Fall Out Girl

by L. Duarte

  He buried his face in between my thighs, his tongue searching for my clit. Involuntarily, my body slithered. I sensed Caleb’s lips turning into a smile while he caressed my most intimate place.

  Nothing could have me prepared me for the sensations overtaking my body. It was an overload of tactile stimulation. Every muscle of my body strained like a taut rope. Caleb put his hands on either side of my hips, restraining me against the ground. His tongue continued the enticing flickering.

  Without warning, a wave of ecstasy hit me, sending me into a land of delirium. I lost grip of my surroundings, of the gravity that held me to earth. It was just Caleb releasing me of earth’s gravitational pull, yet at the same time anchoring me.

  “Oh God, Caleb… please, please, I need you,” I said in a raspy whimper.

  Caleb grabbed a square foil from his front pocket and disposed of his jeans and boxers with flashing movements.

  My core ached at the sight of his impressive erection. Tears burned my eyes. A ball of emotion singed inside my chest. I knew it was a defining moment in my life, not only the day I lost my virginity, but also the day I gave away my soul.

  Caleb pressed his body against mine. His lips found mine in an intimate and urgent kiss. I grabbed his erection and opened my legs. I squeezed my eyes shut. My heart thundered inside my chest.

  I waited for Caleb to enter the depths of me. His breath was irregular, and his body quivered on top of mine.

  “Look at me, Luna.”

  I obeyed. My eyes found his, and my increasing anxiety dissolved a little.

  I braced myself in anticipation of the pain of his penetration. Caleb pressed into my tight opening. A sharp sting made me wince. I closed my eyes and bit my lip to muffle a moan. To my mortification, Caleb came to a halt. His body tensed and became as still as a marble statue.

  “Luna, look at me.” I forced my eyes open. “Do you, uh…? Have you…?” He shook his head. “Are you a virgin?” he asked without concealing his horror.

  Tears pooled in my eyes as I sheepishly nodded.

  His face twisted with emotion.

  Unable to maintain eye contact, I bit the inside of my cheek and turned my head to the side.

  “Oh God, Luna.” He rolled on his back, and his hands flew to his face, covering his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked in a strained voice.

  Embarrassed and humiliated I sat up, grabbed my dress, and crumpled it to my exposed chest to conceal my nakedness. “I didn’t think it would matter,” I said in a choking voice. To add offense to my humiliation, tears slithered out of my eyes and dampened my face with pain and shame.

  Caleb jolted to a sitting position. “Shit, you’re crying. I’m such a jackass.” He tossed the dress aside, pulled me into his lap, and looped his arms around my shoulders, the evidence of his desire pressing against my thigh.

  “Do you think I’m upset?” He tightened his hold of me. “I’m not angry, love.” He released me, and his fingers found my chin. He lifted my head, so we were eye to eye. “Luna, I’m just surprised. Overwhelmed even. But I’m not angry. Not with you, anyhow. I’m pissed at myself for not realizing sooner that you hadn’t been with anyone.” His thumbs found my tears, and he vainly wiped them.

  “The things you said, the way we made out. Argh, I assumed you had had sex before.” He was quiet for a moment. “And your reputation, love. How did you get it? Some guys talk.” He winced. “Some of the guys have some wild stories about shacking-up with you. How did that happen?”

  “I made out with a douche in freshman year. We didn’t have sex or anything. I mean I gave him head, but that was as far as it went. The following day he told everybody I was the best lay he had.” I was terribly embarrassed to reveal the tacky story.

  “Who the hell said that?” he said, balling his hand into a fist.

  “He transferred,” I lied. Mark Hamilton still stared at me as if I was a dessert he had to eat.

  “Why didn’t you confront the asshole?”

  “Are you kidding me? Tell everyone I’m a virgin drug dealer? I’m not that stupid.” I bit my lip and gazed into his eyes. “Have sex with me, Caleb. Be my first.”

  His arms circled me again, pulling me into his naked chest, his hand soothingly patting my hair. “God, love. I’m dying to be inside of you, but you need your first time to be special.”

  I pushed free from his embrace and faced him. “This is special, Caleb.” I raised my hand and caressed his face. “Being with you makes it special.”

  He stared at me questioningly. “We don’t have to do this tonight, Luna.” He held my face and kissed me. “We have the rest of our lives.”

  “Please, Caleb. I’m so hollow, please make me yours. Tonight.” I swung my legs so I was straddling him. Before he said anything, I tried once more. “Please…?”

  Caleb stared down at me solemnly. He kissed me with passion and tenderness. He placed me back on the covered ground and hovered over me.

  “Are you sure?” he asked in a strained voice.

  In response, I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him closer to me. He kissed me with emotion and reverence, heartbeat and feeling, reigniting my want and need. My body writhed, demanding, imploring. He reached down and repositioned himself against my narrow entrance.

  We silently stared at each other, our eyes communicating a million words.

  “Tell me to stop if I hurt you, okay?” He cupped behind my knee and released my hold on his hip. He kissed me, and his erection rubbed against my nub, intensifying the aching throb. I arched my hips, trying to get him inside me.

  Caleb chuckled softly.

  “Please,” I whispered.

  Caleb held my hips and thrust slowly but firmly. A stinging pain ripped through me, and I winced. Caleb stopped. “Okay?” he asked. I squirmed in response. His face crumpled with the effort to restrain himself. He started to move in small circling motions, his shaft sliding in and out. “God, you’re so tight, so warm,” he said.

  My legs fell apart, and I let the new sensations of having him inside me seep through my body. With each thrust, his shaft caressed my inner core, and he embedded a piece of his soul in mine.

  The initial discomfort was gone, but the aching between my thighs intensified as Caleb increased the pace. My hips met his movements, and I slithered beneath him, desperate for friction, for relief.

  Caleb reached between us and pressed his thumb to my clit in small circles. “Come for me, love,” he commanded.

  It was the end of me. With a cry, I exploded, my body spinning. I screamed loud, in pleasure and drunkenness. I gazed up. Above me was Caleb, and beyond him the most beautiful constellation I had ever seen. Tears blurred the stars, and they became a distant starburst—the intense formation of my very own galaxy. Those stars were ingrained deeply into the very cloth of my existence.

  With a grunt, Caleb sank into me one last time. His body relaxed on top of mine. His breath was harsh, and his skin beaded with sweat. I dreaded the separation of our entwined bodies. We didn’t move for what appeared a millennium, but might have been seconds.

  When Caleb pulled from me, I winced at the discomfort. But what hurt the most was the absence of him inside me. He tied the condom and tossed it over his jeans. He pulled me to his chest and tugged the edge of the cover over us.

  A sigh of contentment left my lips as I snuggled on his chest.

  “Wow,” Caleb said in an elated voice.

  “Wow.” I echoed him.

  A lightness overtook my body, making me think that even my bones felt soft and somewhat pliable. I propped my chin on Caleb’s naked chest and asked, “Can we do that again?”

  A deep and masculine laughter rumbled through his chest. “Anytime, love.”

  “Now?”

  “You’re not sore?” He tucked my hair behind my ear and caressed my face.

  “No!” Yes. But that wouldn’t keep me from re-experimenting nirvana. The thought of a repeat made my lips curve into a broad smile. />
  “If it means that you’re gonna smile like that, I’ll do it again and again, and again. Even if it kills me. Dying as a martyr seems like a good way to go.”

  “I may not be experienced, but I’ve attended personal health class. Teenage boys are horny as hell. They can go on… and on… and on…” I nibbled and sucked his nipple as I said it. His skin pebbled under my lips.

  “Oh yeah?” He flipped me on my back. “Let’s test that theory of yours.” He seized my mouth, and his kiss sent me straight to a parallel world consisting of pure and undiluted pleasure.

  Later that night we basked in the glow of post lovemaking sessions as in plural (for multiple times). With our bodies sated, we lay naked facing each other. Caleb had a permanent grin on his face, displaying his brilliant and white teeth. My fingers traced the contours of his face, and I murmured, “It’s not like I have anything to compare it with, but it seems you have mastered the art of lovemaking. You must have had tons of experience. Dated a gazillion girls.” As the words left my mouth, jealousy—a feeling I had become quite acquainted with lately—gnawed at my heart.

  “Nah, it was a Kama Sutra book,” he said lightly, but sadness and hurt clouded his eyes.

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me,” I said, threading my fingers through his silky hair.

  “I had an older girlfriend,” he said, his voice laced with bitterness.

  “You dated a cougar?” I asked, incredulous, my mouth ajar.

  “Nah, not like that. Gwen was just a couple years older than me.” He shrugged dismissively. However, I could see the subject evoked unpleasant memories.

  I traced my finger on his chest, my nail lightly scraping his skin. “You’re so beautiful,” I said.

  He grabbed my hand and brought to his face. His eyes burned through me. He brushed his nose on my skin, deeply inhaled the inside of my wrist, kissed the inked bird and said, “You’re breathtaking.”

  That was a night I would remember with a deep longing for the rest of my life.

  THE BRIGHT LIGHT filtering through the leaves woke me. Though the air was chilly, the cocoon of Caleb’s embrace emanated warmth and comfort. Our legs were tangled, and I relished on the feel of the weight of his arms draped over me. I inhaled deeply, and his scent made me drunk.

  Images of the prior night flashed through my mind, making my girl bits throb. A delicious soreness in between my legs reminded me of him, inside me. A shudder ran through my wanton body. I realized, mortified, that I wanted more. Jeez, had I turned into a nymphomaniac?

  “Are you awake?” Caleb stirred next to me, his voice hoarse and sexy as hell. His growing erection pressed on my thigh. Looked like I wasn’t the only one with a new diagnosis of hypersexuality.

  “Mmm hmm.” I murmured.

  “I’m starving.”

  Okay, not what I wanted to hear, but he had proved his worth last night. Over, and over, and over… I sighed.

  “For you and food. In that order.” He tightened his hold on me. My awakened body throbbed in anticipation. Without a doubt, I presented with a full set of symptoms of sexual addiction.

  Yep, I realized that I occasionally self-diagnosed. Okay, I did it often. I was always preoccupied with addictions and mental diseases. But let he/she who doesn’t self-diagnose, throw the first stone. What? Don’t roll your eyes, I did go to Bible school. Dad was adamant about religious education. But that was a long time ago, a past life. Before Luna, the innocent reincarnated as a heartless bitch. Which brought me to the next phase of my life, a confused split version of me.

  I was once a good girl.

  I was once a bad girl.

  But at that moment, like an unstoppable pendulum, I swung back and forth, back and forth. One minute one person, the next someone else. How could I reconcile the two?

  Caleb rolled on top of me and kissed my worries away. Apparently, he possessed an endless supply of condoms. Thank heaven for small favors. We made love under the rising sun. It was gentle and unhurried.

  Caleb fed me leftovers from our dinner. To my delight, he had water and orange juice in the picnic basket. I smiled to myself. He had put so much thought into the date. The simple thought woke a new wave of desire. But as luck would have it, his condom supply was finite and had ended.

  After the sun was high across the sky and had burned away the morning dew, Caleb opened a backpack that had been leaning against the trunk of the tree. He fished for a brand new pair of blue jeans, a white tee, and a cardigan.

  “For you, love,” He handed them to me with a flare.

  “Is there anything you haven’t thought of?” I studied the clothing.

  “Extra condoms,” he said woefully.

  We both laughed at the absurdity of the statement.

  He retrieved a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and swiftly put it on. (Believe or not, up to that moment, we were still in the nude.)

  “If you’re okay with it, we can go straight to the animal shelter.”

  “Yeah, that’ll be fine.” I thought about the many deliveries I had to do before going to the shelter. To my dismay, I wasn’t upset or worried. My one and only concern was when I was going to make love to Caleb again. Nymphomaniac much?

  I watched Caleb putting the last evidence of our sleepover—the cover stained with the proof of my virginity, inside a canvas bag.

  “Before we go, I need to ask you something,” he said snaking his arms around my waist and pulling me flush against his chest. “

  “Sure,”

  “I want to go public.”

  “Caleb, I, you know…”

  He cupped my face and pressed his thumbs on my lips. “Hear me out.”

  His hand moved to my chin, and he urged me to look at him. “Do you know how hard it is for me to see you at school and pretend we don’t know each other?”

  First line of defense: go on the offensive.

  “Well, you don’t seem to mind Jessica’s or all those other girls’ attention.”

  I hate to disclose this part, but I may have pouted at the end of that sentence. No joke.

  “I don’t want them or their attention,” Caleb said.

  “Well, you look very content with all of them swarming all over you.” Not that I was jealous of any of them... Oh, who was I kidding? Jealousy gnawed me down to the bones.

  “More of a reason for us to tell everybody that we’re together.”

  My offensive approach was backfiring. “What? For me to put a claim on you? That kind of crap is so outdated, Caleb.”

  “No. It’s for me to put a claim on you.” He took a step back and threaded two hands through his hair. “Do you have any idea of what the guys say about you in the locker room?”

  “It doesn’t matter to me.” I shrugged.

  “Damn it, Luna. It matters to me. I can’t stand to sit around and listen to them without saying anything back.”

  “It would be bad for business.” I crossed my arms over my chest. I would never confess that I was terrified of getting further involved with him. That I was afraid that when others saw us together, they would remind him of who I was. That I would become old news. Or worse. I was terrified of embarrassing him. My feeble heart couldn’t stand to have him looking at me like everyone else in school did: with contempt.

  “Bad for business? What about this?” He pointed between us. “How about us? Where are we on your scale of priorities?” He turned his back to me.

  We were having our first fight, and I wanted to die. We had numerous banters even arguments, but we had never fought before. I reached up to touch him, but lowered my hand.

  “Let me think about it, okay?” I pleaded in a small voice.

  He turned to face me. “No. Hiding us ends today. I have been patient with you, Luna. You don’t let me in, and I understand that if I put too much pressure, you’ll crack. And I don’t want to crush you, but we can’t go on like this. Not after last night.”

  “What are you saying, Caleb?” I asked in a whisper.


  He looked away and raked his hair back. When his eyes found mine, they carried a vulnerable plea. “There’s a dinner at my house tonight. Seven. Mom told me to invite you. Please come.”

  I wondered if saying no would mean a breakup. I didn’t want to find out. I blurted out, “Don’t be late picking me up.”

  Caleb let out a long breath of air. His face beamed with a relieved and contagious grin, and his arms flew around my waist. “You’ve agreed,” he said, hugging me.

  “Did I ever tell you? You’re really good at stating the obvious,” I said with my lips splitting into a wide smile.

  He gathered me in his arms as if I were a human-sized rag doll. I squeaked when my feet left the ground for an exhilarating twirl. When he stopped, I was giddy and dizzy. His lips possessively seized mine, and I became drunk and high on his taste.

  I reproached my need to overthink and relished the nirvana of being in his arms. The truth was simple, uncomplicated. I didn’t want to lose Caleb. Yes, later, I realized I had made a life-altering decision on an impulse. To act so hastily was against the grain of who I had become. There was a gazillion excuses why I should have said no and fled. I had tried to avoid falling for a boy, yet I couldn’t deny my heart a glimpse at beating for a purpose.

  I sighed with a mixture of trepidation and veiled cheerfulness. A quote from the one and only, my buddy Bob Marley came to my mind. “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” And I had found the one.

  At that moment, I was determined to allow the brief moments of happiness to seep through my pores, bleed into my soul. When the pain and suffering arrived and chased away the happiness, at least I would have technicolor memories to stow in my blue birdhouse.

  The day progressed slowly. Between blazing glances, secretive smiles, and stolen kisses, Caleb and I cleaned the cages and brushed the dogs. Caleb toured two families interested in adopting a dog, while I socialized with the kittens. I said a little prayer for Rex to charm a new family into adopting him.

  “He did it,” Caleb said, holding Rex by a leash.