A Broken Forever

by Megan Noelle

  When I finally awoke it was after midnight and regardless of the comfort of being curled into Stefan, I had to get home. I jumped from the bed as Stefan awoke alert in the process.

  “What’s going on, Grey??”

  “I have to go! It’s after midnight and I need to get back. I can’t just stay here, Stef.”

  “Grey…”

  I quickly stopped him. “Please,” I pleaded. “I need my clothes and I have to leave.”

  He wasn’t ready to let me go just yet and I knew it. Despite that, he left the room and retrieved our clothes from the dryer. As soon as he was back, I hastily began pulling my clothes into place and tried to ignore the heartbreaking expression upon Stefan’s face.

  “I don’t want you to go.”

  I slid my shirt over my stomach and went to him. Throwing my arms around his shoulders and burying my face in his chest I breathed him in.

  “I don’t want to leave, Stef. But I have to. This isn’t the way this should be done. It isn’t fair to you or to him. I need to finalize certain things before we can do anything else.” His arms wrapped tight around my waist as he held on, afraid to let go.

  “I’m afraid that you’ll leave here and never come back, Greyson Rose. You belong here. You belong with me.”

  Nothing in my mind doubted that, but I had to talk to Richard. He deserved to know the truth and in this moment, it was all I could focus on.

  “I’ll be back, Stefan. I swear.”

  Releasing him, I headed towards the door when I realized my car wasn’t here. I knew Stefan could drive me home, but I refused to let him tonight. If there were any nosy neighbors that witnessed another man dropping me off in the early morning hours, it wouldn’t be good. My phone was long since dead and that meant I needed his. My chest hurt being here because I never wanted to leave. I would never tell Stefan but a feeling deep in my stomach told me coming back wouldn’t be as simple as I promised.

  “Stef, can you please call me a cab?”

  “Sure, but I have something for you first.” He picked up an ivory envelope from a stack of paperwork near the door. “You read this, while I call.”

  From the envelope I pulled out a beautifully scripted invitation. It was for a charity ball with Stefan’s company as the sponsoring host. The invitation indicated it as a black tie event and it was for this following weekend. My mind wandered freely to the idea of being tangled up in Stefan’s arms, dancing the night away. It was a beautiful picture and I only prayed it could someday come true. I just didn’t know if this was the time.

  “They’re on their way.” Stefan announced, tearing my thoughts from my remarkable fantasy.

  “Okay, good.” I gave the invitation back but Stefan refused to take it.

  “It’s for you, Grey. We have this event every year, we select a new charity and raise as much money for them as we can. A lot of our clients have companies that have a lot of money to spend. It’s a great time but I need you to be there to make it special. It just won’t be the same if you’re not.”

  My face fell as I thought up some kind way to say I didn’t know what the future held for us.

  “Please, just, don’t say no. You have the invite, I would rather have you there than anyone else. So, if you don’t go, I’ll just be there alone.”

  “Stef…” Before I could say anything else his lips were over mine and his tongue forced his way through. That one kiss I gave everything into. I let my heart pour through me so he knew that whatever was to come, that everything I said in this one incredible night was true.

  “You better get going, cab will be here any minute.”

  I nodded my head and reluctantly turned away to go. The cab was waiting and my entire ride home all I could think about was how I was going further away from my future.

  When we pulled up to my street I luckily had enough cash shoved into my pockets to pay the cab. Of course, I naturally assumed they would be scrunched up and worthless after getting soaked in the shower and then dried. But the crisp twenty in my pocket made me realize that Stefan would never stop taking care of me. I ran up to our apartment and once I was inside I leaned back against the door and let out a relieved huff.

  “Where were you, Grey?”

  The sound of Richard’s voice made me jump almost through the roof. My chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.

  “Holy shit, you scared me! I thought you were at work tonight?” There was no gleaming smile on his face, no twinkle in his eyes, and no loving hug to greet me. He just sat in the arm chair, an empty glass of wine sitting on the stand next to him.

  “Yeah well, I came home early to see my bride-to-be. I was instead given an even better surprise. There was no note, no call, nothing. I called the salon, your brother, your mom, anyone I thought might know where you were.”

  “Richard, I am so sorry.” I started to approach him but he threw his hand up to stop me.

  “I did find something that helped me at least know you were safe.”

  “Oh, you did?” My face paled, nothing about that made me feel better.

  “Yeah, you’ve been all over the news.”

  “The news??”

  “Well, the sports segments to be more exact. Don’t worry, I printed off the online version of the article.” He held up a piece of paper. Somehow I made my feet move forward but the entire time my knees shook. Richard’s scowl never faded from his face as I took the page from his hands.

  I could have fainted. In color print was an impossibly clear picture of me and Stefan at the Red Sox game. We faced each other with glowing smiles and even from here I could feel the connection between us. The headline read in bold font, “Fan Catches Pop Fly and Cameras Catch Boston’s Most Eligible Bachelor with a Date.”

  “I can explain.” I pulled my eyes from the picture. Richard jumped from the chair with fire blazing from his eyes.

  “I sure as hell hope so, sweetheart. Let’s start with how in the hell do you know, Stefan Harrison.”

  My heart beat echoed through around the room. Tension built and Richard’s glare never softened.

  “He’s my ex-husband.”

  Richard exploded at the news and began demanding answers to countless questions. I felt overwhelmed with everything and panic bubbled deep into my chest. I wanted to answer but I knew without question that I needed someone to hold my hand through it. There was only one thing I could think of and that was Amy. Many years ago she gave me her personal cell phone number in case of emergencies and this was definitely one. I called her, and she told us to come by at nine a.m. the next morning and she would make time before her first appointment. Richard was furious but reluctantly agreed. We spent the rest of the night apart with him on the couch and me in bed. To say I slept well would have been a complete exaggeration. All night I tossed and I turned and I cried with the overwhelming stress. I brought it all on myself and now I had to face the music.

  “Amy said she’d be here this morning to meet with me.” I told the receptionist.

  She smiled but it was apparent she felt the stress building between me and Richard. The entire morning, car ride and everything in between had been done in complete silence. We said nothing, and I didn’t know how to make it better. I was hurting so badly because of all the hurt I was making him feel. We sat at opposite ends of the waiting room and I mentally prepared myself to reveal everything I had worked so hard to keep hidden.

  “Grey, I’m ready for you, Hun.” I looked up and saw Amy standing at the door. A broken smile emerged but it quickly fell from my features. Richard saw me stand and did the same. Together we followed Amy down the hall to her office and once inside Amy extended her hand to Richard.

  “Hello, I’m Amy. I’m happy you agreed to come along this morning.”

  “Richard.” He said, shaking her hand. “I didn’t really want to but it seemed to be the only way to get answers.”

  Amy nodded, motioning for us to take a seat. “I know it isn’t easy but there is much Grey has to te
ll you. There aren’t many people that know all about her life and I know that has to be difficult.”

  “I don’t know why she felt she had to hide anything from me.” Amy focused her attention on me and gave a nod of encouragement to proceed.

  “I don’t have a good reason for you about that, Richard. I have never wanted to hurt you. It’s just…there is a lot from my past that has pained me and I didn’t want you to share that burden.”

  For the first time since last night he turned his eyes to see me. “I asked you to marry me, Grey. That alone means I want to share the good and bad with you.”

  “There’s more to it than that.”

  “Fine,” he threw his hands up. “Why don’t you start somewhere, Grey? How about you tell me about Stefan. I never knew that you even knew who he was, let alone that you had been married before!”

  “I meant to tell you about him sooner, Richard. It’s just that…” I looked to Amy for a better way to explain.

  “Why don’t you start at the beginning, Grey? You want to tell him everything and that’s the best way to explain.”

  I nodded, sighed and began. “I met Stefan in high school. He was a grade older than me and right from the start I loved him. He was everything I ever wanted and that was before I even knew what I needed. We did everything together. My days were spent with him by my side and my nights were filled with him in my dreams. He was my whole world. When I turned 18 and finished high school, we got married. No one thought we would last and they were right, but for a completely different reason than they all anticipated.”

  Richard’s stern expression remained in place but a glimmer in his eye told me his fury was beginning to soften.

  “What happened?” He asked as an encouragement to move forward.

  “I got pregnant. It wasn’t planned but as soon as I found out, we became incredibly excited. Everything felt right between us and nine months later I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl. We named her Allie, and never in my life had I been happier.” From my purse I pulled out a manila folder that contained the documents I grabbed from my locked cabinet that morning. I pulled out my marriage certificate and a newborn picture of Allie, I and Stefan in the hospital. My hands shook as I handed them to him.

  He must have sensed my discomfort with finally talking about everything as he gently took them from my hand. His eyes only scanned my marriage license for a few moments before he moved his attention to the photograph. The stern expression immediately faded away as a remorseful look to its place.

  “She’s absolutely beautiful, Grey.” I nodded, as I frantically tried to hold back the onslaught of tears making its way up. “What…what happened to her?”

  Richard was in no way a stupid man, and right away he caught onto where the real trouble lied.

  “She was six months old and it was Christmas Eve. We had been at a family party and were ready to go home. She was fast asleep and I was exhausted. I had been worried that Stefan couldn’t get us home okay, but he promised me he was okay to drive. Apparently he hadn’t been. I woke up to the sound of a car honking, he had fallen asleep at the wheel and we got into a major car wreck. I blacked out and when I woke up at the hospital you work at, I learned that Allie had died.”

  I swiped away the tears and tried to power forward. “For the next year I tried to make everything work, and hold onto all we had. But Stefan let it all go. I hardly recognized him and during that time we started coming to therapy sessions with Amy. They did nothing to help us and finally one night I decided I had to walk away. We got a divorce and went our separate ways. I was wounded, battered, broken, and nothing made it better. In one single night I lost everything I ever wanted. My daughter, my husband, my best friend and the life I longed for.” Richard pressed a hand against my knee and Amy passed over a box of tissues.

  I struggled to maintain my clear mind but it was becoming more difficult with each passing moment. “For six years I didn’t see him, hear from him, nothing. I tried to move on and it worked well for a while. I went to beauty school, met Kacie, met you, and opened Bella Donna. I moved on and that was something I had never imagined I would do.”

  “How did you start talking again?”

  “It was a coincidence, honestly. The day I ended up at the hospital with the concussion was the first time I saw him. Since that moment he did everything he could to stay around in my life and I found myself doing the same.”

  Richard butted in. “He still loves you.” It wasn’t a question but I clarified.

  “I don’t think he ever stopped.”

  “And you love him?”

  I nodded, slowly; looking to Amy for her support. She reached a hand out and wrapped it around the top of mine. It was exactly what I needed to answer the thing I had been dreading.

  “With all my heart. But that doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving you, Richard.”

  He reached over and lifted my left hand so all three of us had a clear view. “If that’s so, then where is your ring, Grey? Did you suddenly misplace it after the year or so it has been on your finger?”

  This was the first time I realized it wasn’t there. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was at Stefan’s house and from the look in Richard’s eyes, so did he.

  “What happened with Stefan last night, Grey?”

  “Richard…” He shook his head before I got anymore out.

  “No, don’t sit here and try to soften the blow, Grey. I want to hear the goddamn truth. Treat me like an adult for once and let me in. You’re in love with him, he’s in love with you. You purposely hid all of these pieces of your life from me and there has to be a reason why. I’m pretty certain I know it, but I need to hear it from you. So, why don’t you start by admitting what happened last night?”

  I looked to Amy and the stunned expression said she hadn’t expected this either.

  “I was at Stefan’s house.”

  “Yup, and what happened?” The softness that had crept into his face earlier had completely vanished now.

  “We…we slept together.”

  “How many times?”

  “Is that really necessary?” I asked. It was bad enough having this conversation without admitting to him the number of times. Nothing about my answer would heal us and in my opinion there was no point making this hurt worse than it was already destined to.

  “Yeah, it is. Tell me.” Seeing this commanding side of Richard wasn’t normal and it was scaring the hell out of me.

  “Twice.”

  He nodded knowing. “Yeah, so, you must have felt so guilty about it. Never wanted to hurt me so you hid him from me. Went out with him, went back to his place and then had sex with him. Twice. Am I missing anything? Did you do anything before yesterday?”

  “Yesterday was the first time we had sex since we were together.”

  “And there it is. The all too specific wording of what you precisely didn’t do.”

  “Richard, I don’t know if this is where the focus should be. Grey has just given a very large piece of herself to you.” Amy chimed in, trying to reign in Richard’s sudden erratic reactions.

  “I get that, Amy. But don’t you agree this is a little late? In my opinion, Grey had plenty of opportunities to give me even a slice of the life she once had. She chose not to, until it was all piled on top of her. And now, I want to know it all.” He looked from Amy back to me. “What else happened, Grey?”

  “We hugged, and we’ve kissed. It wasn’t every day or anything, but it has happened a few times. For the last couple of weeks we’ve been having lunch together every day at work. Either he comes to the salon, or on Friday’s I’ve gone to his work since I have the day off.”

  “For the love of Christ.” Richard wiped his hands over his face and jumped to his feet. “You’ve had an ongoing emotional affair with a man you have never stopped loving.”

  “Richard!” I tried to gain his attention but he was already off on a rant that wouldn’t have been stopped even if the building w
ere to suddenly catch on fire.

  “Please, let’s calm down and talk rationally about this.” Amy got to her feet and took a step toward me. It didn’t matter that she was a few inches shorter than Richard, her actions were purely protective. I knew Richard would never physically harm me, but Amy was on a mission to save the part of me that was in the most danger—my heart.

  “I don’t really want to calm down, Amy. And quite honestly, I don’t want to sit around here anymore, Grey. I understand that you needed Amy’s support to share some of this. What I don’t get is why the hell you couldn’t trust me. Why it took so long to even know you had ever been pregnant, married, or hell, even in love before! So, how about this? I’ll psychoanalysis the situation for us! You never said a word about anything because you never let it go. You’ve been waiting for him to come back and make it right. I was just the moron that didn’t see what was right in front of him.”

  Before either of us could respond, Richard swung the door open and slammed it shut as he ran out. The shock settled in first and almost immediately the tears broke free and the hysterics took over. Amy wrapped her arms around me and let me cry on her shoulder. All while I tried to process how the past twenty four hours had completely flipped my life upside down.

  When I was finally able to calm down a bit, I called my brother for a ride. I didn’t need to explain the situation, as soon as he heard the whimpering in my voice, he was on his way. Amy gave me one more tight squeeze and one final piece of advice to part.

  “Have faith, Grey. What’s meant to be, always will be.”

  Right now it did nothing to solve my problem but I thanked her nonetheless. By the time I made my way outside Jayden was parked at the building entrance. He stood next to the passenger door and I wasted no time running to him, a fresh new wave of tears soaked into his shirt. By the time he managed to get me into the car I had no choice but to tell him all that happened. He never once seemed surprised by all that had happened between me and Stefan, but I felt his disappointment circling around his car. I hated the way I couldn’t manage to stop hurting people lately but something told me it wasn’t over with yet.