Ugly Beautiful Girl

by Tracy Krimmer

  I stand there, speechless. Is Olivia apologizing to me? She’s owning up to everything she did and in front of all these people.

  “Jesse and I, well, we’ve been through a lot. Our parents died when we were young, and we were shipped off to live with our uncle. He wasn’t a good parent in any way, so we went into foster care. I didn’t know how to deal with any of it. I didn’t want to let anyone in, and I certainly didn’t want to lose my brother, the stupid idiot.” She’s crying now and laughing as she calls her brother a name. I turn over to him, and he’s smiling, too.

  “Olivia knows she’ll never lose me. I have room for both of you in my life.”

  “And I should be so honored as to have a friend like you, Violet. And Janna, I’m sorry about the dance. You’re pretty awesome, and I was wrong.”

  Janna nods, accepting the apology, and I don’t doubt she’s squashed it. Janna doesn’t care, but I’m touched Olivia even said she was sorry.

  “Thank you, Olivia. It means a lot.” And it does. So much she’ll never even know. Because she’s never been in my shoes just like I’ve never been in hers. Maybe that’s how it works. Everyone deals with their own struggles in their own way. I write poetry. Olivia lashed out against anyone and everyone. Maybe, just maybe, every single person I’ve known in my life, all the people who have called me names and bullied me into the bathroom at lunch were dealing with their own demons. They masked their fears by doing and saying horrible things. It doesn’t make it right. It doesn’t make it easier. But maybe recognizing this now, I can move forward.

  “No need to thank me. I thank you and thank you for caring for my brother so much.”

  And I do. I care for Jesse more than I could ever imagine.

  “Shall we?” Jesse reaches his hand out for mine as the song switches to James Arthur’s “Say You Won’t Let Go.” I smooth my hand over his and he pulls me close. “I love you, Violet.”

  My eyes mist over and before I bury my head in his chest, I say, “I love you, too.” I press myself against him, counting his heartbeats as they thump into my ear. He hugs me tighter, and I know he’ll never let go. And I won’t either.

  I’ve never felt more beautiful.

  The End

  Note to the Reader

  Dog. Thunder thighs. Ugly. Weird. I’ve heard them all. I don’t recall exactly when it began but my memories are strongest in middle school. Every day the bus stopped in front of my house, my heart raced and I sweat through my shirt as I stepped on. I’d search for a place to sit but everyone on the bus scooted out to the edge of their seat so I couldn’t sit down. The bus driver often had to tell someone to let me sit. When I did, the kids spit on me.

  I was weird. I still am. And I embrace it. Each and every one of us is weird an unique in our own way and we shouldn’t allow the perceptions of others shape our own opinions of ourselves. Yet, we do.

  I have many stories of being called names and of the most popular girl pretending to befriend me only to expose our private conversations. The Slam Book in sixth grade was very real and very painful for a lot of people.

  Poetry became a huge part of my grade school career. Almost all of the poems in this book are poems I wrote during that time. I’ve altered them slightly, but they’re very real. I wrote my first novel in sixth grade as well. Writing became a way to heal, and to this day, it still is.

  It’s important to note I don’t think I was completely innocent. I am sure that there were times I jumped aboard the peer pressure train and said some not so nice things about other kids, too. It was a cycle, really. Everyone said things about everyone, but some took it much too far.

  I’m very much Violet in this story. I wanted to write this book because I’m still dealing with the way a lot of kids made me feel. With social media now, I can’t even imagine what my school years would have been like. Screen shots and Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat—all of that can be great—until it’s not.

  Bullying has been around for years but in the age of social media it’s so much worse. This book didn’t reach a level of darkness that so many do. My books have a lighter tone and I wanted to keep it that way. But please know that anything you say to anyone can have a profound affect on their lives, sometimes to the point that they want to end theirs. Suicide and depression is very real. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 and it’s free to call. While I’ve never contemplated suicide, I called this number as a teen because they provide support to people when sometimes no one else will. Keep this number, please, and if you know someone who may be in need of it, pass it along.

  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

  Thank You

  I want to thank you, the reader, for taking the time to read Violet and Jesse’s story. Love is powerful, and loving yourself is even more so.

  A lot went into this book, more than revisiting my time in school as a child and teen. I need to thank a few people.

  First and foremost, again, thank you. Thank you for your support, taking a chance on me, and for reading through to the end.

  I also need to thank Taylor B. for reading the first few chapters of this book. Thanks for your insight. Every book I write requires me to thank Stephanie P. because she’s my friend and critique partner, and I nag her every day regarding what I’m writing. Thanks to Tiffany for providing insight to the story. Thank you to everyone in my writing groups. They are the one place on Facebook I like to visit.

  Thanks to Mignon M. For helping with the blurb for this book. A huge thanks to Lola V. of Lola’s Blog Tours. You’re awesome to work with and so supportive.

  Most of all, thank you to my husband, Andy. You love me for me—through my weird comments and strange dancing and lack of cooking skills—and 21 years later you still make me feel beautiful.

  About the Author

  Tracy’s love of writing began at nine years old. She wrote stories about aliens at school, machines that did homework for you, and penguins. Now she pens books and short stories about romance. She loves to read a great book, whether it be romance or science fiction, or any genre in between, or pop popcorn and catch up on her favorite TV shows or movies. She’s been known to crush a candy or two as well. Her loves include fitness, reading, coffee, dogs, and naps (not in that order), and her dislikes are blue cheese, cold weather, and burpees.

  Thank you so much for reading UGLY BEAUTIFUL GIRL. If you liked this book, consider her other works. You can find purchase information at www.tracykrimmer.com.

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  Thank you so much!