Heart

by Higginson, Rachel

  “I’m sure. Don’t shoot the messenger, right?”

  He tipped his head back and laughed like it was the first time he’d ever heard that saying. I resisted the urge to splash him with ocean water.

  “What do you want, Hermes?” I didn’t have time for this. And I could only imagine that he also didn’t have time for this.

  “It’s time to come home.”

  That was not at all what I expected. His words shocked my system completely. Everything inside me screeched to a jarring halt and resisted the very idea. “No,” I bit out. “It’s not. He’ll find me the second I step off the plane.”

  “Not home to Omaha, Ivy. Home to Olympus.”

  Chapter Two

  I stared at him, waiting for him to explain. My mind spun with the implications of his words and what he was asking me.

  It hadn’t been a request; he had given me a directive… an order. And for some strange reason, I felt compelled to obey.

  I ignored that confusing feeling and dug my toes into the sand. I would never go there. I wanted nothing to do with that place or what it represented. Besides! Hello! Nix!

  “No.” That was all I gave him. I shouldn’t have to explain myself to him. He knew it was impossible, so I didn’t know why he bothered to ask, or, er, command. He knew I would never willingly put myself back where Nix could find me. Hermes knew how desperately I fought to break free.

  He’d even offered to help me escape once.

  It was almost laughable that he’d come back after all these months and suggested the idea.

  “Ivy, you don’t have a choice.” His tone changed from light-hearted and entertained to deadly and serious. His tawny eyes flashed with the promise of some great power I couldn’t understand because I’d never experienced Hermes with his power. I didn’t have any idea what he was capable of or how it could hurt me.

  And the power I did know of made this conversation completely pointless. If he wanted me on Olympus, all he had to do was think the thought and we would be there. He was the messenger god. He could go anywhere, transport anyone anywhere.

  And yet he stood before me, with his hands tucked into his pocket and fire in his eyes, but did nothing.

  “I have a choice,” I argued. “I always have a choice.”

  Some of the anger dissipated in his expression and made room for a wry smile. “My, how much you’ve grown up on your own.”

  “Yeah, yeah. All those after school specials finally started to sink in. But it’s true, Hermes. I’ve gotten my taste of freedom and I will never give it up. No matter how much I have to lose. No matter how painful it becomes. I will not go back to that world. I won’t go back to Nix. Nothing could make me.”

  “Not even Orpheus?”

  Nausea boiled in my stomach, rolling through me with dizzying power. “What?”

  “If Orpheus were in danger, would that bring you home?”

  “What are you saying? Is he in danger?”

  He took a step forward but stopped before he reached the water. “What about your mother? What about Honor?”

  I moved forward too until we were only a few feet away. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the water, but I had to see his eyes, I had to know if these were lies or threats.

  Of if they were truth.

  “What are you talking about, Hermes?”

  “Did you think Poseidon would let you go? Did you think he wouldn’t retaliate in some way? Or in every way?”

  “Stop being vague. Just tell me what’s going on.”

  He let out an impatient sigh. “He gave your mother to the Fates.”

  I braced myself for something to happen… for my heart to hurt or my anxiety to skyrocket. When nothing did, I had to admit that even though she had helped me, at least in her way, I still felt no sympathy or loyalty to her. What did I care if Nix gave her to the Fates?

  What did that even mean anyway?

  “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

  Hermes winced and held out his hand like he meant to touch me. His gaze dropped to the water and then back to me. He retracted his hand before I had the chance to decline his touch forcefully.

  “She’s your mother,” Hermes reminded me needlessly.

  I laughed darkly. “Yeah, and that has always meant so much to me. And her.”

  “Everyone has an agenda, Ivy. Poseidon has his and the Fates have theirs. Your mother is not safe.”

  “What’s yours?”

  “Excuse me?” He lifted his hand to finger his tie. He fiddled with the knot, straightening it.

  I watched him fidget and felt my question take purchase. “What’s your agenda, Hermes? If everyone has one, then what’s yours?”

  He watched me for several long minutes. Neither of us said anything and eventually the silence became awkward. I entertained the idea of pushing past him and stomping into my house, but morbid curiosity kept me grounded.

  “I want Olympus back,” he finally admitted. “We all do.”

  “All?”

  “Everyone wants Olympus, Ivy. If you were honest with yourself, you know you would want it too. There’s a power grab at hand and if I don’t get it, someone else will. I don’t trust my brothers or my sisters. I don’t trust them enough to treat the mountain with respect and I don’t trust them to stop with Olympus. Once they get a taste of that power, of that supremacy, Olympus won’t be enough.”

  “But it would be enough for you?” I didn’t believe him. As far as I was concerned, all of the gods and goddesses were the same. Just because Hermes said he was on my side this time, didn’t mean he would always be.

  “You’re being difficult on purpose,” he deflected. “We need you now. You had a break. You’re no longer in Poseidon’s clutches. It’s time to become the person you’re supposed to be. It’s time to protect your home.”

  “And what does Ryd-” I cleared my throat and started over, “What does Orpheus or Honor have to do with any of it? Why are they in danger?”

  “Because they are connected to you!” Hermes threw his hands in the air and practically shouted at me. “Poseidon could care less about them which puts them that much more in danger. Fine, you don’t care about Ava. But you care for Honor. You care for Orpheus. They need you.”

  “This is a low blow,” I growled at him. “I left them to protect them. How can I help them? Even if I were to go back, what could I do? Nix would have them and me.”

  “You don’t believe that,” he snarled at me. “You know you’re not helpless.”

  The water sparked around my ankles and something surged inside of me. It felt like the crash of a huge ocean wave, the kind that could sink ships and destroy villages. A tsunami of emotion brewed inside of me until I had become the water… until I had become its potential destruction… its unfathomable mystery that both compelled and killed.

  I was more than immortal in that moment. More than gods and goddesses. More than Olympus.

  And certainly more than Hermes.

  “Okay, I’ll go,” I told him in a low voice.

  He visibly relaxed, rocking back on his heels and shooting me a triumphant smile. “That’s great news. We’ll need to go straight to Delphi.”

  “Okay,” I said. “Then let’s go.”

  “Step out of the water and we can.”

  “Can’t you just beam me up from here?”

  “I don’t under- that’s not important. Step out of the water and I’ll take you.”

  “Why can’t you step into the water? I like it in here.”

  He frowned at the sparkling water that was still clear, despite the late hour. “I bet you do,” he grumbled.

  I held out my hand, but kept my feet planted. “Let’s go, Hermes. What are you waiting for?”

  He took three steps back and suddenly looked very restless. What did a god have to be anxious for around little old me? I didn’t even have my Siren power anymore.

  “This isn’t a game, Ivy.”

  “I never thought it was
.”

  He shook his head hard and his expression shuttered. I had no idea what he was thinking. For a moment he seemed disappointed, but I couldn’t be sure. And I didn’t care either way. He meant nothing to me.

  If only I could say the same about Honor and Ryder.

  “Call me when you come around,” he growled.

  “I’ll do that.”

  “You will need me, Ivy. And soon. Poseidon is drawing you out. You can face him alone or you can get help from those that want the same thing that you do.”

  “And what would that be?”

  His eyes started flashing with that power again. His entire body radiated something primal, something so strong and compulsive that I was the one that took a step back this time. Gray clouds churned overhead, a lone streak of lightning flashed along the horizon. “Poseidon chained to the bottom of the ocean.”

  Before I could agree with him, he disappeared.

  I stared at the space he’d taken up only a moment ago. His footprints still marked the sand and the atmosphere still buzzed with his supernatural energy.

  What had just happened?

  His fast retreat left a cold wind to blow past me. It rushed over my skin and skimmed the water before continuing on, out to sea. I wrapped my arms around my torso and looked down at the foaming waves bumping against my calves.

  The water had protected me tonight.

  Whatever power Hermes wielded, he was afraid of the water. But why? What could it do to him?

  Or maybe the better question was what could I do to him?

  I held my fingers up and inspected them carefully. I half expected lightning to synapse between my palms or manifest before me like how the Fates had created that electrical storm between them.

  Even Nix could change weather and draw unnatural lightning in the sky. Hermes had just accomplished the same thing.

  My hands buzzed with energy, but beyond that nothing happened. The waves were docile at my feet; not even they could be bothered to respond to whatever energy pulsed inside of me.

  I didn’t understand what was happening to my body, but I was thankful that I now knew I could use it.

  I would just have to stay close to the ocean.

  Was that why Nix hadn’t come for me? If Hermes had found me, how hard could it have been for Nix to track me down?

  And yet he had not come. Hermes said he was trying to draw me out... was I more dangerous here than at home in my landlocked state with no ocean for miles and miles?

  Something to think about.

  There was actually a lot to think about after that surprise visit. Most of those thoughts revolved around Ryder and Honor. I couldn’t stop my mind from drifting there.

  They were the two people I cared about most in this world. If Nix wanted me to take his threats seriously then those were the two people that would drive his point home.

  When the sky lightened to a hazy gray and the sun began to rise in pinks and purples in the eastern sky, I finally waded to shore. I picked up my discarded ballet flats and carried them to my house. My wet feet picked up sand as I went and then shed it again once I stepped onto my porch.

  I pulled my keys from my purse and let myself into my house. I had to work again at four that afternoon, so my exhausted body needed to catch a few hours of sleep after my entirely wakeful night.

  I tracked sand through my house and marched straight to the shower. I rinsed off and washed my hair while my mind replayed Hermes’ visit over and over.

  Once I’d dried off and dressed in loose shorts and a tank top, I collapsed into bed and buried my face in my soft pillow. My belongings were meager in this house, but I had invested in a comfortable bed. I could live without a lot, but not without sleep.

  Except for tonight.

  Or this morning.

  As exhausted as my body was, I couldn’t shut my mind off. I argued with myself for hours that Hermes was only using Ryder as a catalyst to pull me back into this war I wanted no part of. Ryder was safe. I knew he was because he wore the protection seal of Zeus. I also knew he was because I would have known the minute he wasn’t safe.

  I knew that without any doubts or misgivings. If Ryder wasn’t safe, I would feel it.

  How I knew that, I had no idea. But the concrete instinct was there and I couldn’t get myself to dismiss it.

  Still, if he was safe now, that didn’t mean he would always be safe.

  And what about Honor? I had been able to flee before because I trusted Smith to take care of her. Smith had never let me down and after our last interaction, I had realized why.

  Smith was as much a Greek as I was. Probably more so.

  If he couldn’t protect Honor, there was nothing I could do. Smith was infinitely more powerful than I was. If Nix had defeated Smith, then Honor was gone.

  Forever.

  Bitterness and vinegar churned in my stomach and I lost the ability to breathe.

  I couldn’t let that happen. I would not let Honor take my place and live out my future.

  When sleep didn’t come after another hour of tossing and turning, I finally gave up. I argued that I just needed to put my mind at ease.

  It was impossible for Nix to have found and taken Honor. I knew that it was. And Ryder being gone was an even bigger impossibility.

  Still, I had to find out for sure. I had to be positive or I was going to end up doing something stupid.

  I crawled out of bed and walked to the small kitchen that consisted of a mini fridge, two-burner stove-top and microwave. My clean feet picked up the sand I’d dragged in earlier and hadn’t cleaned up yet. Drifting in from all of my open windows, the morning air was cool on my skin.

  In the kitchen, on top of the few cabinets that hung next to the sink, I kept my only lifeline to my old life. I jumped on the countertop and pulled my body up. The cabinets were sticky with dust and ocean air, but wrapped in a plastic bag in the far corner was a cellphone.

  I let out a huff of impatient breath, frustrated with my weakness and fear. I grabbed the phone, jumped back to the peeling linoleum and forced my fingers to work.

  I pulled the phone from the baggie and plugged it in. I hadn’t even bothered to charge it after I’d bought it. I didn’t want to tempt myself. I knew that if it was easily accessible, I would give in. I would make calls, I would check in, I wouldn’t stay anonymous.

  But I hoped that if I had to go through the work, like scaling my kitchen and waiting for a charge, I could talk myself out of ruining my only chance at any kind of future.

  I had been right.

  This wasn’t the first time I’d stared at this cellphone. This wasn’t the first time I’d contemplated calling home just to hear familiar voices or make sure everyone was all right.

  This was just the first time I could justify my actions.

  Once the phone turned on, I took another few minutes to decide who to call first. In the end I settled on my mother.

  She was the least dangerous for me. Nothing about her would draw me home, even if I found out Hermes had been telling the truth.

  Who was I to judge the Fates? They probably had a great reason for wanting her.

  Okay, I knew that wasn’t true. Their reasons were undoubtedly nefarious and evil. But it was my mother… my mother who had abused me my entire life under the disguise of protecting me. My mother who had handed me to Nix time and time again, who sat by and watched as one of Nix’s associates nearly beat me to death, who stood me before the Fates and a litany of other evil and expected me to fend for myself.

  I dialed the international code and my mother’s cell and listened to the dial tone ring in my ear while my breath hitched in my chest. I had memorized this number and two others as soon as I’d left the States. I had regretted it until now.

  Knowing the numbers made it so much harder to abstain from calling.

  When her voicemail picked up instead of her voice, I tried again. And again and again. She never answered.

  A half hour later, I found the
courage to call Smith.

  He didn’t answer either. In fact, his phone never even went to voicemail. It just rang and rang until the recorded operator voice informed me that his voicemail had not been set up yet.

  Anxiety rocketed through me and I started to doubt my refusal to join Hermes. Had he been telling the truth?

  I didn’t hesitate to call the next number this time. Fear pebbled my skin and froze my lungs. I had to know.

  The phone rang three times before a gravelly voice picked up. “Hello?” he said.

  I tilted the phone, so my mouth wasn’t near the mouthpiece and exhaled slowly.

  “Hello?” Ryder demanded. His voice was rougher than usual and I realized I had probably woken him.

  Images of him tangled in his sheets, his eyes sleepy, his wild hair more tousled than usual shot through me and I had to close my eyes against the sensation. Tears pricked at my eyes, spilling over a second later as I listened to him breathe.

  God, how long had it been? Only months. Almost a year, but not quite.

  It wasn’t such a long time, but right now it felt like eternity. Suddenly my freedom turned into purgatory and my escape became a prison sentence.

  I had fled to protect him, I reminded myself. I didn’t stay here for me. I stayed here for him.

  “Ivy?” his voice hitched with something dangerous. I wanted it to be hope, but I couldn’t lie to myself in this moment. I was too low.

  Anger laced his tone, pure, raw fury. “Ivy, is that you?” he demanded.

  Before I gave over to the riot of emotions shooting through me, I jammed my finger on the end button and stopped the call. Then I ripped the charger from the wall and shut the damn thing off.

  Oh, god. Why did it hurt so much?

  Why couldn’t it be simple to save him? Why couldn’t it be easy?

  My breaths came in gasping sobs and I sank to my knees, unable to find the strength to hold myself up anymore.

  Lost.

  I felt lost. Which was a profound feeling, since I had felt lost most of my life.

  Until Ryder.

  And then I had felt intensely found.

  But I had given that up so he could be safe, so he could live his life without the weight of me dragging him down… drowning him.