A Broken Forever

by Megan Noelle

  “Do you know where Richard went?” He asked when we pulled up outside of my house.

  I shrugged my shoulders, staring at the apartment building that no longer felt like home to me.

  “I have no idea. I’ve never seen him react that way before, and he just…left.”

  Jayden rubbed my shoulder. “It can’t be easier for him, Grey. He’s learning so much so late in the game. And it probably feels like everyone else in his life knew it, but him. Just give it time, and maybe space. Pack a bag and come stay with Cara and I for a few days.”

  “You know, I think I’ll do that. Richard needs room to breathe and well, so do I.”

  “Exactly. Now, go inside and call me the second you need me, Grey.”

  “I will, thank you, Jay.” He leaned across the center console and gave me one parting squeeze.

  Exiting the car I took in a deep breath and gained the willpower to go inside.

  Richard wasn’t inside. He didn’t answer his phone when I called and after a few hours passed, I still heard nothing from him. Eventually I decided Jayden had been right, we needed space and I needed that time to figure out what I wanted anyway. In our bedroom closet I pulled down a small suitcase and began filling it with clothes and other things I may need. This was the second time in my life I had to select just a few things to stow away until my heart decided what I had to do. The last time I hated the way I ended things but I had no choice. There was no telling what would have happened if I would have stayed.

  Thinking about it, there was no real difference between then and now. As I walked away I knew I needed Stefan but I had to let him go, and this time I only wanted to get him back. My entire world revolved around him and it was high time I owned up to all my heart desired.

  Once I had everything stowed away I pulled out my phone and opened a new text to Stefan.

  Me: Richard knows everything now. Apparently we were on the news at the game. I don’t know what’s going to happen now, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. I love you, Stef. I’m going to my brother’s house. I need to resolve these things here before I can come back to you. But I will be back. I promise.

  Just as I lugged my suitcase to the foyer, a knock came from the apartment door. I looked down at my phone to see if I had missed any calls or texts, but nothing was there. For some reason I felt the need to back away from the door and hide until whoever was on the other side went away. Instead I remained motionless. Unable to back away, unwilling to open it either. The knock came again but this time it was far louder. Apparently there was no avoiding what was on the other side. With a reluctant sigh I crossed the room and pulled open the door.

  My mother stood there with her lips pursed, her eyes narrowed, and determination glowing from every inch of her figure.

  “Hey mom.” I smiled, hoping her appearance was a random act and not because she knew, well, anything.

  “We need to talk.”

  The four most terrifying words anyone could hear. But they took on a whole new level of terror when said from my mother’s mouth.

  I extended my arm for her. “Come on in.”

  The second the door had closed she dove right in. “How could you, Greyson?”

  “What??” I expected something along these lines but to start this harsh threw me off.

  “Richard has just been to see me. I knew you kept secrets from him about your past. However, I am just discovering today that your past didn’t exactly stay where it belonged.”

  “Richard was at your house?!” Here I had been worried about him. Turns out he had run off to my mother’s to tattle tale like we were little kids.

  “Yes, he did. He was very upset at you and quite frankly, at all of us. Not a single person had his back in letting him in on those pieces of your past. It crushed him, Greyson. What I couldn’t believe though was the latest news. You never told me Stefan was back in your life. Not to mention, that you were seeing him regularly! Why in all that is holy did you return to him?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “No, I don’t think it is! You have officially cheated on your fiancé, Greyson. With a man that had his chance! I get it, okay? You loved him. You cherished him. You wanted a future with him, but you know what? That time has long since passed.”

  I refused to hear this. Who was she to say? Sure, she knew what happened back in the day, but not a single person carried the weight around that I did. Every single day I had to wake up and realize that Allie and Stefan were gone. While everyone carried on with their lives, I struggled to keep mine. There were people that loved me, and those that offered me a shoulder if I needed one. What none of them realized though was that what I needed, no one else could give me.

  “Who says it has? You’re right, what I did was wrong. But denying everything that I wanted was even worse! For the past six years I’ve had to learn to move on. What if that was the wrong move? Leaving Stefan felt like the right thing to do but maybe I should have stayed and fought for him!”

  My mother snorted in a dry, sarcastic laugh. “Oh please, my dear child, get off the Stefan train right now. Preferably before it derails again, because, it will.”

  “What is that supposed to mean??”

  “Do you really believe that you would never have left him? That Stefan Harrison would give up his world for you? He comes from a world of money and ease. Life with you and with a new child takes all of that away. It was only a matter of time before he did something else to lose your trust and drive you away. The event you faced was extremely overwhelming and it set Stefan off right then. But, you don’t marry men like Stefan. Look at his father, for instance. The man has more money than he knows what to do with. He has had more affairs than I have recipes in my cookbook. That wife of his doesn’t care though, just as long as she gets a credit card with money to spend. That isn’t you, Greyson. But that is Stefan.”

  “No, it isn’t!”

  “Oh really?” She sized me up with a sneer growing on her lips. “Well, let me ask you this. How many times has he reached out to you in the past six years?”

  “He couldn’t, it’s complicated.”

  She nodded. “Right, of course. So, why don’t you tell me, how many women has he slept with since you?”

  “I…how would I know that number, mother?”

  “Well, how many has it been for you?”

  “You know the answer to that.”

  Her finger pointed at me as if I had just solved a million dollar puzzle. “Yes, I do. One, and now you are engaged to that man. You have pined after Stefan because you are being haunted by the ghosts of the family you wanted. You are about to sacrifice your own happiness, Greyson Rose. Is that what you want? You love Stefan and I have no doubt he loves you back, but is that enough?” She took my hands in hers and forced me to see and hear every word she said.

  “When you vowed to love each through good times and bad, for better or worse, you meant it. He left you at the first speed bump in your lives together. What makes you think he’d be there for you this time? He loves you and he wants to fight for you now. You want to know why? Because he sees that some other man is about to take his place. He’s going to lose the best woman that he has ever known. And now he wants to be the man for you.”

  “That’s not true.” My meek whisper couldn’t even hold half the conviction of my mother’s words. Everything I feared when it came to Stefan was being put out into the open right now. I have always wondered why now has he decided to fight. Did he let us go because of the tragedy with Allie, or was there a chance it could happen again?

  Every single nightmare that had the ability to drive me insane was out, and I couldn’t hide behind it anymore.

  “Oh yes it is. Can’t you see it? You run into each other after all these years and he learns you’re engaged. Suddenly, he wants to be the one in your heart again. While he was making his millions, flipping through women like some flip through T.V. channels, you were here. Crying for him, hurting because of him, and moving
on without him. You tell me his love is true and I’ll back down right now. But I know just as well as you do, that you can’t swear to any of it. He has already proven to you that he can’t love you the way you need. What more do you need to move on?”

  I felt the air leave the room as my panic began to settle in.

  “Don’t let Richard go because you haven’t’ learned to move on from Stefan. Richard loves you and he will work through this with you. Far unlike Stefan who ran and drank all that pain away. Tell me something. How many nights did you cry yourself to sleep over him? And how many of those nights did he soothe you back to sleep? Why would you want a man that can’t do the one thing you need him to?”

  She pressed a kiss to my tearstained cheek. “I love you, Greyson. Do the right thing. Marry Richard, make beautiful babies together, and know that for the rest of your life you will have him there to comfort you.”

  Turning to leave she stopped once more before shutting the door behind her. “Let Stefan go before he takes anymore of your beautiful soul. The time has come for you to move on.”

  The door shut and I sunk to my knees. Curling my legs into my chest I cried out endless sobs, and I wondered if I would ever stop. Why did things have to be this way? Why did Stefan have to break my heart all those years ago? I wanted nothing more than to ignore my mother’s words but I just couldn’t. I loved Stefan, from the bottom of my soul. He was my other half, my world, my everything. And now I saw no other way but to listen to my mother. I had no choice but to let him go, once and for all.

  The buzz of my phone alerted me of a new text and I had to see what it said.

  Stefan Harrison: I love you, baby. Come home to me soon, Greyson Rose. I need you.

  I clutched the phone to my heart as I tried to hold onto those words. I so desperately wished I could respond back but that twenty minute visit from Leeann Desmond had changed everything. So instead of writing back I went into my texts and deleted the message. Now I just had to find a way to delete him from my heart.

  I didn’t leave my house to run to Jayden’s. I picked up my bag and put it back into my room and crawled into bed. I was tired of crying and tired of breaking, especially when it felt like none of it was ever going to end. Richard sent me a message and said he was going to spend the night at a hotel. He would return by noon the next day and if I was still home, we would find a way to work through this. If I was gone, he would know his answer. The one condition he had was if we decide to work it out, I would never be allowed to talk to Stefan again.

  Every time I thought about walking away my mother’s words swarmed my strength. Making me remember why I didn’t walk out in the first place. Late that evening when I decided I needed to be here when Richard returned, I sent Stefan a text. I needed to say goodbye, but any time we were near each other it was impossible to walk away. Our love deserved more than a single message but I just couldn’t conjure up the strength to give anymore of myself. This was the way it had to be.

  Me: I’m sorry, Stefan. I won’t be coming back anymore. I love you and I loved us but this needs to be the end. Sometimes you just need to give up the fight and now is the time for me to let go. Come October I will marry Richard, but I will always want for you to be happy. Please find someone that can give you all that I can’t any longer. Please find your happiness. Love for now and always, your Greyson Rose.

  I could hardly keep myself together. I hated every bit of this pain. All that got me through was the hope that someday I would be able to smile without tears always ready to fall. Not even ten minutes went by before Stefan was calling me. I immediately rejected it and squeezed my pillow tight, praying he didn’t call again.

  Even worse than another call was a voicemail. I wanted to delete it without listening but I just could not get myself to erase it. Whatever he had said, I had to hear it. I called my voicemail, entered my password and moments later the hysterical voice of Stefan filled my quiet bedroom.

  “Whatever the fuck happened in the past few hours is complete bullshit, Grey! You can’t just say goodbye! I love you so much and you love me! Don’t let anyone get into your head because I know that’s what happened. I’m not sure who said what but I know they made you question everything. Think about yesterday, think about all that we’ve had together! Not just years ago, but the last few months! We’re meant to be together! I know it and I know you do too. Stop fighting it, Greyson Rose! I will never stop fighting for you! Not until you come to me and tell me face-to-face that all between us is lost. Not until that day will I let you go. Please baby, just please come back to me.”

  I turned off my phone and spent one more night crying over Stefan.

  When Richard arrived, we talked. We didn’t hug or kiss or promise each other forever but we said we would work it out. He never tried to touch me and I never made the move to do so either. When he asked the status of my situation with Stefan I told him it was taken care of. He didn’t ask anymore and it seemed that was the extent of our conversations. That was all we did to work it out and I didn’t know what that meant. The problem was, I didn’t have it in me to fight this battle anymore. From the looks of things, neither did Richard. I began to wonder if my mother hadn’t given him a speech similar to the one I received, guilting us to stay together.

  As the days wore on, there was little change. I took an impromptu leave from work since there was no way I would be able to focus on anything for the time being. My brother checked in daily, but my responses became robotic and emotionless. The only change was I had gone in and blocked Stefan’s number from calling or messaging me. It was quite possible that he could have used every phone number within his building, but he didn’t. The only word I received from him was when an ivory envelope arrived in the mail on Friday afternoon when I was home alone. I didn’t need to open it to know what it said.

  It was the invitation I had left at Stefan’s house. I never meant to forget it, but now I wished I wasn’t given the reminder. The rest of my day Friday was spent tracing my fingers over every word on that beautiful invitation. It was wrong to want to go but I still did. Every time the little voice in my head said I needed to stay away, I heard Stefan’s voice pop up. If I wanted this to truly be over, and our fight for each other to honestly fade away. I needed to say goodbye face-to-face.

  Richard left for work Saturday afternoon, said he’d be home later that night; gave me a peck on the forehead and took off. Almost immediately I began getting ready. The debating was driving me crazy so finally, I made the decision that I needed to go. If I ever wanted the chance to forget him, this was the only way. We had to have the closure we never did long before.

  I spent hours curling my hair, and bobby pinning it to one side so all the curls laid against my chest. My shaky hands somehow managed to perfect the makeup I tried to apply. When it came time to find the outfit there was only one I had in mind. A long, elegant satin dress that clung to every curve in a deep shade of red. The neckline hung low, and the back was completely bare. I added a simple pair of black pumps and grabbed a matching clutch and I was on my way.

  I found it necessary to take a cab since there was no way I would be able to efficiently power a vehicle right now. My body trembled as my palms grew sweaty the closer we got to our destination. A long line of cars waited to drop guests off at the door and it only made my anticipation worsen.

  “Looks like this is going to be some night.” The cab driver pointed out.

  “Yeah,” sigh. “It will be.”

  I paid him my fare before we reached the door and as I was getting ready to get out, he spoke up.

  “Good luck tonight.”

  “What do you mean good luck?” Was my night’s mission written that plainly on my face?

  The driver shrugged. “Don’t really know, but you look really nervous. Figured you must be doing something big in there tonight. You delivering a speech?”

  “Yeah, something like that.” It was finally our turn and with an exhaled sigh I stepped a foot onto the
concrete.

  “Good luck, darling.” The driver said again.

  With a wave I smiled. “Thank you.”

  At the door a few different workers were busy checking off invitations and guests that had arrived. Apparently this thing was a lot more prestigious than I originally thought. When I reached the entrance I gave my name and without having to flip through many pages, they found my name immediately.

  “You’re all set to go, enjoy your evening.”

  I made my way in and the way my feet wobbled felt like this was my first time in heels. When I finally walked through the doors into the grand ballroom I was blown away. Beautiful lighting, gold and ivory themed colors everywhere, a dance floor, a band—it was all marvelous. Every single man and woman looked incredible and suddenly felt beyond inadequate being here. Just as I was about to turn right back around and bolt from the building, I saw something that made me stop.

  Not just something, I saw him. That beautiful man I had spent the week trying to forget was talking with a few others, but I hardly noticed. Stefan’s eyes caught mine and he stopped carrying on any type of conversation. Everything about him was just downright incredible, from his tailored black on white tux, his black bow tie; the way his hair was done the way I once did it, and that impeccable smile. Even though I was there to break it all off, I still couldn’t help but smile back.

  With every step I took towards him, his head shook in complete awe. The subtle gesture of his hand moving to cover his heart made my worries slip away about being here. When I was less than ten feet away, Stefan crossed the rest of the distance to meet me. He took my hands and shook his head as he admired me up close.

  “Oh, Grey. There will never come a day when you don’t take my breath away when you walk into a room.”