A Broken Forever

by Megan Noelle

  With 100% conviction behind my attitude I knew Stefan had a one in a million chance of making things right. Little did I know then that he would be that one—he would always be that one in a million. And as I stared I suddenly became lost in a memory of the most unexpected and epic apology I had ever received.

  A weekend had passed—not a lifetime or anything—but it felt like it. The fight and break-up I went through with Stefan on Friday had been absolutely devastating. Thanks to having an older brother that was loved by the teaching staff, I was able to ditch the rest of the day and not receive any sort of detention. I burrowed myself in my room, in my blankets and refused to answer the phone. I told my family I didn’t want to know if anyone called for me, because I wasn’t going to take the call anyway. All weekend passed with me in a daze, it wasn’t until this morning while Jayden drove us to school that he filled me in on just how many times that boy had called. 50. Seriously?? Who manages to call someone fifty times in a single weekend when there was no promised hope of a return call?

  “Give him a break, Grey, he would never do anything to hurt you.” Jay spoke up as we waited for the light to change.

  “But he did hurt me.” He cast his eyes from the road and gave me a pleading look.

  “Maybe he did, but you should see him now. I’ve never seen the man like this—just talk to him. I promise he would never do anything with her.”

  The familiar tug at my heart warned me that more tears were on their way, if I couldn’t grab hold of my control. Looking out the window at least kept Jayden’s sorrow-filled gaze from breaking through my own. Rain pelted against the windows, for some strange reason I felt this gloomy weather was in place for us today. My heart was sad without Stefan, but even more hurt by what may have happened. While Stefan was supposedly aching from our time apart as well.

  The first half of my day passed with my nerves churning anxiously around in my stomach. Stefan and I have just about every class together, with our seats either next to each other, or just about. I bobbed my knee, tapped my pencil and watched the clock at the start of every period. Yet, he never showed. There I sat, baggy hoody, and too dark eyeliner that I caked on purposely to shield myself from others. At this point I looked like a complete fool—sitting here in my misery with Stefan missing in action.

  God—I was seriously an idiot. The whispers grew louder as each hour came to an end and I sunk lower into my seat. The whole morning I cursed Jayden for ever forcing me out of bed today. Lunch came and after I grabbed my tray and took a seat away from as many people as possible. I decided I was going back to bed the second I left the cafeteria. It didn’t matter if I had to walk home—as long as I wasn’t here—it would be worth it.

  My fork poked around at the mashed potato-like substance while I tuned out everything around me. The ear-piercing sound of the speakers screeching drew me from my thoughts. Immediately I looked around and noticed other people covering their ears. All of us wondering what was going on. Just as I was about to avert my attention back to the mush on my tray, I heard an all-too familiar voice. It wasn’t coming from the space next to me, but instead, it was surrounding me.

  My head instantly snapped up to see where Stefan’s voice was coming from, when I saw him standing at the front of the cafeteria with a microphone in hand. Typically, it was used for the teachers in the cafeteria to get student’s attention without screaming over everyone. From the look on our supervising teacher’s face, this was not the use Stefan intended for it.

  “Excuse me everyone while I interrupt your fine meal but I have something very important to say. This past Friday the woman I love with all my heart saw a horrible sight, and was left with the wrong impression. I want her to know, with all of you as my witness, that I would never ever do anything in this world to hurt her. What she saw was nothing more than an unfortunate and highly unwanted advance of another. I’ve called repeatedly but since my beautiful girl won’t talk to me, I had to resort to something a little more drastic.”

  My mouth hung open as I watched Stefan turn and nod at someone behind him. I followed his eye line and saw none other than my brother with a guitar slung over his shoulder and a walkie-talkie in his hand. Jay said something directly into it and moments later it wasn’t just the cafeteria speakers that were taken over—it was the entire sound system for the school. A song began playing and less than ten seconds in, I knew exactly what it was. ‘I’ll Be’ by Edwin McCain was one of my favorite songs and Stefan knew this.

  My trance was returned to Stefan just as he caught my eye, winked, and put the mic to his lips to sing. The song played over the speakers, Jayden chimed in with guitar, but the only thing I could focus on was the voice of the guy I knew without a single hesitation, was meant for me.

  My eyes followed Stefan ceaselessly as he made his way around the room, slowly growing closer to my seat. It wasn’t the first time I have heard Stefan sing, but before it had been nothing but us singing along to the radio in his car. Never before did I realize just how wonderfully beautiful his singing voice was. Even with my attention focused on Stefan, I didn’t miss the way every other girl in the room noticed my newfound information as well.

  Jayden and Stefan finished the first chorus and suddenly both climbed to the nearest table top to belt out the chorus. They hopped down at the last word, and continued singing but my heart beat quickened as I saw that I was now in Stefan’s sights. I felt the heat from dozens of other eyes on me but all that mattered were his. As he finished the end of the verse he stopped in front of me. Dropping to his knees, he let his free hand stroke the curls of my hair. The next words he sang without ever breaking his eyes away from mine. The words caressed the pain within my soul and slowly it all melted away. Standing once more, he gazed down into my eyes, throwing himself into the sentiment of the words that fell from his lips.

  With the last pause of the song before the finale he reached his hand down to me and I saw in his eyes that he wanted my forgiveness. Accepting his hand was accepting his apology, and without a second thought—I did. Stefan’s entire disposition beamed as he pulled me to my feet. His free arm slipped around my waist as his unbelievably entrancing soul finished the song.

  The cafeteria broke into applause as Stefan turned the microphone off and set it on top of the table. His hands gently framed the sides of my face, while that stunning smile remained in place.

  “Please say you forgive me, Greyson Rose.”

  I didn’t bother speaking my answer; I let my lips crush against his and the overwhelmingly euphoric feeling was answer enough. His fingers curled into my hair as my arms wrapped tight around his shoulders pulling him into me.

  The loudspeaker crackling made us part enough to hear what was going on. The unmistakable voice of our principal followed.

  “Will the clever wannabe musicians come to my office immediately? We already know who the culprits are, Stefan and Jayden, so if you can get here within the next three minutes, then maybe your punishment will end before the turn of the century.”

  Laughter erupted from the cafeteria, but Stefan only smiled as he continued holding my face in his hands. It was the simplest moments, such as these, that made me realize just how much Stefan truly cherished me. He told me constantly that he didn’t deserve me, but that’s where he was wrong—I was the lucky one. I have, without a doubt, the best, most honest, faithful, dedicated, and genuine man that ever lived.

  I am so incredibly in love with this man.

  “Will you wait for me?” Stefan asked, breaking our silence.

  My fingers trailed the length of his face, “Always.” I answered with a promise I would keep for as long as I lived.

  “Always,” the word left my mouth as if I was there in that moment. Making that promise again for the very first time.

  “Always what?” The sound of Kari’s voice brought me back to the present, as I whipped around to face her. Finally emerging from the memory I had been lost within.

  “Nothing, why?” My neck g
rew hot and as her eyebrow rose out of confusion. I worried she would ask more questions, I was way too shaky to answer.

  “You just said it.”

  “Yeah,” I replied. After a minute of staring at each other she nodded, realizing I had no intention of explaining further.

  “Okay, so what were you doing?”

  I shrugged, letting the relief of my body relaxing spread throughout my limbs. “Just…remembering.” I answered as honestly as I could.

  “Remembering what?” Kari took a seat at the table, staring shamelessly at the impressive bouquet in front of her.

  My first instinct was to skirt around the whole subject and make my way out to the salon floor to lose myself in my work. For some reason, I couldn’t though this time. Every other day it had never been an issue to keep my memories to myself but this time—I wanted to share them.

  “Back in high school, when I was with Stefan, there was a day when I broke up with him because I thought something was going on with another girl. I was devastated all weekend long but Monday at lunch time in the cafeteria he sang to me.” I smiled, shaking my head. “That isn’t the right word. He did more than just sing to me. Stefan and my brother managed to play my favorite song over the loudspeakers, and he serenaded me as his way to beg me to forgive him.”

  “And did you?” I was surprised that Kari’s voice was almost dreamy. The way girls are when they share a gesture with each other that makes them swoon.

  I looked from the bouquet into her eyes and smiled, “Of course I did.”

  “What made you think of it? I thought Ty said these flowers were from Richard?”

  I nodded, trying to not appear like I was a deer caught in headlights. “They are, but these are apology flowers and for some reason I just started to think of that apology.”

  Kari snorted, “Probably because being serenaded will always beat flowers.”

  I laughed, “Only if they know how to sing.”

  “So true. Did Stefan?”

  “Did Stefan what?” It wasn’t that I didn’t understand the question, but it was hard for me to grasp the fact that for the first time in so many years, I was able to talk about Stefan openly. Not shielding that part of my life was definitely a change I was still getting used to.

  “Know how to sing?”

  “Oh yeah, he absolutely did. He was never determined to be a professional singer by any means, but his voice was just…magic.”

  “With a face and body like that, you begin to assume that all of him is magic.” Kari gave me a wink as she left the room, and I was downright relieved that she didn’t ask if the “rest” of him was. Although I knew the answer, I didn’t exactly think me reminiscing about his other “magical talents” was the best thing to do right about now.

  The day went by without any more excitement but I was left humming “I’ll Be” all day and I found myself using any excuse to go to the break room to just steal a glance of the flowers. Every time I saw them they made me smile, and when I was stuck on the salon floor, I found myself reaching into my apron. My fingers searched around until I found the little card and I’d just hold it in my hand for a moment. It would seem silly to anyone else, but it was comforting to me and that was all that mattered.

  At the end of my shift I checked my phone, felt my blood pressure rise as I saw not a single message from Richard, and then I drove home. My day had been wonderful but I was able to live in a little bubble of bliss thinking all was well with the apology. What I failed to grasp, until I was sitting in my car, was the apology that warmed my heart wasn’t from the one I was going home to. Richard hadn’t even sent a text to apologize and as much as I didn’t want to compare the Richard and Stefan’s approaches to apologizing—I couldn’t help it.

  The frustration I felt toward Richard had nothing to do with the money spent, or the fact that Stefan always tried to show his apologies in a big way. It was all because I found myself questioning Richard in general. Why couldn’t he have taken the time out of his day off to send a message to simply apologize? Did he feel bad at all?

  Richard had always been my rock. He was honest, direct and I never had to worry that something was going on behind my back. He was the solid constant I so desperately needed, but even something as small as not receiving a text made tiny cracks appear in that once strong rock. It may only be a sliver but it was a sliver that wasn’t there before and little things like that had a tendency to do nothing but grow. Healing from my past with Stefan and Allie was hard enough, I really needed someone to rely on that I knew, without a single shred of doubt, would stand tall to keep me safe.

  That one crack was enough to make me wonder if Richard could be that person I desired above all other things.

  From the hallway I could smell Richard’s delectable cooking skills and I felt my weary heart smile. Maybe I was just too hasty to jump to the conclusion that Richard may not be the man I thought him to be. Now that I rationally thought about my guy, I knew I was being crazy. Richard was always a face-to-face kind of guy. He probably prepared dinner, planned to apologize, and would spend the rest of the night making up for walking out on breakfast.

  Suddenly I found my stomach growling and I didn’t hesitate a second longer to start our night together. I just about broke down the door and let my nose guide me through the house. I stopped at the dining room table and felt my mood fall once again. The table wasn’t set and I had a feeling it wasn’t just because Richard hadn’t gotten around to it yet.

  “Richard?” I called out, wondering if maybe something had gone wrong. It didn’t feel right that there was nothing special done for dinner.

  “In here, darling.” Richard responded from the kitchen.

  Proceeding with caution I moved into the kitchen and stared at Richard’s back as he washed dishes in the sink.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, not knowing any other way to word my confusion.

  He looked over his shoulder at me and shrugged his shoulders. “What do you mean, honey?”

  “You’re washing dishes.” He chuckled at my obvious statement.

  “Yes, I am, I do it a lot. I made some dinner, got hungry so I ate, but I put a plate for you in the microwave.”

  I threw my hand out to pause the conversation. “Wait, so we’re not eating dinner together?”

  “We will both be here together but after I made dinner I was just too hungry to wait. I made you some too of course, darling.” I watched as he shut off the water, dried his hands, and grabbed the rag to clean the counter. It was almost surreal, as if nothing this morning happened. There was even a minute where I sifted through my memories of the day to make sure I really hadn’t pulled the fight out of thin air. But there it was, clear as day, and I was left only more confused than before.

  “We should talk about our fight this morning.” The words blurted past my lips. Richard looked just as shocked as I felt when the words sunk in.

  “Our fight?”

  Despite the shock of my bold attitude, I knew I was tired of hiding behind everything. I wanted answers. “Yes, our fight, don’t you remember?”

  “Oh honey, that wasn’t a fight. Don’t worry, Grey, everything is just fine.”

  That was it? My mind had been racing about this all day and he hadn’t given it a second thought.

  “But you just left when I made us breakfast, and you didn’t tell me you had any plans.”

  Richard smiled and shook his head as if I told a silly joke. “Grey, we don’t eat together quite often. There have been times I’ve made us a meal and you had other things going on and I ate alone. It isn’t the end of the world, just the way things are.” I stood motionless as he approached me, placed a kiss to my cheek, and made his way into the living room.

  “Heat up your plate and come join me to watch the news!”

  I stared at the counter where Richard was only seconds before. This felt wrong—Stefan was the one sending me apologies while my rock was beginning to crumble. I had to be dreaming.


  “I’m going to eat here at the counter.” I called out.

  “Alright, darling.” Was all Richard replied.

  After heating up the grilled chicken I cleaned my dishes then excused myself to my room. Richard seemed obnoxiously oblivious to the tension and it was enough to make me sick. Even now with my newfound courage to stand up for myself I found it to be pointless here. What was the good of speaking my mind if the other person didn’t see any problems?

  As I curled into my bed, mindlessly flipping through a bridal catalog, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. How oblivious to our lives had I been? Was I really making a much bigger deal of this than it should be? Honestly, I could see the point that just because I finally put in that extra effort, everything shouldn’t just go my way. It was wrong to assume Richard’s life depended on mine but it hurt nonetheless. I wanted to make this conscious effort to correct our lives together and I wanted Richard to commit as well. Did I have a right though?

  Our lives were set; we both worked long hours and at times, very different shifts. We made time for each other, as time allowed, but neither of us before had truly gone out of our way to cancel our day plans to be together. That was part of what drew us to each other—we could work without feeling guilty of leaving the other out. Now I felt I was changing what I wanted and I didn’t know if it was okay for me to be upset by a normal habit we had, no longer filling my heart as it once did.

  When Richard joined hours later to go to sleep, I pretended I was already in dreamland. And when he crawled into bed, I felt myself slowly move away from him. Most nights we would coordinate our bodies so we were always lying together. Tonight, with me turned one way and him another, I found myself wondering if this was what I wanted for my life.

  Tuesday Morning

  I opened my eyes as Richard finished getting ready for work. He gave me a swift kiss, I wished him a good day, and he was out the door. Things felt off between us but now that my eyes were finally opened to it, I honestly didn’t know what was different. Were our interactions holding tension in us? Or was it possible the habits we had no longer worked for me?