A Broken Forever

by Megan Noelle

I groaned knowing there was no way around telling him the facts. Even if I tried to keep my answers limited, there would be no mistaking the large bridal sign or dresses in the display window.

  “That was my mom. Apparently I had an appointment today that I was not aware of and I need to be there in ten minutes.”

  Stefan seemed relieved as if this was nothing compared to what he imagined. “Not a problem, pretty girl. Where are we headed?”

  Giving him a fleeting innocent smile I gave the information I dreaded. “Amelia’s Bridal Boutique.”

  His head whipped my way, and for a few moments pure terror danced upon his face.

  Hurriedly I added in, “I had no idea about this appointment. And I just need to pick up the um…dress. But, you can just drop me off, and then I’ll take a cab home. So, it’ll be just fine.”

  For an excruciating minute he didn’t respond. Didn’t blink. I wondered if he was even breathing.

  “No, it’s fine.” The cautiously steady words sounded like he was testing them out. Unsure if the answers he gave were going to come out the way he intended. “I’ll bring you, and I’ll take you home after. You can’t let something that important sit in the backseat of a cab.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Slowly he gave a single nod. “Yes.” He signaled his blinker, and pulled back into traffic.

  The entire drive to the shop we never spoke a word or looked the other’s way. He found a spot two stores down from Amelia’s and I hastily undid my seatbelt. Just as I was about to tell him I’d be right back, he shut off the car and reached for his belt.

  “You don’t have to come in, Stef.”

  A dull, lifeless grin forced its way across his lips. “I know, it’ll be alright. Don’t worry.” Not likely.

  We walked uneasily side-by-side into the shop. We were immediately greeted by an overly bubbly sales woman.

  “Hello! How can I help you two today?” The cartoonish expression on her face made me cringe. In no way would I be able to match her enthusiastic mood.

  “I’m just here to pick up my wedding dress.”

  “Wonderful! What is the name for the pick up?”

  “Greyson Desmond or it could be under my mother, Leeann Desmond.”

  “Excellent, I’ll go check on that. Feel free to look around, I’ll come find you.” She practically bounced as she headed toward the back of the store.

  We stood, unmoving and unspeaking as we waited for Bubbles to return. Minutes rolled by and finally she was back with a dress bag hung gracefully across her arms. A heavy exhale deflated my chest as I saw the bag was not see-through. Being here was challenging enough, having Stefan see the gown would be even worse.

  “It looks like this is the final fitting! We will just slip this on and be sure it is perfect and you will be all set.”

  My heart froze. “Um, no…no that’s okay. I’ll just take it now and trust that it is right.”

  Her face sunk. “You don’t want to try it on?”

  “No, I think it will be just fine.”

  “We insist! If you leave without trying it on and there is just a little issue we could fix it. If not, you could put it on the day of your wedding and be out of luck.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be alright.” I smiled as forcefully as I could to get my point across, but the woman didn’t understand. Her eyes darted from me to Stefan as she tried to fathom the reason for rejecting store traditions.

  “Is this the groom?” She asked.

  “No, this is…” I looked back to Stefan, suddenly unsure of what title to give. “This is my best friend.”

  The sunken expression of her face instantly perked up. “Perfect! He’ll be able to give you an honest opinion. We very much recommend putting the gown on before we finalize sales.”

  I was about to disappoint her once more but Stefan stepped in.

  “You should try it on, Grey. You don’t want to risk something being wrong. Your wedding day you should only be happy, not stressed out over your dress.”

  Bubbles nodded her head vigorously. “Precisely! Now come this way you two!” She walked off toward the dressing rooms before I had a chance to argue anymore.

  Stefan placed a hand against my lower back and urged me forward. “Come on, Grey. Don’t be silly. You have to try it on.”

  Whether his words were true or not, they gave me the strength to get into the changing room. Stefan took a seat in the same chair my family had been in weeks prior.

  Bubbles slipped the dress into place and even though the first time it was almost perfectly fitted—this time it was. The gown hugged my curves, complimented my olive complexion, and when I looked into the mirror, I saw the radiance in my reflection. The deep chocolate color of my hair curled down my back and when I examined every bit of my appearance—I had no doubt this was right.

  “Come on out, darling. Show your friend how incredibly stunning you look.”

  My heart beat rapidly as I debated what to do. This was stunning, and I so greatly wanted to show him, but I never wanted to hurt him. As if sensing the reason for my hesitation, Stefan spoke up.

  “Please come out, Grey. I want to see.” A slight wariness laced within his voice, but I knew he was trying to hide it. Releasing all pent up concerns I had, I gave in and walked out to the platform to show Stefan.

  It wasn’t until I was standing, and the train of the dress had been properly fanned out that I looked at him. The awe in his expression made my pulse quicken as he stood to his feet and pressed a hand over his heart.

  “Hold on, one final touch.” Bubbles pinned a veil at the crown of my head and let the back fall down, while the see-through front piece covered my face.

  I watched Stefan’s expressions with each passing moment. The way his eyes searched every piece of the image in front of him. Over the detail in the dress, across the curls of my hair, along my bare arms and collarbone. Bubbles moved to take the front of my veil over my head but Stefan stood, and placed a hand against her shoulder.

  “Let me do it.”

  She smiled at him and backed away. “Of course, I need to grab something from the back. Take your time.” The secret grin on her face said she felt the same change in the air that I had.

  Stefan stepped closer, put either hand on the bottom of the fabric and slowly moved it over my head. Our eyes held on almost afraid to look away and break the moment between us. Tenderly his fingers brushed the side of my cheek, gliding leisurely down the length of my arm until he was holding onto my left hand.

  “You are breathtaking, Greyson Rose.”

  The amazement in his eyes swirled with the sorrow I feared would arise. His lips trembled gently and that was all it took to bring a few silent tears down the front of my face. His fingers formed around the top of my neck. His thumbs lightly rubbed away the streaming tears. Despite the subtle blurring of my vision, I never stopped watching Stefan. I couldn’t tear my eyes away and quite honestly, I didn’t want to.

  “It’s going to be so hard to let you go.” He whispered.

  I wanted to know all that he meant but my soul couldn’t handle the answer. The melancholy over the last few days was becoming clear in my mind. We were friends, but it was a lie to say that was all this was. Stefan was spending his days with me, but now it all made sense.

  He wasn’t building our friendship. He was trying to recreate a better ending than our last.

  Stefan was preparing for the moment he would say goodbye.

  Stefan dropped me off after I had the dress, rehung, and paid for. We didn’t say much. I tried keeping our conversations simple, but they were almost nonexistent. I waved goodbye but stood at the foot of the steps watching his car for a couple minutes before he stepped back out.

  “What are you doing, silly girl?” He called out over the roof of his car.

  “I was going to wait until you drove away.”

  A contented smile tugged against his downturned lips. “Well, I was waiting until you were inside safe and sound.”
>
  “Oh.” I looked down to my feet. They were planted firmly and hesitant to move, all because there were things left unsaid. We had a history of never saying all we wanted and I was tired of always wondering what was left out.

  “Will you still eat lunch with me this week?” My vulnerable childlike-self meekly asked.

  The frown was back upon his face, as I feared it would be. “As much as I can.”

  Nothing about his answer settled the worry fluttering around my stomach. “Will you still talk to me?”

  His head tilted to the side, his eyes filled with something I couldn’t quite recognize. “Of course I will.”

  “Always?”

  “Until there comes a day when you no longer need me.”

  “And what if I always need you?”

  A strained chuckle met my ears. “I’d say that things change every day, and always is a very long time.”

  “It is.”

  He nodded, backing away from the top of the car. He was trying to find a way to leave and avoid the rest of my questions. It was rare that he tried to walk away leaving something unfinished—unless he had to.

  “I’m always here, Greyson Rose. Now go get that dress inside. It’s too beautiful to risk anything happening to it.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. Thank you for bringing me today, Stefan.”

  “Of course.” With a quick wave of his hand he slipped into his car, but waited once again. I walked into the front door and glanced back out the window to see him drive away. A few minutes ticked by. I just couldn’t get myself to walk away when I was no longer certain of where exactly I was headed.

  The next few days seemed to clump together into one uneventful blob. I filled my mother in on the dress details, and hid it away back in the closet. I told Richard it was there, but made him promise not to look. However, when I was all alone I removed it from the closet. Lying the bag onto the bed, I unzipped it just a bit, and let my fingers trace the lacy designs. I was unsure why I did it, and when I had asked my mother if she had done the same thing; the only response I got was her telling me I had better not ruin it before my big day.

  Monday and Tuesday Stefan never came by. He messaged me a few times to let me know he wouldn’t make it and asked how I was doing. Not seeing him left my mood in a perpetual funk. Wednesday he didn’t come by for lunch, but I mentioned I was working the closing shift, in case that worked better for him. After I locked up the salon, he was waiting in the parking lot. The way my heart soared when I saw him made every disheartened thought fade away. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong, and his attitude felt infinitely more cheerful than it had on Saturday. The only problem was after twenty minutes he said he had to get back to work, and after pulling me in for a quick hug he drove away.

  Thursday I had received a text from him that morning, but as I anticipated before opening it, he wasn’t coming by. His absence was sincerely crushing my spirits and making the other aspects of my day suffer. Richard noticed my change and asked if I was alright. After telling him I was fine he proceeded to give me all the space I may have needed. My salon family seemed to put the pieces together, or at the very least, realized that Stefan was a contributing factor to my woeful disposition.

  Friday morning I woke up with the mindset that something needed to change. Sulking in my own personal bubble was getting me nowhere and I was desperate to escape it. That morning Richard reminded me that he worked until a little later that night and instead of passively acknowledging it, an idea popped up.

  “Don’t go in today!” I burst out.

  He eyed me skeptically. “What do you mean?”

  “Stay home, let’s go do something! Do you want to see a baseball game?? I heard the Red Sox are playing at home today, we can get some cheap seats!”

  He placed a kiss to my forehead. “I can’t miss work, honey. Besides, you know I’m not a baseball fan.”

  After he went to work I went online, purchased two cheap tickets and printed them out. I wanted to go today no matter what. There were a few people I could ask to take the ticket but truthfully, there was really only one that I wanted.

  Never in my life had I been this nervous as I listened to the phone ring in my ear. With each ring my stomach churned until I was sure I was going to puke. Just as I was about to burst, he picked up.

  “Hey pretty girl.” He answered, with the upbeat tone I had been hoping to hear.

  “What are you doing today??” My words rushed together in a single breath.

  “Just working…”

  Before he could get out another word I budded in. “Cancel it. Play hooky with me today!”

  He chuckled. “Does it count as hooky if you already have the day off, Greyson Rose?”

  “Sure! If I play a part in making someone who is working ditch it.”

  “Well, what did you have in mind?”

  “Hold on!” I quickly flipped to the camera, and zeroed in on the printed tickets. I pressed send and sat waiting.

  “Hold on, something’s coming in. Oh shit, I’m in!”

  Euphoria washed over me and every tense, built up moment of stress I have had this past week suddenly let loose. Nothing made me happier than knowing that for a few hours today, it would just be me and Stefan.

  “Good!”

  “I need to finish up some things here but I’ll pick you up at noon. Sound okay?”

  “Sounds perfect!” I could hardly contain my giddiness. “Don’t forget your baseball hat to shield your face as you sneak out.”

  I stood there, biting my nails waiting to see if he understood what I was referring to.

  A boisterous laugh met my ear. “Oh, so we’re going old school with this, are we?”

  “Is there any other way to do it?”

  “Absolutely not! Do you have a hat, pretty girl? Or am I going to need to bring one to protect your identity?”

  “I’m fully covered.”

  “That’s my girl!” My entire being smiled. My soul lit up for the first time in days. This was exactly the response I had hoped for. I knew deep down it meant he hadn’t given up on me…yet.

  The minute we hung up the phone I ran to get ready. In just under an hour Stefan would be here. Even though I was never the type of girl to get all dolled up just to get the mail—I felt the need to this time.

  My hair naturally hung in loose curls down my back; besides adding a bit of curl-enhancing gel I left it alone. My complexion never required much foundation and in the summer sun, I didn’t bother with it. I did line my eyes in black liner, mascara on my lashes and then quickly backed away from the makeup before I completely overdid it. I ran off to the bedroom, and slipped on a pair of my fitted white wash denim shorts. When it came down to what I would wear on the top, there were various types of Red Sox shirts I owned. Tank tops, windbreakers, long-sleeve, short-sleeve—I had them all.

  In all honesty though, I never wore them. I watched the Sox when I was alone and the apparel purchasing obsession came from the guilt. At times I felt that I was the neglectful mother to my team. I loved them, but only when I had the time and privacy to show it. Buying as many pieces of team clothing as possible became the best way to “prove” my love. It was without a doubt, ridiculous, and I knew it.

  I wasn’t left wondering which to wear for long because I knew the moment I saw it. One of my favorite shirts was a red fitted top that looked like a mock jersey. The sleeves stopped just above my elbow and each had a faded looking set of stripes, two navy lines with white stripes above and below the navy ones. The “B” for our proud city was screen printed over my heart with the word ‘Red Sox’ screen printed along the back shoulders. The best part of the shirt was the neckline, and the whole reason I bought it in the first place. A scoop neck revealed my bare skin to the top of my bra-enhanced cleavage. The neckline met in the center and four buttons ran to the top of my stomach.

  The shirt itself was perfect for the game but I would be lying if I said the reason I selected it was for the team pr
ide. When, in fact, it was all because of that plunging neckline and my sudden desire to appear…sexy.

  The final touch to my look was to secure a baseball hat over my head and pull my excessive amounts of hair through the back hole. This wasn’t just any random Red Sox hat, it was the same one Stefan put onto my head that first day we met. He had slipped it over my head to help me escape the hallways; after the game I had realized I wanted to hold onto that hat forever. Stefan must have understood that very thing and when he had dropped me off that night, he told me to keep it.

  It made the move with me from one home to the next and finally, I was going to put it back on. The hat fit better than it had before and it made me that much more excited for Stefan to arrive. In the middle of looking over my appearance one final time, three short honks came from the front of my building. My feet were instantly racing toward the window and when I looked down I almost stopped breathing. Stefan was just exiting the car but it wasn’t the shiny black one I was used to. I flew from the sill; grabbed my phone, money and the tickets, shoving them into my pockets to avoid a purse. Snatched up the keys and ran from the apartment down to the front sidewalk.

  By the time I got down there Stefan was leaned against the passenger door of a beautiful dark red, Cadillac convertible. It was the exact same style as his first car. I wanted to rush to the car squealing but I wanted to play it as cool as possible.

  “Did you seriously honk at me to come down? You know, a real gentleman would come up to the door.”

  A full-fledged smile revealed those impeccably white teeth, and how dazzling he looked with his entire face lit up.

  “You know I’m not a real gentleman. Besides, I know my girl, she’s got nothing against a horn honking to get her attention. Especially when I show up with a car like this.” His arms extended wide to showcase that flawless shine of his car.

  “Is this the same one?” My eyes roved over the curves of the Cadillac. It was as if I was looking at the car for the first time all over again.

  “Nope, unfortunately. I sold it, as you know, to get a better car for us with Allie. When I started actually making money for myself that I could spend, this was one of my first purchases. She was real beat up when I found her, I almost sat the guy down to give the guy a good talkin’ to.”