smiling face and some yellow lines, which I assumed was my hair, was drawn on the bottom. The letter read:
Dearest Aunty Harper,
I hope you are feeling better so we can play together again soon.
I miss you and love you.
Love, Chase X.O
“Tell the little monster I miss him, too, and thanks for the awesome picture.” I smiled up at my brother.
I placed the letter and envelope on the bedside table just in time before my other brother, Hawke, came rushing in and threw himself at me, collapsing on the bed and knocking me over in the process. I burst out laughing, trying to free myself from the huge weight holding me down.
“I’ve fucking missed you, baby sis!”
“Language, Hawke!” my mother scolded, causing both Hawke and me to laugh at her expense.
“I’ve missed you, too, big bro. I’m so glad you’re here.” I threw my arms around Hawke and squeezed him, not wanting to let him go.
Eventually I had to, and we both sat up on the bed with me leaning against his shoulder. My parents had pulled up two chairs and sat on either side of the bed; my two other siblings shared the most uncomfortable, double-leather sofa that was pushed up against the wall of my room. The first to ask a question was me, the obvious one being: what were they all doing here a day early? The answer took me by complete surprise.
“We all scheduled some time off to make sure we could be here for you,” Sierra responded.
“I get that, and thank you; it means more to me than you’ll ever know. You guys are failing to explain to me why you’re all here a day early though.”
“Because of me,” came an unexpected voice by the door. My heart skipped a beat; it couldn’t be…
My eyes flew to the door and were stunned by what they saw. Jackson stood there, leaning against the doorway with his hands in the pockets of his gray chinos; his deep-blue eyes looking directly at me, while a small one-sided smile sat on his stubbly face.
I remained silent, afraid I wouldn’t be able to string a single sentence together.
“Well,” Hawke suddenly said, patting me on the thigh. “I think we should give these two a chance to talk alone.”
I felt the bed move as Hawke got to his feet and heard the others mumble a few words as they slowly filed out of the room. The world was moving around me but I was frozen still, unable to take my eyes off the beautiful boy standing in front of me.
“Hey,” he said, taking one hand out of his pocket and lifting it up to greet me.
“Hey,” I replied, mirroring his move.
He took a couple steps toward me, closing the door behind him. “You look great, Harper. I’m sure your family has already told you that, though.”
Yeah, they did, but his words were the only ones that seemed to hit me.
“Well, you need a haircut and a shave. Desperately.”
He chuckled in response and ran a hand through his dark hair. “Yeah, some chick once told me she preferred it long and that she liked a bit of facial hair.”
“I never said a beard!”
“And I never said it was you!” he retorted, raising an eyebrow and throwing me a smirk.
My eyes went wide. He was right; I hadn’t seen him for three months, after all. “I’m joking, Harp.” Jackson laughed as he came and sat beside me on the bed.
I turned to face him, and he did the same. Our smiles mirrored each other’s. “I missed you,” he whispered before reaching for my hand and slipping his in mine. I looked down at our entwined hands and my smile grew bigger.
“I did, too,” I whispered back, glancing back up at him.
He looked at me with a sad smile on his face and his mind elsewhere. I wondered what he was thinking about when he unexpectedly leaned in and kissed me. Before I had time to respond, he pulled away, his cheeks sprinkled with pink. “And I’ve waited a long time to do that again,” he admitted.
“You could’ve waited until I was ready,” I replied wryly.
He chuckled with a shrug before making himself comfortable on the bed. I followed suit and lay down beside him, our hands still joined.
“When did you arrive?” I asked, disturbing the comfortable silence around us.
“I flew into LAX this morning and met everyone there. I screwed up my flight, which is why I arrived a day early, but your family was fine with it and offered to pick me up from the airport and take me straight here to Malibu.”
“And… are they okay with—”
“What’s happening between us? I’m not sure. They haven’t said much, but they seem to be. I think they’re just overwhelmed with finding out the truth about what happened to you and Quinn and are making sure they don’t lose you in the same way.”
I didn’t reply. I didn’t need to; I knew he was right. My parents were shocked when they learned the truth about my sister’s death, and when they found out I had gone through the same experience, they’d sacrificed everything to make sure I didn’t end up taking the same fate. They also made it their mission in life to take down the man who caused it.
“Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that. I want to know how you are. I want to know what you’ve been up to, what this place is like… if you’re feeling better.”
I tilted my head so I was facing him and nodded. “I am. I’m far from being cured, but I’m on my way,” I admitted. I felt him squeeze my hand.
“We’ll get there, one step and a time,” I heard him whisper.
“I’ve also started yoga!” I blurted out excitedly, which caused Jackson to laugh.
“Have you? This I have got to see.”
I lifted myself up and twisted around to face him. “I can show you a few moves, naked, if you’d like,” I said with a devilish grin.
Jackson’s eyes widened, and his cheeks flushed a bright pink. “Harper! Your entire family is waiting just outside the door.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “I’m kidding, Jackson. And besides, Hawke would pulverize you if you tried.”
He scrunched up his face. “Thanks for the reminder.” He sat up and leaned in close to my ear. “But I will hold you to that for when we are truly alone,” he whispered, causing me to go bright red this time.
When he pulled away, there was a mischievous grin on his face. “I’ve definitely missed that look,” he teased.
I slapped him lightly on the shoulder with my free hand as I laughed.
When I settled down, we lay back down on the bed, Jackson resting against my shoulder. There was so much I wanted to ask him, so much I wanted to know about what had happened on the outside world while I’d been cut off. “Did you end up telling your father?” I felt him nod against my shoulder. “How did he take it?”
“Not very well at first. But I told him the truth about the alcohol abuse and about what I really wanted to do with my life. After what had happened, Dad made me seek help. I spent some time talking to a therapist about my problems, which has helped, and I’ve taken a year off uni. I’ve also quit football.”
“Oh, no.” I was afraid of where the conversation was leading.
“I had to give it up, Harp. Winning a game was one thing, but whenever we lost, I struggled with my emotions. If I wanted to stop my alcohol problem completely, I had to stop football.”
“I’m so sorry, Jackson. I know how much football meant to you.”
“Sure, it sucked, but Harper, it made me realize something important. After seeing first-hand what you were going through, it made me realize I didn’t want to play football anymore, either. I wanted to help people, and I wasn’t going to be able to do that through football. So, I’m sticking with my medical degree. After this year, I’ll go back and I’ll finish it. When I do, I want to help people who are afraid to talk about their illnesses and issues.”
“I think that’s wonderful,” I said softly, proud he’d come to a decision on his own without anyone to influence him.
“What about you?” he asked.
I froze. What would I do? I never really thought about it. I just assumed I’d get better and go back to the life I was living. But deep down, I knew that’s not what I wanted; I hated that life. I didn’t want to be in the spotlight anymore, and I knew if I wanted to make a full recovery, I couldn’t go back to that lifestyle unless I wanted to spend the rest of my life in one of these places. There had been one idea playing on my mind, though…
“Harp, I’m not forcing you to make any decisions on the spot. Can you just promise me one thing?”
“What?”
“You’ll do what makes you happy. We may live on opposite sides of the world, but if you think you might be feeling how you felt before, you call me. Got that? Call me, and I will be on the next flight over.”
I nodded; I could promise that. It wasn’t going to be easy, but I knew if I set my mind to it, I could do it. I had to do it, for my family and for me.
Jackson twisted his body toward me and lifted his free hand up to my face. He cupped my jawline with his palm and ran his thumb lightly over my cheek. His blue eyes bored into mine. “I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am to be here, to see you so happy and healthy. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you, Jackson, for everything. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
“Yes, you could’ve. You just needed to believe in yourself.”
“I needed someone to help me believe. That someone was you, Jackson.” My eyes dropped to the mattress. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you. Once I get out of here and you go back to Australia, I’m scared I’m going to relapse.”
“Don’t say those things. You got this far on your own, you hear me? This, being here, this was all you. And your recovery, it’s all you.”
I glanced back up at him and smiled. “Thank you,” I whispered, unable to say anything else before a single tear escaped and ran down my cheek. Jackson, with his hand still on my chin, gently wiped it away with his thumb.
“Once I’m better, do you think there’d ever be a chance I’d be allowed to come back to Australia?” When he looked at me stunned, I flashed a grin. “I mean, that’s if you want me back…”
His face slowly transformed into a knowing smile. “Of course I want you back, but there’s an idea I have that I was kind of hoping you’d say yes to first. I wasn’t completely honest with you before…”
I scrunched up my face. Not sure how I was going to take this news.
“Since I have a year off, I was kind of hoping, once someone gets better, she would be my tour guide and show me around her city and then perhaps the rest of her great country?”
All That Matters Page 21