His Brand of Love

by Angelique Voisen

  “You’re walking to town?” I called out, unable to help myself.

  “I need the exercise, the punishing heat of the sun to think.”

  I let Nick walk away, even though it hurt. Not too late to call him back, to tell him I changed my mind and wanted to come with him, but I kept my trap shut. The last chapter of my life with Noah came to an end when Nick saved me. Nick opened a new door for me, left his keys within reach to remind me I locked myself in this cage because I couldn’t face reality. About time I crawled out and learned to walk on my own again.

  Without realizing it, I’d depended on Noah’s control for everything because it felt wonderful to have someone else making decisions for me. It got me off whenever Noah decided what clothes to wear and what I could eat. I thought I wanted that, the illusion of being his plaything, but when Noah shut the closet door on me, I knew different.

  I wanted to play in the dark so much, I thought I could live without the exit route.

  I walked to the windows that looked out the driveway and watched Nick’s figure completely disappear from sight before padding back to the dining table. Delaying the task of calling Tony, I cleared the table first and washed the dishes. Doing household tasks always calmed me. It used to amuse Noah how I loved doing chores for him, how I didn’t seem them as punishment.

  “Need to stop thinking of Noah,” I told myself.

  I took a step back and leaned against the counter behind me. I dreaded calling Tony and hearing his “I told you so” lecture. Crossing my arms, I looked around the old kitchen to distract myself. Cracks on the wall and the peeling wallpaper told me Nick didn’t bother with maintenance.

  I gleaned from bits and pieces of our conversation, Nick earned a substantial bit of cash from being a co-partner of an exclusive BDSM club. From the efficient way he disabled Noah, I gathered he had other useful skills, too. In other words, Nick could live anywhere he wanted. When I summoned the courage to ask him why in the place which held bad memories for him, his answered surprised the hell out of me.

  Nick had a faraway look in his eyes when he spoke. “Before he met you, Noah went overboard with a sub in the club we frequented. He lost his way. I moved back here, in case he’d ever find his way back home. Noah knows where the spare key is.”

  “Even now?” I remembered asking. I’d been a little alarmed by the fact Noah could walk right in any moment. That was why Nick kept asking me to leave, but pure selfishness on my part made me linger.

  “Things change. Noah knows once he walks through the front door, one of us has to die.”

  I rubbed at my face and focused on the present. The cupboard next to the sink held old plates of varying sizes, their borders lined with swirling blue ivy, faded in some places with time. Next to the plates, stood four cups of the same pattern, chipped on some places, gathering dust and cobwebs. Nick never used these, and I had a feeling I knew why.

  Feeling like an intruder, I left the tableware alone and retreated to my bedroom, still clutching my phone. Collapsing on the bed, I shielded my eyes from the sun. So simple to dial Tony’s number and tell him to meet me somewhere and pick me up. All too easy to lie to my best friend about things with Noah and me not working out and the truth I’d bury. That meant putting aside the memory of Nick, too, but I didn’t want to forget.

  With sun on my face, I curled to my side and decided an afternoon nap might do me some good.

  Chapter Nine

  Nick

  By the time I arrived home, the sun had set. None of the lights on in the house were on. I didn’t know whether to feel respite or trepidation. With Julian gone, I should return to the usual monotonous schedule of my life before I met him.

  Silence greeted me once I stepped inside. I flicked the switch on, wondering I didn’t feel any better, only worse. Over the years, I’d become used to living alone with the old ghosts of this house. Brick and mortar, fading photographs and dinner sets collecting dust—nothing to be afraid of I often told myself, but nonetheless my parents’ ghosts kept visiting me in my dreams.

  Having Julian around had been an inconvenience, especially when I imposed the “no touching” rule, so why did I mourn his absence so much?

  I set the groceries aside and glared at the particular cereal box Julian kept whining I’d always gotten wrong.

  “Pull yourself together,” I muttered to myself.

  Once everything had been put away, I decided a cold shower could alleviate the ache growing inside me. Instinct made me hover by the room Julian had occupied over the past few days. I turned the doorknob, wincing at the creaking hinges, and then remembered I had no reason to tiptoe around.

  Julian was—

  Seeing the familiar outline of Julian’s body tangled in the sheets, my heart stopped for a second before starting at a sudden gallop.

  Julian had stayed. Why?

  Fuck. I shouldn’t be this relieved. Anger would be the more inappropriate emotion. I’m certain I didn’t misread the signs this morning. Julian had been ready to ring up his friend, to reach out to the most important connection with his old life. I edged towards the bed, heart heavy, and sat next to Julian.

  Like the nights before, he fisted the sheets. Sweat coated his forehead, soaking his front and back. The moan of terror he let slip froze me, but only for a moment. Grabbing his shoulders, I shook him, gently at first.

  “Baby, it’s just a nightmare. Wake up,” I said.

  No use. Julian twisted in my grip. I shook harder, until he finally opened his eyelids and let out a scream. Even in the dark I could see how wide his eyes were, the perfect O of his mouth when he opened them to scream.

  Cursing myself, I let him go. Of course I’d conveniently forgotten I wore the face of the monster who plagued his nightmares, and in the dark it would be hard to tell.

  “Don’t,” Julian whispered, his voice harsh.

  “No one’s going to hurt you now that you’re here.” I began to leave. Julian needed space, room to breathe, but he grabbed my hand, fingering the calluses.

  “Nick. Don’t leave me. Stay. Please.”

  I sat back down and gave his fingers a squeeze.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I reassure him.

  “Liar.” Julian drew his knees to his chest, although he didn’t let go of my hand. “You’re going to tell me to go again sooner or later.”

  Eyes no longer wild and terrified, Julian started to calm down. If he could sass back, he should be fine, return back to normal in moments, but I knew he’d spend more nights like this. Would his new lover or future Dom be able to understand his needs and be able to give him space?

  What did I care? I wasn’t his anything. I’d established that fact, but fuck. Seeing him go to a place in the past I couldn’t reach frustrated the hell out of me. I cared a whole fucking lot, too much, but it didn’t matter because I no longer wanted to see him hurt.

  “Tonight, I won’t.” I hesitated. “One night we can pretend, forget about how we met and the scars that mar us both inside out.”

  “I like that.” Julian shut his eyes. “Nick, don’t play games with me. I can’t, not now. Don’t tease.”

  I leaned my forehead against his, brushing my mouth against his. Julian opened for my deep kiss. When I pulled away, he panted, eyes dilated with need.

  “Ask me,” I said simply.

  “Please, Sir. Tie me down, beat me, and fuck me senseless.”

  “You have your wish, sub.”

  I rose from the bed, turned the light on and locked the door. Julian sat up in bed, looking at me like he couldn’t believe this was finally happening. I couldn’t either, but once I got a taste of his compliant and sweet lips, I knew I couldn’t stop.

  “You understand this can only happen once, Julian?” I asked.

  He bit his lip, but nodded. “I understand, Sir.”

  “Good. We’ll use the green, yellow, and red system. Yes?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  The two fucking words that felt so perfec
t on his lips—I could demand he repeat them over and over and never be sick of them. Tonight, we played pretend, so I dreamed a little. I pointed at my feet, silent command clear. Julian scrambled out of the bed, halting when I wagged a finger at him.

  “Undress, sub. Slowly. I don’t want to rush this,” I said.

  “Neither do I, Sir,” Julian whispered soft enough for me to hear.

  With trembling fingers, he tugged his shirt off—the same one he wore this morning. Seeing the cell phone on the dresser by the bed, I understood. Julian had tried, I had to give him props for that. The decision to reach out to his friend must have weighed heavily on his mind the entire day.

  Pleasure and triumph swept through me like an intoxicating wave. Julian had chosen me. A petty loss, considering it would have been better for both of us if he returned to his old world and me to mine. I couldn’t back off now however, not when Julian put aside every piece of his clothing and folded them in a neat pile on the floor.

  “Very nice, but I’m far from pleased. Show me the fruits of your training.”

  Julian took it as permission to come forward and sink to his knees in front of me. He looked more relaxed than I’d ever seen him, serene and at peace almost. I nudged his knees further apart with my foot, noting the slight color rising to his cheeks when I unveiled his thickening dick. He planted his hands on his thighs, rubbing at them nervously, not daring to look up.

  Fucking maddening, the way he continued chewing on his bottom lip. So tempting to catch that lip between my teeth and bite down until I drew blood. Shaking my head from the erotic image, I threaded fingers into his hair and gave a sharp tug. Julian drew a breath, clearly aroused.

  “Look me in the eye, boy. Tell me what you desire.”

  “Is this a trick question, Sir?” he added the last word like an afterthought.

  Cheeky. Fuck. I loved a good challenge. My brother wanted to erase the defiance in those eyes. I wanted to temper it into something else. Knowing silence always proved to be the better response in these kinds of situations, I waited, gaze boring down on his. Julian swallowed, looking away first.

  “I’m giving you this one chance to tell me what you want, boy. Are you throwing it away?” I asked.

  Julian managed to answer this time around. “I want your cock, Sir. I want your dick in my mouth and after, buried deep inside my ass. I need to be owned completely by you, Sir, even if it’s just for one night.”

  I tightened my grip on his hair. Undid the button of my jeans, unzipped my fly, and pulled out my dick. Julian stared, eyes wide and eager, licking his lips in anticipation. I couldn’t remember the last time any sub wanted my cock this bad. Some male subs pretended to like giving head, a couple dutifully went to work, but few genuinely loved it. I found out that Julian fell into the last category.

  I all but nudged my prick between his lips, and he went to work. Bending his head, he flicked a tongue over my tip, licking away the pre-cum there with relief. I groaned when he swirled his tongue under the sensitive spot under my cockhead.

  Since Julian seemed hell bent on pleasing me, I let him explore and take the lead—for the moment anyway. He licked his way right to the base of my shaft, tasting me like I was a delicacy. My balls, he sucked each one with reverent worship before I gave his hair another tug.

  No words required, Julian stopped teasing and started taking me in his mouth, sucking with every inch he covered. He gagged on the first try, but recovered swiftly, determination burning in his eyes. I slipped my hand from his hair to his throat and gave it a squeeze, not hard enough to bruise but applying enough pressure for him to feel it. Eyes wide but not panicking, Julian continued, bobbing his head up and down my cock, coaxing groans from me.

  Fuck, but he was good with his mouth. Knowing my balls were about to burst, I released his throat and gently pulled my shaft out of his mouth.

  “I’m close. Face or mouth, sub?”

  “Mouth, Sir. I want to remember the taste of you.”

  I took control once more, tangling my fingers into his hair and slipping my member down his throat. Julian let me fuck his mouth. I began with slow strokes at first. Certain he could take me, I thrust into him, faster, harder, until the pressure building inside me broke. With a growl, I slid my dick into his waiting hole and sprayed my cum down his eager throat.

  Julian worked his cheeks and jaws furiously, taking all my load without complaint. He latched onto my softening prick, sucking me clean. Recovering, I asked, “You like the taste of cock so much, boy?”

  I flicked his hard dick with the tip of my shoe. Julian groaned, and, like I knew he would, he let out a shuddering gasp and came, seed spattering the carpeting, my shoes. Some droplets lingered on my jeans, and I decided to keep these bottoms as a souvenir. I waited for the truth to sink in, the proverbial axe.

  Julian’s bliss-filled eyes cleared, and he looked up at me in dismay, finally realizing his error.

  “Are you such an ill-trained sub, you came without my permission?”

  “Sir, please. Let me make amends.”

  “It’s too late for that, sub.”

  I zipped my jeans, loving every moment of his discomfort. Julian loved the anticipation, too, even if it killed him. It had been so long since I enjoyed myself so much. Fuck, if Julian wore a collar, my collar, I would have loved nothing better than to hook my fingers under the leather and jerk him up to his feet.

  “But I’m not cruel. You can you choose the instrument I’ll use on that sweet ass of yours.”

  Relief washed over his face, but not for long.

  “Stay. Don’t move an inch.” I turned my back, knowing he would remain there for as long as I asked.

  Each second I remained apart would be torture for him. I took my time, walking out of the guest room and back to mine. Under my bed, I kept my usual assortment of favorite implements and toys in a black duffel bag. Hefting it over my shoulder, I looked back at my room, the room containing the same bed I had since my teens.

  I remembered the nights Noah would sneak under the covers to snuggle beside me when the screaming voices outside and the sound of furniture and glass breaking came to an unbearable pitch. Noah came to me for comfort. I’m about to let Julian taste the bite of leather to do the same.

  Julian had been my brother’s property for so long he found himself lost when I freed him from Noah’s prison. I’d seen many subs like Julian back at the club who’d gone astray, lost their sense of identity once their master or mistress uncollared them. I could only hope that in chains and pain, I can help Julian move away from the past and help him fly to his undefined future.

  Chapter Ten

  Julian

  Nick sure took his time. On purpose I’m sure. Was he testing me, seeing if I had been the kind of sub who couldn’t follow commands?

  With Noah, I’d been obedient to the hilt, his good boy, terrified of breaking rules and not because I dreaded punishment. No, I craved pain, fucking loved the moment when my Dom tested and pushed me to my limits. My greatest fear had been Noah getting sick of me and leaving me. A man like Noah, polished yet cruel, wouldn’t have a problem finding a replacement.

  Fuck, did I have a screwed-up sense of logic. I remained kneeling as per Nick’s instructions, staring at the carpeting, rubbing my sweaty palms against my thighs. Hearing Nick’s footsteps, I tensed. The anticipation all but killed me. Ignoring me like I existed as nothing but a decoration for the room, Nick walked past me. I heard the sound of a zipper. It was tempting to take a sneak peek, but I didn’t want to push my luck.

  What seemed like an eternity later, Nick said, “Come here, boy.”

  Nick spoke like a master calling his faithful pet to him. I quivered like a plucked bowstring. I’d been waiting so long for a night like this to come, the moment he’d reduce me to a willing object that solely existed for his pleasure. Beginning, I stood, but I paused when Nick let out a snort of displeasure.

  “Do disobedient slaves walk, sub?”

 
Dropping back to my hands and knees, I crawled to him, settling by his feet and looking at the bed. Nick had laid out various instruments on the bed. Not bothering to disguise my eagerness, I licked my lips, moaning when Nick gave my hair a tug.

  “Remind me what’s your safeword, sub,” he ordered.

  I groaned. “Really, Sir?”

  Nick didn’t look amused. Recalling the way he drew away from me when I woke up in fear, thinking he was Noah, shame and guilt hit me. Nick didn’t deserve that kind of reaction from me. With me kneeling beside me, the denim of his jeans brushing against my bare skin, the world righted itself again on its axis.

  The only thing missing had been Nick’s collar snapped shut around my neck, a constant reminder of his ownership … except I didn’t belong to him, only for tonight.

  He relaxed his grip on my hair, stroking me like a pet that needed reassurance. I liked it. Noah had never been able to master alternating from good cop, bad cop. Nick, meanwhile, did it effortlessly. Like this, with the lights on and Nick’s powerful fingers in my hair, it was easy to tell Nick apart from Noah.

  “Remind me,” Nick commanded, his voice quiet but firm.

  “Red to stop, yellow something needs adjusting, and green everything is normal,” I answered for both our sakes.

  I knew what Nick was doing, reminding me I could safe out anytime I wanted when Noah had wrestled that ticket away from me. Did Nick fear Noah had ruined BDSM for me forever?

  In a way, Noah did. I doubted I could easily trust any Dom easily again, but Nick had been an exception. He didn’t just save me. Nick could’ve kept me, taken me for himself, yet it took three times the courage to reject the broken love I offered, as much as he wanted it himself. Instead of fighting him the entire way, I needed the grace to accept and respect his decision.

  If Nick wanted me to move on and learn to find my way back to my old life, I’d do my best. I had this time to remember at least, and I’d treasure it until the day I died.