by Laurie Lyons
There was a pause.
"What?" Lucy cried. "What good would that do?"
Nathaniel smiled, "Every person has free will, the ability to make all their own decisions. Even if an Angel could, they would not take away your free will. Your ability to choose your own course is the greatest gift God gave you. The Angel would only cause the VP to look at the receptionist because that is all he is allowed to do. The VP would pause and really see the receptionist for the first time. He would notice her out of fashion clothes, her worried face, the pictures of five children on her desk and he would know that Christmas was approaching."
"Then what does the Angel do?" Lucy asked.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?" Lucy was once again totally confused.
"Nothing," Nathaniel said calmly, "the Angel sits back and waits, hoping the man will make the right decision. Hoping he will realize that he has no children and more money than he could ever spend in a lifetime; hoping that he will go to human resources, get the receptionist's information, spend a day shopping and sneak over to her house and leave boxes full of toys, food and a little extra money for rent. The woman would never know who helped her but she would always claim that an Angel helped her."
"And if he doesn't help?" Lucy countered, "If he just shrugs and thinks 'not my problem' and goes on with his day?"
Nathaniel shrugged lightly. "Then the Angel moves on, trying to help someone else."
"But what if no one helps her?" Lucy debated.
"Someone always helps," Nathaniel said smiling.
"Why?"
"Because people are inherently good." He said smiling. "And remember that kindness is contagious. People who have good done to them do good unto others. It multiplies upon itself."
"But what happens to the guy who didn't help her?"
"Nothing," Nathaniel said simply.
"Nothing? He doesn't get into a car accident or lose all his money in a stock market crash?" Lucy asked shocked.
"Nope," Nathaniel smiled again, totally in love with this concept, "that's free will. He can decide to do whatever he wants to. Maybe he will think about it later and wonder if he should have done something. Maybe he will help the next time he has the opportunity, maybe he won't but you will never be punished for exercising your free will."
"So," Lucy spoke slowly trying to put it all together, "Angels help people become Angels for other people?"
"Yes!" Nathaniel exploded. "Exactly! And it's not just for strangers. Humans are supposed to be Angels for those we love the most. Mother's are Angels for their children, husbands are Angels for their wives and so on."
"That's nice," Lucy said smiling, "I like that."
"I like it too, but I'm not a Guardian."
"How do you know?" Lucy asked. "Maybe that's your new job?"
"Guardians don't wander around on Earth, they don't need to. They can do their work from up there," he pointed at the ceiling. "In fact, I don't know of any Angel that is walking around. I am one of a kind."
"Then why are you here?"
"I have no idea. I know they sent me but I don't know why."
Lucy nodded but paused, thinking. She needed to ask a very delicate question. Something had been nagging at her since she did her memory search in the library. She debated asking because at this point it didn't matter to her at all. If they were trying to figure this out though, it was something that needed to be discussed. He hadn't picked up on the clue when she mentioned Hell so Lucy would have to come right out with it.
"Don't fallen Angels become…um…" she stumbled on her words and looked down at her hands, embarrassed.
"Lucy I am not a Demon," he said simply.
She looked up and he was reaching out his hand, she gave hers willingly. She felt his warm pressure seep through her skin. She looked into his eyes and there was no need for clarification, he was sure. He had no doubts. They stared at each other for a long time. Lucy was lost again in his deep eyes – they looked steel grey again today, her mind went blank and she only thought of him. He tightened his grip on her hand and the warmth surged further up her arm. A kiss would be nice right now, Lucy thought to herself. How would it feel to kiss him? Lucy imagined his full warm lips on hers. If her hand had such a strong reaction to him what would her lips do?
She had to focus. She looked away and stood up, it was difficult for her to think with him so close. "Ok," she said taking a deep breath and starting to pace, "What about the leaf? How did you do that?" Nathaniel leaned back on the couch.
"I didn't," he said.
Lucy stopped and stared at him. "Then who?"
"The leaf," he said quietly realizing that this concept was alien to her.
"So the leaf got itself into my book. Why?" she asked. Nathaniel was right not to tell her until today. She would not have believed him.
"Nature seems to have an affinity for me," he explained.
This was what Lucy had thought of in the library. "Because nature is made by God and it recognizes your connection to him?" Nathaniel nodded. "The weather seems to have exploded as well, would you have anything to do with that?"
"I'm not sure about that," he replied, "I might. Which isn't a good thing."
"Why?" Lucy asked.
"Well," Nathaniel seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "I am fairly sure that while I am here, I should keep a low profile and the weather really isn't helping."
"While you are here…" Lucy muttered but didn't quite register the comment. She moved on to other questions.
"But how are you getting other stuff like clean clothes and money?"
"That's the interesting part," he said but Lucy thought all of this was interesting. "All I have to do is think of something I need and suddenly I have it."
"Give me an example," Lucy furrowed her brow deep in thought.
"Well," he said. "When I was in the café, I chose what we needed and thought, 'I need money to pay for this.' I reached into my pocket and there was almost the exact right amount of money in there. I left it in the till for the clerk and came back up here."
"Have you tried wishing for other things?"
Nathaniel laughed, "Yes, but it doesn't work. I tried thinking that I needed a hundred dollars but since I really didn't need it, it didn't work. That's how I know that Heaven has not abandoned me here. I am getting help when I need it."
Then Lucy came up with a brilliant idea. "Have you tried thinking that you need to be visible?" she asked excitedly. Nathaniel's face was full of disappointment; Lucy knew her answer, "No go huh?"
"No go," he said shaking his head.
Lucy kept thinking. "What if this is some kind of accident. What if you literally fell through the heavenly cracks?"
"Lucy," Nathaniel smiled warmly at her. "Where I come from there are no accidents."
"But you were looking around like someone was coming after you," Lucy prodded excited she was getting explanations.
"I was," he replied sitting forward and propping his elbows on his knees, "I thought someone would come and give me instructions. Just because I have never heard of an Angel on Earth doesn't mean it could never happen. I was waiting for guidance."
"But you looked scared."
"I was a little," he admitted without pride. "I was very disorientated, I didn't understand what was going on and that was a little unnerving."
"And then?" Lucy prompted.
"And then you were there, the one from my dream, with a camera for a memory and I felt…." he paused.
"What?"
"Drawn to you," he finished lifting his head to look at her.
"Oh," Lucy whispered. It was all she could manage.
"So I figured I should stick with you, that this all must have something to do with you."
"Is that how you could hear me when I called?" she asked.
"Yes."
"How did you get to my room so fast?" she imagined a huge set of wings and dismissed it.
"I heard your voice, thought about you needing me and
suddenly I was outside your door," he snapped his fingers, "like that."
"Huh," Lucy looked at him and he gave her is very special 'for Lucy only' smile. Butterflies filled her stomach. Nathaniel was so gorgeous it almost hurt to look at him. He was kind, smart, funny and easy to be with; basically, he was the perfect match for Lucy. She grinned at him; her perfect guy was sitting on her couch. She didn't care that no one could see him but her, she was just happy to have him. This, however, could not last indefinitely could it? Her stomach tightened at the thought and she began to pace.
"You appeared so quickly," she said almost to herself, "what if you disappear just as quickly?" Nathaniel started to answer but Lucy cut him off. "What if it was a mistake? What will they do when they figure it out? How are we going to find out your purpose here? If we do find out your mission and you accomplish it, won't they just take you back again? What if I'm supposed to do something? What if I fail?" His comment of 'while I am here,' came back to her and she realized that Nathaniel thought this was a temporary situation as well. She was pacing furiously now, making turns every five steps because her room was so painfully small.
"Am I supposed to find the answers for you? What if I can't? What if they take you back? What would I do then?" She was breathing heavily now, the weight of her thoughts sinking in. Lucy was so wrapped up in her own worries that she almost forgot that Nathaniel was there. "What am I supposed to do? Think Lucy! Think! You have to figure out this problem because if you don't they are going to take him back again. There are no other options, he must stay and you must make that happen. Now that you started to fall in love with him, you can't let them take him back!" Lucy stopped in her tracks. She was standing a foot away from her door with her back to Nathaniel. She realized that she was not alone and she had just said something very personal and very inappropriate. Embarrassment swept through her. Slowly, painfully she turned around to face him.
Nathaniel was standing, staring at her with shock on his face. This is horrible, Lucy thought to herself. She could almost feel the rejection in the air. She waited for him to cock his head to one side and explain to her with pity that he didn't feel that way about her. Why did you have to open your big mouth? She reproached herself.
"What did you say?" he finally asked, his face blank and unreadable.
"You heard me," she said defensively. "And you can go ahead and tell all your Angel friends about the little human girl who fell for you and you can all have a really good laugh over it. I don't care." There was no reaction in his face and Lucy stood there waiting. Just get it over with, she pleaded with him in her head.
"Lucy," he finally said. "My Angel friends would be very jealous of me."
"Really?" she fired at him. "Why?"
"Because," he said as a small smile touched the edges of his lips, "they don't get to do this."
He crossed the tiny room in two strides and grabbed Lucy's face in his hands. Forcefully, he pushed himself into her and they both slammed back into the door. He looked into her eyes and smiled before he lowered his face to hers and kissed her.
It took Lucy a second to figure out what was happening. A moment ago she was expecting him to tell her he wasn't interested at all and now he was kissing her- and it wasn't just any kiss. Her lips were ablaze with his warmth and her knees felt weak. Heat radiated through her face and electricity tingled down her spine. She was grateful she was leaning against the door or else she thought she might fall down. Lucy threw her arms around his neck and locked her fingers never wanting to let go. She kissed him back. Nathaniel ran his hands through her hair and trembles coursed down her neck and spine and her entire brain emptied of knowledge. For the first time in her life, Lucy could only think of one thing. Nathaniel filled her thoughts completely. Every bit of her wanted, no, craved him. She could only breathe and clutch onto him hoping and praying that this moment would last forever.
Chapter Seven
Bliss
"Now a soft kiss - Aye, by that kiss
I vow an endless bliss."
~John Keats
Hours later, Lucy saw the sun begin to rise. She lay with her head on Nathaniel's chest listening to his heart beating. They were fully dressed. The past few hours had gone by quickly. They had spent them talking, laughing and kissing. Lucy could not get enough of kissing Nathaniel; every time he touched his lips to hers she felt a new surge of feelings for him, every kiss was like a first kiss. Lucy, of course, had done most of the talking. She told him all about her life, her friends and her hometown. She told him everything she could. She felt like she needed to share everything with him in case he disappeared into thin air.
Nathaniel had said little, both because he had so little to share and because he was so interested in her. He spent most of the time laughing at her stories or asking questions for clarification. Nathaniel seemed as eager to hear about Lucy's life, as she was to share it. She had asked him more questions about Heaven and his divine past but made little headway. For once Lucy was content with the lack of information - having him with her was enough. Lucy was in love with an invisible Angel who had no idea who he was and she was totally content with that.
The sun moved another inch and struck Lucy's eyes. She squinted and groaned turning her face into Nathaniel's chest. He peeked down at her and laughed. "You are so beautiful Lucy," he said.
"Oh yeah?" she rolled her eyes. "I can just imagine what I look like after no sleep."
Nathaniel laughed again. "You look stunning."
"I'll take your word for it."
Nathaniel reached up and played with the red curls in her hair. Lucy felt tremors run through her. She considered sitting up and kissing him again but then something occurred to her. She did sit up but stared straight ahead.
"It's Sunday," she said factually.
"Ok, it's Sunday," he repeated.
"We have to go to church!" she exclaimed.
Nathaniel threw his head back and laughed. Lucy shifted so she was looking at him indignantly, "I'm serious! Shouldn't we go and pay homage or light a candle or something?" He was laughing so hard he wrapped his arms around his stomach. His laugh was so infectious to her that she started to laugh too. She hit his leg playfully. "Really, I mean it, shouldn't we go?"
Nathaniel's laugh slowed to chuckles and he wiped his eyes. "Lucy," he said trying to compose himself, "when was the last time you walked into a church?"
Lucy thought about it. "Two years, and three months ago," she replied accurately.
"And did you go there to pray?" he asked smiling.
"It was for my cousin's wedding," she said realizing where he was going with this. Nathaniel started to laugh again. Lucy mocked a pout. "Really, it wasn't that bad, I thought it was," she paused, "pretty."
"Oh well," he waved his arms in the air. "Pretty. That's a reason to pick a religion out of a hat, because it was pretty."
"Why are you laughing?" Lucy asked with her voice full of petulance.
Nathaniel sobered and sat up putting his hands on Lucy's cheeks, "Because God is laughing right now Lucy."
"Why? Why would he laugh at me?"
"Because it's ridiculous that you want to go to a church for the first time in your life when you, God and I all know that you have no desire to go."
"But doesn't God like it when people go to church?" she asked.
"Of course," he explained lovingly. "But only if they want to go. He likes people who don't go just as much." Lucy looked confused so he went on. "If you feel that church, or any place of worship for that matter, is a good place for you to go, then you should go. If you feel good being there, then you should go but if it just feels like a pretty building, then God doesn't want you to go. He doesn't want you to suffer through anything on his behalf. He wants you to be happy." He let go of her face and held her hands. "And I can not tell you how much it means to me that you would go somewhere you don't want to just for my sake."
Lucy smiled, "But if you have to go…"
Nathaniel laughed
a little again cutting her off, "Lucy, those people are trying to get where I've already been. God doesn't need my devotion, he knows he has it." Lucy dropped her head. "What is it?" he asked concerned.
"Well, I…" she struggled for words that didn't sound silly or cheesy. "I wanted to say thank you," she said keeping her eyes downcast.
"For what?" he asked sounding confused.
"For you," Lucy replied in a voice so small she was surprised he heard her. Nathaniel put his hand under her chin and lifted her face gently up to meet his gaze.
His face was full of love and appreciation, "You are the most wonderful creature alive Lucy," he smiled at her. "And I have a much easier way than going to church." He let go of her face, took her hands again, looked up at the ceiling and said, "Thank you for helping me find Lucy." He looked back at her and shrugged. "There you go, easy as that."
"Really?" Lucy said incredulously. "That's it? No kneeling or bowing or speaking Latin?"
Nathaniel nodded once. "That's it. If you want to speak in tongues, you are more than welcome but God doesn't really care."
"And someone," she paused. "Is listening?"
"God is always listening, especially to thank yous."
Lucy took a deep breath, closed her eyes for good measure and spoke the first time in her life to someone she wasn't sure existed until last night, "Thank you for sending me Nathaniel." she said out loud, and I'm sorry but you can't have him back she added silently hoping God could hear that too because it was the most important part. She opened her eyes and looked at Nathaniel. He nodded sharply.
"Good, now we must move on to more pressing matters."
"Like what?" she asked.
"I have to go to the bathroom."
"You have to go to the bathroom?" Lucy said surprised.
"Yup, I eat, sleep and go to the bathroom. I am a miracle."
Lucy laughed, "No, I just thought that…"
Nathaniel saw where she was going and interrupted her, "I am human Lucy. I even bleed."
"You do?"
"Yup, I poked my finger yesterday to test it."